My List of Firsts
by YouSpokeOfIt
Summary: My name is Sam Puckett, and I keep a list of all of the firsts in my life. SEDDIE!
1. Preface: My First Friend

**Preface: My First Friend**

It all started one day at school. I was passing by a lunch table, looking for the boy who stole my lunch box. His mom forgot to pack him one, so he selfishly decided he wanted mine. Not that my mother remembered to pack me one either, but as I was neglected by her from a young age, I learned to make my own ham sandwiches.

On my way there, I passed a girl who was sitting all alone, eating a sandwich. A tuna sandwich. It looked so good at that moment, and with that boy nowhere in sight, I wanted her sandwich more than anything. She sat there, smiling, her long brown hair perfectly brushed around her face, biting her sandwich so daintily it almost looked like she was fake.

"Hey, I'm Sam," I introduced myself. I wanted to get past the small talk and take her sandwich, but I wasn't that mean.

"Hey, I'm Carly." _So Carly, want to give me your sandwich_, I thought.

"Can I have that sandwich?" I tried to be polite.

"No way, get your own!" What a jerk. Was I going to stand there and let that girl eat her sandwich instead of giving it to me? No. I am Sam Puckett and I refuse to be ordered around. So, I grabbed her sandwich and pushed her off the bench. What I wasn't expecting was for Carly to get back up, rip the sandwich out of my hands, and push me down. But, apparently, she had more guts than I thought, and she did just that.

"You're alright," I said, sitting down next to her. I was amazed at how brave she was, most kids wouldn't dare to take their sandwich back, much less to push me too, but she did both, and I respected her for it. She smiled at me, and we spent the rest of the lunch period talking. She even gave me a pudding cup.

I walked into my house. "I'm home!" I screamed. Of course, no one answered. My twin sister, Melanie, was probably over at a friend's house; she never spent much time at the house, claiming she needed to "focus on her studies," which she says she can't do at our house. My mom was most likely out; flirting with some guy, in the hopes of receiving a meal discount or a free couch.

So, just like every other day, I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a snack, (this time a pork chop), and went upstairs to my room. I sat on my bed, emptying my backpack. Now, I didn't actually _do_ my homework, but I at least tried to convince myself every night that tonight would be the night I would work. I was never convinced. Instead, I set out to find something else to take up my time.

The pork chop was long gone, and I licked my fingers to savor the last drops of sauce. As I tasted the sweetness, I reflected over my day. That's when I realized something very important; _I just made my first friend_! Sure, I'd been friendly with people before, but I never had a true "friend." This was a large feat, and I felt the need to share. Unfortunately for me, no one was around to hear my exciting news, so I decided to write it down. I was never big on journals or diaries or whatever, but I felt this needed to be documented. I dug through my bag and found a piece of loose-leaf paper. Then, I felt my way through the depths of my backpack again, finally pulling out a worn pencil.

I printed everything I thought was necessary on the first line of the page. I felt so proud, that I even took ten precious minutes of my day just to search the house for tape. Eventually, I found some. Proudly, I broke off a tiny piece, stuck it on the top of my sheet, and attached it to the wall just to the left of my dresser. I sat back on my bed, gazing happily at my list. Well, technically there was only one thing on it so far, so maybe it couldn't quite be qualified as a list, but I planned to expand it over the years to come.

_My first friend_, I thought, more in a trance than reality. _Carly Shay. I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship_. Sure, I had a few doubts whether or not she could last as my friend, but when I looked back at the list, I excitedly recalled how she stood up to me, and my doubts washed away.

I lay down on my bed, glancing at the paper out of the corner of my eye. I made my first real friend, and there was no one to tell it to. But was I sad? No. There was rarely anyone around. But such large news as this should somehow be commemorated, and that's exactly what it was.

_March 25, 2003: My first friend (Carly Shay)_

The words seemed to glow on the page, glorified by their special spot on my wall. This was a great day.

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><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! Please review. :) Hopefully, the story will improve over time. This chapter, though not a filler, is more of an intro, a preface, to the rest of the story, just to show how the idea for Sam's List of Firsts started. The first several chapters will probably be more like an outline of her life, and new events on the list, but as time goes on, the list will affect her more and possibly even cause trouble… I'm not completely sure yet, but please bear with me through these first several chapters while I get the story set up. Thank you!<strong>


	2. Chapter 1: My First Enemy

**This chapter is not my best, I must admit.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the preface, your enthusiasm makes me even more excited to write the rest of the story, when the list will tie in more with the plot.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: My First Enemy<strong>

I knocked on the hard wood door. No answer. I went to knock again, but before I could, the door was flung open and the smiling face of my best friend greeted me.

"Hey Sam," Carly gushed, enveloping me in a tight squeeze. I was never one for hugs, but Carly was, and it was just something I would have to get used to.

"Hey Carls," I responded, carefully removing her arms from my sides. I walked inside, and plopped down on the couch.

"Do you have any food?" I asked.

"I thought you'd never ask," Carly said, placing a plate of various snacks on the coffee table. _She knows me so well, and she willingly gives me food. Best friend – ever!_ I gratefully shoved a handful of chips into my mouth, as she sat next to me, staring at me with a knowing, yet slightly repulsed look. She may have realized my large appetite, but she still hadn't gotten over how quickly I ate. I was pretty sure she'd adjust in time.

"So, do you want to watch a movie?" There was a tacit agreement between us that Carly would not question why I suddenly showed up at her house. She understood that, though most of the time I just wanted food, my house wasn't exactly the most welcoming environment, and her apartment was much more homey than my own house. Like the good friend she is, Carly rarely brought up my reasons for being there or my family life, and instead, moved on to full conversation.

"What do you have for movies?"

"What're you girls up to?" Spencer walked in with a curious look on his face.

"We're going to watch a movie," Carly responded.

"You kids better not watch anything violent!"

"Spencer, please, we all know that you're the one who cries at scary things." Though I tended to be blunt, I wouldn't normally be that up front to someone who was letting me stay in his or her house and providing me with food, but I'd known Spencer long enough that he was almost like a big brother to me, and he took my comments in stride.

"Please. I didn't cry nearly as much as Carly did."

"Well at least Carly has two excuses." I stuck up a finger as I said each point. "Number one, she's younger than you are, and number two, she's a girl."

"You're a girl and you didn't cry"

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly abide by gender stereotypes. Next time you see a girl with an appetite sufficient to mine, please alert me."

"Okay, fine, fine. Just please don't tell anyone that I cried."

"You shouldn't have said that," Carly reprimanded. "Now Sam's going to tell someone."

Spencer's eyes filled with regret, but he quietly sat down. "I'll let this one go," he told me. "But just promise me you two will watch some girly little movie."

Carly immediately nodded, and reluctantly, I nodded too. Spencer patted us on our heads as he got up and returned to his room. I sighed as Carly looked through their movies to find a suitable film.

We heard a knock on the door. I groaned as Carly looked up. "Come in," I screamed. I was close enough to being part of the Shay family that I had acquired the right to answer the door. Of course, I rarely answered it; most of the time I resorted to just yelling for people to come in. Unless it was the pizza man, but that's a whole different story. Annoyed that no one immediately barged in, I chucked my pillow at the door. _Well that accomplished nothing_. But, before I could continue to ponder what led me to throwing the pillow, the door opened and I saw a boy in the doorway. His eyes searched nervously around the room before they rested on Carly and me.

"Uh, do you two live here?" His voice was quiet and weak.

"I do," Carly said, graciously dropping the movies back into the bin as she walked over to him and stuck out her hand for him to shake.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Spencer's voice became clearer as he walked closer to us, finally coming into view. "I hear you talking to someone. Under no circumstances are you ever, ever allowed to invite strangers into the ap-"

Spencer spotted the boy and stopped midsentence. "Why hello, young man," Spencer proffered his own hand, which the boy politely shook. "What might your name be? Please, come in, sit down, have some punch."

The boy walked in slowly. "I'm Freddie."

"Ah, young Freddie, what brings you to our humble abode on this fine day?"

Carly shot me a smug glance, the sort of face that said _I knew this was coming_. Spencer, who was not always the most responsible. Okay, who am I kidding; he was rarely responsible, though he pretended very well. Anyway, though he was somewhat worried Carly was inviting strangers into their apartment, when he saw Freddie, he probably decided he was harmless and let him inside.

"I just moved into the apartment across the hall. My mom wants me to get to know everyone in the building, so while she cleans the place up, she sent me to introduce myself to the neighbors."

"What a freak," I mumbled to myself. I mean, c'mon, who sends her child door to door in an apartment building to get to know everyone the day the move in? That is a little bit much. Luckily, he didn't hear me, but instead, went on telling us about himself. _Oh great, we go to the same school_, I thought sarcastically. _Freaky mother kid's going to be at my school_. I feigned interest but instead dreamed of the ham in Carly's fridge.

"Welcome to the building," Carly said once he finished, ever the polite hostess. I snapped back to attention, and when I looked over at the new kid, I couldn't help but notice he was gazing at Carly like she was a piece of meat.

"Uh, hello, she said something." I distracted him from his trance, and he responded to Carly's previous comment with a weak "thank you." I was so bored that I actually got up and sliced myself a piece of ham. I would have eaten much more, but I decided it would be best not to creep out people I barely knew, especially if they were going to stick around.

As the day passed on, Carly and Freddie continued conversing, while Spencer eventually retired to his room to organize his special socks from his friend, Socko. I was left to defend myself, which, in the presence of the Shay's fridge, I did not have a problem with. I drank tons of punch and must have downed about ten ribs. Eventually, Carly turned to me.

"Sam, why don't you come join us." _Uh-oh. She's in that mood again, the mood that states 'I just made a new friend, why don't you come meet him and we can all be friends_. I was never one for sweetness, and I occasionally found even Carly's niceness sickening, but, as she was my best friend, I felt obligated to follow her indirect command. So, I reluctantly sat on the couch and attempted to become the least bit friendly with this new kid so I could classify us as friendly acquaintances if I stretched the truth optimistically a bit.

"What's your name? I think I've forgotten it."

"I never told you my name."

"Oh. Well then, what is your name?"

"Sam."

"Nice to meet you, Sam, I'm Freddie." He stuck out his hand, but I ignored it.

"I heard."

"So, what do you like to do?" He felt awkward as a result of my limited responses, and that didn't bother me. What did bother me is that he still tried to make conversation. No wonder he and Carly got along so well, they were like two peas in a pod, always striving to be as friendly as possible, no matter how revolting their kindness was.

"Eat. Sleep. Yeah, mainly just eat and sleep." I was bored, but I tried to grin and bear it for Carly's sake.

"Yes, Sam is… Sam is different from most girls, but she's the best friend anyone could ask for." Carly quickly came to my defense. Sometimes, I doubted that girl's sanity for doing such a thing, but I inwardly thanked her nonetheless.

"Oh, well that's cool." _Cool? What is this kid, crazy?_ I don't know if it could be any more obvious he was lying through his teeth, but I half-pretended to buy it anyway.

"Thanks." Carly nudged my side. "What about you?"

"I like working with computers and technology."

"Nerd."

"Sam!" Carly didn't like it when I was rude or mean, but it was part of my nature, I couldn't help it. Okay, maybe I could, but I didn't really try.

"No, it's okay. I get it all the time." His niceness was nauseating.

"Has anyone ever given you a wedgie?" I was so bored I resorted to asking completely pointless questions. There was no doubt in my mind this kid was getting a wedgie.

"Yes, I got one last year. They don't feel too good."

I stood up, and grabbed him by the scruff of his collar, pulling him up too. I didn't look back, because I could feel Carly's eyes, helplessly boring into my back. He yelped in pain as I pulled up his underpants far higher than they should have gone. When I let go, he stared at me with complete and utter hatred.

"What was that for?" He asked. _Great, he's playing innocent_.

"You were getting on my nerves. Don't do it again unless you want your arm to be reattached to your body through your bellybutton." I threatened him. I don't really know why, except for the fact that he irked me. A lot. I walked away calmly.

"See you on Monday, Carls. Thanks for the ham!" I opened the door to leave.

"We have a lot to talk about next time I see you." Carly always tried to fill in as my makeshift mother, seeing as mine was rarely of any use, but it never worked out as I always ended up doing whatever it was she wanted me to stop doing shortly after her talk.

I entered my house, exhausted from trying to wrap my brain around all of the pointless and monotonous things Carly and the new kid said. I was too tired to actually think about them, and as I walked up to my room, I could sense that the house was vacant of all its other members once again. When I reached my room, I effortlessly slipped into my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and went to sit on my bed. I couldn't sleep. I stared blankly around my room. Then, I saw it.

I hopped off my bed, found a pencil, and took the paper off of the wall. I scribbled a note down furiously before taping it back up to the wall.

_August 5, 2006: My first enemy (Freddie ?)_

I couldn't remember his last name. _Did he even say it?_ It didn't actually matter. I should clarify something. Over the course of my life, I have not gotten along with many people, but this boy, who I've known for less than a day, has already become my first true enemy. I think it's a mutual agreement. But as I gazed smugly at the list, I realized what was missing. I picked up my pencil, and, without bothering to unstick the paper from the wall, I added something to the very top.

_My List of Firsts, by Sam Puckett_

It was officially a list now. It may have taken me just over three years to make that dream become reality, but finally, my list was a list. I smiled to myself as I placed the pencil on my nightstand and drifted into a comfy sleep.

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><p><strong>There you have it, she officially has a list of firsts! :)<strong>

**The next several chapters are similar to this, in the sense that the list is not really part of the story yet. But don't worry, over time, it will be more incorporated and even stir up some drama... ;)**

**Thank you to those who reviewed, I love to hear your thoughts! Again, I'm sorry that the first several chapters won't include the list as a major plot point, but as the story is called "My List of Firsts," I promise that the list will become much more prominent. Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll bear with me through these chapters where my ideas seem less unique. Thanks again!**


	3. Chapter 2: My First Web Show

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! This chapter is kind of a filler, so I will try to get the next chapter up ASAP. I'm sorry I didn't post this one earlier, but my internet was down for most of the day.**

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><p>Chapter 2: My first web show<p>

As time went on, Carly, Freddie and I grew to be friends. Ew, let me rephrase that before I puke. As time went on, Carly and Freddie became close friends, while Freddie and I accomplished becoming enemies. His constant nerdy comments and ogling at Carly revolted me to say the least, and his reference to me as "It" and disgust for my eating habits led me to hate him. He hates me too, so at least it's a balanced relationship. He's so weak that I constantly pick on him, since he's so easy to beat up. I never really hurt him, because I know Carly would never forgive me for such a thing, plus, my goal is never to return to juvie (yes, I've been there, and not just for a class trip or something) and I don't usually want to seriously injure someone, though I'm sure if he catches me at the wrong moment, that part could change.

Freddie never stopped gawking at Carly, and he even built up the courage to ask her out. Though every time he did, Carly would gently put him down. Sometimes it would get on my nerves, probably because he doesn't realize the idea that rejection doesn't mean "maybe someday" but instead "never gonna happen." But, when it really bothers me, I just blatantly tell him that Carly's never going to go out with him. I mean, please, she's been my best friend for five years, I think I know these things. But, the little dork didn't give up, he persistently asked her out about once a month. It gets quite annoying, I can't pinpoint the exact reason why his determination bothers me so much, but it does. I don't beat him up for uttering such crazy things, but instead resort to stating facts.

Anyway. One day, I posted pictures around the school of Mrs. Briggs' head on a rhinoceros body. Let's just say that she did not find it nearly as amusing as I did. Carly was horrified, but for some reason took the blame for me. The two of us ended up sentenced to judge the talent show auditions. After Carly found out that Spencer used his camera in a squirrel sculpture, she invited Freddie to film the auditions since he likes technology things so much. He, of course, agreed, eager for a chance to see his "beloved" Carly.

The three of us watched the auditions, which were possibly some of the most boring things I've ever seen. The only slightly entertaining part was when some boy who looked like Mrs. Briggs auditioned and Carly and I stared making fun of her pointy boobs. But besides that, it was an absolute waste of time.

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><p>I sat down at Carly's computer as she finished cleaning her room. <em>Let's go see if Fredward posted the auditions yet<em>. I clicked on the Shay's "SplashFace" bookmark and went to the page where Freddie supposedly posted the videos. _There it is. Ugh, I'm not going to watch them again, way too boring_. I was about to go upstairs and ask Carly why she was taking so long to clean up when something caught my eye. _Wait, why are Carly and I in the video? I know we were there, but we didn't audition, we shouldn't be on tape!_ Quickly, I turned back around and pressed play.

"They're just so pointy," Carly said. "Yeah, they look like she shoved ice cream cones down her shirt." I laughed. _Oh. My. Gosh._

I stormed out of Carly's apartment, throwing open the door and pounding my fist against the door across the hall. "FREDWARD BENSON, GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" I hollered through the thickness of the door.

A frightened face flashed in front of me as the door was carefully pried open. I grabbed the nervous boy and yanked him through the doorway, dragging him across the hallway, into the Shay's apartment, and throwing him into the chair in front of the computer.

"What do you want, Sam?" He questioned nervously.

"What did you do?" I was furious. I pressed play. I watched as Freddie's features changed from confusion to alarm. He snuck a side-glance at me, but, unfortunately for him, I caught it.

"This is serious chizz!" I was screaming. "Do you understand what will happen to us? No, of course you don't, since you NEVER get in trouble! You just dug my own grave for me, Frednub!"

Suddenly, a smile grew on his face. _What an uncaring and ignorant jerk. Can't he see that I'm going to be in serious trouble_? "This is no laughing matter!"

"I know, I know. I just had an idea."

"Well, spit it out." My voice was laced with venom and contempt. I couldn't believe what he had done.

"I can just take down the video, and put up the other one. You can even hand-deliver a copy to Mrs. Briggs." _Why does he always have to fix things? Why can't he just realize this is all his fault and act guilty?_

Freddie scrolled down and read the comments. They were all wonderful. _So, people love this. Great, but that doesn't change anything_. "People really like this."

"Frednub, I wouldn't care if the President of the United States called and told us how much he loved this video. I don't want to die a slow and painful death, so you MUST delete this NOW!" I felt no sympathy. I don't care if it was an accident, it shouldn't have happened.

"Um…" _What is it now?_ "I can't remove the video yet."

"What do you mean you 'can't remove the video yet?'" _Is he joking, because this isn't funny AT ALL!_

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><p>It turned out that the video couldn't be taken down until the next morning. Freddie did so at the crack of dawn, with a little influence from my constant threats. When we got to school, he handed me a DVD of the auditions, making sure to cut out any comments Carly and I made. But, when we handed the video to Mrs. Briggs, she announced to us that she saw what we did, and as a result, she was banning all of the acts that were somewhat decent. I wanted to punch the lady, but Carly restrained me.<p>

Even though Carly's always such a good girl, she later proclaimed to me that she was furious how adults "rule the world." I agreed with her wholeheartedly, and when she said she wanted to start a web show where we could let out all of our feelings and make fun of whoever we wanted, I was even more enthusiastic. Freddie agreed to be our technical producer. _Great, I get to spend more time with Freddie_, I thought sarcastically.

Freddie also said we should name the show 'iCarly.' It did sound good, but for some reason it bothered me that Freddie would want to name the show after Carly. Sure, he was in love with her, but I was a star too! But, I conceded since the name did sound good.

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><p>For our first show we invited friends and random kids from school to show off their talents. It was a direct attack on Mrs. Briggs' banning of all of the somewhat entertaining acts. Revenge is sweet.<p>

After our Crazy Hat Party, which we threw in honor of our first iCarly episode, Carly, Freddie, and I slumped down on the couch. We'd done it.

"I'm going to bed," Carly announced, wiping away tiredness from her eyes with no luck.

"I'll go to bed too," Freddie got up.

"I guess I should go if nothing's going on here," I followed him to the door. "G'night, Carls."

"Night Sam."

That night, when I returned to my house, I found my mom passed out on our couch with a bowl of chips next to her and the TV on a low hum. I trudged upstairs, dragging my feet behind me. I sleepily got ready for bed. As I was pulling down the covers, I realized something very important. Searching through my bag, I snatched a pencil and hurried over to the wall. I scribbled on My List of Firsts.

_September 8, 2008: My first web show_

I succumbed to a peaceful sleep, remembering the success of our first iCarly.

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><p><strong>A very special thanks to bsloths, who reassured me that it's okay my plot line isn't fully developed yet. I promise that the list will become more important soon, but Sam still needs more things on her lists before that can happen.<strong>


	4. Chapter 3: My First Frenemy

**Sorry, this one's a bit later than I meant it to be. Again, keep holding in there, I promise that the list will become more important soon, I just need the list to be a bit longer before that happens!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: My First Frenemy<strong>

I sat on the edge of my bed, aimlessly twirling a curl through my fingers. A cold draft blew through my room, and I pulled the blanket on my lap up even more, desperately searching for extra warmth. It sounded like rain beating against the house, but I knew if I turned around I would be faced with a sheet of white. I was never a big fan of winter, but this time, the cold just seemed like way too much.

Nothing was going on. My mom was long gone; she hadn't been at the house since yesterday morning. She claimed she was going to work, though I'm pretty sure she wasn't sitting at a desk, but instead trying to get a free one off some unsuspecting salesman. Melanie was off at boarding school, and had just returned after holiday. During break she only stopped over briefly, not that I blame her, since the house nor my mother are the most welcoming, but she made her best efforts to do something with me while she was here. She was unsuccessful.

I picked up my phone, scrolled down the list, and hit the Call button. It rang and rang and rang.

"Hello?" _Finally_.

"Hey. Are you at your house?"

"Yeah. C'mon over." _This is why I love her so much. No questions, just an invitation_.

"I'll be right there." I hung up, stuffing my phone in my pants pockets before throwing the blanket back on the bed, not rescuing it as it slowly slid closer to the floor.

"Hey Carls!" My face was flushed from the cold, and I could see she noticed by the way concern grew on her face before she quickly wrapped an arm around my shoulder and tugged me through the doorway.

"Does your mother even heat the house?" Her eyes were shining with pity as she fluffed some pillows around me.

"Yeah…" Carly let go of the pillows and gave me a questioning look.

"Okay, fine. She has insulation." I admitted.

"That's horrible! We need to do something about this." _Uh-oh. When Carly gets an idea in her head, she doesn't like to let it go. This may not turn out so well…_

"Carls, it's fine. She owns a heating unit, she just…" I searched for the right way to put this while Carly eyed me skeptically. "She just doesn't always use it."

"I'll let this go for now, but if you come over one more time-"

"It's fine, it really is. If you still feel the need to fawn over me, why don't you give me some food?" I knew this would change her pampering attitude. Carly went right over to the fridge and dug through it before purposely choosing some pasta and heating it up. No cold food for me today.

As she was setting down the steaming bowl in front of me, Freddie walked in.

"Hello people!" He glanced around to see me wrapped up in a blanket on the couch being served hot food by Carly. "What's going on here?"

"Sam's mother doesn't heat their house." _Ugh, Carly will never give this up, will she?_

"What!" Freddie's eyes flew open in shock. "That's horrible!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I mumbled, digging into my snack.

Carly sat down beside me, placing her arm around my shoulders. "If you want, you can stay here for a while. I mean, maybe not all winter, but at least until the snow stops."

"Really, I'll be okay. It's not super cold in my house, it's just a bit chillier than in here." I ignored Carly's doubtful look. I know she wanted to help, and sure, my house was cold, but it wasn't as cold as Carly was making it out to be, and I didn't want to be treated like a charity case.

"Are you sure?" She was still worried.

"Yes, I'm positive."

I finished the pasta, and as the night wore on, the three of us talked, luckily avoiding the topic of my house's insufficient heating system. Carly got up to take a shower, and I said I would leave. After squeezing me tightly, she told me that if I wanted, I could stop by at any time that night if I felt too cold. Still feeling awkward about the constant fawning, I mumbled a thank you of sorts before she bounced upstairs.

I took the blanket off my lap, setting my empty bowl on the coffee table.

"Sam," Freddie was still there, perched anxiously near me, worry mixed throughout his voice.

"What do you want, Frednub?" _Why is he still here?_

"I… I was just wondering… if you wanted a temporary heating unit." He looked nervous, which he was right to be, talking to me without Carly there. One wrong word and he could have had his leg wrapped twice around his middle.

"What?"

"A temporary heating unit. My mom has some in the closet just in case, but the apartment's well heated, and I know your house isn't as warm, so I was wondering if you wanted it." He gazed at the floor shyly. _Does he really care, or is he just using this as a way to get out of things in the future?_

"Why would you give me such a thing? Wouldn't your mother notice right away? I always thought she was the type of person who kept a checklist of everything in the house."

"Well, she does." _Wow that lady's a freak_. "But I could just make something up."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" _This is weird_.

"I… Well, I know we're not really friends." _You got that right_. "But, we're both friends with Carly," _Great, bring Carly into this_. "and so I thought that maybe we could at least be friendly. For her sake." He added the last part quickly, as if in a rush to remind me how much I hated him, but how good of a friend Carly is.

"I'm all set." I quickly walked to the door, I didn't want to talk to the nub, much less accept things from him.

"But," _I can't believe I'm doing this_. "Thanks." This time, my words of thanks were articulated, I knew he could hear it clearly. Freddie's head bobbed up in surprise and I could see his eyes shining with some emotion I could not quite make out. Hatred? No. Happiness? Definitely not. Pity? It was possible. Before he had time to respond I ran out the door. _Did I just thank that nub? What's wrong with me?_

The journey to my house seemed extraordinarily long. I spent the entire time contemplating what had just happened. I had just thanked Freddie for something, and for some odd reason, I didn't hate myself for it. _I _thanked_ him! What came over me? Does he see me as weak now? Nonsense, he's much weaker than I am. If he tells anyone I will injure him. Ugh, he better not consider us friends now._

But, as much as I didn't want to acknowledge it, something had changed. When I got to my room, I stared at my list. Never in my lifetime did I imagine myself doing this, yet somehow I knew I should. Slowly, I raised my hand to the paper. When the deed was done I looked at the page, confused, yet sure that it was true.

_January 7, 2008: My first frenemy (Freddie Benson)_

As I waited for sleep to come, I questioned what had actually happened that night. I couldn't believe that I actually considered Freddie to be, more or less, like a friend. Of course he wasn't actually my friend, he was my frenemy, but the "fr" had to stand for something, and it definitely didn't stand for "French." I fell asleep, more clueless than ever before. It was a very long day.

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><p><strong>Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I appreciate it, as your feedback makes me even more excited to continue writing. :) Please either vote in my poll or tell me in your review what you think of switching POV. I would only do it for one scene, and it would only be once. But, if the majority of you don't like it (I'm not a fan of reading stories like that myself) then I will work my way around it. Thanks again! :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 4: My First Broken Heart

**This chapter is not the longest, but there are some (what I think are) exciting chapters coming soon!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: My First Broken Heart<strong>

"Go on, I know you like him. I'll work with Freddie to set you up." Carly's words echoed in my head, they'd been haunting me all night. _How could I have been so wrong? It's not my fault; he's just a jerk_. No matter how much I tried to remind myself this wasn't my fault, I still couldn't help but blame the situation on myself at least slightly. My hands were trembling in anger, and I felt like ripping the piece of paper in my hands in half. Something held me back. I glowered down at the sheet.

_February 6, 2008: My first crush (Jonah Albert)_

My eyes burned through the sheet of paper as they flicked down to the next entry.

_February 8, 2008: My first broken heart (Jonah Albert)_

I couldn't believe I ever liked that jerk. We were barely going out when I discovered he tried to make a move on Carly. Like the good friend she is, Carly didn't want me to find out, but, of course I did. Luckily, we got to wedgie bounce him for over two hours, streaming the whole thing on iCarly. I love getting revenge.

My heart was still pounding in shock after finding out he used me to get to Carly. I didn't mind that she got all of the boys, or that she was prettier or girlier than I was. What bothered me is the fact that I was used. Carly was a big help in comforting me, reassuring me that he was a jerk, helping me with the wedgie bounce, and just being there for me. But, no matter how helpful Carly was, I had to return to my house some time.

I was doing all that I could not to quickly move my hands and force the paper into two pieces. I was furious, but I didn't want to destroy my list. It had grown on me over time, and the more I added to it, the more excited I got. Sure, this last entry did not exactly spark happiness inside of me, but I knew that over time I would have to overcome this obstacle, so why not put it behind me as soon as possible? I forcefully grabbed the tape, tearing off a piece and reaffixing the piece of paper to the wall.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I found myself hanging lopsidedly off of the bed, and I managed to reach my phone just in time.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sam. Are you busy today?" _Hmmm… Let's think. Oh, well if I have time, I will sit around and mope about my life, and how much of a jerk Jonah is. Or, I can do something with Carly._ I chose the latter.

"Nope. Nothing going on today. Nada." I tried to relax my voice so Carly wouldn't notice my inner anguish, but I think I let some of it slip.

"Why don't you come over? I don't really have anything going on today. Spencer will be out with Socko at The Sock Store, which Socko's uncle owns, so it would be just you and me." _Perfect. Just Carly_.

"I'll be right there. Thanks, Carls."

"No problem. See you soon."

I flung open the door to the Shay's apartment. "Is Spencer gone already?"

"Yes, he left just a minute ago."

I shut the door carefully, turning around, and running into Carly's arms. Normally, I wasn't very emotional, but both the good and the bad had come all at once, and I couldn't really handle it.

"Oh, Sam. It's going to be okay, I'm here for you." Carly whispered through my crazy locks of hair, rubbing my back gently.

That's when I lost it. I started sobbing, right there. Carly held me tighter. _Why did he have to be such a jerk? Why me?_ I grasped my hands behind Carly's back, crying as if I had an entire rainforest to water with my tears.

When my crying let up, she pushed me back a little bit so she could see my face.

"Aw, Sam." Carly tried to move my hair out of my face, but there was too much, and it didn't want to cooperate. She enveloped me in another hug before sitting down on the couch and pulling me with her.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No. The wedgie bounce was satisfactory enough."

"But you're still hurt."

"He is a jerk."

"A complete jerk. But if you need anything, I'll be here."

"Thanks." I couldn't get out much more than that, as I was still shaking. Carly put her hands on my arms, and attempted to calm me down. It worked for the moment, and I let out a few final gulps of sadness before going quiet.

"Now, would you like some meat or something to cheer you up?" _Wow, she knows me so well_.

"I could, perhaps, do with a nice ham." I tried to pretend it was a hard decision, but both of us knew that ham was something I always wanted.

The door creaked behind me. I was too lazy to turn around and see who it was, but when I glanced into the kitchen, I saw Carly's eyes shooting daggers at the visitor, motioning by puling her hand across her neck that he or she should leave. Now I was curious. _Why is Carly so anxious?_

When I turned around, I was staring at the figure of Freddie Benson. No wonder Carly was trying to make him leave. Though I tended to pick on him and beat him up slightly, in my newly fragile state, she probably figured it was much more likely. She would normally be right, but for some strange reason, I wasn't in a beating up mood. He was saved for the time being.

"It's okay," I squeaked. _Why do I sound so weak?_

He cautiously made his way inside, and I could tell that Carly kept her eyes on me the whole time just in case I snapped. Freddie walked over to me, staring sadly into my eyes.

"The over two-hour wedgie bounce wasn't enough?" Though he was joking, his face still appeared completely serious.

"It was." I didn't want to tell him how much Jonah's actions had hurt me. I think he realized the truth. He even made one of the riskiest moves he ever had. Slowly, he got closer and closer to me. I was still on the couch, shaking a bit. My tears were dry now, but I could still feel my eyes heavy with the redness of crying. Freddie reached over, and placed his hand on my shoulder. If this had been under any other circumstances, I would have twisted his arm backward, but I wasn't my usual self.

"He was a jerk Sam. I understand if you're still upset."

I nodded a tiny bit in agreement before he continued.

"If you need anything, Carly and I'll be here for you." _Nice cover up, Benson. Including Carly in this just to be careful. Well, thanks._ I didn't actually thank him. I'd done that before and I didn't want to do that again right now. I tried to smile, but my attempt was a failed one. He caught on.

Luckily, before any more of this sappiness could continue, Carly approached us with a steaming ham. I gratefully accepted the yummy distraction.

"If you tell anyone about this, you're dead meat, Benson." I picked up my fork and dug into the ham, awaiting his response.

"Don't worry, I won't."

The rest of the day passed on, and the three of us were generally good-natured, with Carly rushing to my side any time I appeared on the verge of tears. Freddie's eyes shined with sympathy, but he smartly kept his distance. We only brought up Jonah a couple times, mostly to mention how much of a jerk he was, or how he should have been wedgie bounced longer. But, overall, we managed to not talk about him too much. That night, I fell asleep on Carly's couch.

The next morning I woke up, and found myself under a blanket. _Oh Carly. Always the caring friend._ I was grateful for Carly, for all of my friends. I pushed the thought of my list to the back of my mind, not wanting to picture the last entry on the page. Sleepiness took over once again, and I collapsed into a deep sleep.

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><p><strong>IMPORTANT: I want your ideas. I have big plans for some upcoming chapters, but I need other chapters in there too. If you have any firsts you want to read about, whether they actually occur in the show or not, whether they are big or little, I want to hear your thoughts. You can recommend things like "My First Love," because I want to know what you want to read, but I also want to hear smaller ideas. Be creative, they don't have to be in the show (obviously I made some up too). Thank you!<strong>

**Note: Jonah's last name was never known, so I took the actor's last name, which is Albert. **

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, and extra thanks to everyone who gave me their input on writing a chapter using a different point of view. Thanks again!**


	6. Chapter 5: My First Kiss

**First of all, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who submitted an idea. Some of them were ideas I had already thought of, and others were completely new and original. I will take all of your ideas into consideration, but I admit, I won't use every single one. Thank you very much, your ideas are helpful, and inspired me for future topics.**

**As you may be able to tell from the title, this chapter is a big one (not only in importance, but it's literally my longest chapter,too). ;) I know it's been kind of a long time since I've updated, but I was sick for a while, and I also wanted to make sure this chapter is as good as it can be since it's so important. I can't say I absolutely love it, but I tried to make it as original as I could while sticking with my story. I hope you like it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: My First Kiss<strong>

"Freddie's never kissed a girl. Never, not once." _What a nub_. "I heard him say so myself, and Carly's a witness." _No way for him to deny it now._ "Okay, later." I walked out, unable to control myself. I was proud of myself for outing his secret, but something felt wrong.

"Sam," Carly was calling after me. "Sam, you just ruined Freddie's life!" _Oh shoot. Now I'm going to have to listen to another one of Carly's "talks."_

The truth is, I didn't know exactly why I let out Freddie's secret. It was probably because I liked watching him suffer.

The next day at school, the teasing didn't let up. But Sam Puckett never let one slip up make her feel guilty, did she? The answer is no, she didn't. I pushed any regret to the back of my mind, and stayed clear of Freddie for the rest of the day.

"So unprofessional." I threw a half-bitten meatball back into the bowl; it wasn't as good as I had hoped. _I can't believe the nub isn't coming. He hasn't gone to school this week, missed two rehearsals, and now he's skipping iCarly. So rude_.

"You really hurt him," Carly's voice expressed her anger, which was more of a painful anger than a raging anger. _I'm aware he's upset, that's what it feels like when someone lets out one of your big embarrassing secrets, but he still doesn't need to skip the show, that's just plain disrespectful_.

"Every time he leaves the house he gets teased because you told the whole world he's never kissed anyone." It felt like a slap in the face. _I didn't know it was that bad_. Still, I wasn't going to cave in yet.

"You know he won't even talk to his mom," _Oh my gosh, this is serious. If she can't crack him…_ "He just sits in the fire escape alone 'cause he's too embarrassed to see anyone. You like ruined his life and you don't even care." Carly's passive aggressive attitude was, unfortunately, working. I was indeed starting to feel a bit guilty. But I wasn't going to admit this.

"Alright, I'll go apologize."

"It doesn't even matter if you apologize! Kids are still gonna give him a hard time 'cause you can't take back what you said!" _Well this is making me feel great_.

Carly continued her little speech, before telling me to look happy and get in front of the camera. We announced our meatball war, but before it began, I interrupted. I ignored Carly's confused look, and continued on with my plan. _I can't believe I'm doing this. _I knew I had to, but I didn't want to go through with it. Then, while live on , I told everyone watching not to make fun of Freddie, because a lot of them have probably never had their first kisses. Including me. I would never usually admit to such a thing, but I felt so bad about what I did to Freddie. That's not to say I would let myself get teased, I made sure to tell everyone to lay off Freddie and tease me, but that if they did, they would most likely end up in a hospital.

After my confession, Carly thought I lied to everyone, because I previously lied to her about having my first kiss. I told her I wasn't lying, and while she stood there, shocked, I picked up a bowl of meatballs and headed out of the studio to go see Freddie.

As I walked toward the fire escape, my mind was filled with questions and worries. It dawned on me, _Freddie won't let anyone on the fire escape, not even his mother, which means he didn't let Carly on either. So, there's no chance he'd let me on, he hates me_. I realized that I should just turn around, but something pulled me closer and closer to my destination.

A gust of wind blew my hair as I leaned toward the fire escape. _This is it, either he lets me on or not. Probably not, I mean, if he didn't let Carly or his mother visit him, there's a fat chance I'll be invited_. I rapped my knuckles lightly on the pane of glass that was open to allow entry to the fire escape.

Freddie sat in a chair. He glanced over at me. _Please don't be mad. Wait, who am I kidding? He's already furious at me._ To my surprise, when he saw me, he flicked his hand to motion me onto the fire escape. I blindly followed his invitation, and slowly climbed over the wall, sitting on the ledge of the window frame.

"What's up?" I wanted to ease myself into this conversation. He turned around.

"Nothin'." _You're not making this any easier_. Freddie got up and shuffled over to the stairs. I looked down at the ground, hoping that this wasn't going to be too awkward. He turned the music off and I stretched out my palm.

"Meatball?" It had been getting a bit soggy in my hand and I decided I didn't actually want the last one. Usually I would have thrown it at him or something, but I knew that I already hurt Freddie enough, so I offered it to him. As he turned around I thought I saw a faint smirk on his face, but I doubt it since he probably wasn't in the best of moods.

"No, thanks." _Well then_… I chucked the meatball over the fire escape down into the street. _Maybe a bird will eat it. Or someone will slip on it. Yeah, that works too_.

"That was really brave, what you said." Freddie was facing me; hands stuffed in his pockets, acting a bit awkwardly, yet more casual than tense. _Wait, he knows? How could he possibly know this?_

"You heard?" I tried to keep the shock out of my voice in fear of sounding weak, but I'm sure it snuck its way in there. Freddie's smile grew. _Oh, don't act so smug._

"You didn't think I'd miss iCarly?" It was more a statement than a question, and as he clumsily twirled his laptop around between his palms, his face adopted a goofy smile, and I could feel my own features twisting in a similar manner.

Freddie placed his laptop on the ground and for a moment I wondered if he had only picked it up to clear a seat for himself, but that idea quickly washed away as I decided it was just used as a prop for his explanation of how he knew my secret. _After all, there's no reason he'd want to sit and talk to me. I practically ruined his life_.

I drew in a breath. _Here it goes. I really can't believe I'm doing this. But, if there was ever a time to let things out, it would be now, seeing as I already let out too much information for one night_.

"I'm sorry." It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. "About telling people you never kissed anyone." Freddie's face had a knowing yet saddened look on it.

I hesitated before some strange part of me forced the words to continue. "And about putting blue cheese dressing in your shampoo bottle." Freddie was now obviously smirking. Whether he was sarcastically reminiscing or amused I was apologizing, I don't know. Possibly, it was both.

The words continued to want to be released, and I let them go. "And about sending your cell phone to Cambodia." _Why is he smiling? He didn't seem so happy when it happened. Maybe it's that whole 'look back on it and laugh' thing. Well, it was quite funny, though I do feel kind of bad that everything escalated to him getting so hurt. He seems fine now._

"Everything, okay?" I decided that it would be good to apologize for now, just to clear the air temporarily. No one deserved to be hurt as much as I hurt Freddie by letting out his secret, so maybe if I apologized for everything so far, he'd forgive me.

"So this means you're not going to mess with me anymore?" _Now you sound like a crazy man_.

"No," I clarified matter-of-factly. "I'm still going to mess with you. I'm just going to apologize every few years so I can start fresh again." The air was much friendlier, and, as much as I hate apologizing, I admit, it felt good to let it out. Don't tell anyone that, or you will end up in a hospital.

"Good," he flicked his eyebrows up in a way that made me feel all funny inside. Probably because it disgusted me the way he contorted his face.

"Good?" _I thought you would want me to stop messing with you. All you ever do is complain about how I constantly cause you physical and emotional pain_.

"Yeah. It'd be too weird if you didn't make my life miserable all the time." He shook his head lightly as he spoke. _I guess it would be. Plus, I wasn't planning on stopping._

"But, y'know, maybe you could pull back just a little bit?" _I knew this was coming_.

"I don't think so." _As in 'no way, nub.'_

"Yeah, I didn't either."_ At least he has his priorities straight._

My mind drifted away from our fights and back toward the reason I came here. I let out his secret. His secret that he had never kissed anyone. Then I admitted it too. _First kisses. Why are they such a big deal? I mean, it's just a kiss, and there are many more after the first one. So why is it made out to be so important?_ I let out a weird chuckle/sigh combination, glancing back into the hallway, a small smile growing on my face. "So dumb," I thought out loud.

"What d'you mean?" Whether he actually knew what I was implying or he was genuinely confused, I'm not sure.

"You know," I decided to share my thoughts. _Why not just add them to the list of things I let out of my brain tonight?_ "How some people get all freaked out over their first kiss." I waved my hands for emphasis. Freddie glanced at the ground. I couldn't make out his emotion. "It's stupid," I continued, hoping he would say something.

"So you weren't lying, you really never kissed anyone?" _Really? He doesn't believe me either? Maybe he just needs reassurance, before he starts to think that I'm only here because I'm going to use this conversation as blackmail. I guess it sounds like something I would do, but even that is a bit extreme. If I were going to do something like that, I wouldn't have taken it this far._

"Nope," I guess I was a little bummed about that fact. Despite condoning the hype surrounding first kisses, I shared a little bit of those feelings, and was a bit sad that I'd never kissed anyone. _Not that Carly and Freddie reminding me I've never had my first kiss and my announcing it live on iCarly is really helping me to depart from the commercial excitement surrounding such an important event_.

"Sometimes I just," I don't know why I continued talking, but I did, just like before. "Wish I could get it out of the way." _At least it would be over with, and this constant nagging in my head about never kissing anyone would be gone_. Freddie gave an understanding nod.

"Yeah, I know, me too." Freddie's voice also seemed a little bit depressed. He was looking away, slightly at the ground. The two of us shared the same sentiments.

"Right?" _Life would just be so much easier if my first kiss was out of the way. At least I'm not the only one who thinks this, Freddie agrees._

"Y'know, just so I can stop worrying about it."

"Yeah." Freddie gave a small smile of agreement. Then he laughed a bit. _Why is he laughing? He's never kissed anyone either, he better not be laughing at me_.

"What?" I was curious, but slightly afraid of where this was going.

"Nothin'." What he said was simple, but the sly smirk on his face implied that he was definitely thinking something, and I intended to figure out what it was.

"It's-" he started. _Let me guess, 'stupid? Is that what you're going to say? Probably. I'm not patient enough for this beating-around-the-bush thing_.

"Tell me." _I want to know_.

"Nah, it's dumb." _I was close. But I can't stand this, I hate it when people almost tell you something and then back out at the last second. Freddie's going to tell me_.

"Say it," I raised my hand up as if that would influence him to speak up about what was on his mind. I really wanted to know.

"Okay," _Finally!_ "I was just gonna say," Freddie's eyes looked away from me as he shrugged his shoulders as if to back himself up in the belief that his idea was dumb.

My brain pieced it all together. _Oh, Freddie_. "That we should kiss?" My eyebrows flicked up in what I realized was a similar manner to Freddie's when he said 'good.' _Why did they do that?_ A smile grazed my lips. Sure, I thought he was crazy, and it was funny that he was so scared to admit his thoughts, but I had already admitted so much tonight that one more confession added to the pile probably couldn't do much harm.

I continued to smile as him as he looked at me in shock. _Didn't think I would figure it out now, did you? Sam's not as dumb as you may think. And the fact that we we're discussing first kisses doesn't exactly help to disguise your train of thought either._

"You're gonna break my arm now, right?" He knew me so well. If he had suggested we kiss at some other time, like when we were practicing for iCarly, or in the school hallway, then yes, I certainly would have broken his arm into tiny little pieces, but, under the circumstances, it didn't seem like such a crazy idea.

I shook my head. "No."

"Well, should we?" The more I thought about it, the more I felt inclined to take up his offer.

"Just so both of us can get it over with?"

"Hm." I actuallyconsidered the idea. "Just to get it over with." I was seriously thinking this through.

"Just to get it over with," he confirmed, as if this last confirmation would help me make up my mind, which, in all honesty, it probably did. I perked up a little bit and slid over closer to him.

"And you swear we both go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over." We were sitting so close already that us kissing was basically inevitable, but we had to set guidelines of some sort. I was slightly confused as to what was actually going on, through my brain was set with a fierce determination.

"Oh totally, and we never tell anyone." _Well, at least we're on the same page_.

"Never." I let out a sigh. As much as I wanted to have my first kiss, I never thought of it happening like this. Much less with Freddie. But we had more or less agreed to do so just now, and I certainly wasn't back out. Sam Puckett is not a quitter, even if that means kissing Freddie Benson. The thought didn't actually seem so bad at the time, just unexpected.

The breeze blew by us lightly as we stared at each other. _It's now or never. We're either going to kiss or we're not_.

"Well, lean." I wanted to pretend I was in control of this, but we both knew that I was just as clueless as to what was going on as he was.

Freddie sighed before looking at me. Slowly, he leaned closer. I leaned in a bit too.

Our lips met. He moved his head a little bit. I'm not going to lie and say there were fireworks or something cheesy like that, but it definitely wasn't horrible. Slowly, I closed my eyes. The kiss lasted for around seven or eight seconds. The seconds seemed to last forever yet fly by all at once, it was a completely different experience from anything I'd ever felt before.

We pulled apart. When I looked at him, he did that eyebrow thing again. The corners of Freddie's lips were turned up, but he wasn't exactly smiling. I realized he was probably thinking through what just happened, and I started to worry that I was a bad kisser. _Wait a minute; he's never kissed anyone, so he can't judge. And what do I care, it's Freddie, and it's not like he's going to tell anyone, we agreed to keep this a secret._

He leaned back against the stairs and I rose up from my seat.

"Well, that was, um…" He searched for words, probably as puzzled as I was.

"Nice." I had to admit, it was nice.

"Yeah, nice. Uh…"

"Good work." I didn't know what to say. It wasn't completely awkward, but seeing as we had gone from frenemy-ship to sharing a first kiss in a matter of minutes, there wasn't a clear path of what to say or do.

"Thank you, you too." He nodded. Luckily, I wasn't alone in the boat of confusion. Freddie was in the exact same situation as I was.

I turned around and made my way over the ledge, back into the hallway. Before I could walk away, Freddie spoke. "Hey." I turned around.

"I hate you." As he said it, he flashed me a large smile. He was joking, but also probably thinking about how funny this situation was. Not a 'haha we had our first kisses' kind of funny, but a 'somehow we went from being frenemies to kissing and promising to never tell anyone and hate each other forever right afterward, isn't this kind of weird in a slightly amusing way' funny. I had to agree, it was probably one of the most unique situations I'd ever been in. His smile was comforting, and I returned it with one of my own.

"Hate you too," I replied, giving a small nod before turning around and walking back down the hallway.

That one kiss had probably changed me forever. I know, this sounds dramatic, but as I thought it through, it seemed like a realistic thought. _I just had my first kiss! With Freddie, but that doesn't change the facts. It wasn't as bad as I would have thought kissing Freddie would be. Not that I ever actually thought of it, but kissing Freddie seems like one of those things that would be on my list of things I'd rather die than do. But, now it's over with. We kissed. I hope Carly doesn't find out. She'd probably freak out and either think we're in love (ew), or flip out worry about why we'd do such a thing. The latter is more realistic, though Carly is quite the romantic. Oh no, what if Mrs. Benson finds out? She'd probably scrub Freddie's mouth with soap before giving him some sort of anti-girl germ bath and making sure I never came in close proximity of her son again_.

I laughed at the thought of the over-protective Mrs. Benson, but I was still worried about someone discovering our secret. It would be hard for some people to understand that we kissed just to get our first kisses out of the way, and get over the fact that we didn't like each other. You'd think that would be an easy concept to understand, since Freddie and I hate each other, but first kisses are special things and not everyone catches on as quickly as they should. Though, as I made my way to my house, I realized how unlikely it was anyone would find out, since we're the only two that knew, and we promised not to tell.

After I finally got past all of my worries and fears, I thought about how exciting it was that I'd finally had my first kiss. It was out of the way; I would never have to worry about it again.

_What if Freddie starts acting awkwardly around me?_ A new set of worries rushed over me. _Then it will be uncomfortable to be with Carly because the two of us will be acting so oddly. Ugh, this is more complex than I thought_.

Again, I reassured myself that things wouldn't be so bad. After all, we promised to go right back to hating each other, so everything should return to normal.

That time, my worries stayed away as I finished putting on my pajamas. I knew what was coming, and my stomach churned anxiously. I was excited for this moment.

I looked at my list. It wasn't very long, but I was proud of my accomplishments. I carefully took it off the wall with one hand, holding my pencil loosely in the other. I carried it back with me to bed, and set it on the nightstand as I raised my pencil. Happily, I added my newest feat. I smiled both on the outside and on the inside. Today, though it hadn't started out very well, had turned out to be a great day. Sharing a deep talk with, apologizing to, and kissing Freddie usually would sound like a horrible day to me, but it wasn't actually that bad. In fact, today was a good day, I decided as I set my pencil down.

My hand rubbed the tape back to the wall. Returning to sit on my bed, I looked at the sheet of paper on my wall.

_January 3, 2009: My first kiss (Freddie Benson)_

I could barely believe it, but it was true. Not only had I had my first kiss, but also I had it with Freddie Benson. Two very daunting thoughts.

I got in bed and pulled the covers up, ready to dream my way into tomorrow. But before I let myself fall asleep, my eyes flew open in realization. _We promised never to tell anyone. That implies we don't want anyone to find out._ I threw my covers off and hopped out of my bed. Quickly, I scampered over to the wall where my list was attached. I snatched the bottom of the page and yanked the list off of the wall.

_Hmmm… Where should I put this?_ I looked around my room, searching for the right spot. Finally, I moved slightly to the right and pushed the mirror above my dresser aside just enough so that I could reach behind it. I reattached my list to the wall; this time sliding the mirror back into place so the list was virtually undiscoverable. _If anyone looks behind my mirror, they already have issues, because, c'mon, who looks behind mirrors for things?_

I made my way back into bed. This time, after re-tucking myself in, I drifted into a nice peaceful sleep. I don't remember any specific dreams, but the day was dream-like enough, containing the worst, the mediocre, and the best of moments all in less than twenty-four hours of being awake. It had been a truly unbelievable day, one that I would never forget. As I fell asleep, I couldn't forget the latest addition to My List of Firsts.

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><p><strong>I hope all of you liked this chapter! I know it's so overused, but also very important, so I tried to make it original. Please tell me what you think! :)<strong>

**Also, I'm working on some major plot points in my story right now, trying to figure out several very important aspects. So, if any of you have any ideas or anything your would like to see (not necessarily specific firsts, since I already have a wonderful collection of your ideas for those, but more things you would like to see either as interactions between the characters or things that can happen with the list) please tell me now. Since I'm making some big decisions, I would love to take your ideas into account so you as readers will stay happy! I know what I want for my story, I just want to hear your thoughts too!**

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing. :)**


	7. Chapter 6: My First Realization

**I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in so long, I've just been super busy. I'll try to update again tomorrow, since I will be away for several weeks. Sorry again for the hiatus my story was on for a while.**

**This is, admittedly, not my favorite chapter. It is not just a random chapter, as it will lead to a minor plot line.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6: My First Realization<strong>

Life goes on. That's an important lesson. After hard, confusing, or just plain boring times, life goes on. Yes, I admit, I don't always realize that myself, but at times like this one, I needed to keep that lesson with me.

I had my first kiss. Sounds like a reason that one would want life to go on, so they could join some whirlwind romance or just declare it to the whole world, but not everyone's story is the same.

Moments before my first kiss, I swore to the boy I shared it with that we wouldn't tell anyone. In case that doesn't seem complicated enough yet, my first kiss was with my sworn frenemy. Sure, maybe he could be caring or helpful at times, though I'd be the last to admit it, that's why he's not my complete enemy (and I couldn't really be complete enemies with any of Carly's friends, that would just be too complex). But, the majority of the time, he was just an annoying nub.

Trust me, I have no problem not sharing the news about my first kiss with anyone. In fact, I'm quite glad to keep this just between us, as kissing Freddie Benson is a very disgusting thought. The other part that makes the memory less painful is that we kissed just to get it over with. Thanks to that, it was just a nice simple kiss that will not really need to ever be brought back up or end up having any significant effect on the world. It was so meaningless; I could have shared it with a slab of wood for all I care.

Anyway, back to my point, life goes on. That's what I'm thinking as I stand in the elevator. Hopefully Freddie will realize this too, and we won't be too awkward around each other, or even around Carly for that matter. After all, since it meant nothing, it will be easy for me to get over the fact it even happened. I just want to make sure he thinks the same thing.

The elevator dings and I return from the land of my thoughts. "Hello Shay family!" My voice echoes through the apartment, and I hear a scuffling of feet on the stairs before Carly's face pops into view.

"Sam! You're actually on time."

"That I am."

"Freddie will be over shortly, and then we can go to town."

"Must we wait for the nub?" It came out as a grumble.

"Yes, Sam. I know you don't like him very much, but he is my friend, so we must wait for him"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…" I flopped onto the couch as my groan was silenced by a sharp look from Carly.

As if on cue, the front door to the Shay apartment opened, and the figure of Freddie Benson stood in the doorway.

The two of us looked carefully at each other, and luckily, it wasn't too awkward. If we appeared awkward at all, Carly didn't make any sign that she noticed.

Carly flashed Freddie a friendly smile, which he returned with a small smile of his own.

"Shall we go?" Carly's words influenced the three of us to turn around and walk down the hallway like an invisible force was pushing us.

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><p>The three of us walked through the park, down the street, occasionally visiting some shops. Finally, we resorted to our usual stop, the Groovy Smoothie.<p>

After we ordered our smoothies, the three of us sat down at a table off to the side of the room. We were silent for a short while, the hollow sound of our slurping filled the air around us, and we sat, hearing nothing else but the whispers of other people in the restaurant, the low hum of the heater, and our slow slurps.

"Sam?" A voice snapped my thoughts out of the slow and hot air that filled the Groovy Smoothie.

"Yeah Carls?"

"Do you want to go to Build-a-Bra later?"

"Sure. I don't have anything else to do." I was glad Carly suggested we do something together, especially since I had absolutely nothing to do for the entire day. Plus, I didn't think that Carly and I had spent enough time together recently.

"Good. I've really needed some new bras. I was thinking of getting some pi-"

"Stop, I don't want to hear any more!" Carly and I turned to look at Freddie. His face was a reddish color, and his eyes were a bit wider than usual. He held his hands up in front of him slightly, which he must have used as part of his exclamation. Realizing that we were making Freddie uncomfortable by discussing bras, and overall feeling uncomfortable ourselves that he was witnessing our conversation, we decided to change topics.

"Looks like I'm done with my smoothie!" I jumped up from the seat.

"Already?" Carly and Freddie looked at me with slightly shocked faces, but not filled with too much surprise, after all, it is me we're talking about.

"Yep, Momma was hungry." I walked over to the trashcan, releasing the cup with one hand before returning to my seat.

Freddie shook his head as a smile curled on his lips.

"What're you laughing at Benson?"

Carly immediately looked up as Freddie shot me a look, preparing herself in case this got heated. Luckily, this time, Freddie knew better than to challenge me in a public place.

"Nothing really. You know what, I just got some new equipment in, and I think I really should go set it up in the studio." _Way to get out of me pummeling your face._

"How about all of us go back to the apartment, and Sam and I can grab our coats and go to Build-a-Bra while you install whatever it is you need to install?"

"Okay." Freddie and Carly continued to the trashcan, letting their empty cups fall into its depths as well. I followed them out the door.

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><p>"See you later Freddie," Carly called. She held her coat in one hand, and waved with the other.<p>

"Yep, see ya! Bye you two." He gave us a small nod before jogging up the stairs to the studio.

"Off to Build-a-Bra?" I questioned my friend.

"Off to Build-a-Bra!" The two of us walked out the door to the Shay's apartment, jackets in hand, and set off to Build-a-Bra.

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><p>"I'm back!" I called into the house as I clumsily stumbled inside, my hands filled with too many bags to properly navigate the front door. No one responded. I took that as my cue and continued my struggle up the stairs.<p>

I sat the bags down on my bed and proceeded to empty each one. Carly must have built around twenty customized bras, but I only made seven. One can only need so many bras, or so I thought as Carly continued to add on to her pile

The rest of my bags were full of food or food related items. On our way back from Build-a-Bra, we passed this meat shop that I always wanted to go in, and since we had nothing else going on, Carly let me stop in the meat store. When I walked inside, I was overwhelmed. There were shelves and display cases filled with meat and various meat related items. Meat was hanging from the ceiling, lying on shelves, hidden in freezers, it was everywhere. The store wasn't very big, but it held more meat than I'd ever seen in one place before.

Carly, observing my stunned expression, made herself cozy at a table modeled after a pork chop, and let me explore by myself. I ended up buying several selections of special meats, a pillow that looked like bacon, a mug that said "World's Biggest Meat Lover" and several other assorted items that I had an impulse to purchase.

I smiled aimlessly as I pulled each item out of its respective bag. After thrusting everything in its proper place (which was wherever I felt like it should go at the time), I flopped onto my bed in an exhausted huff. I had fully intended on staying up and finishing some last minute things, but the day had worn me out, and before I knew it, I was asleep.

It felt like forever since I was able to take a mid-afternoon nap, and it was a very welcome surprise. When I woke up, I stretched my arms wide and sat up, propping myself against an assortment of pillows, including my new one.

Glancing around the room, my eyes returned to the mirror. My vision was blurred in my thoughts, I wasn't looking into the mirror to see myself, I was looking through the mirror (figuratively of course) to see what was behind it. Slowly, I drifted from my seated position over to the mirror. I guided it to the side with a swift movement of my hand. I spotted what I was searching for, reached up, and lightly tugged it off of the wall.

Still dazed by my thoughts, I carried the piece of paper with me to the little table my mother considers a desk. Sitting down, I took a moment to return from my thoughts before finally placing my finally cleared vision on the sheet.

For some reason, I wanted to read through all of my firsts. Most likely because I was still confused about the last one, and wanted to make sure that none of the things on my list were just a figment of my imagination. As I read farther and farther down the list, I started to notice something. This something caught me off guard, and was by no means a welcome realization.

Almost the majority of my firsts, revolved around, or in some way included, Freddie Benson.

Horrified by this strange thought, I reread my list about ten times, before eventually admitting that Freddie was on the list an unfortunate number of times.

I thought this through. _Why is he on the list so many times? I hate him! I guess that one of them is my first enemy, and another one is my first frenemy. So, I suppose that a lot of these things _are_ negative. Well, that makes me feel better._

I came to the conclusion that, it wasn't so bad he showed up on the list so many times, because all of the times he showed up (except for my first kiss), were for something negative, that clearly displayed my hatred for him.

Glancing up from the page, I found myself in the middle of my room. _I must have been pacing._ This whole ordeal got me so worked up that I got up from my seat and paced around the room. Luckily, everything was cleared up.

"Samantha Puckett," I heard my mother's voice. I didn't know when she arrived at the house; I was so busy thinking I didn't hear her come inside.

"Yes?"

"I'm going out tonight." _Of course_. "You have to cook for yourself seeing as Melanie's still at boarding school." Her footsteps approached my room.

Suddenly, I realized that I was still holding my list. _No one can know Freddie and I kissed, no one._

Frantically, I looked at the mirror. My mother would be in my room before I had time to hide the list behind it and rearrange the mirror. _What do I do? If anyone finds out about our kiss, I'll have to kill him or her, then Freddie, then myself. I might as well just die of horror before I kill anyone. I mean, come on, Freddie? That's a very disgusting thought. If anyone found out, they might actually think I…_ I felt my food rising in my throat at the thought. _I like him. _I shivered.

I just couldn't understand how it wouldn't be obvious to people that I don't like him, seeing as we hate each other. Just because you kiss someone, doesn't mean you like him. But, unfortunately, most people, Carly and my mother included, don't understand the idea of kissing "just to get it over with." They're lovey-dovey happy ending types of people, which I am most certainly not. So, I really needed to make sure no one found my list.

In a last minute attempt to hide it before my mother walked into my room to witness any further suspicious activity, I threw my list under my bed. Quickly, I turned around, just in time too, because my mother walked into view at that moment.

"Now, when I'm gone, you better not burn down this house. If you do, you're going to live on the street while I work my butt off to afford a new one. Do you understand me?

"Yes." _I don't understand why she has to take everything to an extreme sometimes_.

"If you for one second even think there may be a chance of something going wrong, I want you to get food from someone else. Mooching shouldn't be too hard for you. You could always go over to your friend's house, you know, that kid Clarice or whatever its name is." _Carly. Is that really so hard? C-A-R-L-Y, Carly. Wait until I tell her this. I wonder if she'll disown me as a friend for having such an incompetent mother._

"Sure."

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I have more pressing matters. So, bye now!" _Lies. My mother wouldn't want to 'chat' with me, she'd much rather be mooching free stuff off of her date for the night._

I followed my mother out of the door. She got into an old but still shiny station wagon that was driven by some man with a small beard and a clip-on tie. I watched her leave before setting out on my usual route to Carly's apartment.

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><p><strong>So, maybe it wasn't the most riveting chapter ever, but, as I said, it will lead to a minorish plot point. I hope all of you enjoyed it, and a HUGE thank you to all of the people that still stuck with my story despite my lack of updates. :)<strong>

**I would love to hear what everyone thinks of this chapter, and their thoughts/predictions on where My List of Firsts should/will go. Thanks again!**


	8. Chapter 7: My First Discovered Secret

**Since I feel so bad about not updating in so long, and I won't be able to update for several more days, I decided to post another chapter already. This chapter is super short, but very important.**

**NOTE: This chapter is in the 3rd person!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7: My First Discovered Secret<strong>

Freddie Benson knocked on the door to the apartment across the hall. "Hello?"

Finally, the door was opened. The boy was greeted by the face of the older resident of the house. "Why hello there young Fredward, won't you come inside?"

"Is Sam here?"

Spencer rushed over to Freddie, pressing his hand against the boy's forehead. "Are you okay Are you sick? Do you need some cough drops? Are you delusional? Can you hear voices?" He jumped back. "What are you doing here? Get away from me, I don't want to be infected!"

"Spencer, calm down." Freddie chuckled slightly at Spencer's antics. "I just had to return her laptop. I added a program to help-"

"Enough with the techy talk, I get the point."

"So, is she here?"

"No, she and Carly went out somewhere."

"You don't know where your little sister went?"

"Oh my gosh you're right, I'm a horrible guardian! I surprised she hasn't fired me yet. Maybe that's why she and Sam left, maybe they're planning how to let me go right now…" Spencer trailed on with his worries while he sat on the couch, resting his head in his hands. "I thought I could do this. Ugh, now I'm going to have to move, and send Carly to Yakima to live with Grandad and-"

"SPENCER!"

Spencer's head snapped up to see a slightly impatient Freddie looking back at him.

"You're sister's not going to fire you. Now, you have no idea where they went?"

"Um…" Spencer scratched his head a bit, more for effect than really to help him think. "You could try Sam's house. I know her mother went on a date, so she won't return until tomorrow. Yeah, you could look for them there."

"Thanks Spence."

"No problem, anytime Fredd-o."

Freddie turned around and left the apartment, laughing to himself about Spencer's worries.

Pushing the front door open, Freddie figured Sam and Carly must be inside. He was definitely his mother's son, deciding that no one would ever leave their house unlocked unless they were inside. He was sadly mistaken. As he called out, no one responded.

He twisted his way around the house, taking in the sight. He had never been inside Sam's house, only seen it from the exterior, and as he looked around, he became more and more confident that he would have liked to keep it that way. There was nothing remotely bad about the house, it was just slightly run down, and didn't appear to be looked after very well. His mother probably would have a heart attack if she saw this.

Deciding it would be best to leave Sam's laptop in her room, he made his way to the stairs. When he arrived at the top, he glanced around. First, he turned to the right. What he saw was a fairly empty bedroom, which was very neat, and didn't look like anyone had been inside it recently. Quickly coming to the decision that it was most certainly not Sam's room, he turned back around and continued down the hallway. He passed one empty room, most likely a guest room, a bathroom, a closet, and finally, he found Sam's room. It was definitely her room, he could tell by its slight messiness. As he entered, he saw several pictures of her with Carly, and a pillow shaped like bacon. If that wasn't a clear giveaway, then he obviously didn't know Sam at all. But he took the hint and continued. He saw a small table with a lamp on it, probably some kind of makeshift desk, and decided to leave the laptop there. He set it down, still looking around.

On his way out, he took one last glance at the room. It was strange for him to finally see what Sam's room looked like, and he was still curious. When he turned around the final time, something caught his eye. He looked down, and spotted something white on her floor, peeking out from underneath her bed. Being his mother's son, he decided to pick it up and set it on the desk-like table.

Freddie stooped down and picked up the white object, which turned out to be a sheet of paper. He was about to place it on the desk next to her laptop and walk away, when something made him look at what it said. He was sure he saw his name. Despite realizing this was an invasion of privacy, he read the sheet of paper.

My List of Firsts by Sam Puckett

_March 25, 2003: My first friend (Carly Shay)_

_August 5, 2006: My first enemy (Freddie __?__) Benson_

_September 8, 2008: My first web show_

_January 7, 2008: My first frenemy (Freddie Benson)_

_February 6, 2008: My first crush (Jonah Albert)_

_February 8, 2008: My first broken heart (Jonah Albert)_

_January 3, 2009: My first kiss (Freddie Benson)_

Freddie looked at the page. He had no idea Sam kept any type of documentation of important events in her life. He was fairly certain she wasn't the diary kind of girl, but he didn't even think she'd do something like this.

He was shocked at how many events he qualified for, not that any of them except for her first kiss were even slightly positive. Promising himself he would have to use her list against her at some point, he carefully stuffed it under her bed again, making sure to leave the corner exposed just how he found it.

As he left her room, he laughed to himself, remembering how she had obviously not known his last name at first, writing question marks before crossing them off, and going back later to write it.

Maybe now he could beat Sam just once at her own game of blackmailing and trickery. Maybe just once.

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><p><strong>The question marks after "Freddie" are supposed to be crossed out, but, unlike Word, FanFiction won't let me do that. :(<strong>

**Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews my stories. The more reviews I get, the more excited I am to post the next chapter, because I know that there are actually people who like my stories. Also, knowing what the readers of my stories think is very important to me. :)**

**Just a note: this will indeed lead to a small part of the plot, and its lack of major significance may shock/upset some of you, but, it will have a much larger and more crucial effect later in the story, so not to worry! :)**


	9. Chapter 8: My First Fat Shake

**Hello. :) I know it's been a long time since my last update, and I'm sorry, but I've been super busy.**

**I want to say thank you to everyone who reads my story, and a huge thanks to everyone who comments. Your reviews make me excited to continue writing and sharing, and help inspire my story so much. Recently, I got some of the nicest comments ever, all of which I very much appreciate (though even if you just say 'nice chapter' or 'update soon,' I'm still happy that people are reading my story). In addition, I made it to my 100th review (and even more), so thanks again! :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8: My First Fat Shake<strong>

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" I was standing up, motioning for Carly to get her butt over to the door so we could go.

"Hold on, I need to brush my hair first."

"Your hair looks fine. May we go please?"

"My hair does not look fine, so no. You need to learn to have some patience."

Frustrated, I walked over to Carly, fluffed her hair clumsily with my hands, and then grinned. "You're hair looks great, now can we go?"

"Sam!" She gave me one of her Carly looks. "Now I really have to go brush my hair."

"Well brush quickly, woman!"

"Fine, fine." She turned around and headed to her bathroom.

"RUN!" I yelled after her.

Soon, she was back by my side.

"I don't understand why you needed to brush your hair."

"We are going into public."

"So what? Your hair looked fine to begin with."

"There's nothing wrong with me wanting to make sure I look presentable."

"Neat freak."

"Hey!"

"You know I love you anyway."

"Yeah." She finally smiled at me after this whole ordeal.

"Now, let's go!" I grabbed Carly's wrist and gently yanked her after me.

"Freddie, we're going!" Carly yelled at his apartment door.

"No time to wait," I commanded, sensing her efforts to slow down and stand in the hallway until Freddie arrived.

"But Sam-"

"Carls, don't discriminate. Nubs can walk too."

Realizing it was a lost cause, Carly held in her comments, but she did manage to shoot me a disapproving look, to which I responded with a shrug.

Freddie's footsteps echoed behind us until he came to a slower pace at our heels.

"Took you long enough." I retorted. It was a statement that didn't need an answer, his responding would do absolutely nothing but hurt him more, and he decided to keep it in for the time being, though I knew he rolled his eyes.

When we entered, I could smell the most heavenly scent all around us.

"I feel as thought this is my true home," I announced. Carly and Freddie shook their heads knowingly.

It was incredibly hard to get around the store, seeing as hundreds of people turned up for the same reason we did. The unveiling of the Fat Shake.

I could smell the freshly baked Fat Cakes. Sure, they leave them on shelves in packages, but if you go to the Fat Cake Headquarters of Seattle, they would serve you fresh Fat Cakes. But today, I wasn't interested in having a Fat Cake, (though if someone gave me one for free, I would by no means turn down his or her offer). I was on the hunt to be one of the very first people in the state of Washington to have a Fat Shake.

Struggling through the crowd, I parted people by pushing them aside. No one could hear much, nor was anyone about to move over for a group of children. Carly and Freddie stuck close to my side. Carly apologized profusely to each person I knocked aside, and Freddie just tagged along behind her, unsure of what to do.

Using my force and my small size, the three of us made it to a temporary stand-like thing. It housed a vat of thick pink liquid that smelled strongly of Fat Cakes. This was it. This was where the Fat Shake was stored. It was obviously made just for this event. There were hundreds of cups on a platform next to it, and there were people in black pants and white shirts with the words "Fat Cake Corporation" printed on them surrounding the tank. Some of them had aprons, while others sported visors. Each of their nametags gleamed, and I guessed that they were all told to shine them so they looked their best in case a picture was taken to celebrate this momentous event.

I had a Fat Shake once before. This may seem impossible, as today is the day of the Fat Shake's unveiling, and I don't have any connections in the heart of the Fat Shake Corporations, but I did have one. Admittedly, I did just blend a Fat Cake with some milk, but it was still yummy. I was positive that this Fat Shake would be millions of times better than my homemade one.

I jumped up, trying to see more.

"You, little girl, what's your name?" _Who, me? He did not just call me a- _I gasped. He was in a suit, and he had a nametag that clearly stated his authoritative position in the Washington branch of the Fat Shake Corporation.

"I'm Sam."

"Samantha, what a pretty name. And who are you here with on this fine day?"

"My best friend, Carly." I dragged her forward. "Just smile and nod," I whispered in her ear. Carly's look of confusion grew even more before adopting a sickly sweet smile.

"Oh, and Freddie." I dragged him forward as well. I figured the more eager and friendly I seemed, the more likely it was I would get a Fat Shake. "Don't say anything, or I will rip you into two pieces," I threatened Freddie, making sure to keep my words too quiet for the man to hear me.

"Well isn't that wonderful. Three kids, all eager to have Fat Shakes." We all put on our largest smiles.

"Of course sir, why wouldn't anyone want to have a Fat Shake?" I added in more words that I knew would warm this man's heart, while making sure not to overdo it.

"You know what?" Our faces turned to innocent expressions of confusion. "Since you three are so excited about this, and I love seeing our youth out and about following their hearts and being motivated, I'll let you three be the first people in Washington to have Fat Shakes."

My eyes must have popped out of my head; I could literally feel my heart wanting to burst from my chest. The excitement was so overwhelming I took a step foreword and threw myself at the man, trying my best to envelope his rather plump form into a hug. He must have been surprised, I could sense him waver for a moment, but soon enough his large arms reached around me and he returned my hug. Finally, when I pulled away, he looked at the three of us. Enthusiasm practically radiated off of him.

"I'll go alert Steve about you three so he can make sure to give you the first Fat Shakes." With one last grin he turned around and went to find Steve.

I turned around to face Carly and Freddie. "Momma's gonna have a Fat Shake!" I screamed. Due to the constant stream of conversations, my yell sounded more like a loud statement. Carly and Freddie grinned at me, by now, they had obviously realized why I dragged them forward, and even Freddie seemed excited to have a Fat Shake, letting my threats go.

Carly gave me a small hug. "Congratulations, your crazy obsession is finally going to pay off."

The three of us laughed. Before we could continue our discussion, were distracted. "Sam?" A man walked over to the three of us, observing us for a moment before turning his attention toward me. "Are you Sam?"

"Sam I am."

"So these are Carly and Freddie?" He moved his pointer finger in between the two of them.

"Yes they are." I held in any clever comments that came into my mind, I didn't want to jeopardize my chances of being first to have a Fat Shake.

"Well then, you three, please follow me." I know that normally you're not supposed to follow strangers, but I didn't care.

We were ushered around the tank to its other side, walking through the defensive line of employees and right up to its front.

"Why hello there." A smiling man in an apron came over, sticking out his hand for us to shake. "I'm Steve." One by one, we shook his hand, introducing ourselves. "You are some lucky little kiddos. People would pay tons of money to be the first in Washington to have a Fat Shake."

There was an awkward silence for several seconds before Steve continued. "Luckily, you don't have to! Now, which one of you is going to be first?"

Carly and Freddie stepped back a tiny bit, knowing that there was no way I was going to let either of them go first.

"Sam?" The three of us nodded. "Okay then. Just form a little line and I'll grab some cups for you guys." The mood was back to its excited state, and Steve hurriedly turned around, grabbed three cups from the stand, and put them in our hands. We clutched them eagerly, giant smiles plastered onto our faces.

"Hello everyone." Our attention was turned behind us where the man in the suit stood. His voice, magnified by the microphone, caught everyone's attention, and soon, the noise died down to a hushed whisper.

"Welcome to each and every one of you here today for the unveiling of the Fat Shake." The crowd let out many excited exchanges before the man in the suit continued, quieting them.

"Now, I want everyone to line up near the vat so we can get this thing started!" There was a hurried scuffling of feet and a haphazard line was made. _No matter where you stand in line, you're still not going to be first, because I AM!_

"These three children were selected to go first," he gestured toward us. "So, young lady," he looked at me, "are you ready to be the first person in the state of Washington to have a Fat Shake?"

I nodded vigorously. "Yes I am!"

"Then step over here please and hold your cup under the nozzle." I did as I was told, clutching my cup with two hands just in case.

"Steve, the nozzle." Suit Man gave Steve a small smile and Steve hurried over to my side, placing his hand on the nozzle. _This is it; I'm going to have a Fat Shake!_

"Introducing, the Fat Shake!" The man in the suit proclaimed. Taking his cue, Steve turned the nozzle, and there were sounds of excitement and awe as the scent of the Fat Shake filled the room. My hands gripped the cup tighter as the Fat Shake weighed it down. Finally, my cup was filled, and I was presented with a cap and a straw.

"Well Samantha, how is the Fat Shake?" He put emphasis on the product name for obvious reasons. Proudly, I raised the cup to my mouth, pressing the straw in between my lips. Carefully yet ecstatically I sucked on it, willing the liquid to come up. When the Fat Shake finally reached my tongue, I thought I was going to die. It was the yummiest drink I ever had.

"Absolutely delicious, sir," I said once I forced myself to stop slurping.

"Hear that everyone? Little Samantha thinks the Fat Shake is 'absolutely delicious.' Now, on with the serving!"

Just a minute later, Carly and Freddie rushed to my side, eagerly drinking their Fat Shakes. "Let's get out of here." Carly urged. "I'll text Spencer."

Spencer told us he would wait for us in the parking lot so we could make a quick getaway as long as he got a Fat Shake too.

"He's at the front, hurry."

The three of us knocked our ways through the clump of a line and out of the building. Once we were in the car, we let out sighs of exhaustion before coming to reality and seeing Spencer's expectant face. "How are they?"

"See for yourself," Carly handed Spencer a Fat Shake.

"OH MY GOSH! It's like sweet Heaven in a cup."

"I know!" I exclaimed. Everyone agreed that the Fat Shakes were completely delicious.

After taking several more slurps of his Fat Shake, Spencer remembered we were in a running car in front of an extremely packed building and took off for the Shay apartment.

"Hey Sam?" Hearing my name, I turned to Freddie. "Are you going to add this to your list?"

_WHAT? Did he just say what I thought he said? How does he know about my list? Oh my gosh, did he READ IT? I am going to die. Wait a minute, how would he have found it?_

I was in such shock that I stammered out a simple "What?" I tried to make it sound like I just didn't hear him, but I was pretty sure that my eyes widened a bit too much to cover up my surprise.

"Are you going to add it to your list?" Freddie hesitated a second before continuing, "you know, your list of favorite foods?" _Is that what he thought? Phew_. A huge weight lifted from my chest at this realization. "I dunno, I just thought that since you like food so much, maybe you kept a mental list of your favorite foods."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. What's it to you Benson?" _Oh. My. Gosh. That was close_.

"It doesn't matter, I was just wondering."

"Well stop wondering before I break your leg." My threats were more for self-assurance that he hadn't actually seen my list, but Freddie didn't seem to notice. He shrank back to the other side of the car slightly before giving me a small glare and turning back to look at his Fat Shake.

"But yes, if I do have a mental list of favorite foods, which I'm not saying I do, this will most certainly make the cut." It was delicious. And, I do have a mental list of favorite foods, but not a formal one, since there are too many great cuts of meat to remember all of them.

_January 6, 2009: My First Fat Shake_

I did indeed add it to my list before carefully tucking the paper behind my mirror again.

That night, I dreamed happy dreams filled with the thick pink liquid that is the glorious Fat Shake, and didn't want to wake up in the morning.

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><p><strong>A humungous thank you to Geekquality, who came up with the idea to base a chapter on Sam's first Fat Cake or Fat Shake. I love hearing everyone's ideas, and I try to fit them in, since there are so many great ones. I thought this was just a fun idea for a chapter, that didn't revolve around Seddie very much, but enabled me to connect itto the previous chapter in a minor way. Anyway, thank you for the chapter name Geekquality!<strong>

**I'm sure some of you were expecting a more immediate and direct reaction to Freddie's discovery, so I'm sorry if I let anyone down. Truthfully, I think I know what I want the ending to be, but I'm still indecisive about what I want to happen before that (and I don't think the story's that close from being finished). If you have any input, I would love to hear it, and if not, that's fine too. :)**

**Thank you to everyone who reads my story and another thank you to everyone who reviews.**

**I will try my best to update very soon, as I will be tied up for a while again.**


	10. Chapter 9: My First Date

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter!**

**I hope everyone likes this chapter. :) It was requested by several people, and I thought it was an interesting idea.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9: My First Date<strong>

His hand wrapped around my side as he slid me closer to him. He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss before drawing away with a smile.

I returned his smile before turning to look up at the moon.

"I still can't believe it," his voice caught me off guard from the hazy land of my thoughts. "I mean, you just beat her right to the ground," he continued.

His arm flew up in a hook, exaggerating his retelling of this story.

I carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm feeling a little seasick. Would you mind if I took a little walk around?"

He mumbled some words of concern, but his eyes betrayed the fact that he wasn't very worried. He had no reason to be. As I gave a faint smile and pushed myself off of the chair, I knew I was fine. I just needed to get away.

My hands wrapped around the cool bars on the edge of the boat. I gulped in the sea air. I didn't really feel seasick, not at all. In fact, I love being on boats. But I was sick to my stomach. Sick of him.

The date wasn't overly romantic. Sure, we had kissed twice, once on the cheek when he picked me up, and once just now, but that wasn't too much, there was no mushiness, which was good. The problem was that he wouldn't change the conversation. Somehow or other, everything we talked about ended up relating back to my fight with Jocelyn.

When he told me he wanted a girl who could throw punches and kiss well, I was excited. After all, a first date is a very exciting thing, and he accepted me for who I am. But, I didn't realize that we would have to discuss that fight for the entire night.

I love it when others recognize my accomplishments, but this was out of hand. I wasn't here to brag about myself, or to relive the situation 500 times, and the story had gotten old hours ago.

I never went on a real date with Jonah, so I had no idea what to expect with Pete. It was laid back, just as I thought. His uncle was cool, and let us ride while he steered, yelling out to us every now and then to make sure we were doing fine. I just wanted to stop talking about the fight.

I wish I could have yelled back to his uncle saying, "no, I'm not fine, your nephew won't shut up about my fight. May you throw a shoe at him or something so he'll change the subject?" But I wasn't actually going to say that.

So, here I was, stuck on the side of the ship, carefully hidden from anyone's view, faking seasickness.

I heard footsteps approaching and made fake retching noises as I hunched myself over the side of the boat. Of course I didn't actually force myself to throw up, that would be a horrible waste of a nice piece of pork, and I wasn't actually seasick.

"I just came to check up on you," he said, resting a hand on my back. "You don't sound so good."

Turning toward him, I wiped my mouth with my sleeve for effect, trying to grimace. "I don't feel well. The sooner we get to land the sooner I'll feel better." It wasn't a lie, but I know he didn't interpret its true meaning.

"I already told my uncle to take the most direct route back to shore."

"Thanks." I actually meant it. I used to have a crush on Pete, he was cute and funny, and when I got to know him, he was really nice. But our date changed that. He was caring and he made me laugh, both of which are great, but he couldn't let me go more than ten minutes without hearing him recount the story of when I beat up Jocelyn at the Groovy Smoothie, and I couldn't take it anymore.

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><p>I slumped onto the floor, resting my back against my bed. Solemnly, I gazed at the paper in my hand.<p>

_April 11, 2009: My First Date (Pete Martin)_

I had written it this afternoon. I was happy to be going on my date, and added it to my list in anticipation.

I was disappointed, though I wasn't going to remove it from my list. He was a nice kid; he just didn't know when to give something a rest.

Deciding I didn't want to waste time wallowing in self-pity, I got up and set out for the Shay apartment, hoping that Carly would cheer me up. No one was in my house, so I'd probably just spend the night at Carly's.

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><p>I sat on the couch. "Carly!" I yelled, my voice echoing throughout the apartment. No one answered. I flopped onto my back and waited. "Hello?" I called out again.<p>

Nothing.

The door opened. I decided not to get up, but just to wait.

"Sam?" _Seriously? I don't know if my day could be more unfortunate._

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh." I moaned.

"Uhhhhh to you too," he retorted.

"Really Freddie?" I sat up and shot the nerd a look of annoyance.

"Why are you so upset," he asked, more worried for his safety than concerned for me.

"Um let's see," I responded, getting up from the couch and approaching him. I counted on my fingers as I listed the reasons. "Number one: you're here. Number two: you're here. And number three: you're here." Though I was annoyed to see him, I was more annoyed than usual, but he wasn't about to find out why. I was already on edge after my date, and the only person I wanted to see right now was Carly. But nooo, Freddie had to strut right into her apartment and ruin this plan.

He turned away in annoyance, walking over to the computer.

"Don't turn your back on me!"

When he flipped around to face me, his face showed his confusion at my anger. I was never happy to see him, but I wasn't normally this angry about it. "Wha-" he began.

I cut him off by walking really close to him and giving his face a hard smack.

"Sam!"

I slapped him again.

"What's going on in here?" I heard a voice from the doorway. _Oh no. Not more people to talk to_.

"Nothing," it was the only excuse I could think of.

Freddie just stared at the newest person in the room with eyes that screamed "help me!" and a face that showed he had no clue why I was so mad.

"Okay you two, listen here. I'm going to put these groceries on the counter, put them in the fridge, go find my sombrero, and by then, I want you to have worked out your problems."

He did just as he said he would, but we didn't follow directions. My failed date made me too upset, so I ignored any attempts Freddie made at reconciliation, and just flashed him a sour look.

Spencer came back into the room, sombrero in hand. He placed it on top of the television before returning his attention to us. One quick glimpse and he could tell we hadn't worked anything out yet.

"Sit down."

"What?" Freddie mumbled in confusion.

"Sam, Freddie, sit down."

We did as we were told, confused by this new, authoritative Spencer.

"What's going on?" He looked from Freddie, to me, and back again.

"I don't know," Freddie said hopelessly, shrugging his shoulders in confusion.

"Sam?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well this isn't therapy, so I can't make you do anything. But since Carly's not here, I don't know what to do when I walk in on you slapping Freddie. Carly's the one with all the answers, I normally just stand passively and make fruit sculptures. You guys aren't helping."

The awkward silence grew.

"Sam, just tell me why you slapped Freddie, and everything will return to normal. "

"I told you. I don't want to talk about it." I came over here to see Carly, and only Carly, and tell her what happened. But, I saw Freddie instead. The fact that he wasn't Carly made me upset, and the fact that it was Freddie of all people, set me off, and I became mad. But, I still didn't want to tell anyone but Carly what happened.

"Sam-"

"You know what? Why don't I just go?" I stood up and made my way to the door, ignoring the helpless expressions of Freddie and Spencer. When I was almost at the door, it flew open.

"I'm home!" Carly's holler was cut short when she saw the scene in her apartment.

Spencer ran over to her, dropped to the floor, and hugged her feet. Then, he started rocking back and forth and crying.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I had no idea what to do, I'm not a good parental figure, and only you know how to deal with this. Please let me go, pleaseee!" Spencer was basically weeping out of happiness for Carly's arrival, which let him get out of attempting to be a figure of authority for any longer.

"Sure?" It was a question, but once it escaped Carly's mouth, Spencer flew to his feet and out of the room.

"What was that about?" Carly looked at the two of us. Spotting my attempt to leave, she closed the door behind her. "I come back from volunteering at a preschool to find Spencer in tears at my feet, Sam making a getaway, and Freddie sitting confusedly on the couch. What happened?"

When neither one of us responded, she sharpened her gaze on Freddie.

"Sam hit me."

"Hey!" _And I thought my night couldn't be more annoying_.

"Sam! Why did you do that?"

"He was bothering me."

"Freddie always bothers you, but you didn't have to hit him." She looked at me and I looked away, hoping our eyes wouldn't meet. "Sam, are you okay?" _Great. She caught it. Now I have to explain everything_.

"Leave." I commanded Freddie. If I had to share, I didn't want him to be there.

Looking as powerless as ever, Freddie left.

"Sam?" Carly raised her eyebrows to me.

"It's… It's-"

"Sam, tell me what's wrong." She gently guided me to the couch.

"It's Pete." It had to come out sooner or later.

"What about Pete?"

"He wouldn't stop talking about my fight with Jocelyn. That's all he could talk about."

Carly's eyes grew wide with understanding and she pulled me in for a hug.

"Do you need to cry?"

"No, I just needed to tell you and to hit something." A grin took over my face, "looks like I accomplished both."

"Violence is never the answer, Sam." She started a lecture, but she saw my look of dismay and inner sadness, and decided to let it go. "But I'm sorry about Pete. Do you want to sleep over tonight?"

I nodded slowly. It was just what I wanted, but if I acted too eager, she might send me back to my house. And while I wasn't one to mope and whine all night just because the date didn't go well, I didn't want to return to my house either. So, I kept my head down and hugged Carly for a bit longer than usual, as if to show off how much I needed her.

That night, Carly and I had a movie-marathon of comedies. We stayed up laughing into the early hours of the night, pretending to be asleep when Spencer left his room, grabbed his sombrero, and tiptoed out of the door. Once he was gone, we laughed even harder as a result of the strange scene.

Though my date with Pete sent my night into a downward chain of events, it had picked up, and I was grateful for Carly's friendship.

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><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading!<strong>

**When I was writing this I had two alternate plot ideas. I wasn't truly happy with either, but this is the one I prefered because I felt like it was the one that stayed the most in character.**

**Please tell me what you think, even if you don't like it! Your input helps me so much, and generally just makes me happy. :)**

**NOTE: Please go fill out this poll** http : / / poll . fm / 33wvc **(just remove the spaces) Thank you!**


	11. Chapter 10: My First Doubt Part I

**Hello! I'm trying to update as often as I can, but in between writing the chapters and doing other things in my life, I don't have as much time as I wish I did to post more regularly.**

**Anyway, this chapter comes in two parts. It's not a special mini-series or anything like that, I just wanted to break it into two. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter and part two.**

**You may notice that this chapter has two titles, one in the selection bar and another in the document. That's because the one in the document is the full title, but it's so long that I didn't want to put it in the selection bar so it doesn't throw everything off.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10: My First Time Thinking That Maybe Carly Does Like Freddie (Part I)<strong>

I always knew Carly didn't love Freddie.

Until yesterday.

Now, I'm starting to doubt what I thought was the truth.

It started last night. I was sitting in the Shay apartment, waiting for Carly to return. It was getting later and later and I couldn't deal with it anymore, I was just too curious as to what was taking her so long. Spencer wasn't around, so I was able to slip out of the room without him noticing.

Deciding that the dance must be over by that point, I led myself to the Groovy Smoothie. Slowly, I opened the door and looked around for my best friend. Then I saw her, right in the middle of the store. With Freddie.

I'm used to seeing the two of them together, after all, they are friends. But this time was different. They were dancing. Slow dancing.

The door swung closed behind me but I didn't notice, I just stood there trying to process what I was seeing.

I'd seen them dance together before, but it was always with a group of friends and just a casual friendly dance. This was different.

A sickly feeling spread throughout my body. I couldn't quite make it out, but I was pretty sure it was a slight sense of betrayal due to Carly not telling me that she liked Freddie. He had been asking her out for years, and she refused him every time. If she liked him too, why did she always deny it? Why did she never tell me?

Sure, if she told me, I wouldn't let up torturing and mocking Freddie, and I'd be kind of disgusted, but I would never be mean to her, after all, she is my best friend. And that's exactly what I don't understand. If we're best friends, why didn't she tell me?

Maybe she felt embarrassed, after all, this is Freddie we're talking about. But it was public knowledge that he has a crush on her, so I don't get why she wouldn't admit the same.

I stared at the two of them, but my thoughts competed with my vision, causing the dancers to appear blurry, and my mind to be clouded in confusion. The undertone of sadness wouldn't leave, and I unconsciously led myself out of the Groovy Smoothie.

Walking past the door, I glanced back inside, making sure that what I saw wasn't just a dream. But sure enough, as I looked through the glass, I could clearly see Carly and Freddie, arms around each other, swaying slowly to the music. All of this was too perplexing for me, and I fled the scene, attempting yet failing to piece together my thoughts the entire way to my house.

The rest of the night passed in a haze. My efforts to figure out what I saw and what it meant overwhelmed me, causing everything else I did to be delayed. I was so far away from the real world that my mother had to yell at me a few more times than usual to get my attention so I could pass her the chicken at dinner.

I got barely any sleep. The entire night I tossed and turned, trying to piece my thoughts together, but I made no progress. _Does Carly love Freddie? No, she can't. But, she was slow dancing with him. Why wouldn't she tell me? How long has Freddie known? Ew, have they been going out? That's not possible, she definitely would have told me. She's a horrible secret keeper. I just… I just don't understand why she would keep something like this from me, we're best friends_.

My stomach churned with uneasiness, and again, I decided it was caused by some sort of betrayal I felt from Carly, since she never told me she loved Freddie. _What kind of best friend keeps secrets like this? Maybe I'm not the best to judge, but I still feel hurt._ For some reason, thinking of Carly's betrayal didn't make me feel as sick as I did. There was something else bothering me. It was probably the paranoia in my mind that I couldn't figure this out. I hated not knowing something, I hated not being right.

Finally, my thoughts went into overload and shut down, allowing me to fall asleep.

This morning I woke up, brushing aside my covers and propping myself up on my pillows. Sunlight streamed geometrically through the blinds, which were twisted and slightly bent with age. Slowly, I swung my legs off of the bed and slid my feet to the floor.

Stumbling lazily into my bathroom, I picked up a toothbrush and started getting ready for the day. It was not until I looked in the mirror and rubbed my eyes that I noticed the shadows under them. I racked my brains as to why I felt and looked so tired, my face covered by a mask of sleepiness and my blonde curls drooping heavily around my face.

Then it hit me. Carly. I was thinking about Carly and the fact that she may be in love with Freddie.

At first, I tried to convince myself that she just forgot to tell me. But unfortunately, I know that one can't forget to tell their best friend that they're in love with their other friend. Someone may be able to "forget" to mention it, but not to actually forget.

I tried to weigh the factors to decide if she actually did love him, but that was too hard, because I have no idea what she could have been hiding from me. Then, I tried to weigh the pros and cons of this situation. It's good that I didn't mention it, because she doesn't know that I know, and in case she doesn't love him, then I don't look like a fool for bringing it up, but by not mentioning it, I'm also restricting myself from finding out the truth, which is becoming less and less bearable.

_Why does this have to be so complex? Why couldn't she just tell me?_ Again, a sickly feeling built its way up in my stomach, threatening to grow every second I dwelled on this topic.

_Did he tell her that we kissed? What did she say? Nevermind, he probably wouldn't want to admit to that. I know I don't._

I don't know what to do. Should I ask Carly? Would she even tell me the truth? Should I come right out and tell her what I saw? What then? Should I hint to it? I don't know if she'd even get the hints. _Ugh. Why is this so complex?_

Not paying attention, I set out on the route to Carly's house. It's so routine that I don't even realize what I'm doing. At last, I realize that I'm standing right out side of her apartment door.

That's where I am right now. My hand is lifted uneasily to the door, paused while I try to figure out if I want to go in or just turn back around. After all, what do I really want to hear? Do I want her to proclaim her undying love for Freddie? That's kind of a disturbing thought, but at least it'd prove me right. Or would I prefer for her to laugh and say, "he's a nice boy, but I don't like him like that"? That doesn't sound as daunting as the thought that she may actually love Freddie, but it may also be kind of embarrassing because, not only would I be wrong, but Carly would want an explanation of some sort too.

I let these thoughts swirl around in my mind, hoping that the longer I contemplate it, the sooner I'll come to a conclusion. But that isn't working.

Finally, I tighten my wavering hand into a fist and rap it on the door three times.

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><p><strong>Thank you so much to everyone for reading! Please review, I love reading your reviews. When you love my story, I am very excited to continue, and when you critique it, I am glad to know what the people reading my story think so I can keep it in mind for the future.<strong>

**I have a request. In honor of my tenth chapter (11th if you count the preface, but I'm not counting it), I have a favor to ask. What I would like for you (the people who read my story) to do, is to review all ten of my chapters and find your favorite quote from my story. It can be a phrase or a sentence, though sentences may be more helpful. The point of this is for me to find out what style of writing/what little blurbs my readers like most. Of course, you do not have to participate, but it would be very helpful for me, so I would greatly appreciate if you did participate. You may go back to the preface if your favorite sentence came from there. Just include it in your comment.**

**Thank you again. :) I hope you find your favorite sentence, but even if you don't, I am still super happy that people are reading my story!**

**Random note: someone commented on my poll that they don't understand why the list is such a big deal. I'm glad someone mentioned that, because I, in my little author world, just stick to my decision that it was important without thinking about the fact that maybe it wasn't obvious. My thought was that the list was a secret because they are certain points in Sam's life that were important to her, and Freddie realizes it was a secret because after he reads it, it sinks in that she was hiding it under her bed. Sorry that it wasn't clear to everyone!**


	12. Chapter 11: My First Doubt Part II

**Hello, here is the second part to My First Doubt/My First Time Thinking That Maybe Carly Does Like Freddie!**

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed. One important point: Thanks to the people who pointed out that Carly would know about the kiss because iSD is after iTTK. I actually did realize this, but unless I mention a part of an episode in My List of Firsts, it probably didn't happen (in my story). Not every chapter is based on an episode, so almost everything that isn't mentioned in my story, didn't happen for the sake of My List of Firsts. This means that Carly doesn't know Sam and Freddie kissed. I hope that makes sense.**

**On to the chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11: My First Time Thinking That Maybe Carly Does Like Freddie (Part II)<strong>

As I wait in anticipation for someone to answer the door, I start to doubt my actions. Now I realize that I don't know what to expect, I don't know what I want to happen. I'm not sure how this will go. _When she opens the door am I just going to say, "Hey Carls, are you in love with Freddie?" Or am I going to wait until later on? Am I even going to ask her? Maybe she'll tell me if I hint to it. Probably not. Now that I think about it, I don't even want anyone to answer the door. I don't want to face this; I don't want to know the truth. But again, if I don't find out now, I'm always going to want to know._

The sound of footsteps breaks up my thoughts. My worries mount but I push them aside, realizing that I have no choice now, and I might as well appear calm.

It feels like I'm standing outside the door for an eternity as I wait for the steps to approach the door. Then, I wait another millennia as the doorknob is slowly turned. Its slow squeak is putting me on edge, and I have the mounting feeling to just push the door open and get it over with, but at the same time, I want to run away.

Finally, the door creaks open. Every so slowly it reaches its destination. The face of my best friend stares back at me. I look emptily at the doorway, but upon seeing me, her face breaks into a small grin.

"Hi, Sam," she welcomes me, moving aside to let me enter her apartment.

"Hey, Carls." I try to act as if there's nothing on my mind and plunk down onto the couch, sighing passively.

"What's up?"

"Not much. I was in the area, thought I'd stop by and visit an old friend."

Her smile grows a bit. "Of course you were."

"So, what are you up to today?"

"I don't know yet. I kind of wanted to go to the mall and find some new clothes."

"But you already have so many."

"I don't have as many as you're implying. Plus," she quietly turned her head to the side, "I want new ones." Carly doesn't always like confessing that she just wants something because she wants it, oftentimes she has to come up with some practical reason. This is one of those times.

"Okay." I stare blankly around the room, my mind spinning too much to allow me to hold a full conversation.

"Do you want something to eat?"

"Is that even a question?"

Carly smiles again as she leads the way to the kitchen.

Setting my sandwich down next to my lemonade, I sit back on the couch, trying to gather my thoughts.

I know I have to do something soon. _It's now or never. Maybe I should just hint to it._ Unfortunately, I'm so busy trying to figure things out that my brain isn't able to process a sneaky plan.

"How was the dance?"

"It was okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah," Carly's voice softens. "I- My date was really annoying."

"Austin?"

"He never shut up. He just kept talking and talking and talking," Carly's voice rises and she uses hand gestures to explain in her new frustration. "I just couldn't take it anymore!"

"Ugh. Did you teach that boy a lesson?"

"What did you mean did I-" Carly actually had to think this one through, which is sad. "No! I did not beat up Austin!" Her eyes widen in disbelief and her voice becomes very high pitched in shock.

"Sorry that it's the most logical response."

"It is not! Sam, we've gone over this: violence is not the answer."

"Sure, Carls."

She shakes her head before turning back to me.

"So, uh, what'd you do after the dance? I waited here for you for a little bit, but it got kinda late and I went back to my house. I figured you must have stayed with Austin."

"Yeah." Carly lets out a little sigh before continuing. "We went to the Groovy Smoothie with Freddie and Malika."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Was it fun?"

"Nothing special." _Are you sure about that? Do you have something you want to tell me? Maybe like the fact that you're IN LOVE WITH FREDDIE?_

"I mean, Malika did a couple of magic tricks. But as both of us know, they're more weird than entertaining."

"I see. It's good to hear that the rest of your night went well."

I take another bite of my sandwich.

As if he wanted to ruin everything, Freddie walked in at that very moment. _Here goes the rest of my plan_.

"What goes on?" Freddie questions. Then he stops in his tracks, noticing the awkward silence. I eye Carly and him carefully, trying to analyze what's going on between them. _I still can't believe Carly didn't tell me she liked Freddie_.

My insides churn in pain again at the memory. Do I feel betrayed by Carly? Not really. I feel more disappointed that she would keep something like this from me. I'm confused why she won't just tell me. It's not like his love for her is a secret. So why can't she admit to it too?

"Hey," she responds. She looks at him for a brief second, flashing a smile of acknowledgment that he's in the room, but then returns to look at me.

"Want more lemonade?" Carly asked, picking up my empty glass.

"Sure."

She goes to the fridge, pours me some lemonade, and returns with a freshly filled glass.

"Freddie, did you ever find out what happened to your date?"

"No," he looks passive. "But I don't really care. She was kind of creepy."

"Kind of?" I wasn't planning on joining their conversation, just on watching it, but I can't help butting in.

"Okay, fine. She was really creepy," Freddie agrees.

Freddie's eyes look to Carly, clouded with a faint sense of longing, but when she looks back at him, she looks at him just like she did any other day. The only real difference between her interactions with him now is that she isn't saying much.

_Maybe Carly doesn't love Freddie_. I start to get my hopes up that maybe my best friend is still sane.

"Why didn't you two just leave if your dates were so bad?"

"We tried, but it's hard to just ditch out on people. Plus it's rude." Carly explains as if it was obvious.

"Hmmm… Did you two at least leave early?"

"Nope, we couldn't do that either," Carly says.

"Well, have you seen your dates since?"

"I'm afraid to call Austin, I think he'd use up my entire phone bill with one call." Carly looks at the floor, ashamed, but confident in what she says.

"Yeah. Malika just poofed out of the Groovy Smoothie, and after you and I danced, I went h-" Freddie's eyes fly wide open in realization. He's too late.

Carly's eyes grow too, and she stares in horror at Freddie. Realizing I wasn't supposed to know about this, I adopt a look of surprise.

Carly looks from Freddie to me and back again, her head moving from side to side as if she is an animal caught in between a cage of mean zoo-goers.

No one says anything, so I try to break the silence myself. "You…" I pause in an effort to make my shock seem as real as possible. "You two danced? At the Groovy Smoothie?"

The silence grows more and more awkward.

Carly gives Freddie one last glance before speaking. "Yes, we danced."

I make sure to widen my eyes a bit more and open my mouth slightly. Carly's face is covered in bewilderment. I know that she feels bad for not telling me. But I don't want her apology right now; I'm here to find out if she likes Freddie.

There are a couple more minutes of silence before Carly breaks into a wave of explanation, color floating to her cheeks with each word. "No. Well, yes. We danced. But it wasn't for very long. I mean, it wasn't that short either. But it wasn't like we planned it or anything. And our dates were already gone. We were just there, alone. Well, together technically, but everyone besides T-Bo had already left. Both of us had been disappointed by our dates; so we decided maybe we should just have one dance we could actually enjoy. You know, since we're both friends." I look at Freddie after the last statement, and I see his eyes fill with a look of dismay, but he stays quiet and does not object. She continues, "I guess we should have told you, but I figured it wasn't that big of a deal so there was no reason you had to find out." She pauses.

Something inside of me relaxes; I realize that I had no reason to worry. Carly doesn't love Freddie. I can tell that everything she said is honest, because it was all part of one of her guilty rambles, during which she's incapable of fibbing. If they hadn't danced just as friends, she wouldn't have said so during her rush of words.

The pain lifts from inside of me. Carly didn't "forget" to tell me she loved Freddie, because she actually doesn't.

I know Freddie is let down by this, but I am jumping for joy. My best friend wasn't hiding her secret love for Freddie from me, nor did one even exist, so, she's still sane. Any disappointment I harbored about her lack of truth swept away, and all of my previous doubts were long forgotten.

"Okay."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't think it was a big deal," Carly continues her apology.

"It's fine. I was just surprised you'd want to dance with a nub like Freddie."

Everything returns to normal, and Freddie makes a face at me. I make a face back before looking at Carly again.

"Don't worry, Carls. If you wash your hands twice a day for the next two weeks, the germs should come off."

"Sam, don't be mean." Carly warns, but there's a faint look of amusement on her face.

"You're right, I should have given him more credit. Maybe only for the rest of this week."

Carly gives me another disapproving look, but she can't hide how the corners of her mouth are tugging upward. She turns around so that Freddie won't see her smile. Finally, she looks back at us.

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><p>Freddie and I stayed at Carly's house for the rest of the day. The conversation returned to the way it was before they danced together, and the only one who seemed to dwell on the dance was Freddie, who still looked slightly put down. But, after years of being refused by Carly, I don't think that one more rejection is really going to stop him from asking her on a date again.<p>

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><p><strong>Thanks again for reading! Please review, and if you have more favorite quotessentences/paragraphs/etc, please tell me, because I love reading what your favorite parts of my story are, it's very helpful for my writing process. :)**

**PS In my version of iSD, Sam is disappointed that Carly didn't tell her she loves Freddie (until she finds out the truth). Many people say that iSD is the moment that Sam fell in love with Freddie. In My List of Firsts, she is not suddenly in love with him, but depending on your interpretation of parts I and II, she may have feelings she doesn't recognize yet. I'm not going to say what my stance is, so stick to your opinion.**

**PPS I wrote this chapter before iLMM was announced, so the whole someone-going-insane-because-they-love-Freddie thing isn't based off the upcoming episode, I came up with it a while back. Plus it's not even the main plot of this chapter.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)**


	13. Chapter 12: My First Mall Fight

**Okay, I know it's been forever since my last chapter, and I'm very very very sorry! For those of you that are actually reading this chapter because for some reason you are still checking for my new story after waiting a super long time, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Again, I'm sorry, and I'll try to never let this happen again, I am just super busy. But, the story will continue. :)**

**Anyway, this chapter is not one of my favorites (but don't let that stop you from reading it, I still like it!). So, I hope you enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12: My First Mall Fight<strong>

Over the years, Carly has dragged me to the mall many times. I do enjoy going to the mall for several reasons: Build-a-Bra, and the food court. Mostly the food court. Their ribs are delicious.

Most of our mall trips consisted of Carly leading me into many stores in search of certain items of clothing or accessories, all of which looked a lot like the rest of the clothes and accessories she already owned, though she would deny it every time I whined my way through a store.

There were also the occasional times when I argued with salespeople who rushed Carly, or who could not get me my ribs fast enough, but aside from that, and the boringness of the whole thing, our trips were relatively fine.

That is, until a little while ago. It all started in Groovy Lady, or as I like to call it, 'the short flowery top and long tie die skirt store.' Carly was on the hunt to find some shirt that was yellow with pale purple flowers and cut at a weird angle so that she could show off her belt. I don't know. What I do know is that as she was looking for it, a saleslady came over, and started getting all up in our business.

"What are you girlies looking for?" She was no older than forty but acted like an eighty-five-year old.

"Just a yellow top," Carly said casually, implying that she could handle her own search.

"Which one?" She hovered over Carly, practically breathing down her neck. "I can go check for it in the back if you want."

_What I want is for you to go away_. Waiting for the saleslady to leave was more tiring than trying to find the shirt. I felt like lying and telling the lady that Carly wasn't sure exactly what shirt she wanted, but I knew that Carly would have to take extra time to apologize and explain, which wouldn't be worth it.

"I don't exactly know what it's called. It has small purple flowers on it." Carly stared. The lady started moving rapidly, the two of us in tow. The pulled out shirts, and when they weren't the right one, she'd throw them out of the way with a look of disgust.

I rolled my eyes at Carly who responded with a slightly smaller eye roll. The lady didn't notice anything, and she continued with her shirt-throwing spree, barely paying any attention to Carly other than to see her shake her head at each shirt.

Bored, I made my way over to the seating area. On the way there, I passed a rack, on which there was a shirt very similar to the one Carly had showed me. I picked it up and held it above my head, "Hey Carls, is this the one?"

Before Carly could come over and give her response, the saleslady rushed over, ripping the shirt from my hands. "Is this the shirt you wanted?" She pushed her face very close to Carly's, her neck craned and her arm stretched out holding the shirt.

Carly stood there motionless, very confused by the whole situation. I decided it wouldn't be that bad if I was slightly tough. I walked around the lady, reached out for the shirt, and yanked it out of her hands.

"Hey!" The lady jumped away from Carly in surprise. "What do you think you're doing?" She reached for the shirt, but I stepped farther away.

"Better question is, Lady, what do you think you're doing?"

She glared at me, again trying to reach the shirt. I didn't know what Carly was thinking because annoying Mrs. Saleslady blocked her from my view.

"I found this shirt, not you. You have no right to take it from me with your slimy hands. You don't own this store." _Please don't own this store, please don't own this store_.

"I work here, which is more than you do, you insolent brat."

"Excuse me? What ever happened to 'the customer's always right'?" I stepped closer, posed aggressively.

"You're not right, is the thing. I found this shirt." _What? What the heck is going on here?_

"Um, I don't know what kind of wackjob asylum you ran away from, but they want you back. I don't know why, seeing as you're very annoying, but I guess it's better that they have to deal with you than we do."

"You can say whatever you want, but you're still wrong. I found the shirt, and you stole it from me."

"You keep believing that, Lady." _Gosh, this lady's got serious issues_.

"Don't talk back to me!" She walked around me, her eyes glowing with frustration.

"Or what? You'll steal the shirt back? I'm not even the one who wants to buy it!" She lunged at me, making me turn to the side. I could see my best friend standing there. She was silent, and her mouth was hanging open in shock. Carly clearly had not come back to her wits yet.

"Maybe. I. Will." _The emphasis doesn't make you any more intimidating_. She lunged again. I don't think she realized whom she was messing with.

"Fine, go ahead." I greatly enjoy a good fight. Especially when I'm participating. She stretched her arm toward me, trying to snatch the shirt, but to no avail, I was prepared.

Carly stood quietly, but I could tell she was getting nervous with each step I took. She looked like she was about to snap when someone called out. "Hannah! What the heck do you think you're doing?"

An upset woman walked over to us, looking at the saleslady, fuming. "I know you like to be right and- no, don't interrupt me" the woman cut off Hannah's rebuttal.

"Just because you feel a need to be in control, doesn't mean you are. The customer is always right, and I am your boss. Do you hear me?"

"Yes Mrs. Perknis," Hannah said to the lady who was obviously her boss. "It'll never happen again," she added, looking shamefully around the room.

"It better not. If I ever catch you doing anything of this sort again, you must hand in your pin and not think about ever coming back. Disagreeing with a customer is bad enough, but fighting with them, now that's just downright inappropriate."

"Yes Mrs. Perkins." Hannah mumbled again. Mrs. Perkins pointed for her to leave, and Hannah walked toward the back room, gazing back to shoot Carly and me a malicious glare.

"Now, you two," Mrs. Perkins addressed us. "I'm very sorry for her behavior, she is still learning. May I help you with anything?" She smiled.

"No thanks," I said, Carly still silenced by her shock. "I think we've found what we wanted," I held up the shirt victoriously.

"Well then, have a nice day." With that she headed back to her job.

Finally able to close her mouth and figure out what was going on, Carly walked up next to me. "That was… interesting." She was still dazed.

"Yeah. I mean, I think it's the only time I've ever gotten in a fight and not been the one to get in trouble."

"Sam-"

"Don't ruin the moment, Carls." I nudged her playfully.

"I was just going to say thanks." Her head faced mine now. "That lady really was a piece of work. Plus, you found the shirt I wanted!"

A smile spread across my face and she enveloped me in a hug.

"Now let's just make sure you two didn't rip it during your dispute," Carly suddenly worried, inspecting every inch of her newfound garment.

I laughed. "C'mon, it's fine. Let's just buy it so we can go get me some ribs."

We wandered around the mall. "Freddie just texted me, he's on his way to the mall."

"Uhhhhhhh. Why does Frednub have to ruin our adventure?" I grumbled.

"He doesn't. If you don't fight with him, our adventure should be perfectly enjoyable." Carly knew this wasn't going to happen.

"Are you kidding? I can't not fight with someone like that. He's just such an easy target." Lately he had even been retorting more than whining, which made it more fun. The more he whined, the more annoying he became, but the more he fought, the more I wanted to fight back.

"Hey, Carly! Sam!" _Oh my gosh, he's so embarrassing. Everyone in the entire mall must be staring at us right now._ There was Freddie, entering the mall, waving his hands like a mad person.

"Hey Freddie," Carly said as we approached. "How was the bus ride?"

"Fine after I convinced my mother Spencer was driving me."

"What, your Mommy doesn't like public transportation?" I teased in a voice you use only with little children.

"No. She finds it gross and inhumane. She had more bus horror stories than everyone else's combined."

"I'm not surprised," I said quietly, but loud enough so that he heard me. Freddie made a face and began to respond, when Carly cut him off.

"Hey look, there's a 3 for 1 deal at the ribs place! If you buy one rack, you can get two free!"

"I don't know what you two are gonna eat, but I found my lunch!" I took off at a sprint for the rib stand, Carly and Freddie laughs echoing from behind.

"3 for 1 rib special, please," I say to the man behind the counter, making my sweetest face.

He chuckles, "cute, sweetheart. Now what would you really like?"

"The 3 for 1 special," I say, confused about what's so funny.

"That offers only during the week. Today's Saturday." He gave me a condescending smile and turned around to put an ear of corn on the grill.

"I would like the 3 for 1 special," I repeated, indignantly believing that he must be messing with me.

"Sweetheart, I told you, we don't do that on the weekends." He seemed to be getting a bit annoyed at my instance, but smiled nonetheless.

"What do you mean?" I snarl. Not only is this man not giving me something I want, but also he's not giving me meat, and he's calling me sweetheart. I know the difference between the week and the weekend, but that doesn't make me want my ribs any less.

"Listen here, I can't give you the special, and that's final." He stated in a firm tone.

Carly and Freddie reached me. "Sam, want to split some ribs with us?" Carly asked innocently. I blocked the two of them out from my mind at the moment.

"Mama wants her ribs. And when Mama wants meat, she gets it." _This man has a lot to learn_. I reach forward and yanked the man toward me my his collar, the two of us separated only by the counter.

"Now I don't want there to be any trouble here –" The man started.

"Well I do. When Mama doesn't get what she wants, she gets angry." I tugged his shirt again.

"You can still have three ribs, just for the price of three instead of one."

"That's not going to work. I want the 3 for 1 special, and I'm going to get the 3 for 1 special."

The man pushed me off and I sunk back to the floor, glaring at him. In a fit of rage I circled around the counter and threw open the swinging half-door that kept customers out from behind the stand. _Looks like it didn't do its job. Just like this guy_.

"Miss, you're not allowed back here," he said cautiously.

"And you're not allowed to make me pay for three ribs when there's a 3 for 1 special, so it looks like we're both at fault here." I glared at him as he shrank back with every step I took. But he wasn't giving up yet.

"I'm just following rules, girl, I really can't give you the special. I'll get fired."

"Well then I'll be broke and hungry. I wouldn't want that." I don't know exactly why I was being so mean. But I guess that when I'm hungry, and denied food, I'm not in the happiest of moods.

I got really close to the man, who stood up straight, as if trying to intimidate me. "You best return to the other side of the counter. It would be best for everyone."

"Would it now?" I asked maliciously, savoring every bit of cruelty as it left my mouth.

This time, when he went to step back, I jumped at him. I grabbed his collar again, this time trying to drag him to the ground. I heard the shouts of my previous silent friends as they passed behind the counter, begging for me to stop.

I felt someone grab hold of my waist. I could tell it was Carly by her persistent yet weak grasp. "Freddie, help me!" Carly called desperately.

There was a pause and I could just envision Freddie's face as he hesitated to pull me out of a fight. _What a nub_. Finally, I felt a second set of arms around my waist, stronger than the first.

Together, Carly and Freddie yanked me away from the man, my arms still swinging and me screaming about wanting my ribs. They dragged me all the way through the food court and into the weird seated section of the mall surrounded by trees. There was relatively no one else there, and once they were sure I wasn't going to run, Carly and Freddie let go. I sat alone on the bench, being examined by two anxious sets of eyes.

It was Carly who spoke first. "Sam, what were you thinking?" _Again with the lectures_.

"I don't know, okay?"

"It's not like you to be that mean. I mean, I've seen you beat people up, but you were actually being mean back there."

"Well, you said I couldn't be mean to Freddie, and I had to take out my share of meanness for the day on someone." I tried to cover up a truth even I didn't understand.

"But that was the second fight of the day. You always get in some disagreement with mall employees. But two in a day? And both of them physical fights? Sam, what's gotten into you?"

"I really don't know, Carls, honest." I looked at the floor shamefully, but then looked up, remembering Carly's big on the whole eye-contact thing. She realized I was telling the truth but still looked at me curiously.

Freddie grunted. "What Benson?" I felt angry, but I made sure to keep myself seated.

"Nothing. I'm just surprised, I thought Sam Puckett had an answer for everything."

"You know what, Frednub?" In fact, even I didn't know where I was going with this. I guess there was just something bothering me that day. Though I'll never admit it, I am kind of grateful to Carly and Freddie for pulling me out of the fight, after all, there was no way it would end up well for me. I suppose I was just having a bad day.

_July 23, 2009: My first mall fight(s) (saved by Carly and Freddie)_

I turned in that night, slightly disappointed in myself, but thankful that my friends were there to help me. They always were, and hopefully, they always will be.

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><p><strong>Another huge thank you to everyone who stuck with this story throughout an unfortunately long lack of updates!<strong>

**For any Seddie fans worried about the lack of Seddie in this chapter, don't worry. This was just a random(ish) chapter to add to her list, but the Seddie plot will come into focus again very soon. Even if there are just small hints, it's still coming soon! :D**

**Please review! I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, your anger at me for not posting in a while (I'm upset with myself), what you think the next chapter could be (it's not that obvious), or just to say something along the lines of "Hi" or "I like your story." All comments cheer me up and make me want to write (except angry ones, but after the long lack of updating, I probably deserve some.**

**Thanks again!**


	14. Chapter 13: My First Baby Shower

**Since I took so long to update last time, I tried to get this chapter out as soon as possible. I hope all of you like it. :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13: My First Baby Shower<strong>

Let me just say that, as cute as kids are, I don't feel any need to celebrate them until they're here. I mean, if someone's pregnant, yay for her, but I don't think all of her friends should be rejoicing until they can see if the kid is even cute or not. I mean, what if the baby was ugly?

That sounds rude. Truthfully, if it was someone I cared about, I'd probably be happier about this, but it's not. Mrs. Glazer, some random lady who works in our school, apparently in charge of some program for gifted students, is going to have her first child, and she asked her class to attend her baby shower. Carly decided to invite me, and by invite, I mean force me to attend. I don't know why, really. She mumbled something about adults, baby names, and soft colors. I'm not quite sure what she was implying, but she trapped me into going.

So, Carly and I will be attending the baby shower for some lady I never met, and to make it even better, Freddie's invited too. Of course, he was invited on his own account, since according to the system that uses grades instead of actual knowledge to judge who's smart and who's not, he classifies as "gifted." Yeah, right.

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><p>Carly yanked a brush through my hair. "Owwwww! Stop, stop, stop!" I yelled at her, my head being pulled down with each stroke.<p>

"Hold still, Sam! It'll only take a minute."

There was a faint noise downstairs. "Hello!" Freddie's voice called out. "Anyone home?"

"We're up here. I'm just finishing Sam's hair, we'll be down in a minute." Carly called downstairs.

"You know Carls," I gasped in between brushes, "my hair was brushed when I came over here."

"Yeah, but it still looked horrible."

"I don't even know this lady!"

"She's having a child!" Carly retorted. She's big on babies and helping people. "We're done."

"Finally." I jumped up from the seat and flew down the stairs, only to come face to face with Freddie.

"Sam," he greeted.

"Frednub." I turned away and went to find a chicken leg in the fridge while Freddie stayed in his spot, ready to leave.

Carly finally made it downstairs, and with a final nod of approval that she liked her work on my hair, we filed out of the apartment.

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><p>"Carly, Freddie!" Mrs. Glazer enveloped the two in a giant hug, which was harder than usual due to her humungous stomach. "And is this your friend Sam?"<p>

"Yes it is. Sam, this is Mrs. Glazer," Carly introduced us. I shook her hand passively, scoping out a platter of dainty tea sandwiches.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Sam." _At least she didn't call me Samantha_. After a brief moment of discussion, I made my way to the food.

I piled my plate full of tiny sandwiches. As I reached for a mini ham and cheese croissant, I heard a small voice in my ear, "Maybe it would be best if you ate what was on your plate first, and only what's on your plate. Please Sam, don't get in trouble."

"Fine," I responded, making a mopey face at Carly, "this should be enough. But if I'm hungry, I'm blaming you."

I wandered over to the other side of the room and plopped down on the end of a plush couch. As I ate, I watched the festivities. Each woman who entered fawned over Mrs. Glazer, whose first name I discovered to be Ellen. It turned out that only one other student showed up, which made me even more upset to be there, but my mini sandwiches pacified me.

"Who's ready to play Baby Shower Bingo?" A lady questioned enthusiastically. The rest of the women gathered around Mrs. Glazer and rushed in their huddle to find seats. Even Carly and the other girl who I didn't really know were happily included. Since I'm not big on girly games, I stayed just where I was, continuing to make my way through the snacks.

I stared emptily at the giggling women who waited for "bonnet" or "bottle" to be called so they could be the first to receive a baby-themed present. My attention was forced elsewhere when Freddie sunk onto the couch right next to me.

"Not too fond of baby shower games either?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Nope. Don't get me wrong, cute babies don't bother me, but I just don't get why adults feel a need to celebrate one that isn't even born yet with kiddie games."

"I'm with you on that one. Plus, men aren't even really supposed to be at baby showers, but since I'm the only boy in her program, I think she felt a need to invite me."

"Why'd you accept?" _Doesn't he know you can decline invitations?_

"Carly. She tried to get our whole program to go. Two girls opted out, but, since I hang around Carly so much, she wouldn't take no for an answer, and my mom told Carly and Spencer she was going out of town so I couldn't even say I was doing something with her."

"Well, it looks like we're both stuck here." I reached for another sandwich.

The day continued and I watched as Carly and the other women played more childish games, squealing with each detail Mrs. Glazer gave about her pregnancy. Freddie and I didn't talk much, but when we did it was usually to make fun of the group.

"Freddie, come over here!" Mrs. Glazer called over to her student. Grudgingly, Freddie got up from the couch, and with one last solemn "help me" glance he approached the teacher and her friends.

It was so entertaining to watch as Freddie was forced to play baby shower games. I don't know if I could have been much more entertained by his silent suffering. It wasn't too harmful, so I didn't feel any bit guilty for my joy. Every now and then I could see him try to get Carly's attention, knowing that he wanted her permission to come back to the couch, but she was too enticed with everything that she paid no attention to his desperate signals.

Eventually, it was present-opening time, and everyone made their way over to the couch. Freddie tried to get away from the group of enthusiastic ladies yet another time, but he was dragged down to the couch. He was directly opposite of me on the curved seat, and I could see the boredom in his face.

Mrs. Glazer started opening her presents, which were just pale-colored objects that she would need for the baby once he or she was born and then never use again. Pointless, really.

"Isn't that just the cutest onezie you've ever seen!" The lady next to me gushed, turning her dazed eyes to my face, her airy voice warming my ear. Before I could answer she had returned her attention to the gift-opening process, looking so excited I thought that she was going to drool.

I picked up my head, curious if Freddie was still as bored as I was. I saw him furtively glance back down, obviously embarrassed because he was probably doing the same thing. He looked back up cautiously, and we exchanged exhausted smirks. I rolled my eyes and he gave a small nod in response. Before our silent conversation could continue, the lady next to me latched onto my arm in excitement, again demanding my attention.

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><p>"Oh dear, I must have left my gift in the car!" One of the ladies clutched her purse and stood up, making her way to the door in a flurry of confusion and overexcitement. It was the perfect distraction for everyone, so I allowed myself to go get more food.<p>

I tried to appear as if analyzing all of the treats, but I ended up grabbing one of each and then going back for more. As I reached for a baby-block shaped cheese on a stick, my arm bumped into someone else's.

"I'm- not sorry at all," I finished, seeing who it was. "I didn't realize nubs got hungry too."

"Funny, Sam." Freddie gave me a fake smile. "Truthfully, I'd do almost anything to take a break from that perfume-infused circle of unprecedentedly enthusiastic women."

"Woah there, Benson, that's a lot of big words for one sentence. Didn't do your daily brain stretches yet?"

"It means-"

"I know what it means." I grinned, playfully bumping his side. "I just like teasing you."

He returned my smile and bumped me back.

"Hey," I said in a hushed tone of fake annoyance.

"Don't 'hey' me, Puckett, you're the one who started it." We started a bump war, which turned into more of a tickle war.

"I've got it!" The lady had returned from her car, holding a package wrapped in pale yellow and surrounded by a plethora of bows over her head triumphantly. Freddie and I immediately came to a halt, realizing what we were doing.

_Stupid nub, thinks he can start a tickle war with me in the middle of a party_. I attempted to give Freddie one last glare as I marched back to my seat, but my sides hurt too much from the tickling and the laughing and all I could manage was a weak twitch in my mouth that, unfortunately, could be taken as either a smile or a frown.

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><p>Carly somehow got me to participate in a game of pin-the-baby-on-the-stork. It was my turn, and I was blindfolded, something I was unhappy about because I hate not being in control. I reached out, violently stabbing the piece of paper in my hand throughout the air, desperately searching for the wall. Let's just say this was not my best talent.<p>

The women behind me were all very serious, and I could almost hear their brains trying to figure out tactics. I heard a giggle.

"Carly!" I whipped around, realizing too late that I still couldn't see her. "Don't mock me." I pouted.

Another laugh was added to her giggle. "Frednub, don't you laugh at me either!" I was upset that they were making fun of me, but for some reason, I wasn't that mad. _This is a first_. I felt Carly's hands on my shoulders as she spun me back around and gave me a small push, helping me to put my pin on the wall. Once I knew that my pin was firmly into the wall I ripped off my blindfold. I actually wasn't that far off from the stork. There were more laughs and I gave my friends a small look of annoyance but tried to hold back a smile myself.

After each woman (and Freddie) had their turn, we returned to the couch. When we sat down, Mrs. Glazer decided to go through the explanations of how she knew everyone in the room. All of the ladies must have been close for a while because if she forgot a small detail form any of their stories, one of the women would pitch in and remind her.

When she finally got around to Freddie, at first she started telling the story to everyone, but apparently it was some funny inside joke among those in the gifted program, and so it became more of a vague explanation and laughing fest for those who understood. While the rest of the ladies entertained themselves in the happiness of the mother-to-be, I was left alone again, trying to find some excitement in a room full of inside jokes and happily gawking women.

Freddie let out a particularly loud chuckle, which made me look up at him. When I did, I suddenly felt as though everyone was watching me. I tucked my head back down in an awkward and rushed motion. I guess no one was looking at me, and suddenly dropping my head would be more attention grabbing, but for some reason, I felt paranoid. What had happened in those past few seconds that made me feel so uncomfortable? _It's probably because I was uncomfortable being the one left out to begin with. Probably. It's not like I was nervous or something; there were no butterflies in my stomach; I was just paranoid. But of what? It's like I figured something out subconsciously, but I still can't really understand what it is. Maybe she's going to have an ugly baby and I can feel it. I guess not, after all, I'm not a physic or anything. Look at me; all of my paranoia has made me try to figure it out, making me even more paranoid. Maybe I need more to eat. Yeah, that must be it_.

Glancing back up (this time looking around the room to make sure no one was watching me, which they most definitely weren't, (most of them were laughing so hard that they were clutching their stomachs, and some of the ladies were eyeing each other with looks of pride that Mrs. Glazer was so happy), I made my way back to the food table, scooping up a few more finger snacks. Okay, a lot more finger snacks, but details aren't important. I swept my eyes over the group. At least they were having fun; I was fine with my food. Who needs to have friends when you have food? Oh wait; friends give you food, so never mind that. I do appreciate Carly for other things like, like, like… Like brushing my hair, and comforting me, and giving me ham, and saving me from getting expelled, and giving me ribs, and going to Build-A-Bra with me, and controlling my anger, and baking me lasagna- I don't know where I'd be without a friend like Carly. And Freddie, too, I suppose. The nub is a great punching bag. He's kind of helpful sometimes too.

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><p>I set my pencil down when I finished adding to my list:<p>

_September 15, 2009: My First Baby Shower (Mrs. Glazer – Carly and Freddie's gifted program teacher)_

It had been a weird day, and as I tucked my list behind my mirror once again, I reflected on all of the day's events. When I finally drifted off to sleep, I had almost forgotten my paranoia. Almost.

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><p><strong>I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, we're nearing a very important one (it may be next), so start getting excited if you're not already! :D<strong>

**Please review, your comments always make me excited to write. Also, I try to respond to everyone's comments, at least with a thank you, but if I don't send you one, it's not on purpose, it's probably just because the notification email got lost amongst the sea of my other emails.**

**Thanks again for reading (and hopefully reviewing)! :)**


	15. Chapter 14: My First Thank You

**This chapter is a super important one! I know the title's vague, but that makes it even the more exciting (at least for me). :) I really like this chapter, especially because there are two surprises. One surprise hits you, and before you can collect your thoughts, BAM! the next one hits you! Okay, maybe it's not that intense, but I just want everyone to get really excited for this chapter. :) Please tell me what you think in the comments!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14: My First Thank You to the List<strong>

I stared down at my smoothie. Something was different about it. In fact, it tasted like there was an added fruit, which definitely shouldn't happen.

"Sam," Carly looked at me curiously, "Is something wrong?"

"Uh, what-" I half paid attention to her question. Looking up at her, the question soaked in, "oh, well, something doesn't taste right. It's like there's an extra fruit in here or something."

"Are you sure you ordered the right smoothie?"

"Of course I ordered the right smoothie, the Guava Greatness is one of my favorites!"

"They're all your favorites. Are you sure you didn't order a different one?"

"Yes, Carls, I'm positive. I remember T-Bo was impatient because instead of ordering, I was trying to figure out how many words rhymed with 'guava.'"

"Well then maybe they did change the reci-"

"Uhhhh!" Carly and I were startled by Freddie's sudden noise since he had been quiet throughout our conversation so far. "What is this?"

"What d'you mean, Freddie?" Carly posed another question.

"I mean, what is this?" He gave his smoothie a dirty and confused look. "It tastes like-"

"Guava?"

"Huh?"

"Guava. Does it taste like guava?"

"Yeah, it kinda does. Wait, how'd you know that, Carly?"

"Because Sam was just complaining that hers doesn't taste like guava." Freddie gave me a questioning look. "You two must have taken each other's smoothies by accident," Carly explained.

"Does yours taste like mangos?"

"Sure does," I confirmed. _So that's what it is. Well, it's yummy too_.

There was a pause. "Why don't you two just switch, then?"

Both of us hesitated. Carly addressed Freddie, "c'mon, you guys won't die, not that anything would stop Sam from having her smoothie." She looked to me with a happy glint in her eye.

Carly grabbed onto both of our smoothies and slid them past each other across the table.. "There you go, you two, all set." She gave her own smoothie a large sip. But, Freddie and I did not put our heads down and enjoy our smoothies yet. I think Freddie was waiting for me to start, which he probably expected would not take very long, but something was holding me back. I sat there, staring at my smoothie, which I knew I loved, but unable to gulp it all down due to some crazy unknown reason.

By now, Carly was still too, staring awkwardly at our unmoving silent tension. "Oh, whoopsies." She reached both of our drinks, plucking our straws out and switching them. "All better!" She smiled, and I knew she was watching us nervously, hoping that her action would cause us to finally drink our smoothies.

But again, I hesitated. _What's wrong? What's stopping me from just finishing this smoothie?_ I was so confused, and so I continued to sit there, hoping something would change and I could just suck the entire thing down into my stomach.

"Well then, I have to get back to the apartment, lots of homework!" Carly tried again to break the awkwardness. Normally, she finished her homework on Friday night, and studied throughout Saturday and Sunday, so we both knew that, since it was Saturday, she was just making an excuse to get us out of here. "Is anyone coming with me?"

"Uh, I'll go with you." I stuttered.

"Me too," Freddie mumbled, getting up from the table.

As we made our way back to the Shay apartment, the awkwardness gradually subsided.

* * *

><p>"Hey kiddos," Spencer called as he walked into his room. I made my way into the kitchen, Freddie plopped on the couch, and Carly stayed where she was, waiting for Spencer to return.<p>

"Where are you off to?" Carly asked when Spencer came back into the room.

"Off to meet Socko, we're going on our annual trip to visit his grandma and go to the ballet."

"But I thought you did that in the spring?"

"I told you last week, Carls, Socko's grandmother changed it. I don't think she even knows what season it is."

"You never told me."

"Oh, I must have forgotten," he picked up his bowtie from the coffee table, struggling to figure it out.

"So you're just going to leave me here, alone? Is there even food in the house?"

"Yep!" I called out from the kitchen. "But there won't be soon."

"Sam!" Carly whined, flailing helplessly. "Fine, Spencer, enjoy your trip."

"Thanks!" Spencer said gleefully, not stopping to ask if she wanted him to stay or at least give her more food. "Sam and Freddie, keep my little sister company while I'm gone. I don't want her getting lonely!" He closed the door and everything went silent.

"Look on the bright side, Carls," I said to my best friend who was standing in the middle of her living room with a disappointed and confused look on her face. "Now we can have a sleepover, like we do every time he goes to the ballet with Socko and his grandmother."

"Yeah, I guess. But you spend the night here all the time."

"But I don't plan to do it all the time."

"Yes you do, you walk in, say 'Carly, I'm staying over because I want to eat your ham and don't want to see my mother,' and then just make yourself right at home!"

"Well sorry to try and make a positive situation out of this."

"No, thank you. I'm sorry; I just wasn't prepared for this. You're right, we can have a sleepover just like always. I'll make popcorn and we can watch random movies. It'll be fun,: she reassured me, but also herself.

There was a furious knock on the door. "Spencer, Spencer!" An angry high-pitched voice was heard through the door. "Spencer," it shrieked again.

Carly wobbled over to the door and opened it, bracing herself for what was going to happen.

A lady rushed through the door, "Where's Spencer?" she demanded.

"He just left, Mrs. Benson." Carly said calmly.

"What do you mean he left?"

"He left, walked out the door, hit the road. Get it?" I approached her, feeling bored and annoyed with her

She answered me with a sharp glare before turning back to Carly. "Well I wanted to let him know that I have been given an emergency call from my Cleaners Club. I'm needed in Colorado by tonight to represent my club at a conference where the newest cleaning product from No More Stain is going to be revealed." _This lady has issues_. "So, I was hoping that Freddie could stay on your couch for the night."

"Sure, Mrs. Benson," Carly said, realizing that agreeing was the quickest way to get her out of there.

"Thanks," Mrs. Benson uttered. She always had something against Carly, so she wasn't too warm. "Make sure he eats his vegetables, and that he brushes his teeth twice before bed. And don't let him stay up too late-"

"We've got it, Mrs. Benson," I cut her off, and Carly accompanied me to the door to show Mrs. Benson out to the hallway.

Freddie sat there stunned. "So glad I was included in that conversation."

"Oh, get up Benson, now you get to spend the entire night with Carly. That is, until your bedtime comes." Something felt off. As I teased him, I didn't find it so funny. I turned to the fridge and realized my stomach was growling. That probably explains it.

* * *

><p>Carly let Freddie and me choose the movie we'd watch, which she later regretted when we started a dispute. Finally, she cut in and chose one herself.<p>

The popcorn beeped and Carly went to get a bowl. She returned and it directly in my lap before placing herself in the space left next to me. The three of us started curled up with a large blanket, popcorn being passed around every now and then (luckily I was in the middle).

By the time the movie finished, we were sprawled out across the couch, the blanket tangled amongst our legs and toes, popcorn kernels scattered messily around us, and the bowl in an unknown location. Each of us had dozed off at some point, only to be woken up by a loud part of the movie, an accidental kick from a friend, or weird dream.

Carly lifted herself up by her arms. "Is anyone awake?" I turned my head so that I could see her outline in the light of the television, which was now playing some random show. She was disheveled from sleep, her hair in a pile around her head and her eyes dark from her confusing sleep pattern.

"Yeah," I mumbled. Freddie grunted his response.

"Awake awake, or just not sleeping?"

"I'm awake awake, but I don't really want to go for a jog or anything right now."

"Cool. Freddie?"

"Same here." All of us were tired, but still didn't want to go to sleep. It's one of those sleepover things.

"Should we do something?" Carly questioned, always trying to be a good host.

"Like what, eat ham? I'm always up for that." I said it, and even though it's the truth, my body still didn't want me to get up.

"I meant play a game or watch a show or something."

"Oh." I was disappointed, but my tired bones were just fine.

"Why don't we play truth or dare?"

"Sounds like fun."

"I'm in," Freddie spoke up again.

"Okay, I'll start. Freddie, truth or dare?" Carly waited for Freddie to respond.

"Truth."

"Ummm… Ugh, I don't know, I don't want you to feel like I'm prying."

"Carls, we're playing truth or dare, just ask the boy a question."

"Fine. Freddie, did you ever tell your mom about Valerie?"

"No. We didn't last long enough for it to matter." He shook his head in reflection. "Okay, um, Sam, truth or dare?"

"Dare." I love dares.

"I dare you not to eat any meat during the rest of this sleepover."

"But Benson, that's not-"

"Nuhuhuh, we're playing truth or dare, you must comply!" Freddie told me victoriously. I looked at him with slight annoyance, but I liked this game, so I moved on.

"Carls, truth or dare?"

"Truth." Carly never chose dare, she's such a scaredy cat.

Our game continued on for a long time, and as each question went by, the questions got more and more personal.

"Sam," Carly started. I had asked for a truth, as I was too exhausted to do any more dares, and was eagerly waiting to hear what came out of her mouth.

"Mmmhmmm?"

"What's your deepest secret?" Carly has been my best friend for so many years, that she knew I told her most of my secrets, there were just some I wasn't so open to sharing. Two secrets were weighing on my mind, but I wasn't ready to release either of them. _I can't tell her that Freddie and I kissed, who knows how she'll react. Plus, Freddie and I promised not to tell anyone, and that includes her. But I can't tell her about my list either, I don't want either of them to find out._

"Umm, that's a tough one," I said. I really was struggling to find a secret, just to find a lesser secret than my two deepest ones.

"I'm going to get some lemonade while you think. If you figure it out just yell it to the kitchen."

"Okay, well don't tell anyone," I stated loud enough for Carly to hear, "but I once bought a really big bag at a grocery store just so that I could sneak a ham out in it."

"Sam! You shoplifted?" Carly looked at me in disbelief, but once she realized I stole a ham she calmed down a bit and turned back to the fridge.

"What about your list?" Freddie asked quietly, our exhaustion making him dumb enough to ask and me take a long time to process what he said.

"What was that, Benson?" I shot up into a seated position, suddenly very awake and very nervous.

Realizing what he had said, Freddie eyed me cautiously.

"You know?" Now I wanted a straight up answer, it wasn't the time for beating around the bush.

"Yeah," he mumbled, trying to avoid all eye contact. "I saw it when I went to return your laptop."

I was so thankful we were in dim lighting because he was unable to see the color rise in my cheeks. I wasn't embarrassed that he found out what's on there, since he was there for most of them, but I was embarrassed that he knew I had a list. It's just one of those things you don't want anyone to know.

"Don't you dare tell anyone," I threatened. When he didn't respond a millisecond later I added, "please." It wasn't like me to ask for favors, but the list truly was one of my two biggest secrets, and finding out that Freddie was the only other person who knew both of them made me slightly uncomfortable.

Carly returned with a full glass. She noticed the dead silence, "You two could have continued playing while I was in the kitchen."

I snapped back into reality. "Oh, we did, I asked Freddie what he got for Christmas and he went on about some super boring tech things, so I almost fell asleep."

It was too dark for me to catch Carly's disapproving look, and maybe she was too tired to even make one. Luckily for me, Freddie kept his mouth shut.

We continued our game of truth or dare, and though there was still some tension between Freddie and me, Carly never noticed. My insides felt like they should be boiling with rage and fear. Freddie knew my other deepest secret. _What if he told someone? What if someone else found out?_ But for some reason, I wasn't actually that aggravated. Yeah, I was scared that someone else would find out, but I wasn't as mad as the situation called for. _What's going on with me?_

"Sam, do you have a crush on anyone right now?" Carly questioned. And then it hit me like a really large heavy butter sock. _I have a crush on Freddie. I like Freddie Benson._ It felt great and horrible all at once. I was relieved to figure out what had been bothering me, but at the same time, I was so confused. Freddie was my frenemy, I practically hate the kid, so how could I have a crush on the nub? I froze up inside, intensely worried that Carly or Freddie would look at me and figure it out because my facial expression or body language would be screaming "I HAVE A CRUSH ON FREDDIE BENSON!" But luckily it was dark, and no such thing happened.

"Uh, I'm still not ready to date anyone after the Pete incident," I covered up, not completely telling the truth, but also not completely lying. "I do love ham, but Frednub's dare won't let me have any."

My epiphany explained so much, like my paranoia when I was looking at Freddie, and my recent lack of annoyance toward him. I still couldn't figure out why this happened, but I guess I don't get to choose who I like. Unfortunately for me, whoever does, chose Freddie, the king of all nubs.

* * *

><p>The rest of the night continued without incident, and it wasn't until around 11 am the next day that we were awoken by Spencer coming in the door, humming loudly to himself.<p>

"Well don't you three look cozy?" He said absentmindedly, causing Freddie and me to spring apart from one another.

"I have to go," I said, getting up off the couch.

"Bye Sam," Carly said, folding my blanket.

"See ya, Puckett," Freddie added.

I walked out of the door silently, still too confused to say much.

* * *

><p>Staring at my list, I realized something. It saved me, the list saved me. Now, this may sound like some crazy talk coming from freak who should be in an asylum, but I'm telling the truth. If Freddie found my list, then there's no guarantee no one else would (not that anyone would go in my house and look behind my mirror), but since I only recorded my <span>firsts<span> on the list, my crush on Freddie did not qualify. Sure, I'd still be mortified if anyone discovered that we shared our first kiss, but at least they wouldn't know that I actually… I actually harbored feelings for him.

I tried to deny it myself, but I knew it was all too true, and let the fact stick stubbornly in the forefront of my brain.

I still couldn't believe it, nor did I want to come to terms with it, so I simply got in bed, and fell asleep in the middle of the day, still tired from staying up all night playing truth or dare and pondering my new discovery.

* * *

><p><strong>This is indeed a large turning point for My List of Firsts. :D I hope everyone liked it, and I have two requests:<strong>

**1. Please review. I love reviews all of the time, but this chapter is a really big one, so I would especially love your feedback.**

**2. Look back through My List of Firsts and try to find your favorite moment when it was hinted at that Sam liked Freddie. It could be a more obvious time, or one of those scenarios you overanalyze but love it all the more for that reason. If you don't want to take the effort to include this in your comment, that's okay, please just tell me what you though of the chapter!**

**Thanks again! :)**


	16. Chapter 15: My First A

**I know it's been a little while since my last update, but hopefully not too long. This chapter's actually quite lengthy compared to the rest, most likely because there are a lot of little scenes. I hope you like it! :)**

**PS THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who reads and reviews this story, I made it to my 200th review! :D**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15: My First A<strong>

I never understood school. You go, you listen to old people talk, you go home, stare at the work they gave to you, go to bed, and start over again. It really is a boring cycle.

Since I don't really care about school, I don't feel a need to try hard either. I'm not stupid, so I'm not failing, but I certainly don't have As like Carly. When she gets a B, she flips out and practically dies in horror; if I get a B (which occasionally happens) I'm happy, but it doesn't really matter since I have no one to show it off to.

But, the other day in history class, my work ethic changed. It changed enough for me to look up the word 'ethic.' Sitting in class, almost on my way into a nice peaceful nap, I heard my teacher say, "you will get money."

My attention was grabbed and I perked up a little bit, still slouching, but forcing myself to stay awake. He repeated himself. "As I just said. Whoever has the highest grade in the class will be rewarded with money."

Some kids asked how much they would get, but he claimed he wasn't sure yet. "I may base it on how well you did."

I wanted the money. Looking around, I realized how unrealistic my dream was. I was sitting next to Carly and Freddie, two nearly straight-A students, and I was surrounded by several others with equally or almost just as good grades. Sure, there were people worse than me in the class, but they probably didn't even hear the teacher, and if they did, there was no way they would try at all.

* * *

><p>"Hey Carls," I started, walking through the hallway with her and Freddie to lunch. "I wanna win the money."<p>

Carly gave me a nurturing smile, "That's great, Sam. You should try to do as well as you can."

She was always encouraging (trying to force) me to get better grades, but I was never motivated enough to do so. "What? You don't think I can do it?"

"I never said that."

"But you implied it."

She looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry Sam, it's just that there are so many smart people in the class, that I don't even know if I have a chance."

I looked at her sadly but realized what she said was true. "I guess you're right. Well, I can just keep giving a half effort."

"Sam, just because you're not being paid, doesn't mean you shouldn't work hard," Carly chastised me.

"Yeah, yeah," I waved my hand in indifference and she shook her head.

* * *

><p>"I have to win the money," I plopped onto Carly's couch.<p>

"Sam, we already went through this. I thought you decided to go back to barely trying." She sat next to me, her eyes filled with confusion and slight sadness.

"That was when I wanted to win the money. Now I have to."

"What?"

"Last night, the fact that whoever gets the best grade earns money somehow came up. My mom told me I had to win the money."

"Well did you tell her it's not that easy?"

"Yeah, but she threatened me. She told me that if I didn't get the money, she'd put me on a diet of beans and lentils for the whole year. A whole year! Two to three meals of lentils and beans every day for an entire year!"

"Are you sure she's not exaggerating?"

"Carls, this is my mom we're talking about. I don't think it was a joke."

"If you want to get the top grade, why aren't you studying right now?"

"It's Thursday, and the test isn't until Tuesday. Why would I start studying this soon?"

"I don't know. Maybe to, say, get the highest grade in the class?" Carly shot me a look that said 'study-now-or-this-will-never-happen.'

Grudgingly, I lay down. "I can't learn all of this stuff just from staring at a book!"

"What about your- Oh wait, you don't take notes in class, you sleep instead." She made me feel guilty, though I knew she didn't do it on purpose.

"Why don't you help me?"

"I have to study too if I want to do well on this test!" Carly proclaimed indignantly.

"Fine, then I guess I'll just live off of lentils for the rest of the year. Unless…" I paused for a moment, realizing how I could twist Carly's arm. "Unless I can find someone to cheat for me…" I put on a serious face, but smiled inside. It had to work.

"Sam!" _Yep. It worked._ "Cheating is never acceptable, and if it's going to take me helping you to make that message clear, then I'll do it." She crossed her arms.

"Are you sure, Carls?"

"Yes. In fact, by helping you study, I'll be studying myself, so it will be a win-win."

"Thanks." I actually was thankful. Carly was my best shot at keeping a wholesome non-lentil-infested diet.

"If you want to do well, we have to start studying now." Carly said firmly.

"Can we have a snack first?"

"No."

"Not even a lamb chop?"

"No, Sam. C'mon, you have lots of work to do." She grabbed me and pulled me up the stairs, my gaze lingering on the fridge full of delightful meaty items.

* * *

><p>"Don't fall asleep, you have to study." I felt Carly's foot prod my side to make sure I was awake.<p>

"But Carly," I whined. "There are only so many things one can learn about history. Surely not all of this is going to be on the test. Aren't I ready?"

"Who was the 28th President?"

"Uhhhh…"

"I thought so. You're not ready, Sam."

"But what about the rest of the presidents? Who says we have to know the 28th?"

"Our teacher. We're learning about World War I."

"So what does the 28th President have to do with the war?"

"He was President during the war!" Carly cried out, exasperated by my lack of interest in learning.

"Sorry I'm late, my mom was trying to give me a-" Freddie stopped, looking around the room. The door clicked behind him, the only noise in the entire studio.

"What's he doing here?" I asked maliciously.

"I thought that he could study with us. We're all studying for the same test, and so I figured we could all work together." I groaned. "I know you don't really get along, but you need to put aside the fact that he bothers you and let him study with us. His brainpower can only help you to get a better grade," Carly offered.

_Oh, he bothers me, alright, in more ways than one. Freddie bothers me because he's Freddie, a compete nub who constantly wastes my time with his techy-talk and other annoying conversations and habits. But he also bothers me because I can't figure out what I think about him. It used to be plain and simple; I hate Freddie. Not complete hate, he's more of a frenemy than a friend, but that's only because he is occasionally caring and helpful, and mostly because I'm forced to be somewhat friendly to him since we're both Carly's friends. _

_Now, it's not so simple. Why? I have a crush on him. I don't even want to think about it, it's too weird and gross of a thought. Unfortunately, I can't hide from my own feelings as well as I can hide them from others. So, I'm mean to Freddie. I don't fake my meanness; I really do hate him. There's just a tiny stupid inkling tucked somewhere in the complex and super annoying thing called my mind that's attracted to the nub. I try to forget about it as often as possible, yet unfortunately denial of your own feelings is not completely possible all of the time, so I stick to not admitting to them (to myself and to others). So yes, I would say that Freddie most certainly does bother me, and him being here right now is not exactly helping me clear my thoughts_.

Freddie stood in place at the door, bracing himself for any arguments or attacks that could arise. He shifted his gaze uncomfortably in between Carly and me, uncertainly juggling his laptop in his hands.

"Fine." I rolled over on the beanbag. "If it will help me win the money, I'll let the nub study with us."

Slowly, he made his way over toward us, eyeing his tech cart as he passed it. He sat down, making sure to be just far enough away in case I decided to lunge at him. I don't think he understood the fact that I really did need the money.

As we continued our study session, I began feeling more and more uncomfortable with Freddie's presence. I couldn't figure out my feelings; I desperately wanted him to leave, both because I hated him and because I liked him. I wanted him out of the studio because he was an annoying nub, but also because I didn't want to face my other feelings for him.

As I became more and more uncomfortable, I became more and more grouchy, and Carly became more and more frustrated with me.

"Sam, concentrate!" She sighed, slamming her book against the ground. "What's up with you? I thought you were serious about winning the money, but you've been distant and insufferably uncooperative all day!"

I was shocked. Carly was normally so kind, and even when she was mad at me, she still tried to help me. I felt bad; after all, I wasn't purposefully not cooperating. "I'm, I… I just don't normally work this hard. It's hard for me to use this much brain power." It wasn't a lie; I don't normally put much, if any, effort into studying or work in general, it just wasn't the only reason I was struggling to pay attention.

I glanced at Freddie. He was looking down at his book, but his eyes were unmoving, and I could tell that he was caught off guard by Carly's sudden outburst and had been listening to her complaints.

"I get that you don't like working, but since you're the one who decided you must get the highest grade, you have to work really hard for it. You've never put in much effort as a student, so you have to start now. I truly want to help you and see you do well, but I need to study too, and if you're not going to take this seriously, then I'm going to have to go study on my own."

"But I am serious. I haven't been goofing off." I started to worry that I would never learn enough to do well on this test. I knew Carly always wanted an A, and if that meant locking herself in her room, she'd do it.

"No, you haven't, but you also haven't been paying attention," she reprimanded me.

"If I start paying attention now, how am I supposed to learn all of this on my own? How am I supposed to know what's going on?"

"You won't be alone. Freddie's here." _Oh. My. Gosh. No! No no no! Please don't leave me here with Freddie; __he's__ the problem._

Carly was so clueless (luckily) as to the reason I couldn't focus, that she was making it worse by forcing me to think about my conflicting feelings. Before I had a chance to think of a plan, Carly left the room, leaving Freddie and me sitting silently, him with his head turned toward a textbook, and me lying aimlessly on a beanbag, worrying.

After a few more awkward seconds passed by, Freddie broke the silence, "Well, if you're going to study, you should crack open a book." It was a harmless suggestion, at most just a distracted prod at me, but it was still irritating.

"You should crack open a book," I said in a mocking tone. I decided that being mean to him was the only way for me to disguise my crush, and the only way for it to go away. Truthfully, I didn't think it was going to go away, but I was desperately going to try.

"Sam," he started ridiculing, "don't start anything now. It's not worth wasting your time fighting. You have to study if you want to have a chance at doing well on this test." He mumbled, "or any test for that matter."

I let out a long sigh because I didn't want to study, and also because I knew he was right, and him being right could only mean two things: one, I was wrong, which I hate; and two, he was right, which I also hate. Reluctantly, I forced my arms to extend to the nearest book and drag it across the floor in my direction. Then, I put my head down, opened to a random page, and stared.

Several minutes passed before Freddie moved. He picked up his head, looked in my direction, and chuckled. I turned to face him, wondering what was so funny.

"What're you laughing at, Benson?"

He scooted closer to me, "first of all, you have to actually read the things on the page in order to learn them." He reached in my direction and grabbed hold of my book, flipping back the pages in groups of twenty. "Secondly, we're learning about World War I, not the Clinton Administration." He stopped on a page titled Chapter 4 – World War I "There you go," he told me. "Now you can actually start studying."

Feeling awkward, I turned silently to face the text, hoping that he didn't hate me for being such a bad student. _Ugh. Freddie's feelings shouldn't matter to you_, I reprimanded myself. But, unfortunately, part of me cared what he thought. He was no longer just a nubbish friend of Carly's who I could use as a punching bag when he annoyed me, no longer just my frenemy. As much as I vehemently tried to deny it, other feelings resided inside too, not just the hateful ones. Did I love him? No, definitely not. But my slight liking of him was weird and scary enough to make me worry for my mental health.

"What's the Lusitania?" I asked after actually reading the book for several minutes.

"Huh?" Freddie looked at me, dazed from his own studies.

"The Lusitania. Why's it so important? I get that people sank it and that's not good, but why do we care?"

"Oh," Freddie propped himself up, obviously happy to show off his brainpower. "The sinking of the Lusitania was an underlying cause of why the Americans entered World War I."

"What?" I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face.

"They thought it was carrying arms, so they sank it. American journalists embellished the story, making it sound like an even worse attack than it was. That angered the American people and brought them together against a common cause. It was one of several reasons that influenced Americans to want to join the war."

"Oh, okay." _At least someone's helping me. Even if it is the nub, without anyone helping me to figure this out, there's no way I would do well on this test_.

We continued studying throughout the afternoon and into the early evening. Every now and then, he would lean over and explain something in the book, or describe the connection between two events. He really was helpful, and as much as I hated being anywhere with him, especially being alone with him, I couldn't deny that if I was studying by myself, I would have drawn smiley faces on all of my toes and started telling stories by now. It would have been nice if Carly was the one helping me study, but she does get a little cranky when she studies, and I admit that I wasn't exactly making it easy to help me when we first started studying.

"So when the Central Powers-" Freddie was interrupted by a knock on the door. The two of us looked up, seeing Carly's figure as she entered the studio.

It was silent at first when she walked in, everyone still concentrating on what they were thinking before she had knocked.

"What's up, Carls?" I asked, cautious in case she was still irritated with me.

"I came up to, well, I came up for two reasons." She walked over to where I was sprawled over a beanbag. "I wanted to say I'm sorry Sam. I realize that I wasn't that kind to you. I know that you want to get the best grade you can, and I'm glad that you asked me to help you; it's just that I occasionally get a little frustrated when studying. I want you to know that it wasn't your fault."

"No, it was my fault." I flipped over, sitting up. I don't apologize that much, but Carly didn't deserve to guilt herself into thinking my lack of interest in working was her fault. "I wasn't even trying to study. It wasn't even until you got mad at me that the seriousness of all of the work I have to do sank in."

Carly looked at me strangely.

"What?"

"It's just that… I don't think I've ever heard you form such profound sentences before."

"All of this reading must be making me sound like a nerd. I better stop before I start sounding like Frednub over here," I gestured in his direction.

"What was your other reason for coming up here?" Freddie asked, diverting the attention away from himself.

"Oh, yeah. Would anyone like dinner now?"

"Is that even a question?" I jumped up and pushed past Carly, throwing open the door and heading toward the kitchen. As excited as I was to not be alone with Freddie, I was even more excited to eat. Food really is the best part of any day.

"How was your studying going, Sam?" Carly asked over our dinner of lasagna.

I gulped down a forkful. "Good. Did you know that there was a First World War? No one ever talks about it!" Carly laughed, shaking her head. "It's true, all you ever hear about is World War II!" I was indignant.

"Well, Professor Sam, what other facts can you contribute?"

Freddie had explained a lot, and I had read any more, but some facts just came more easily when I was focusing on history, not when I was focusing on the meaty cheesy goodness that is lasagna. At least I still had four more days to work. "Um… I know the Lusitania was a boat that people thought had guns on it but didn't. Boy, were they stupid."

Carly and Freddie laughed, exchanging knowing glances and probably telepathically communicating in some secret smart-people code. "And do you know who the 28th President was?" Carly asked me the same question as earlier.

"Roosevelt? No, wait, I know this. He's the guy with the weird glasses, and he his initials are WW. I remember that because they're just like in 'WWI' AND because they're the acronym for Warner's Weiners. You know, the hot dog company? Warren Wilson? No no, Wood Wilson? Woodrow Wilson!"

Carly clapped half-jokingly. "I'm really proud of you Sam, I've never seen you work this hard for anything that didn't directly involve food."

"Well don't get used to it," I said. "Once I'm guaranteed normal meals for the rest of the year, I don't think I'll use this much brainpower over the course of the next two years." I wasn't stupid, but I didn't have as much will to be a hard-working student as Carly did.

* * *

><p>"Okay class, pick up your pencils. You may begin in three, two, one, now!" My teacher returned to his desk, stacking his files in orderly piles as we whizzed through pages upon pages of facts about World War I.<p>

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><p>"How'd it go?" Carly asked after the test was finished.<p>

"Pretty well. Between the book and Freddie, there was nothing on there I didn't know. I can't guarantee my essay was that great, but at least I knew some facts. Now I may not have to live off of lentils!"

"Your mom should know better than to threaten you into giving her money." Carly's motherly ways started to show as her concern grew.

"You should know better that it's never gonna happen." I laughed, heading toward my locker.

"I guess you're right," Carly reached in her backpack, digging out a textbook and putting it neatly away.

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><p>"How'd you do, Carls?"<p>

"97. You?"

I stared at Carly with my jaw hanging open. There was no way this was possible.

"You okay?" She tilted her head, inspecting me.

"97.5"

"What?"

"97.5. I got a 97.5 on the test."

There was a sudden shriek, and before I could realize what was happening I was being suffocated in Carly's arms.

"That's fantastic! Now we just have to hope that no one else did that well." She glanced around the room, eyeing the three smartest kids in the class (besides Freddie and herself). None of them seemed too excited, but none of them seemed let down either. We sat impatiently, waiting for our teacher to make the announcement.

"I know all of you want to hear who won the money, so I'm going to get my grade book and tell you right now." He stooped down and swiped the book off of his desk, opening it to the corresponding page and scanning down the list.

Everyone in the class (except for those who didn't put an ounce of effort in) held their breath. "The student with the highest grade in the class is-" He paused, his eyes searching wildly around the page. He mumbled something to himself about a "mistake" and his "glasses." He put on his glasses and reread the list, looking up with a look of disbelief once he had rechecked the list for the fourth time.

"The student with the highest grade on this test was… Samantha Puckett." There was a long silence. The words didn't sink in to anyone's minds, and everyone sat there quietly, as if the real winner hadn't been announced yet. It was Carly who broke the silence.

"Sam, you did it!" She held up her hand and I high-fived her, the two of us sporting matching stupidly large grins.

The rest of the class started to move, looking at each other curiously. "How much money do I get?" I got immediately to the point. There was no way I was going to live off of lentils for the rest of the year.

"Uh," our teacher was still dazed after finding out that I had the highest grade. If that were true at any other time, it would mean that the rest of the class didn't do so well, but this test was different. This test provided me with a proper diet. Once I got that money, it was back to minimal effort.

He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and rummaged through it. "100 bucks?" I snatched the money from his hand before it was even fully extended.

"Ew, Sam, don't rub money against your face! Do you have any idea how many people have touched that?"

"It doesn't matter Carls, I no longer have to live off of lentils. The sink will still be around next week when I get to cleaning my face."

Normally Carly would be grossed out and give me a speech on proper hygienic behavior, but she was so caught up in my high grade that she didn't pay much attention to it.

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><p>"Congratulations, Sam. You did well on a test, and now you won't have to live off of lentils." Carly raised her smoothie and tapped it against mine, and Freddie added his to the clump.<p>

Carly continued as I sipped my smoothie, "Freddie must have somehow managed to get you to pay attention. Well done, Freddie."

Freddie smiled, "I think it was you yelling at her that really got her to pay attention, I was just there to explain things."

"Wait a minute." I looked between both of them. "I know I studied for this test, but so did you too. Freddie studied with me, and I'm sure even more on his own, and you, Carly, you locked yourself up." I was stumped, and my puzzled expression let it show. "How is it possible that I did better than the rest of the class, including you two?"

Carly eyed the ground nervously, "I forgot Woodrow Wilson's name. I called him Warren Wilson."

"You did that on purpose!" I was mad, but only to a small extent. I knew that Carly had flubbed the President's name throughout her test, hoping it would let me get the best grade. Plus, she still got the A+ she wanted. "What about you Freddie?"

"It seems that I thought the Lusitania was a German ship with Russian arms on it."

"But that make no sense, you- You did the same thing, didn't you?" _I can't believe they __both__ made mistakes to help me get the money. Carly still got an A+, but Freddie… I'm surprised he even helped me. Maybe Carly convinced him to help me get an A._

I ended up pulling them both into a hug, something that we very rarely did. But, if it wasn't for them, I would be going home to a dinner of lentil soup for the night and all of the following nights.

"What about the rest of the class?" I was still curious.

"Well, we know that those who don't normally do well probably didn't try. You can get good grades; you just normally slack off. Some of them may be the same way, but just weren't as motivated to get the money. The other smart kids were probably too sure of themselves that they didn't try any harder than usual. Freddie and me, well you figured that out." Carly was always ashamed of breaking rules, and to her, me finding out that she faked not knowing something on her test was not a good thing, and the color rose to her cheeks to prove it.

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><p><em>January 16<em>_th__, 2010: My First A_

I quickly stuck my list back behind the mirror. There was something more important I had to do. Quickly, I dashed down the stairs.

"Mom! Mooooom!" I ran around the house searching for her. Finally, I found her lying on her bed with a gel mask on and a room full of hairspray.

"Samantha, I would very much appreciate if you didn't raise your voice. I'm trying to relax here, and you're hollering throughout the house."

"Mom, I got the money!" I didn't care how relaxed she was; there was no way I was living off of lentils for the year.

"What?" She raised a hand to her face and removed the gel mask. I stuck the money in front of her face.

"100 dollars. No lentils for me." I grinned and waited for her response.

"Oh, that?" She ripped the money from my hands. "Fine. You can make yourself some eggs for dinner."

Happily, I left the room, content to be eating eggs.

As I mushed the eggs around in the pan, I contemplated the day. I had earned an A on a test, an A! I didn't expect to ever do it again, but it made me very happy. I did well, not that anyone other than Carly and Freddie was proud of me (or even cared) and I also managed to keep my normal diet.

If it hadn't been for Carly and Freddie's help, I'd probably be sitting at the table with a bowl full of broth, beans, and lentils, dreading every meal I ate at my house for the rest of the year. Instead, I was placing some scrambled eggs onto a plate, and my mom was $100 richer. It was a good way to end the day.

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><p><strong>I hope all of you liked the chapter!<strong>

**For any of you who support Seddie, I know this chapter didn't contain much progress, but at least Sam is starting to acknowledge her feelings. :) There's more to come... ;)**

**Thank you for reading, and please review!**


	17. Chapter 16: My First Piece of Art

**Wow, it's been WAYYY too long since my last chapter. Thank you to those of you who are still reading! :)**

**The reason for the delay was the chapter itself. I ran into major troubles with this one. I had the general idea in my head, but I didn't actually know what I wanted to happen, so it took me a really long time to figure out each part. It's not amazing, but I like how it turned out.**

**I hope all of you like it too!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16: My First Piece of Art<strong>

"I went to law school!"

"Yeah, for two days. Why don't you understand? You have to do something with your life."

"But I am doing something with my life, I'm an artist."

"An unemployed artist!" She looked at him furiously and he shrank back, attempting to calm her down without success.

"I didn't think the whole 'you're not going anywhere if you don't succeed by the time you're thirty' lecture today was going to have this much of an affect on her."

"Me neither. I mean, I know she's always hyped up about the future, but I didn't think she was going to take it out on her brother like this."

After staying in one place for so long, I was starting to get sore and hungry. Well, I'm always hungry, but that's beside the point. Freddie and I were huddled next to each other behind the half-wall on the kitchen side of the Shay apartment. On the other side, Cary was in full attack mode, pretty much blaming Spencer for all of his wrongs and crushing his confidence about his job as an artist. Our teacher had given us a pessimistic talk about the future, and Carly had apparently taken it as her cue to turn Spencer's life around.

Turning my attention back to the fight, I heard Spencer giving into his little sister, but not giving up on his dream. "I will find a job. Someone will want to display my artwork, and then you will see that Spencer Shay is not a quitter. Maybe I quit law school, but I won't give up on my dream to become an artist. I am an artist, and if you insist that I need a paying job to prove it, then that's what I'll do."

Footsteps approached and I realized too late that Spencer was entering the kitchen. Freddie and I sprang apart, suddenly aware of how closely we were situated.

"Hey there you two," Spencer said, breezing by us with a determined look on his face.

"Uh, hey…" I trailed off, Freddie at an equal loss for words. Finally we shook off most of the awkwardness.

"I'm going to go see how Carly's doing," I mumbled, making a quick exit from the kitchen. When I entered the living room, I spotted Carly sitting on the couch, her head in the hands, worrying about something.

"What's up Carls?" She jumped a little, apparently just remembering that I was here.

"Oh, nothing. It's just that I'm worried about Spencer. He loves being an artist, but I fear he'll never have a real job."

"You mean like a cubicle job?"

"No, even as an artist. He just gets paid for work here and there, I really wish he had a more substantial job."

"Are you going to help him find one?"

"I was just going to let him find one on his own, but you know what? That sounds like an even better idea. Thanks, Sam!" Before she even finished her sentence she had hopped off the couch and was scrambling upstairs.

Sighing, Freddie plopped onto the couch next to me. "Looks like we won't be seeing her for a little bit."

"When Carly sets her mind to do something, she'll get it done no matter what. Luckily, this gives me more time to go through her fridge."

I bounced off the couch, wanting food and not wanting to sit on the couch next to Freddie any longer, it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

Freddie chuckled behind me, "you always find an excuse for food."

"Got a problem with that, Benson?" Turning around, I flashed him a half-jokingly threatening grin.

He shook his head, looking down, trying to hide the remains of his smile. "Nope, no problem at all."

I continued on to the fridge, rummaging through until I discovered a container of leftover chicken. Extracting it from the fridge, I put it on the counter, searching for a fork. When I returned to the living room, I purposely sat myself on the floor, using the fact that it made me closer to the table as my obvious reasoning despite the fact that I had other motives for sitting where I did.

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><p>"Okay you children, sit over here," Spencer motioned to the couch, his joy practically consuming him. The three of us sat where he directed us, confusedly awaiting further news. Carly asked us to come over because Spencer told her he had an announcement for all of us.<p>

"Please tell me you aren't becoming a vegetarian family," I pleaded, unable to wrap my head around the idea of no longer finding meat in the Shay fridge.

"Ew no, I don't want to end up like our crazy relatives eating mushy food on Thanksgiving." Spencer stepped backward, acting much jumpier than usual.

"So what's up, Spence?" Freddie's confused face reflected all of our thoughts.

"I got a job!" He leaped in the air, a huge smile on his face, looking triumphantly at his sister.

"Spencer that's great!" Carly was just as excited as he was. "What kind of job?"

"Well, you said if I wanted to be a serious artist I had to be employed, so I searched he area, and couldn't find anything, but I found a job a couple towns over, only about a half an hour from here. It's this artsy place that's always looking for new artists to feature. I told them I was looking for a job, not just a display, and they told me they wanted me to be on their permanent team! They already had painters and people who use that fancy chalk stuff on canvas, but they needed a sculptor since their last one moved to Uruguay or something, so they hired me!"

"I'm so proud of you," Carly got up and hugged her brother. As we looked on, Freddie and I saw that Spencer started to tear up. Carly must have heard him sniffle or something because she drew away, ""Spencer, are you crying?"

"No," he looked away. "Okay, fine. I'm just so happy that you're proud of me, and that you don't care if I never finished law school."

"If anyone should care about that, it would be me, I'm going to need some good representation if I ever get into more legal trouble." Despite my admittance that I may break the law, Carly was too happy to care.

That night, we celebrated Spencer's success with a feast of spaghetti tacos that Carly, Freddie, and I prepared (Carly wouldn't let Spencer do any of the work for his celebration) and a cake made out of whatever we found fitting in the cupboards and fridge.

"What's up with him?" I asked Carly, unable to take my eyes off of Spencer, who was rushing around the apartment, flinging things and muttering to himself.

"He's been like this since yesterday," she stared at him too, her expression filled with worry. "I don't quite know – he hasn't stopped to answer my questions – but I think it has something to do with his job."

There was a huge crash and I whipped my head around to see what caused the noise. In all of his rushing, Spencer had thrown the contents of an entire supply bin on the ground.

"That's it," Carly said, mostly to herself. "Spencer! Spencer Shay!" He didn't stop what he was doing. "Spencer Shay you stop right now and listen to me or I'm going to move to Yakama and throw all of your art supplies away." That got his attention. _Nice one, Carls_.

"What?"

"You heard me. Now tell me what's wrong." She stood impatiently in front of him, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

"I- I- It's my job." Suddenly, Spencer collapsed on the floor, a look of despair in his eyes as he curled helplessly into a little ball.

"What about your job?" Carly was calmer now, and bent down to pat him on the back.

"They want me to sculpt things."

"Isn't that why you took the job?"

"Yeah. But they want me to sculpt lots of things." When Spencer was intimidated by Carly or when he suddenly broke down, he acted like a baby, and that's exactly what he was doing now. It was a little bit strange, but that's Spencer for you.

Carly continued to look confused.

"Too many sculptures. They want four sculptures in two days. I don't even have ideas yet, which will probably only leave me with tomorrow to build something. There's no way I can build four sculptures in one day on my own." He was whining now, and going limp out of helplessness.

"Well then find someone to help you."

"I don't know any sculptors who would have the time to help."

"Socko?"

"The only thing he's good at is wearing cool socks. The one time I asked him to help me, he just put a light-up Christmas sock on top of a popsicle stick."

"Oh. Well… Maybe we could help you."

"What?" _Me? Make a sculpture? Yeah, right._

"Oh, c'mon Sam, it won't be that bad. Between the four of us, we can do it."

"Oddly, I'm with Sam on this one. My art skills are pretty limited." Freddie hung his head a bit. I'd seen him draw before and he was okay, but you don't need to draw to make a sculpture.

"That doesn't matter. We can help Spencer come up with an idea, and then he'll instruct us. All we have to do is work." _I hate working._

"Please?" Spencer was now on his knees in front of us, literally begging for our help.

"Fine," I waved my hand in indifference. "As long as I get fed on the job."

"We'll make sure our fridge is constantly stocked," I was reassured, Spencer grabbing the three of us and pulling us into a tight hug.

By the end of the day, we had helped Spencer to plan all of his sculptures and had even gone on several trips to the hardware and craft stores to pick up some necessary items.

The plan was for Spencer to create the base for each sculpture, and for him to direct us on whatever he wanted us to do after that.

* * *

><p>By the time Spencer had finished his scurry of anxious molding and gluing, Carly had her nose buried in a book, Freddie had bounced a ball off of pretty much all of the available surfaces, and I had finished a whole rack of lamb. He looked at us disappointedly, "c'mon guys, it's time to get started!" Spencer yanked the book away from Carly, which met him with a look of annoyance. "You said you'd help me with my sculptures, so get off your rears, pick up some objects, and start sculpting!" Wandering away from the living area, Spencer started inspecting what he had built so far.<p>

Eventually, we pried ourselves from our seats and made our way to the various buckets of stuff. It really was 'stuff.' I don't think I could find a more random combination of objects if I emptied the belongings of one of those junky and dusty collector stores and the products in a supermarket into a bowl and mixed them together. Before we could take anything out, Spencer explained what he wanted us to do. There were two complicated statues and two easier ones. We would work in pairs to make the complicated ones, and Spencer would build the easier ones by himself, having us pitch in every now and then.

"So, I thought we would start with the hard ones to get those out of the way first." I made my way over to Carly so we could start on our sculpture, but Spencer, who extended his arm in order to block my path, stopped me. "Not so fast there, young lady," he chastised, quickly removing his arm in fear of injury.

I looked at him quizzically. "But you said to work in pairs."

"That I did," Spencer started with his goofy adult impersonation face. "But, young Carly here cannot be your partner." Helplessly, Carly was dragged into a half-hug half-headlock by her older brother.

"Why not?"

"You see, as her older brother, I know many things about Carly. I also get to forbid her from doing certain things since I'm her guardian."

Carly looked at me with raised eyebrows at Spencer's attempt to lecture.

"There is no way I'm letting Carly use any dangerous equipment, especially not a blow torch, and since sculpting is a team effort, I will be the one blowtorching. Sorry, Sam, but you're going to have to work with Freddie on this one."

"I can use the blow torch for Carly."

"No no no," fear crept into Spencer's eyes. "I won't let Carly use a blow torch because I don't want anything to happen to her. You need to be supervised so you don't blow up the entire apartment building." I put on a hurt face, but little did Spencer know, it was more about being paired with Freddie than his critique of my handling of dangerous equipment.

I sighed, moving toward Freddie, knowing it would be no use to argue with Spencer over something he was doing to protect his little sister.

Spencer doled out our assignments, describing what material we could use, and what his general requests were for each sculpture. Freddie and I were to build a giant fish, but it was supposed to be made of all different materials, and to look like one of those grand and colorful fish, not just a goldfish or something. Carly and Spencer were going to build a giant upside down throne made from really small objects.

Freddie and I discussed what we wanted it to look like. Whenever I had an idea, he would tell me if it would or wouldn't be possible, using his knowledge of engineering and mechanics and other nerdy stuff. Finally, we set out to build.

* * *

><p>"Sam, I think you should put that up a little higher."<p>

"Why, Benson, do you think my idea's ugly?" I provoked him.

"No, I just don't think it will stay in place because of the surrounding shapes."

I grumbled something unintelligible but reached up anyway, knowing that he would be right in the end.

"Here, let me put it up for you," Freddie approached me, noticing that, despite my best efforts, I wasn't tall enough to reach the spot where it would fit.

I lowered myself back down and we awkwardly fumbled with the piece. Once it was securely in his grasp, Freddie reached up to the tree and tucked it into its proper spot.

"Nice teamwork, you two," Spencer smiled at us, revealing he watched our efforts to place the piece. Immediately my face swelled with heat and I snuck a look at Freddie whose cheeks were also getting darker by the second. He looked at me and we quickly looked away from each other, the silence growing longer and more awkward.

"Um, thanks Spence," Freddie muttered, finally ending the quiet.

_What's up with Freddie? He's acting so weird today. My awkwardness is understandable, seeing as I'm trying to balance my hatred and unfortunate crush on Freddie. Even though he can be helpful once in a while, there's no reason he should be acting this strange. What's going on with him?_

Casually, Spencer returned to his sculpture. Avoiding any eye contact with each other, Freddie and I turned back to our fish, which was starting to take shape, and continued working.

We finished shortly after our dinner break and assisted Spencer with the two easier sculptures. The entire time, Freddie was acting strange. I don't know if Carly or Spencer noticed, and I didn't want to bring it up, but it was starting to make me curious.

* * *

><p>"Okay, just wheel this one over there, and you'll be all set." The man shook hands with Spencer, his thin tie hanging loosely around his neck. He was the gallery owner, and he loved every piece that Spencer made (with our help, of course). In fact, the owner loved them so much that he was putting them up as the front display.<p>

"Now that you're part of our permanent team, I'll be issuing you regular orders for sculptures in various displays. Don't get used to being in the front, there are other great artists that need their work featured too."

"Not a problem, sir!" As the man walked away, Spencer jumped around like the little kid he was inside.

The four of us watched as the last sculpture was put in place. Spencer decided to analyze all of them for us, caught up in the excitement of the moment.

"These two that we all did together turned out well, but the throne and the fish are by far the best. Look at this, the throne: it's radiant. Someone could probably find some deeper meaning since it's upside down. That velvet piece you added really stands out, Carls." He hugged his little sister who looked up at him with a satisfied grin. "Great job, kid."

"And the fish," he moved slightly to the right. "Sam and Freddie, you two did a great job too!" The two of us stared at our sculpture, waiting for Spencer's critique. "It is so well done, I don't even know if I would have thought of putting some of these pieces together. You two worked really well together; I should pair you up every time I have an assignment like this!" Freddie and I were silent. Awkwardly, we glanced at each other, turning away as soon as our uncomfortable stares were exchanged.

One part of me actually agreed with Spencer. I wanted to work with Freddie; I wanted to spend time with him. But another part of me disagreed for two reasons. First, I still hated him. Secondly, if I was going to keep my intruding feelings a secret, I had to spend as little time alone with Freddie as possible.

Before the silence could continue, the owner came over. "Spencer, the gallery is about to open. You should go to your office and prepare for some visitors who may want to buy some of your artwork." She shuffled Spencer toward the other side of the room before turning to us. "You, children, do you have a way to get home?"

"Yeah, we could catch the bus. Are we not allowed to stay here with Spencer?" Carly didn't want to leave her brother on his big day.

"I'm sorry, but with the amount of customers that come in for the opening of a new show, you won't be able to spend much time with Spencer. Feel free to stay any other day," The man was honest and despite kicking us out, he was still being nice enough. Normally I'd fight back, but I could feel my stomach rumbling and I really wanted to be near the Shay fridge at the moment.

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><p>We were lounging around the living room, having spent the afternoon eating and amusing ourselves with stories of crazy people who could want to buy one of his pieces.<p>

"Can you imagine that?" Freddie laughed as he continued his scenario. "Spencer would be so comfortable. He'd probably just stand there frozen. The poor man would never get his statue." Carly and I laughed along with him, the image filling our mind. Before we could bring up a new scenario, the door was flung open and Spencer stood in the doorway.

"Spencer!" We jumped up, pulling him into the room, waiting to hear how his first day went.

"So, how was your first day on the job?"

"Busy, very busy." He seemed dazed.

"Did anyone buy your statues?"

"Yes. All of them were purchased."

"Are you okay?" Carly inspected her brother curiously.

"All of them were purchased," he repeated.

Suddenly, he jumped up and started a non-stop ramble of explanation about everything that happened that day.

"And guess which one went for the most money?" Before we could guess, he answered his own question, "the fish! Everyone thought the throne was really cool, but your fish was by far the favorite! I told you two it was a brilliant piece. Next time I make a sculpture, we must work together. I would let you two make it all by yourselves, but that would be dangerous and not my work. I never thought my artwork would go for as much as those four pieces did!"

He continued on for quite a while, and it was not until he finished that we noticed the time. Spencer hadn't returned to the apartment until around 7:30, and by the time we ended our discussion of his day, it was around 9:30.

"I guess it's dinner time, huh?" Spencer suggested, finally calming down.

"Fine with me," I feigned indifference. "All I know is that we won't be having the turkey for dinner." I broke out into a mischievous grin, which I made no attempt to hide.

It was not until the next day when I returned to my house that I had a chance to write down the events.

_February 23__rd__, 2010: My First Real Piece of Art (sculpted w/Freddie for Spencer – PURCHASED!)_

I smiled to myself. Someone actually bought my artwork. I helped Spencer. I had spent time with Freddie. As much as I still tried to deny it, I was secretly glad that Freddie and I worked together on the sculpture. He would never know that, and I wouldn't let him. Despite all of the awkwardness, I actually liked sculpting. _Why was he acting so weird, anyway?_

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><p><strong>What did you think? Please comment! :D<strong>

**I'm not sure if my Spencer was up to par with my Spencer in other chapters, but he still seemed kind of crazy here.**

**Thank you so much for reading, and please comment!**

**Also, I found out that my friend has been promoting my new chapters on Twitter recently. I've already thanked her, but I would really appreciate it (and I'm sure she would too) if any of you with Twitters would follow her. She's WeShouldKiss on Twitter, and she's a huge iCarly and Seddie supporter! It would mean so much to me since she's been so kindly promoting my story! Thank you very much!**


	18. Chapter 17: My First Time Crying

**Hello! I'm trying to not leave such wide gaps in between my chapters, but it's quite hard.**

**This chapter should really be titled "My First Time Crying in Front of Someone Other Than Carly," but that's awfully long and boring.**

**I hope all of you like the chapter, and please comment and tell me what you think! :)**

**PS Please don't skip over my note at the end of the chapter, there's lots of info there this time! (Though I suppose if you were to skip it, you wouldn't be reading this either)... Just wait until after you read the chapter! Thank you.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17: My First Time Crying<strong>

Walking into the Shay apartment, a smile crossed my face. Carly eyed me suspiciously, but I said nothing.

"Ready for our day of nothing?"

"You bet I am!" She finished arranging some magazines on her coffee table before straightening herself up.

The morning passed easily; we watched a Girly Cow marathon until several hours before lunch.

"So, where is Spencer?"

"He's on a road trip to an ostrich farm with Socko or something like that."

"And this doesn't worry you?" _Knowing Carly, I thought she'd be more concerned_.

"I promised myself I wouldn't freak out," she said in a steely voice, looking pensively into nowhere.

I made to step closer to her, but before I could, she snapped around. "What if something happens to them? What if they get lost? And if their cellphones don't work? What if they get taken in by a band of gypsies and are sold to do slave labor until they grow beards down to their feet? What if-"

"Carls," I rubbed her back. "Calm down. Spencer and Socko aren't going to be kidnapped by a band of gypsies, and if they do get lost, I'm sure they'll manage just fine."

She calmed down, but still looked at me with a worried face.

"You know what, I doubt they'd even get lost. Everything will be fine." At that, she cheered up a little bit.

"You think so?"

"Yes I do. Now how about we continue with our day of laziness?"

"That sounds like a good idea," she wringed her hands once to brush off any remaining feelings of worry before sitting down clumsily in a chair.

After we spent several more hours of lying around and chatting about who-knows-what, I decided it was time for lunch.

"Hand me the ketchup."

"Handing the ketchup."

"Done!" I smiled up at Carly, placing the ketchup on the table.

"Two tasty sandwiches!" Carly reached over to the plate in front of me and swiped away one of our creations.

"To a fun-filled afternoon of nothingness?"

"To a fun-filled afternoon of nothingness!"

But, before we could tap our sandwiches in a toast, my phone rang. Shooting my friend an apologetic look, I dug through my pocket until I found it.

"Hello?"

"Samantha?" _Great, my mom._

"What?"

"About Saturday," she paused. Obviously she wasn't ready to deal with any sort of emotions I would emit. "Remember what I said was going to happen?"

I hesitated. If this was bad news I was completely unprepared for it.

"Yeah…"

"It's not going to happen anymore."

I felt as though someone had knocked the wind out of me. Before I could muster up a response, my mother mumbled a, "you had to know. Goodbye Samantha."

She wasn't trying to be mean, and it wasn't her that upset me, it was her information.

Slowly, I drew the phone away from my face, the sound of the dial tone echoing in one ear and out of the other. Finally, I hung up, more out of habit than anything else.

_She must be lying. There's no way this would happen. It was supposed to be perfect_. The smile from earlier had been long erased from my expression, and I stared blankly in front of me, taking in none of my surroundings. My mind was reeling, trying to comprehend what I just heard, but at the same time moving at a pace slower than a snail, blocking out the news, and attempting to leave it uncomprehended out of fear.

I saw something move in front of me. "Sam?" It was like someone was calling my name from very far away, and I couldn't see them. "Sam?" There was more movement. "Sam?" Finally I snapped to attention and saw Carly standing in front of me, her hand moving ever so swiftly in front of my face.

"Sam, are you okay?"

It was an unanswerable question. I could not, nor did I want to, think about what I just heard, rendering me unable to know my current state.

"Sam? Please, just say something."

"I-" Did I even understand what was going on? "I don't know."

"Sam? Are you okay? Who was that on the phone?" Her worry-filled eyes started to focus.

"It… It was my mom." This only caused her to have more questions.

"What did she say? What's wrong?"

I didn't want to recount the story, but she deserved to know the truth. I made my way into the living room, not even aware of my actions.

"It was about my dad." _There. I said it._

"What?" There was obvious surprise in her voice. "You never mention your father; I haven't heard you say anything about him except for a passing comment. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Sam, you can tell me."

"I just did. Nothing's going on."

"Then what's the problem?"

"That's the problem."

"I'm confused." She grabbed my hand and pulled us onto the couch in tandem.

Looking away, I started a quiet explanation. "He was supposed to come."

"Your father? He was supposed to come here?" I responded with a tiny nod.

"What do you mean supposed to?"

"I don't know." I turned to her, my eyes still looking down at the couch. "I just got a phone call from my mom, and all she said was that the plan is off. She didn't explain." My voice was getting squeakier and squeakier and my eyes were feeling heavier with each word.

"Oh, Sam. I'm sorry." At the same moment she drew me into a sloppy hug, tears started rolling down my cheeks.

Before she could say anything else, the door opened. "Hey Carly. I'm locked out of my apartment, so I was wondering if I could-" There was a pause. "Sam?"

I didn't even have enough effort to yell at him to leave. The news had washed over me like a wave of disappointment, and I was left helpless, comforted only by Carly's hug. Never before had anyone except for Carly see me cry, and I wasn't able to evade it again.

"Sam?" He repeated. After waiting for an answer that never came, he turned his attention to Carly, "is she okay?"

"Should I tell him?" Carly whispered softly in my ear. I nodded against her shoulder. "Are you going to be okay if I get up, then?" I nodded again, unwilling to voice any sounds. Carefully, she got up from the couch, untangling her arms from me and placing me gently on a pillow, my hair flowing crazily in ever direction.

I heard the shuffling of feet toward the staircase, and muffled voices, obviously recounting the story I told Carly.

As they conversed, I lay helplessly muffled on the couch, trying to fall asleep and forget all of this, but not able to do so. I heard voices drifting over, and my ears automatically tensed to make out words.

"Her dad?"

"Yeah, her dad."

"She never talks about her dad."

"I know; it surprised me too."

"And he was going to visit her? Like, come to Washington?"

"I guess so. I don't really know where he is. I don't know if she knows where he is. For all I know, he could live in this apartment."

"You don't think he does, do you?"

"No, of course not. But, truthfully, I don't know what to think. The man's been this allusive non-discussed figure for so many years now, it's hard for me to imagine him at all."

I didn't know how to feel about what they were saying; I didn't know how to feel about anything at the moment. I was lost in a world full of questions and disappointment. Never had I dwelled on the idea of my father and his betrayal of our family except for a short period after he left us. I allowed myself no pity, and my mom, except for occasionally muttering something about "your father" while paying bills or doing some other task she despised, never brought him up or seriously talked about him with my sister or me. The last I remember talking about my father was when Melanie went away to boarding school. I screamed at her for leaving us just like our father, and, like the obnoxiously selfless person she is, Melanie offered to stay instead, to which I retorted that I'd rather her not be here at all. We made up after that, not that we're best buddies, but we are sisters – and twins at that – and both of us were hurt by our father leaving, and realize that sometimes those things just come out.

Only once had I cried over my father. It was not the night he left, for he was often away and that didn't faze me. It was not until I was walking down the street, on a secret trip to the deli after my mother dropped me off at the park many years ago, when I passed the pharmacy, only to do a double take. The moment I saw my mother kissing the owner, it finally sunk in that my father was never coming back. At that moment, I took off at a sprint passed the pharmacy, down the street, and into the deli, where I locked myself in the storage room, and sat on a meat freezer sobbing my eyes out. I felt hopeless at that moment, tucked in a cool closet where no one could get to me, desperately hoping my mother did not see me run past, but at the same time hoping she had, hoping that it hurt her to see me crying over what she had done, even though I was sure it didn't.

But, once my crying fest in the deli storage room ended, I did not cry any more and resorted back to my violent ways, my temper increasing whenever I saw my mother for the next several months. Eventually I calmed down, and became just as rude and vicious as I was before the incident. Not that I ever looked at my mother the same way again, but we were never that close, so it didn't really matter.

No one knew this, and no one ever would; at least, I was never going to tell anyone. But here I was, flopped onto the Shay couch, the pillow growing warm and soggy with my tears. Carly had seen me cry before, and that did not bother me, it was the fact that someone else – Freddie – was seeing it now too. I was not ready for people to see me cry. I was not ready for Freddie to see me cry. But I was newly upset with the betrayal of broken promises and unfulfilled hopes. I never expected to see my father again, and so I can't say this surprised me, but there was still a glimpse of hope inside that was let down.

My thoughts were broken when I felt the couch sag down by my feet. It was probably Carly.

To my surprise, a deeper voice started speaking, "Sam. How are you doing?"

I grunted. "What are you even doing here?" My words were mumbles, any hope of them sounding normal destroyed by the hair and pillow in my face. "Don't you have a spare key or something?"

"I used to, but my mom got the locks changed after a break-in was reported several towns over. I'm surprised Lewbert let her, but then again, Lewbert doesn't really do anything." I was amused by his information; Mrs. Benson was an easy target. But, I still wasn't cheered up enough to acknowledge it or take my face out of its smothered position.

"Where's your mom?"

"She's at a hospice center, feeding soup to the patients. She left this morning, and won't be back until tomorrow, which is why I'm here."

I mumbled some more.

"But Sam, how are you?" There was obvious concern in my voice, which irritated me just as much as is pleased me.

"Fine."

"You're not fine."

"You don't know anything." _Why is he so adamant?_

"Yes I do. I know what it's like to not have your father around. Not like Carly, whose father is sanctioned by the armed forces. I understand what it's like to not know where your father is, and not be sure if he'll ever return to your family or if he even loves your family."

Something about what he was saying resonated with me. Never in a million years would I have thought that our situations were at all similar, since his parents were divorced while my father abandoned us.

We sat in silence for a moment.

I picked my head up from the pillow, twisting myself around, looking straight ahead, but now sitting up next to Freddie.

He faced toward me, and I could feel his stare upon my face. "I just want to make sure you're okay Sam. If I ever found out my father was coming to visit, I bet I'd be excited. When they got divorced, I often worried whether I would see him again, foolishly thinking he would return. But they were already divorced, and my mother made it clear he wasn't welcome back, and he made it clear that was his preference too. If he came back to visit, of course I'd want to see him. If he said he'd come back, and then didn't, I too would be hurt. Sam, my dad may not have 'left' the same way you define leaving, but he's gone, so I understand."

I looked over at him, feeling helpless yet strangely a bit comforted by his admission. The moment my eyes reached his, I broke down again, covering my face to hide my obvious tears. The reality of the situation finally set in, and I could not deal with it.

At that moment an arm wrapped around my shoulder. Carly was long gone, but I didn't even notice when she had gone upstairs. Afraid to let Freddie hug me, but too reassured to draw away, I stayed still, confused about which action to take.

Deciding that I was not going to rip his arm out of its socket, Freddie got a little bit closer and pulled me into a proper hug. I had hugged Freddie before, but only when Carly made us after one of our fights. Now he was actually comforting me; we had found a common weakness, and as much as I hated to say so, it put me at ease to know that someone understood, even if it was Freddie.

But that ease wore away as I was again reminded of why we were in this situation. I started shaking as a fresh burst of tears came, and though I expected him to draw back in surprise, Freddie did not move except to pull me closer. It was possibly the strangest thing I'd ever done; yet I stayed, helpless and sad, wrapped in Freddie's arms. Now, don't get me wrong, it was certainly just one of the friend moments in our frenemy-ship, but a little part of me did not ever want to let go; did not want to let go of the comfort, or of the moment. Okay, ew, away from this mushiness. All in all, Freddie was the one who was able to comfort me because, despite my previous thoughts, he suffered from a similar situation. In a way, perhaps I was comforting him, too.

Of course, I was still disappointed. There had been a lot to deal with in a short period of time, and the good quickly took a turn for the worse. For now, I was feeling a little better.

I started to feel sleepy, but my body would not let me fall asleep no matter how much I wanted to. Whether it was the fear of falling asleep next to Freddie or the constant pain in my stomach, churning more and more every time I thought of my father, it was not important. I fought it as best I could, but I was forced to remain awake in a slightly distant state.

As I became drowsier and drowsier, my mind flickered between sleep and flashbacks…

""Yeah. It'd be too weird if you didn't make my life miserable all the time." He shook his head lightly as he spoke. _I guess it would be. Plus, I wasn't planning on stopping."_

I dozed for a moment.

""Sometimes I just," I don't know why I continued talking, but I did, just like before. "Wish I could get it out of the way." _At least it would be over with, and this constant nagging in my head about never kissing anyone would be gone_. Freddie gave an understanding nod."

My eyes flickered and I flashed back again.

""Nah, it's dumb." _I was close. But I can't stand this, I hate it when people almost tell you something and then back out at the last second. Freddie's going to tell me_.

"Say it," I raised my hand up as if that would influence him to speak up about what was on his mind. I really wanted to know.

"Okay," _Finally!_ "I was just gonna say," Freddie's eyes looked away from me as he shrugged his shoulders as if to back himself up in the belief that his idea was dumb.

My brain pieced it all together. _Oh, Freddie_. "That we should kiss?" My eyebrows flicked up in what I realized was a similar manner to Freddie's when he said 'good.' _Why did they do that?_ A smile grazed my lips. Sure, I thought he was crazy, and it was funny that he was so scared to admit his thoughts, but I had already admitted so much tonight that one more confession added to the pile probably couldn't do much harm."

My lips started to curl upward before I drifted off again.

""Hm." I actuallyconsidered the idea. "Just to get it over with." I was seriously thinking this through."

Zzzz.. My eyes felt heavy.

""Never." I let out a sigh. As much as I wanted to have my first kiss, I never thought of it happening like this. Much less with Freddie. But we had more or less agreed to do so just now, and I certainly wasn't back out. Sam Puckett is not a quitter, even if that means kissing Freddie Benson. The thought didn't actually seem so bad at the time, just unexpected."

Was I really thinking about this right now? Before I could answer, I drifted away into more memories.

"Our lips met. He moved his head a little bit. I'm not going to lie and say there were fireworks or something cheesy like that, but it definitely wasn't horrible. Slowly, I closed my eyes. The kiss lasted for around seven or eight seconds. The seconds seemed to last forever yet fly by all at once, it was a completely different experience from anything I'd ever felt before."

I stretched slightly, trying to fall asleep, and yet succumbing to my flashbacks.

""Good work." I didn't know what to say. It wasn't completely awkward, but seeing as we had gone from frenemy-ship to sharing a first kiss in a matter of minutes, there wasn't a clear path of what to say or do.

"Thank you, you too." He nodded. Luckily, I wasn't alone in the boat of confusion. Freddie was in the exact same situation as I was."

Freddie was in the same situation as me. Was I thinking about our kiss or our fathers? I drifted away again.

""I hate you." As he said it, he flashed me a large smile. He was joking, but also probably thinking about how funny this situation was. Not a 'haha we had our first kisses' kind of funny, but a 'somehow we went from being frenemies to kissing and promising to never tell anyone and hate each other forever right afterward, isn't this kind of weird in a slightly amusing way' funny. I had to agree, it was probably one of the most unique situations I'd ever been in. His smile was comforting, and I returned it with one of my own.

"Hate you too," I replied, giving a small nod before turning around and walking back down the hallway.

That one kiss had probably changed me forever. I know, this sounds dramatic, but as I thought it through, it seemed like a realistic thought. _I just had my first kiss! With Freddie, but that doesn't change the facts. It wasn't as bad as I would have thought kissing Freddie would be. Not that I ever actually thought of it, but kissing Freddie seems like one of those things that would be on my list of things I'd rather die than do. But, now it's over with. We kissed."_

It changed my life forever. More than I knew it would when it happened. I almost dozed off again, but then, it dawned on me; and suddenly, I was wide-awake.

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><p><strong>Some things to clear up:<strong>

**1. In case the end was confusing, Sam's drifting in and out of sleep, and when she's half-awake, she's flashing back. The excerpts are from Chapter 5: My First Kiss. :P**

**2. The whole sitting w/Freddie on the couch thing is not supposed to seem super mushy. I hope it doesn't...**

**Thanks again for reading my story! Please comment (I love hearing everyone's feedback). :) If there's anything you think I should/could do to improve my story or if you have any suggestions, please tell me! I must say, I've been reciveing less comments lately (which is probably my fault since I haven't been updating as frequently as I should). So, I've been reading through my past comments, and I stumbled across the comments where some of you told me your favorite lines, and reading them made me endlessly happy that such wonderful people (aka all of you) read my story, so thank you! :D**

**Also, please follow my friend WeShouldKiss on Twitter, since she is so kind to promote my new chapters there!**

**Remember back in Chapter 4, I asked for title ideas? Well, I have to do several quick thank yous for title ideas that inspired my recent chapters:**

**-hiddenxobserver for the title "My First A"**

**-HannahTwilightPrincess for coming up with the idea for a chapter when Freddie first saw Sam cry (aka this chapter)**

**-Geekquality for the idea of "My First Fat Shake"**

**-Everyone who recommended I do "My First Kiss" (I already had that chapter written at the time, so I was happy so many of you wanted it)**

**-Everyone who recommended I do "My First Date" or something similar to explain the Pete relationship. A large number of requests for that one came in, and I thought it fit into my storyline.**

**I may not have written the chapters the way you envisioned them, but I did use some of your titles!**

**I have a kind of three-chapter-arc-like-thing planned for some upcoming chapters. I debated whether or not to give a hint, but I think that might spoil some stuff. If any of you really want a hint, tell me in your comment. If I get enough requests (perhaps 5-7, we shall see if I get any), maybe I'll have WeShouldKiss tweet it or something... ;)**

**Thanks again! :D**


	19. Chapter 18: My First Love

**Hello! First of all, I must give a humongous apology to everyone who reads my story. I haven't updated in a super long time. The winter holidays got in the way, then I was sick for a while, and I just had tons of difficulties with this chapter. I feel especially bad because, just after last chapter, mallovesseddie (I tried typing it w/the periods, but the underline didn't want to save) commented that one of the reasons they love My List of Firsts is because I update on a fairly regular basis, so I'm sorry for the huge wait.**

**Anyway... This chapter, as you may have guessed from the title, is quite an important one. I hope I did the idea justice. It truthfully wasn't what I had in mind, but I really had no idea of how I was going to approach it, so I hope everyone likes it.**

**This is, indeed the start of a mini-arc. It's not a new series or anything, it's just a little arc. I suppose it doesn't have to be an arc, since the chapters will fit into the story just like the rest, I just feel like they could be an arc. Maybe the arc part isn't that important.**

**NOTE: THIS IS NOT THE SEDDIE ARC. Obviously the arc's going to involve Seddie (even if there are just hints), because, if you read the story description, the word 'Seddie' was featured there. There will also be things like friendships and food and other things that appear in all of my chapters. But, this is not going to be the one time that I mention Seddie throughout the entire story (I believe there have been hints in past chapters). I am not Dan. I do not have a TV show. I have My List of Firsts, and for me, that's quite enough. :)**

**I hope all of you love the chapter! Please tell me what you think in the comments! :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18: My First Love<strong>

I scribbled furiously on my list. After that epiphany, I needed to get out of there. Out of the Shay apartment, away from Freddie. I had bounced up from the couch and created some lie about my mom going to the doctor or something dumb like that, leaving Freddie sprawled out on the couch, half asleep and puzzled.

I added two new entries to the list:

_March 16__th__, 2010: My First Time Crying (in front of someone other than Carly – Fredide Benson)_

Then, I wrote my other first. That one I stared at for a while, confused yet not ready to think about it.

I had only just realized it, and I feared it. Never had I thought about it, which is why the realization shocked and terrified me so much. _I'm going to need a __very__ good hiding spot for my list. Then again, Freddie didn't find it when it was behind the mirror; he found it when it was under my bed that one time._

Stuffing it behind my mirror, I turned my list so the writing faced the wall, more fearful than ever of someone finding it. Especially Freddie. But, I found no reason for Freddie to search behind my mirror, let alone be in my house again, so I decided I was safe.

The only way I could think of avoiding my secret was to eat lots of ham and stay far away from Carly and Freddie's apartment building.

Rummaging through the fridge, I found a piece of ham left over from dinner several days before. I fired up the oven and sat at the table with a bowl full of nuts to take up my time.

The ham was fine. Don't get me wrong, ham is always delicious, but I think I was trying too hard to not think of my latest realization to really enjoy my snack.

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><p>Several days went by and not much happened. I hung out around my house, ate lots of meat, and did pretty much nothing. But this was not a good quiet. I was restless and anxious. I couldn't go more than ten minutes without thinking of the newest addition to my list. My mother was away – most likely staying with the garden company owner I saw loitering outside our house last week – so she didn't notice. I couldn't decide whether I was happier that no one could see me like this or that I'd managed not to go completely insane yet.<p>

It was a hard secret to keep to myself, and even harder to stomach, so I kept as far away from other people as possible. If I wasn't ready to think about it, then no one should know.

_Why is this so hard? Why can't I just ignore it?_ I sat the remote on the floor and crossed my legs, leaning back against the couch, figures moving across the screen. I knew perfectly well why I couldn't just ignore it. This was a very important and unfortunately undeniable fact, and it wouldn't leave me alone. That's not to say I would be happier if it wasn't true. I don't really know if it would be better if this were false. I mean, it would be just like life was last week, but did I really want the fact to go away now that I'd realized it?

I'm not sure. What I was sure about was my boredom, which was growing with every moment that I pushed my revelation away and changed the channel.

My phone buzzed. Carly had texted me. Hey Sam. Haven't seen you in a while. Come over?

It was Saturday. There had been teacher conferences Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, so I hadn't seen Carly or Freddie since Wednesday, when all of this happened. Monday was the start of spring break, and I was planning on using it as another way to stay away from my friends so I could keep evading the truth. But, Carly is too friendly to let that happen.

It took me a long time to figure out what to say. _Should I tell her I'm busy? No, she'd know that was a lie. After all, what would I be doing that was more important than my friends the Saturday before spring break? Should I say sure and go over? But I don't want to see them. I don't want to have to think about my secret any more than I already do, and I don't want to accidentally let it out either._ It was a tough decision; after enough contemplation, I decided it would seem too suspicious if I said I was just going to stay home, and so instead of creating lots of drama, I'd just see Carly.

Sure. Want to meet at the GS? I figured if we were meeting away from the apartment, maybe she wouldn't invite Freddie. Maybe.

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><p>I had almost finished my smoothie by the time Carly walked in. I didn't even see her enter because I was too distracted by the table next to me where a little boy was spilling his smoothie all over, and his mother was trying to stop him while wiping it up. It was all just one big amusing mess.<p>

"Hey Sam."

"Hey Carls. How-" I looked up to see Freddie standing a little bit behind her. "You invited Frednub?"

"Well it's not like we had anything personal to discuss, and I figured Freddie wasn't doing much." _Yeah, there's not much to discuss because I refuse to let myself figure out my own secret_.

"I know you and Freddie fight a lot," she looked slightly disapproving, "but you two are friends; you must like him at least a little bit, seeing as you haven't killed him." _I like him more than you need to know. That's the problem._

"I haven't killed him yet." I glared at Freddie. The glare was real too, because he was ruining my plan to stay away from him by showing up here.

They got their smoothies and sat down. The mood was so awkward; you'd probably need a chainsaw just to start to cut the tension. The three of us were silent. No one looked at each other. No one knew what to say or do.

Eventually, Carly tried. "So, what are you two doing over spring break?"

"Nothing," I said glumly. Not that I wanted to do anything, it just sounded so boring saying it.

"Freddie?" Carly turned hopefully to Freddie, wishing for him to have something to discuss.

"I'm not doing anything either." Carly's face dropped. "My mom wanted us to go away, but I said no."

"Why?"

"She wanted us to go on a mother-son retreat to learn more about micro bacteria and the best new cleaning products."

"Those things exist?" _Of course Mrs. Benson would find a trip like that_.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"How'd you get out of it?" Despite wanting to have limited interaction with Freddie, I was curious; even if my reasoning was so that I'd have more blackmail on Freddie and Mrs. Benson.

"I told her Carly and Spencer were going away and they'd already invited me."

"Did they?"

"No. But she won't find out because she signed up for a similar trip for adults."

"Fun," I rolled my eyes. His mother was so weird; and the ruder I was, the less likely it was anyone would realize I liked him.

Freddie sent a look my way that was slightly annoyed, but at the same time, seemed to share my sentiments. I tried my best not to look at him, but I caught his grimace and inwardly noted how much he'd grown to realize how strange his mother was.

Carly interrupted my thoughts, and the silence that I didn't even notice. "Do you guys want to go back to the apartment?"

"Sure," I said, not really paying attention.

The three of us got up and threw our empty cups in the trash on the way out. It was starting to warm up, but it was still cold enough that I zipped up my jacket before going too far.

The awkwardness continued when we got to Carly's apartment. Spencer barely noticed. "Hey guys, I'm going to play ping pong in the boiler room with Marvin."

We mumbled something in response, too distracted to wonder how an ostrich was going to hold a paddle.

"Well okay then," he said, flinging the door open.

Once he was gone, Carly turned to us. "We should do something, you guys. Anything." Her eyes looked desperate, and she was right; sitting here quietly wasn't going to achieve anything, nor was it going to be any fun.

"I have to work on some new tech stuff for iCarly. You could observe or something. Hand me tools," Freddie suggested. _Is he kidding?_

I groaned. "No one wants to play nerd with you, Frednub."

He stuck his tongue out at me, and I gladly returned the favor.

"We have to do something." Carly sighed as she put her head in her hands.

"We could eat ham?" I said, hungry and just wishing the day would end so I could leave, mostly to get away from Freddie.

"We don't have any left. You can have turkey if you want," Carly offered, trying not to upset me. Any mention of meat made me happy, and I stumbled over to the fridge, leaving Carly and Freddie alone in the living room to discuss whatever they wanted.

I spent an extra long time in the fridge, pretending my nose hadn't immediately directed me to the leftover piece of meat. _Maybe his mom will come in and make him leave for the wacko trip she wanted him to go on._ I hoped that when I took my head out of the freezer I would turn around and see Carly shutting the door, but I was never that lucky, so sure enough, there was no one at the door, and Carly and Freddie were still sitting in the other room. _Great_. I heated my snack and sat at the kitchen table, pulling it apart as slowly as possible. The more time I spent away from them, the less likely it was for me to reveal anything.

_What if I go stir crazy and flip out? Then I'll start saying all sorts of crazy things and tell them exactly what I'm trying to avoid letting out by sitting here. Oh my gosh I'm going to go insane!_

"Sam?"

I walked into the living room, careful, yet more comfortable now that I knew I wasn't going to go crazy. At least not yet. "Yeah Carls?"

"I was just going to ask if you wanted to eat in here instead of all alone."

"Guess I answered your question." I smiled a little. Despite the weird things going on in my mind and the general awkwardness of the day, Carly was still my best friend, and there was no reason not to be friendly.

I sat down next to Carly, quietly eating my snack.

"Let's watch Girly Cow or something," Carly said. She flipped on the TV, not even paying much attention to the channel.

"May we please change this," I asked in between bites. "I don't even understand why there's a channel devoted to elderly Australian travelers. We don't even live in Australia!"

"So that's why there's an old lady scuba diving. I can't believe there's a whole channel for this."

It turned out that the more we watched it, the more amusing the elderly travelling show was. Somehow, I think it was exactly what we needed to lighten the mood.

"Wait, is she actually asking that man on what longitude line he was born? Where do old people come up with such weird questions?" Freddie fell onto his side, clutching his stomach with laughter. The three of us were basically in tears because of all the crazy things this lady was doing.

"And now she has a map of Japan. Doesn't she realize that's the wrong country?" Carly was upside down, trying to figure out of it was just a really poorly drawn map of Australia. It wasn't.

"Haha, listen to her 'they're both islands, so they must be the same place.' Is this show scripted?" I asked no one in particular.

"I don't know, let me look it up on my PearPhone." Freddie pulled out his PearPhone and after a little bit of research told Carly and me what he found. "It says here that Grandma Sally's Australian Adventures isn't scripted. Apparently they just found a batty old Australian woman and offered her a show. She travels around wherever they want her to, and she is just told to go into lots of public places like town squares and pubs and just meet people. But even her home life is strange."

"I'm not sure whether I'm crying because this is hilarious or because her life is so depressing. I mean, look at her, this is her fourteenth kangaroo drawing of the night!"

"It says here that some Australians tried to sue the channel for portraying Australia with negative stereotypes."

"Who won?"

"The channel. The people dropped the case after watching so many shows they realized it was all in good fun. Plus the channel adopted an Irish station and I guess a Brazilian one's in the works too."

"Maybe if they have an American one, Spencer can be featured in his old lady outfit. Remember when that old guy hit on him?"

"Ugh, you mean Gumless Gary?"

"I forgot about him! I mean the guy at Neville's signing."

"Oh yeah. He was so weird. At least he had gums."

The three of us shivered before looking back at the screen, only to find Grandma Sally hitting some young guy with her purse while ridiculing him on the dangers of skydiving.

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><p>"I'm back!" Spencer walked through the door, covered in sweat.<p>

"How was ping pong with Marvin?"

"He is really competitive." Spencer leaned against the doorway, gasping for breath. "Hey, are you guys watching the Elderly Australian Channel?"

"Yeah, you've heard of it?"

"Of course. Socko's grandma is one fifteenth Australian, and she likes to tell me about some of the shows when we're on our way to the ballet. What're you watching?"

"Geezer George's Gators. I think this is the fourth show we've watched on here." I wanted to groan but these shows were just so amusing.

"Four whole hours of old people and beaches."

"Wait, are there even alligators in Australia?"

"No, I don't think so. This man hasn't even had a real alligator on the show, so I doubt it."

"So weird," Spencer walked toward his room, shaking his head, Marvin in tow.

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><p>A little while later, Carly turned toward us. "Okay, I've had enough old people adventures. Wanna go grab a burrito or something?"<p>

"Sounds good to me." I sprung up, eager to eat.

"Sure, I could do with a burrito right now." Freddie got up too, nodding his head.

"Okay, I'm just going to put on a proper outfit and brush my hair."

"I'll be here."

"Thanks for letting us know, Sam." Freddie laughed a little.

"Mocking me, Benson?"

"No fighting, you two!" Carly called on her way upstairs.

"Aye aye Captain Shay," I said, but I turned to Freddie with a smirk. Before I said anything rude, my stomach dropped. The minute my eyes hit Freddie's face, I realized that the two of us were standing here alone, and therefore I had to talk to him. It was the first time the two of us had been alone since my epiphany, and until now, the elderly travel channel had helped me to momentarily forget about it. The memory came rushing back and I froze, unable to think of anything to say or do.

"You're really not going to fight with me?" Freddie eyed me skeptically, lifting his eyebrows just like he does ever so often.

"I, uh… Well, you know." I mumbled some random phrases, still trying to think things out even though my brain felt slow.

"Sam, what's up with you? You've been acting so weird lately."

Looking at Freddie, I suddenly felt an urge to tell him. Maybe letting it out was the right thing to do. Then I'd be normal and wouldn't have to freak out about spilling my secret. _But what if he flipped out? What if Carly got mad at me? What would happen after I told him? Nothing would happen. What if he punched me or something like that? Please, Freddie's not strong enough or brave enough to do anything violent. Would it really be that hard to just look at Freddie and tell him the truth? To say that little phrase?_

"Freddie, the thing is that…" I paused. Never had I been this unsure of anything in my life. This was Freddie Benson I was talking to, the boy I hated more than anything else. And yet, I knew what I was thinking wasn't a lie either. And I hated that.

"Ready to go get some burritos?" Carly skipped down the stairs with a sweater and shiny hair. "I miss something?" She looked between the two of us curiously.

"Nope, I'm just starving, and I think it's making me crazy." It wasn't a lie; maybe my hunger was the reason I almost said possibly the stupidest thing I'd ever said in my life.

Freddie chuckled, "typical Sam."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I shot him a glare.

"Well for a second there I was worried that something was wrong with you. But of course, you just need a meal big enough for an entire football team so you can fill your hollow leg."

I shot him another glare, but I could not have been more relieved Carly came downstairs when she did. Otherwise I would have turned to Freddie and told him something I'm not even sure is true. _Hunger does make me crazy. I mean, sure, maybe it would've been easy to say it, but when it comes down to the end, I'm glad I didn't. Maybe it wasn't even true; that one small phrase._

_Freddie, I love you._

_I wish it was just the hunger making me crazy. Should I tell him or not? Ugh, this is going to be the longest burrito dinner ever._

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><p><strong>So, I hope all of you loved that chapter just as much as Sam loves Freddie. ;)<strong>

**Will Sam tell Freddie her feelings? Does Freddie feel the same way? Is it actually just the hunger making her crazy? (The answer to that one is no.) What will happen next? These are all things you should be pondering...**

**This chapter was a little shorter than the recent ones, but hopefully it's still up to par. Oh, and I tried my best to follow SeddierFTW's suggestion to make Sam sound, well, a little more Sam-ish like in my earlier chapters. Hopefully I succeeded. :) I would love to hear what all of you have to say (as always)!**

**Everyone has been so wonderfully responsive giving me great feedback and suggestions, so I want to give a huge 'thank you' to all of my readers, and a double thank you to those who comment. I can see my story stats (how many people favorite my story, how many people are updated when there's a new chapter, etc), and I must say that they make me very happy, and as a result I'm even more enthusiastic to write each chapter. So, please keep reading My List of Firsts, comment, tell your friends about it, blog about it, Tweet about it, whatever you want! I love that people read my story, and so I thank each and every one of my readers very much for inspiring me to continue my story with each chapter. :) Too mushy? I hope not. :P**


	20. Chapter 19: My First Battle

**Hello! Sorry (again) for the delay, I'm super super busy.**

**This is the second part of the mini-arc, though if you don't like arcs, just ignore I ever said that, b/c, truthfully, it fits in just like a normal chapter. If you do like arcs, then hopefully you'll like this! :)**

**IMPORTANT: I am NOT going to stop writing this story. There may be annoying breaks in between postings when I get busy, but the chapters will continue to come. I try to post as often as I can, but unfortunately that isn't as frequently as I wish it was. I also need time to plan chapters so they're not all horrible. But don't worry, Sam's still adding firsts to her list. :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 19: My First Battle<strong>

"Thanks." I slid the burrito off of the counter, folding my hand over the change and making my way over to a booth with Carly and Freddie.

I sat down next to Carly, leaving Freddie to sit on the other side of the table. After sitting down, I regretted my decision, realizing I was going to have to look at Freddie now. Angling myself just so, I looked up at Carly, Freddie's figure blocked out of my vision by the hair on the side of my head.

"This burrito looks delicious." Without any hesitation, I looked down at my food and started eating.

The entire meal passed in a blur, and it felt like it went on forever. Carly and Freddie talked a lot about nothing in particular, and I answered questions whenever asked. But I wasn't in the mood for talking; I was just too confused. Luckily, my burrito was a good excuse to stay silent. So was my second. And my third.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe she said no," Carly turned around in shock as she unlocked the door to her apartment.<p>

"Yeah, me neither. But I guess she just flipped out and walked away." Freddie shook his head, chuckling.

"That chick's crazy," I added, walking through the doorway.

"I didn't think anyone would ever turn down an offer like that, but I guess she did."

"Ugh," I sighed, slouching onto the couch. "I don't understand."

"I doubt anyone ever will," Carly sat down next to me. "So, what's everyone up to tonight?"

"Nothing."

"I'm not doing anything either. It's spring break and I'm not going anywhere. None of us are."

"Good point. Well, you guys can just hang here if you want."

"Sounds good to me," I lied. It was tricky enough trying to deal with my feelings and decide what to do about them, but trying to do so was a billion times harder while hanging out with Freddie.

"Sure. It's not exactly a long journey home, but I don't have anything to do anyway," Freddie shrugged.

After a few awkward moments of silence, Carly spoke up, "we could go plan things for iCarly."

Freddie groaned.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just that you two do all the planning, so I'd be stuck with nothing to do."

"Oh, suck it up Benson. Life isn't fun all the time. Once in a while you have to sit there and do nothing, just like I used to do when I was really young and my mom brought me along on her dates."

Freddie and Carly gave me skeptical yet apologetic looks.

"On a different note," Carly continued, a little flustered. "We could watch a movie."

"Yeah, um, what about the new movie with that guy in it?"

"Sam, that describes like every new movie out there."

"Sorry that I don't pay attention to commercials!"

"You know what? Why don't we just go to the movie theater and buy tickets to the first movie we see a poster for?"

"That could be fun," I lightened up. Sitting in the dark and not having to do any small talk sounded like the perfect excuse to ignore Freddie (and my feelings for him).

* * *

><p>"Um, one ticket to…" Carly turned around. "What does that poster say?" She pointed to the poster closest to her.<p>

"Dragons and Doughnuts."

"What is it even about?"

"I don't know; this is the first time I've heard of it."

"Well, we have to stick to the plan." She turned back to the man behind the counter, who was getting impatient, "one ticket to 'Dragons and Doughnuts' please." She flashed him a smile and he slid her ticket under the slot.

"And for you two?"

"I'll have a ticket to 'Dragons and Doughnuts.'" I stood, impatiently waiting for the man to give me my ticket.

"Are you two together?" He motioned between Freddie and me, who were standing relatively close while Carly made her way to the popcorn line.

"Uh, yeah? I guess so? We came together, if that's what you mean." _Stupid, stupid, stupid. That's obviously not what he meant_. I ridiculed myself, realizing my mistake too late.

"Well we're having a special Spring Break Saturday Special for couples. If you-"

"Ew, no. We are not a couple." I glared at the man with a gaze that could most likely saw into the Earth's core. I stuck out my hand, and he hastily placed my ticket into my grasp, hurriedly doing the same for Freddie.

Silently, the two of us joined Carly on line.

"Got your tickets?" She turned to us.

Freddie and I awkwardly avoided each other's gazes while shifting awkwardly.

"Um, yep. All set. Now all we need is tons of food!" I changed the topic, trying to figure out how much food I could get for all of the money I had with me.

"Next!" Carly walked up to the lady at the counter, smiling sweetly as she ordered a soda and large popcorn for all of us to share.

After she was done, Freddie ordered a soda for himself, and then I did the same, adding on several boxes of candy and an ice cream cone. One can never have too many snacks in a movie theater.

We made our way into the theater, totally unaware of what to expect.

Seating ourselves in the middle section, a bit to the right, the three of us watched the trailers.

"That looks so cute!" Carly squealed after a rom-com trailer played.

Freddie looked at her, shaking his head.

"Don't make fun of me." Carly pretended to pout.

"No offense, Carls, but you may be seeing that one on your own."

"But you went with me to see _The First Kiss_."

"Yeah, but neither of us thought it'd be good. You're actually excited about this movie."

"Maybe you'll change your mind."

"Doubtful."

"For your best friend?" Carly looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Stop playing the best friend card," I pretended to be upset. But she smiled victoriously, knowing I'd go with her. There are only so many things for saying 'no' to when your best friend asks, and this was just not worth it.

The lights dimmed and I relaxed in my seat, finishing off my ice cream cone.

About halfway through the movie, I reached for the popcorn, which for some reason wasn't on my lap anymore. When I turned to get it, I saw Freddie, and, though I saw him all the time, I felt a wrenching feeling in my stomach. Pretending I had to go to the bathroom, I got up. The movie was awful anyway, so it wasn't like I was missing anything.

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><p>Standing in the lobby, I thought through what had happened. I had to make a decision. I had to make it soon. Otherwise I'd be left confusing and torturing myself for too long, and probably end up in a mental hospital or something annoying like that.<p>

"Sam?" _Great_. "What're you doing out here?"

"I went to the bathroom, and then I was trying to figure out if I wanted to get a slushy or –" I paused. "Wait a minute. What are you doing out here?"

Carly looked at the floor, embarrassed. "That movie's so awful, I had to get out. I said I had to go to the bathroom, but I just didn't want to watch it anymore."

"You left Freddie in there to deal with it himself?" I wasn't worried. No, I definitely wasn't worried. _I don't care about Freddie. I don't care about Freddie. Now I have to repeat it 100 times so it sticks. I'm hopeless_.

For a minute, Carly looked worried, but then she calmed down, "No, he fell asleep right before I left."

The two of us laughed, realizing how weird this situation was. Despite the fact that the movie was terrible, I was actually having a good time.

"Here the two of us are, standing in the movie theater lobby, trying to escape some random movie we picked on a whim. Freddie's asleep, and it's spring break." Carly looked at me mischievously, with the glimmer in her eyes that only showed when she was planning something that involved doing random things and me.

"What're you thinking?"

"Wanna ditch the rest of the movie?"

"I certainly don't want to watch any more of it. But where could we go?"

"Nowhere. Let's just hang out here."

"In the movie theater lobby?"

"Sam, where'd your sense of adventure go?"

"This doesn't seem very adventurous."

"It's more fun than watching _Dragons and Doughnuts_."

"You've got that right. So, Ms. Shay, what do you have in store for us?"

Carly motioned forward, "follow me." Shrugging, I went along with her.

"Yes, hello again," Carly smiled at the snack lady once more. "May I please have two large slushies, and five boxes of assorted candies? A small popcorn too, please." Pulling out her wallet, Carly kept smiling; ignoring the weird looks the cashier gave her.

"That woman must think I'm such a pig," she face me again, her hands piled with treats. I laughed, but I still eyed her curiously, unsure of her plan.

Carly led me over to the window, and sat on the bench in front of it, laying all of the food out in front of us. I sat down too, reviewing all of her purchases.

"So, I figured we could just eat tons of food out here. It'll be like watching a movie in theaters, except, without the movie."

As weird as her idea would sound to most people, it sounded perfect to me. Carly and I had the weirdest friendship, and we had no problem doing random things like this together.

The hour passed while we snacked and talked. It was great to hang out like this, and, she pointed out, we hadn't been doing so enough lately. There's nothing more important than best friends, and if our quasi-movie watching evening didn't prove that, then I don't know what would.

* * *

><p>"Where'd you guys go? I know girls take a long time in the bathroom, but I'm pretty sure that no one takes an hour in there." Freddie rubbed his eyes.<p>

"Tired, Benson?" Carly and I had made sure to get rid of all the traces of our mini-adventure before the movie ended.

"It is getting late." _What a lame excuse_.

"Please, Frednub; it's 9:30. You just don't want to admit you slept through the movie."

"I- You know what? If you two can spend half of the time in the bathroom, then I should be allowed to take a nap. That movie was awful."

"You have to admit," Carly said. "It still kind of was a fun night."

Freddie and I nodded. It really had been a great night, even though the movie wasn't any good.

* * *

><p>Stumbling into my room, I wiped my eyes, unable to stop myself from yawning. I had gone back to the Shay apartment, but before long I was too tired to do much, and for some strange reason, I went back to my house.<p>

On my way to bed, I bumped into my dresser. Turning around, I faced my mirror. I tried moving my hair around a bit so it would look more normal, before giving up, realizing I was just going to sleep anyway.

But before I continued to bed, I shifted closer to the wall, pushing aside my mirror.

I glanced down at my list, skimming through all of the entries until my eyes settled on the last one.

_March 16__th__, 2010: My First Love (Freddie Benson)_

I had added it a little while ago, but I hadn't looked at it since the realization.

_Am I going to tell him or not?_

So much was at risk either way. What was I supposed to do? Even though the moments right before you fall asleep aren't necessarily your most comprehensive times, it was right then that I made my decision.

_What am I going to do about my love for Freddie?_

The answer was clear.

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><p><strong>DUNDUNDUN... I'm so mean. :P<strong>

**I hope you liked this chapter, please comment and tell me what you think!**

**In case it was unclear, the "battle" mentioned in the title is Sam's inner battle (aka her decision on what to do about her feelings). Kind of cheesy, I know.**

**Thank you so much for reading!**


	21. NOTICE: Chapter 20 on the way!

MY LIST OF FIRSTS IS **NOT** OVER

I'm incredibly sorry for the humungous delay. At first there was just some work getting in the way, but then I also had some personal things to deal with. I'm absolutely fine, but it took up much of my time, and made me feel rather uninspired.

I promise I'm returning to write Chapter 20 soon, and it should be up within the next couple of weeks (if not this one).

If anyone's still around and reading this, THANK YOU! You'll be rewarded for your dedication as soon as I can scrape together something okay. :)


	22. Chapter 20: My First Sacrifice

**Hello everyone! I have to say a humungous apology for the delay. As I wrote in my note, life's been completely hectic, and I was sick for a while and had personal things to deal with. Luckily, everything's resolved now, and I have some time one again.**

**Some of you wrote such sweet things, and all I can say is thank you. 3**

**If anyone's still reading My List of Firsts, then I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's certainly not the happiest, but I promise there will be cheerier things to come. Please tell me what you think!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 20: My First Sacrifice<strong>

I had to give up Freddie.

It was possibly the hardest decision I had ever made. True, I was still in love with him, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Knowing Freddie, he would reject me if I told him. Most likely it would tear apart our friendship, and even the one I shared with Carly. There was no way he felt the same for me, and our frenemy-ship was already strained enough by my secret that I didn't need it to crumble with the truth.

When I woke up, I thought that maybe my opinion would have changed. I almost hoped it would have. I still loved Freddie; nothing would change that, so it was hard for me to face the idea of letting him go. But it had to be done.

Stretching, I swung myself out of bed, not ready to face the day, but not actually having anything to do, anyway. My hand ran through my curls, getting stuck as a result of the messy texture they gained from sleep. I shuffled slowly through the hallway, making my way down the stairs lazily until I finally reached the kitchen. I grabbed at the cupboard until my fingers wrapped around the handle and pried it open. I was tired and distracted, so this was harder than usual.

My mother was still out of town, so I was on my own to find food, but that's how it was even when she was here. I barely even realized that I was pouring the cereal into the bowl, that I got out the milk, that there was a spoon in my hand. Eating was never an activity that passed me by; I always savored each bite, no matter how quickly it was taken. But today was different. My sour mood veiled me in some sort of passiveness – or, at least, I think that's the word Carly used several months ago when I gave her the silent treatment instead of telling her why her not stocking the fridge with tenderloins upset me.

Staring blankly around, I really didn't know what to do with myself. There was nothing new going on today, and I had no desire to see Freddie or Carly because this was just so weird and so hard. They wouldn't understand, as I couldn't even tell them in the first place. Do you know how hard it is not to be able to talk things out with your best friend? Carls and I normally talk about everything, but I never told her my feelings for Freddie, and she always tries to meddle with this stuff, and she just wouldn't understand. She's quite the talker but she can't find out about this.

I found myself needing to move about, since my plan several days before to just sit and ignore everything hadn't worked. But there was nowhere to go.

_Maybe I should go by some meat._ I didn't have much money, but I basically had a credit account with the deli since he often gave me extra stuff for free. I'm pretty sure I'm his best customer.

"Two sausages," there was no 'please' added on to the end of my sentence as I tried to blow my hair out of my face. It was such a nuisance. Frank looked at me with pity in his eyes but knew better than to ask questions. He had been there when I'd ran into his freezer that one day I'd cried over my father, and we had some unspoken agreement or something. It was like a friendship, but not really. More of an understanding.

He handed them over and I tried to smile faintly, but my efforts fell flat. Instead I just nodded and began the slow trod back to my house. Walking up the steps and through the door, I wanted to just slump on the couch and will away my feelings for Freddie. Then we could go back to being frenemies and life would be so much easier.

Unfortunately, I could do no such thing. Not only was that probably impossible, but the phone was ringing. Rolling my eyes in annoyance, I marched over to it and slammed my finger against the 'talk' button.

"Yes?" I didn't care if it was the Queen of England at that point, manners and Sam Puckett are not meant to go in the same sentence.

"Sam! Oh, good, there you are! I texted you and called your cellphone but you didn't pick up and I was beginning to get worried," the voice was frantic, but slowly calming down with each word.

"Yep, it's me," I responded flatly. Guess I'd left my phone somewhere in the house.

Luckily, she was too busy being relieved that I was alive to notice my tone. I guess I often sounded bored, anyway.

"Are you busy? We could go get a smoothie or something." I could tell she just wanted to see her best friend, and I have to admit I kind of wanted to see her, too, but now was not the time, and she was only going to pester me with questions if I showed up like this. Lying to Carly was never something I enjoyed.

"I'm busy eating meat. I went to the deli."

"Well you can eat meat with me, too, can't you?"

"That I can." I didn't know where this was headed.

"Why don't you come over? Unless you'd rather sit at home by yourself all day and just gaze at your meat." There it was, the Carly I knew, prodding me along. Normally she could make me crack a huge smile and laugh at something like that – just like she almost always did – but now I just felt blah.

"If you want me to. I guess I can always take the meat with me."

"There you go. See? You don't have to mope around all day!" Classic Carly. Always the optimist, always trying to make everyone happy. I didn't deserve a friend like her.

"I'll be over soon." With that she had some enthusiastic response and I just put the phone back and looked around absently. Scooping up my sausages, I headed out the door and started the journey to the Shay apartment. This would be an interesting visit. What was I getting myself into?

* * *

><p>I knocked on the door and stood there waiting. Though I wasn't impatient because I wanted to get inside, I wanted to get away from Freddie's apartment as soon as possible, not wanting to have any run-ins with him today. Or ever.<p>

There was, of course, a smiling face to greet me at the door, and I turned up the corners of my mouth. I really was happy to see Carly – I nearly always was – it was just hard because I was trying not to think about what I'd just given up or the fact that I'd given it up, yet it was challenging not to do so while with her, especially not while in such a close proximity.

Before we could say much to each other, Spencer walked out. "Okay you two, I'm going to the junk yard. I don't want any fires or parties or mango-eating porcupines to be here when I get back." He tried to look at us sternly, though it didn't really work. He then leaned in and whispered, as if there were other people around, "though if you do find a mango-eating porcupine, make sure to ask it what it's name is and keep it, because I've always wanted to meet one." When he straightened up again, he waggled a finger at us. "Dad would not approve of any such nonsense. So don't let me see it!" With that, he was off.

For a moment we just stared at the now-closed door before turning to each other and shaking our heads. I raised an eyebrow, "why was he wearing floaties?"

"I don't even know," she chuckled slightly. We found ourselves both laughing at the very confusing sight, though I still wasn't out of my funk or whatever.

The afternoon came, and the morning had been somewhat of a blur. Since we were best friends, having a good time together wasn't that hard. But then, of course, the inevitable happened. Mr. Frednub aka the one person in the world I had decided I never wanted to see again came knocking on her door.

How'd I know it was him? Well one door shut only seconds before there was a knock. To say that I started to freak out a little would be an understatement, but somehow I kept it all inside. I just didn't know how to interact with him anymore, but I was the only one who was making it awkward for myself. I was overanalyzing the whole thing. He probably wouldn't notice I liked him – he still hadn't – and I was giving up on the thought, so now no one would ever have to know. Great. Just cheery. I was my own biggest problem. You know when teachers try to explain some sort of inner turmoil the characters in our books our facing? Well I think I understand it now.

"Hey Shay," he grinned when Carly opened the door. "Sam," he nodded to me pleasantly. I just stared at him indifferently, determined to cover whatever the heck was going on inside with a mild amount of caring, which, if I was lucky, they could also take for hunger (my usual state).

_Well this is going to be fun_, I thought to myself, the sarcasm falling flat as I was actually starting to grow worried. It wasn't that I feared being sad around him or anything, because, even though it hurt, I wasn't really the tragic mopey type. It was that I was afraid Carly and Freddie would pick up on the fight I was having in my brain and start to suspect I liked him. Not only would that set back my progress, but it'd also be about the most humiliating thing ever.

He came in and sat on the stool at the computer, swirling around to face us as Carly placed herself on the other side of the couch. "What're you up to today?" she looked at him.

"Nothin' much. Sittin' and starin' it seems." He thought he was so funny. There's a reason his name's Frednub and not Freddie the Comedian.

"Oh, Freddie," Carly rolled her eyes, looking rather bemused.

"What? Was it not funny?" He pouted slightly.

"Uh," she hesitated, obviously not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"Get over yourself, Benson. Just because she's too nice to say it doesn't mean it isn't true," my tone wasn't that mean, more of a fed-up sigh.

He frowned and stuck out his tongue at me, and I of course returned the favor.

"Okay, you two," Carly looked between us warningly. She never liked it when we fought, though she usually had to put up with it, anyway.

I just looked at Freddie and rolled my eyes. "I need a nap," I said, flopping onto my back, glancing up to see Carly hovering above me as my head was now right near where she was sitting. But, of course, being the great best friend she is, she simply shrugged and chuckled lightly at my bluntness or something and let me stay there.

But as much as I tried to sleep, my eyes would close but my brain wouldn't turn off. Though I didn't listen too closely to their conversation, I caught bits and pieces of it, and started to think. I liked Freddie. No, I loved Freddie. But I couldn't love him, and therefore I was just going to push my feelings aside and move on with life. He didn't love me. He wouldn't love me. I'm Sam Puckett. He only knows me as a bully and occasionally friendly person. Plus he liked Carly. Didn't he? He hadn't asked her out or talked about her good-smelling hair or anything of the sort in several years.

_Wait, is Freddie over Carly?_ At this realization I shot up in my seat, my eyes wide and my mind racing.

"Have a bad dream?" Her voice barely registered in my mind. How was I supposed to explain myself?

"Mhmmm," I agreed, not even sure what I was agreeing to as I returned my head to the couch and squeezed my eyelids together, thinking about this revelation.

It couldn't be true. He'd always had a crush on Carly and he always would. As much as it hurt to think of his feelings for her, it gave me yet another excuse to push away what I felt for him.

But now the doubt was stuck in my mind and I couldn't shove it out. Dang it. Stupid doubt, trying to ruin my life. It was impossible to nap after this, but I had a feeling that making it known I was awake and having to talk to them would only be harder, so I lay there quietly with my eyes closed, trying not to contemplate this heavy question. I wasn't even able to tell what I wanted the answer to be.

If he did still have a crush on Carly, then it'd be even more reason to push my feelings away, but it'd also hurt a lot. If he didn't, then it would be less painful to think about, but only give me false hope, since I know Freddie would never like me back.

The more I thought about it, the worse it got, and finally I sat back up. "Naptime's over," I announced to no one.

"Thanks for the newsflash," Freddie chuckled.

"Whatever, Benson," I just rolled my eyes, not wanting to deal with any of this.

"Where are you rushing off to?" Carly said jokingly as I stood up.

Unfortunately, I was trying to escape them, but I couldn't say that. "I, uh…" There was nothing coming into my mind and I didn't know what to do. "I have stuff to take care of," I answered lamely, shrugging at Carly before heading out the door.

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><p>When I got home, I must have slammed the front door about three times before it stayed shut, which only made me more upset. I was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I should never have let myself like the nub. If it weren't for my stupid feelings, then I wouldn't be here right now, freaking out about giving up something I should never have wanted in the first place.<p>

I had not ever been big on breaking down, especially not over my emotions, but it'd all been stuffed inside so long – the crush, the love, the abandoning of it all – that I didn't know what else to do, and walked right up to the wall and kicked it. Hard. My foot didn't appreciate it, but my mind was racing too fast to register the pain.

I shouldn't like him. He wouldn't like me. I was lame. Feelings had never been something to stand in the way of Sam Puckett, and now was not the time to let them start. He was Freddie, the largest nub in the world, and someone I would hate if it weren't for Carly's shoving us into frenemy territory. Stupid Carly. Stupid Frednub. Stupid me.

Finally I paid some attention to the present and found that I was tugging at my hair for some strange reason. Facing them had to be easier than this. I was making myself crazy by over-analyzing this whole thing. This wasn't fair, I wasn't supposed to be like this. Of course I had feelings, I'd been hurt and angry and sad before, but only the hateful (and occasionally slightly friendly-ish) ones were supposed to go to Freddie.

Walking upstairs – okay, stomping upstairs – I just wanted to go back in time or something. Whatever would make this insanity go away. I didn't do well with things I couldn't control.

I shoved my mirror out of the way, almost knocking it off the wall, and yanked down my list. As much as I wanted to rip it up so I wouldn't ever have to see acknowledgement of my feelings for him, I couldn't bring myself to do it. There was a small part of me that didn't want to let go. Okay, fine. None of me wanted to let go, but I had to. It was the best answer.

Was it?

My brain was all tangled in confusion and I didn't know the answers or even what I wanted them to be. There was so much back-and-forth that I couldn't figure anything out. Not now.

Since when was I the type of person to freak out about her feelings and hide away because it was too hard to face someone? Since never. I'm Sam Puckett, and I don't hide from things I don't like; I either shove them away and ignore them until they die (like Melanie's hamster when we were five… what?) or I beat them until they do what I want (like when Freddie used to not share his food with me). So, since I couldn't just beat myself until my feelings went away, I'd have to ignore all of this despair I was putting myself in and move on with live as it usually was.

The only problem is that I was still completely in love with Freddie, and I had no idea how to stop it.

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><p><strong>That was sad for me to write... :( But Seddie isn't over forever, don't worry!<strong>

**I'd love to hear your feedback on this chapter and my story in general, and, again, thank you to everyone for being so patient with me and to those of you who've stuck around. It really, really means a lot to me. :)**


	23. Chapter 21: My First Non-Date

**Okay, wow, hello. The first and most important thing I must do is say thank you to anyone who is actually reading this. I'm aware it's pretty much been eons since I've updated, so for those of you (if there's anyone) who are reading this, THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I WILL HUG YOU FOREVER!**

**Next I must apologize. This is, perhaps, the busiest time of my life ever, and on top of the normal busy stuff, I was sick for a long time (I'm better now, luckily) and I also had some family stuff to deal with. That being said, I finally got my lazy and now healthy butt to working, and wrote this chapter.**

**It might not be your favorite, though I hope you at least like it, and I have some exciting ideas brewing in my mind for the future.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 21: My First Non-Date<strong>

A week had passed since my decision to give up on loving Freddie. A week. At this point I just refused to acknowledge my feelings for him, because it was entirely hopeless, and Sam Puckett doesn't do weak.

This really wasn't that bad. I'm a grown girl, and have plenty of things to fill my time. I'll always have meat, which is constantly reliable. Oh, who am I kidding? It's hard. There's little I struggle with in life, other than finding an intellectual drive (or at least that's what the school counselor said, the nub), but this was a struggle.

As hard as I tried not to think about it, the thought just kept returning to my head like an itch that won't go away, no matter how many kitchen utensils you scratch it with. Maybe it would've been easier if he and I weren't friends, and if my best friend wasn't also his close friend, and if he didn't happen to live across the hallway from said friend. Basically, it was impossible for me to get him out of my mind, and thinking of Freddie made me think of my feelings for him.

At first, I was doing pretty well with the whole staying at home pacing and silently brooding while pretending I was fine thing. In fact, I had always been great at pushing my emotions away, because as I learned when I was little, emotions are generally worthless and more trouble than they ought to be. Especially when they involve things like my family. But enough on that.

This plan was going better than I could've hoped until one day, of course, Carly sent me a text and asked if I wanted to go bowling with her. And Freddie. Now, maybe this doesn't sound like that big of a deal; after all, I'd seen him plenty of times during this past week since he was always at the Shay's. But no. This didn't turn out quite like the others had. Unfortunately.

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><p>Nearly as soon as I'd knocked on her front door, she opened it and let me in, not objecting at all when I immediately went to her couch and practically threw myself on it. Pacing can take a lot out of someone. "Long day?" I heard her ask, probably with a look of amusement on her face, but I couldn't tell since I'd buried my head under a pillow.<p>

"Just tired this week," I mumbled into the fabric, causing her to laugh.

"Well I hope this isn't how you plan on bowling," she chuckled, sitting down near my feet and placing what sounded like a glass of some sort on the table in front of her. "Because you'll make a lousy opponent if it is."

I let out a random groan into the pillow and then tried talking into it again, "you'll have Frednub to bowl with you so I can just take a nap."

Before she could reply, there was a knock at the door and then it opened, and I knew it was him even though I was just staring at the cushion in my arms. "Who's ready to do some bowlin'?" his over-eager voice was just so annoying and nubish and cute and I really needed to stop this.

I could practically hear Carly grinning, she was so predictably bubbly and generally nice. Sam, stop being so mean. She's your best friend, and it's not her fault you currently feel nothing for Freddie. Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

"What's wrong, finally look in the mirror and decide you needed to hide from yourself?" I heard a voice above me and I threw the pillow at Freddie, narrowing my eyes.

"Oh, shut up," was all I said as I sat up, wishing I could wipe that stupid smirk off his face, though glad he was joking.

Carly cleared her throat, "okay, you two. That's enough for now; let's just go bowling." Then she hopped up from her seat, grabbing the glass and leaving it in the sink before returning to the living room.

"Hey, just because she likes to use all of her free moments to insult my mother, doesn't mean it's my fault."

"Don't flatter yourself, Benson," I rolled my eyes at him, shooting him a smug smile as I propped myself up and got off of the sofa. The problem was that I did think about him too much. It was bad. Really bad. If only he'd go away then I could maybe not be so overwhelmed with this. But I didn't actually want him to go away. Things were way too complicated. That was one thing I was certain about.

I don't remember what we talked about on the way to the bowling alley, but I'm pretty sure it just involved more bickering and Carly attempting to mediate. The easiest way to hide my feelings and confusion as to how I was going to keep them a secret seemed to be through lashing out. And I was great at lashing out at Freddie. After all, I had years of experience.

We got there after what felt like ages and got our shoes and picked a lane. I might be fine with things others aren't, like itching my back with barbecue utensils and eating food that fell on the floor (it doesn't even last there 5 seconds when I'm around), but bowling shoes have always grossed me out. Other peoples' stanky feet are rubbing off onto my probably not entirely clean feet, and it's just nasty. But even when I threatened the man behind the counter and his mother, Carly still pulled me away and forced me to calm down and wear the shoes. Sometimes I don't know if that's why we're best friends, or why I question how we got this close. Probably both.

Since Carly decided we should go in alphabetical order by first name to avoid conflict over order – even if that did mean she went first – I just shrugged and went to get some food. Can't bowl on an empty stomach, now can I? Didn't think so.

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><p>"What'd you get, Sam?" she asked pleasantly as I walked over.<p>

"Cheese fries and a Peppy Cola. You can have one if you really want."

Her face showed her surprise at this. Normally I didn't offer, but I was feeling too lazy to protect my food right now, and Freddie wasn't around to swoop in and take some, too.

Just as she was about to say something that was probably a thank you, since she was big on those, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a buzzing cell phone. "Hold on."

Shrugging, I plopped down at the table with my food and got to eating, not paying much attention to anyone, especially not the fat old man sitting in the corner, who was definitely giving me the stink eye. I shot him a look just for good measure. You never know with old people these days.

I'd already eaten about half of the fries when someone joined me at the table. I knew who it was and didn't even bother to look up. "It's your turn."

"Can't you see I'm eating, Frednub?" I gestured to the basket in front of me.

"Yes, but-"

"No buts," I looked up finally. "Don't disturb Mama when she's eating."

"What about when Ca-"

"Carly's probably talking to the President or someone who she feels is too important to keep waiting, so it'll be forever until her turn comes. Let your underwear out of the twist they're in," I rolled my eyes.

"The phrase is pa-"

"Don't say it!" I pointed at him threateningly, a cheese fry dangling from my fingers. I hated that word. It was just so… girly.

"Okay…" he said after a pause. "It's not like I wear either of those, anyway."

"Benson, just because you go commando, doesn't mean you have to announce it. Some of us enjoy spending our eating time without such things entering our minds."

"I do not go commando! I wear boxers!"

"Said the boy who just shouted about his underwear to all of the people in the bowling alley."

"Boxers!" Then he looked around and turned somewhat red, sitting down again. "Not _everyone_ heard."

"Whatever you want to believe, bare Benson."

"Hey, I wear boxers."

"Stop talking."

"But I-"

"Shhhhh, I'm eating. Priorities. You've gotta learn 'em."

He gave up and let out a frustrated sigh, just sitting there and crossing his arms, looking at me with an expression of annoyance that only made me eat more slowly. But not too much more slowly, because one can only delay eating so much.

After not too much longer, I forced myself to get up and throw away the empty basket and cup and then wandered over to the balls, picking up whichever one was closest and going over to the lane. I went to throw the ball, but just as I was letting go, I heard my name being called somewhat urgently.

"What?" I turned around impatiently, my whole throw messed up by whoever was yelling for me.

Carly walked over, and Freddie followed shortly, obviously curious about what was going on. "I have to go," she made a face that implied she was sorry, though I still had no idea what was happening.

"What's so important that you're abandoning me here with the nub?"

She shuffled her feet for a second. "Spencer found a box of Dad's things that he never took with him and wanted me to help him go through it."

"Oh. Do you, um, do you want help?" I wasn't very good with these sentimental moments, especially not the parent-related ones, but for Carly, I tried. She always tried for me.

"No, that's fine. He and I should just do it together. But you two stay and have fun," she looked from me to Freddie and back again. "Sorry about this."

I shrugged indifferently, though as she walked away, I had mixed feelings. Shooting Freddie a look to make it clear he should behave if he knew what was good for him, I felt really uncomfortable. Now I was alone. With Freddie. At a bowling alley. This was like some twisted form of a date. But it wasn't a date, absolutely not. Because I wasn't even going to let myself like him anymore, and he would never see this as a date.

"So…" he rocked onto his heels and I looked up at him.

"Just bowl, Benson," I rolled my eyes and sighed in annoyance, pointing to where the balls were lined.

"Someone's demanding," he reached down and grabbed a ball.

"Don't act too surprised," I leaned back against the machine

"Whatever," he muttered and walked over to the lane. But then the word repeated in my head, and I could almost feel the coldness in his voice. This shouldn't have bothered me, it really shouldn't have. But it did. It bothered me because I was forcing myself to be over Freddie, not because I had actually succeeded yet.

"Wait," he turned around and I tried to look like I hadn't been seriously thinking about his reaction. I don't think he could tell, but I was paranoid.

"What?"

"It's your turn." He walked over and handed me the ball.

"Oh yeah, I guess it is."

This was just great. I was acting odd, and he was going to figure out that I was in love with him and then he was going to make fun of me or run away or something, anything but what I wanted. So right now all I let myself want was for him to have no idea.

Grabbing the ball a bit more forcefully than necessary, I went over to the lane and threw it at the pins, managing to knock down all but one.

"Pretty good, Puckett."

"You be quiet," I shot him a mocking look, though I was involuntarily happy about the half-compliment.

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><p>The afternoon continued in pretty much the same way, and while we weren't getting along, we weren't fighting, and yet things were still weird. At least I had an excuse, but he was being weird, too, and that was only making me weirder about all of this. Was he uncomfortable that we were alone? Did he miss Carly? There were about ten things running through my mind, which is a lot more than normally do.<p>

After several more rounds, we seemed to calm down enough to be at least kind of normal, which probably related to the fact that I was undeniably competitive sometimes, and therefore too distracted to focus on much other than beating him.

Licking my lips, I wound up and then flung the ball down the lane, staring intensely at the pins as if I was willing them to knock over. Then, before I could realize what had happened, I blinked and suddenly there were no pins there.

"Sam!" My name was being shouted again.

"Wha- what?" I turned around in confusion.

"Sam, you just got a strike! That was fantastic," the next thing I knew, Freddie was grinning at me and he raised his hand and we high fived and I was grinning too, though I'm not sure if I was happy because I'd gotten a strike or because his happiness was making me happy, but I didn't have the effort to decide.

There was a flicker of confusion in my mind about why he was so excited about it, but then I reminded myself we were close friends and he was generally a much more supportive person than I was, so it made sense. At least a little. There was no other explanation, so it had to make sense.

"You should be used to how awesome I am by now," I smirked at him, still quite happy. I barely noticed he had used my first name, though it didn't slip my mind, but he called me Sam much more often than I called him Freddie. It helped me keep making it seem like I didn't see him as anything more than a friend by association who I could use as a punching bag sometimes. That's all I was trying to let myself see him as now, but it still wasn't working.

"If I ever have to bow down to you, then I'll know the world is really ending," he rolled his eyes, though I could hear him chuckle slightly. Maybe he wasn't having a miserable time, either. Maybe we could do this friend thing, even if he was acting a bit weird.

We were standing closer again, and I bumped him with my shoulder, "watch it, Frednub." I stuck out my tongue but ended up laughing for some reason I couldn't explain.

"Maybe you're the one who should watch it, Puckett," he raised his eyebrows teasingly.

"Did you just threaten me?" there was more amusement than cruelty in my voice.

"So what if I did? Going to beat me up in the middle of a bowling alley?"

"I just might." Then, without thinking about it, I toppled him to the ground and grinned. "Didn't even have to beat you up, you're so weak."

Well then he proved just how not weak he was and flipped me over, which, other than the fact that it was somewhat attractive (but I couldn't let myself think of that), was rather irritating, so I flipped him over again, and this time I held him down for quite a while and as we struggled, we ended up laughing until there was the sound of someone clearing his throat above us.

Looking up, I sprang off of Freddie immediately and stood up, feeling my cheeks grow a little pink, but mostly for the embarrassment of being caught touching Freddie in the first place. It had nothing to do with the fact that I swore this man could tell I had feelings for Freddie. Nothing at all.

"No fighting allowed here, you two," the employee said in a strict tone as Freddie stood up and brushed himself off.

"Sorry," he muttered, obviously avoiding my eye just like I was doing with him. "It won't happen again."

"No, it won't. Either you two calm down and continue to bowl, or you're going to have to leave."

Freddie nodded and said something about behaving or whatever, but I barely paid attention since this guy was bothering me, and I knew it wouldn't end well if I let him anger me enough. End well for him, that is.

Finally, he walked away, and Freddie looked at me awkwardly. "Maybe, um, maybe we should just go anyway."

I shrugged and thought about it, brushing my hair with my fingers to double check nothing got in it while we were on the floor. "Uh, sure. Let's just return these nasty shoes and bolt out of here."

He nodded and we were fairly silent as we handed back those shoes for another person to wear and hope they didn't get some sort of foot disease or something. They really were so gross.

When we got outside, we walked for a short while before I heard what sounded like a snort and looked over to Freddie curiously. "No fighting allowed here, you two," he straightened up and put on a fake patronizing voice, wagging his finger in front of him. It took a minute to sink in, but suddenly I found myself laughing, especially since his impression was spot on, even if it was quite exaggerated.

"Either you two calm down and continue to bowl, or you're going to have to leave," I picked up where he'd left off, laughing as I tried to mimick the guy. Then it was Freddie's turn to laugh, and he gave me a friendly bump with his shoulder.

"That was pretty good."

"Pretty good? That was perfect."

"Perfect might be a bit of a stretch."

"Oh yeah? Do you think yours was perfect?"

"Pretty much."

"You wish. I'm Sam Puckett, and clearly I'm better at imitations."

"Well, Miss Puckett, it seems you're wrong on that one, since the actual best imitator would be none other than me."

I shook my head and laughed, "you should stop if you know what's good for your limbs."

"You should stop if you know what's good for your limbs," he mocked me, and yet, instead of getting mad, I found it funny, but I did push him across the sidewalk.

"Hey, that was rude!"

"You just pushed me across the sidewalk, I think we're even."

"I think we're even," I said in a falsely stuck up tone, shooting him a mischievous grin.

"You know what, Puckett?"

"What?" I was still grinning, and then, in response, he pushed me back across the sidewalk.

"That's what you get."

"Ooooh, a push from Freddie, I'm so scared," I threw up my hands in mock horror.

"Good, you should be. I'm the scariest and most intimidating person in all of Seattle, and you better not forget that," he shot me a dark look, and both of us ended up laughing again.

"You're ridiculous."

"You're more ridiculous."

"Your mother's ridiculous."

"There you go again with my mother," he threw up his hands and chuckled.

"Shut up," I bumped his shoulder once more.

Maybe hiding my feelings didn't have to only be painful. If only he hadn't been acting so weird the whole time since Carly left. Then I'd be a little more at ease with all of this. What was up with him, anyway? Never mind that. Whatever it was, it was somehow making this friendship thing not too bad.

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><p>Looking at the sheet of paper I'd detached from my wall, I felt like I should add something about tonight, but I didn't know what. I couldn't call that a date, but my mind wouldn't let me totally shut out the idea that Freddie and I had just gone on a non-date. As in, a friendly get together between two people who are friends while one is trying not to be in love with the other since the other will never, ever view the first one that way.<p>

Great. Just peachy. A non-date it is.

_March 29th, 2010: My First Non-Date (Freddie Benson)_

Well that was an unexpected addition. Then again, weren't so many of them?

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><p><strong>Thank you soooooo much for reading! :D I really hope all of you (if anyone's reading this) like the chapter!<strong>

**I will try my best to work on the next one ASAP and post it soon, instead of in several months like this one unfortunately ended up.**

**So, Sam's working to not love Freddie anymore, though it's not exactly working, and now he's acting weird. DUNDUNDUN!**

**Please please please tell me what you think b/c I've missed this story and all of you, and anything you have to say will not only make my day, but also spur me on to write this story that much more, and I wouldn't even be doing this if it weren't for the wonderful support from all of you. Plus, I've really missed my faithful readers (I'm not kidding, I seriously have) so I hope to see all of you again! xD**

**Anyway, thank you again, and I will try to get the next one up soon! Also, Sam's list will be making a reappearance, and some of these things are getting written on it, those parts just aren't showing up in the chapters.**


	24. Chapter 22: My First Visit

**Wooo, look at this, not a 17 year gap! :D**

**I must give a HUMUNGOUS thank you to everyone who stuck around after all of that time between updates. I am not kidding when I say that I love each and every one of you a whole heck of a lot, and I think you should come here and we can hug it out. All of you are what makes me motivated to keep working on this story, and I really appreciate it.**

**This is another chapter where Carly is fairly absent, though I try to keep a balance since they are best friends, so she'll show up more in future chapters. :) Just remember this is ultimately a Seddie story, so obviously I need a lot of that development present.**

**Anyway, I hope all of you enjoy this chapter, and the full title is down below. Thank you and please tell me what you think in the comments!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 22: My First Visit to Freddie's Apartment<strong>

"Go, go, go, go, dangit!" I let out a frustrated sigh and tossed my Pear Phone at my bed in frustration. No matter how much I yelled, apparently my game didn't want to listen.

Just as I picked it up and went to start again, there was a knock at the door, which was promptly opened without any sort of reply from me first.

"Samantha." _Great. She seems cheery as always._

I just raised my eyebrows and waited, knowing she'd probably go on even if I was lying on the floor dying.

"You can't stay here tonight."

"I do live here, too, you know."

"But do you pay the rent? No? I didn't think so. Now, Frank, you probably were never paying enough attention to life to remember him, but he's the man who moved here from Ohio, and, well, long story short, his nearly ex-wife apparently doesn't want him in her house anymore for some reason, and he got an apartment, but he can't move in until tomorrow, so I'm letting him stay over, and I don't want you to intrude upon his visit. So go stay with Charlie or whoever that kid is."

In truth, I don't think I ever met this Frank guy. I'd developed this opinion over the years that attempting to make the men she went out with seem at least a tad bit familiar to me was my mom's way of making up for the fact that she went out with random men all of the time, as if it would redeem her failure as a parent. I guess she wasn't a complete failure, I mean, she did feed me and put a roof over my head (though apparently only when it wasn't an inconvenience to her), but she was relatively absent, and because I didn't enjoy spending time with her, I didn't mind all that much. Plus, by this point, I'd kind of conditioned myself not to care anymore. It was a regular habit, and it wasn't as if she was going to marry any of them, so I just didn't pay attention. I still didn't understand how she couldn't remember Carly's name. It really wasn't that hard, but she seemed to guess every other "C" name in the book.

"Fine," I shrugged. _Not like it really matters to me._

"Good girl," she flashed me a fake smile and then turned out of my room. "Be out in half an hour," she called from the hallway.

"Already on it," I shoved some pajamas in a bag, pocketing my phone and stopping at the fridge on my way out to also throw in a bag of leftover ribs from lunch the day before.

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><p>The trip to Carly's house was uneventful as always, though I did stop to pick up a chilidog on my way there. Street carts are so handy. Never know when a craving might hit you. They hit me quite often. I should report abuse.<p>

Finally, I got there and decided to climb the stairs, already done with my mid-route snack. I knocked lazily on her door, but there was no answer. Not exactly the most patient person in the world, I started knocking again. No one came to the door and I tried to just open it, but it was locked, so I started knocking more vigorously. "Carly! Carly! Carly Shay! Spencerrrrr!"

This was frustrating. They always answered their door or left if open, and I didn't think they were this sound of sleepers even if they were napping. I let out an annoyed groan and then started to pound on the door again. Before I got very far, there was a noise behind me and I turned around, only to come face-to-face with Freddie as he opened his door.

There was a hint of a smirk on his face and I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms. "What're you looking at, Benson?"

"I'm not exactly sure."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said. So, why _are_ you knocking crazily on Carly's door?" For some reason he was taking amusement in this situation and speaking in that voice he only uses when he's finding entertainment in something I'm doing, and I was already fed up enough between my mom's demand and the fact that no one was coming to the door.

"Because I want to get inside, nub, and I know that her spare key was sent in to be fixed because something happened to it, and I can't pick the lock, because last time that happened, Lewbert heard and your mom freaked out that everyone was going to be murdered and everyone had to pay for new locks."

He rolled his eyes but still appeared amused. "Well she's not home. I heard her and Spencer leave early this morning. Didn't she text you or something?"

_Why wouldn't she tell me something like this?_ I pulled out my phone and didn't see any unread texts, but once I unlocked it and went to the home screen, I saw there was one. _Ohhh, so that's who texted me while I was playing Running Monkeys before my mom came in. Maybe I should stop ignoring my texts while playing. Uh, yeah right. That'll never happen._ "I guess she did."

"What does it say?"

"Mind your own business."

There was silence as I read it. Apparently their granddad was sick and so they were making a trip to Yakama to visit him, and would be back within a day, and if I needed any meat, I was not allowed to pick the lock, though she'd give me some when she returned to make up for it. I let out a sigh and looked up; Freddie was watching me expectantly. "It's their granddad."

He nodded solemnly and didn't ask questions for once, which was a relief. "So."

I scuffed my feet for a moment. "So." We'd seen each other plenty of times after what I called our non-date, but none of them actually without Carly. When she went to the bathroom or to grab a coat was one thing, but now we were stuck together and she wasn't going to be there soon at all.

"Why were you so desperate to get in?"

"Hungry."

"Really?" he didn't seem to buy it. Since when did he know me so well? It was kind of unnerving.

"I need a place to stay."

"Did your mother's house get taken by the government?"

"Just because no one knows what she does for a living, doesn't mean she doesn't make enough money somehow to keep us in our house," I rolled my eyes, not sure if I was more defending my mother or wanting Freddie not to hate me. Unfortunately, it was probably the latter. The feelings I definitely don't have for Freddie apparently still make me pathetic. But I don't have them anymore, so it doesn't matter.

"Sorry," Freddie seemed a bit guilty. "So why can't you stay in your house?"

"She just told me I couldn't. Some guy's staying and apparently I'd get in the way or who knows what." I shrugged, but I was starting to feel less okay with it as I retold the incident.

There was a flicker of a moment when he seemed to be contemplating something, and when he spoke it was hesitant. "Would you spit it out? Just because I have nowhere to sleep, doesn't mean I have all afternoon."

"I was just going to say-" _This sounds way too familiar._ I was on my way to remembering something when I stopped myself. Now was not the time for dwelling on what I couldn't have. "If you want, you can stay with me."

"Why would I ever want to stay with you?"

"Well, for starters, it'd be a proper place to sleep, even if it is a couch."

"Fair point, Frednub." I sighed. Since when did Freddie get to beat me with his logic? Okay, don't answer that. I wasn't going to let myself have feelings for him, but I supposed we were friends, and sleeping on a couch sounded really appealing. Maybe I could be allowed to accept. "It's not like I can, anyway. Your mom will probably attack me with all sorts of sprays and products. In case you haven't noticed, she hates me."

Then he chuckled again. How was he in such good spirits? "Don't worry, my mom won't be back until tomorrow afternoon because she's at another one of those cleaning product conventions. And she doesn't hate you. At least not as much as she hates Carly."

I shook my head and smirked, "typical. But who could possibly like me more than they like Carly?"

"My mom, apparently." Freddie fidgeted and looked like he was going to say something else but didn't. I hated people who beat around the bush, but I was keeping enough secrets to myself to say something. Not that I was big on fairness. But he did know two of my largest three secrets, and that scared me, especially because all of them involved him.

"So, are you going to let me in or not?" I looked at him expectantly, breaking up the tension that had for some reason settled between us.

It took a moment for him to get it, but finally he nodded and mumbled something I couldn't make out, going into his apartment and letting me walk through before he closed the door. I looked around curiously. I'd only come in here to drag him out the several times he tried to run away from me, but I'd never taken a proper look inside. The place pretty much looked like Carly's, just with much plainer furniture, and pretty much nothing around, and not a thing out of place. As in very boring and controlled by freakish Mrs. Benson. I was surprised she hadn't wrapped he furniture in bubble wrap, but that was probably just as awful because of the germ percentage or something.

"Hm," I gave a nod, unsure of what to say.

"It's a little…"

"Creepy? Hospital-like? Overly-clean? Freakish?" I suggested.

"Uh, yeah, one of those," he finally nodded. "You can put your stuff by the couch right here, and the bathroom's over there," he pointed. "My mom's room is upstairs and mine's over there, so we're going to have to share a bathroom. Try not to make a mess, because I only have so much time to clean before my mom gets home." I felt a little mischievous, especially since he'd just pointed out he couldn't get his bathroom dirty, but I was also in a weird mood, and didn't want to get kicked out if this was the only place I could sleep that wasn't illegal or outside. Or both.

I plopped my bag on the floor where he pointed and then threw myself on the couch. This was odd. I was alone with Freddie, which was bad enough, but then, on top of that, I was in his apartment and had to stay there. It was rather uncomfortable.

"You can watch TV, if you want," I was distracted by his voice and looked up to see him holding the remote out to me.

"Oh, cool," I gave a half-smile and grabbed it from him, not sure why this was even more uncomfortable than being in the hallway had been.

"Want some juice or something?"

"Uh, sure." As he walked away, I sat back on the couch, arranging the few pillows around me.

"Well don't you look cozy?" I met his gaze and saw he was smirking again.

"Oh, be quiet, Frednub," I stuck out my tongue, though he sat next to me and put two glasses on the table full of something I'd never seen before. "What's even in there?"

He sighed. "My mom won't let us have normal juice because it has too much sugar, apparently, so this is a special thing she made that tastes just like juice but has like no sugar.

I was just about to drink some when I heard what he said and I held the glass out away from me. "She made it?" I looked at him suspiciously. "What sort of weird things did she put in here?"

"Sam, it's fine, I drink it all the time."

"That's my point."

"Sam," he rolled his eyes. "Just drink it. You won't die."

"And if I do, you better take full responsibility when you break the news to Carly once she returns."

"You're not going to die."

"You don't know that."

"Just drink it."

"Shut up."

He let out a frustrated sigh, though after another pause, I finally took a sip. It didn't taste too bad, so I drank some more and then put down my glass.

"Look at that, you're still alive," he shot me a patronizing smile.

"Yeah, I probably should've just trusted y-" at that moment I flopped down onto the couch, strewn over Freddie's lap and lay there like I was dead.

I could practically see him shaking his head in amusement and heard him put his glass down as he reached over me. "Haha Sam, very funny." I didn't move. "C'mon Sam, get off of me. It wasn't poisonous." I still didn't move, finding this way too entertaining. "Sam…" his voice was a bit more unsure this time as I just lay there.

Then I felt him shaking me and didn't respond. "Sam…" he groaned. "Sam, Sam, wake up, Sam." There was more vigorous shaking of my shoulder. "Sam!" he was getting louder now. "Please don't be dead, Sam."

That did it for me. Since when did he care if I lived or died? _Since he realized he'd have to tell Carly, probably_. Either way, I took that moment to open my eyes and grin. "Will you quit shaking me?" I removed myself from his lap and laughed.

"Sam! That wasn't funny; you can't just play dead."

"Seemed pretty funny to me," I flashed him a smug look.

"Well it wasn't."

"Will you quit complaining? You're like a two-year-old," I poked him in the shoulder and laughed.

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not," he bumped me.

"Are too," I was about to bump him back when I thought back to how those experiences didn't always turn out too well, as our bump-turned-tickle-war at the baby shower and our bump-turned-floor-thing at the bowling alley both proved.

Instead I reached over him and grabbed the remote from where it'd fallen out of my hand as I played dead. "So, what shall we watch?" I straightened up and put on a fake haughty air. I clicked the button and my eyes widened.

"No," I looked at him and then a grin started to spread over your face. "Don't tell me your mom watches this channel." I gestured with the remote toward the scree, which was displaying the Cleaning Network. "I didn't even know this existed."

He looked at me for a moment. "Have you ever met my mother?"

"Good point," I pointed at him. The woman was a nutcase, so of course she watched this.

After changing the channel about sixteen times and then twenty times more, we finally settled on one and passed the afternoon like this, talking generally as we watched. It turned out that things really weren't that awkward once we got past that initial meeting with nothing going on and no one to force us into a situation where we'd be more at ease.

Finally dinnertime came, and we ate sandwiches on the couch and stayed up talking until we were both nearly falling asleep on one another and had to go our separate ways. He tossed me a blanket and then we said our good nights and he left for his room. It had actually been a pretty good night, I supposed.

* * *

><p>There was a ringing noise and I flopped over with a groan, reaching out for my nightstand where I usually left my phone, only to find nothing there. I forced myself to pry my eyes open and had a moment of confusion. Where am I? This isn't Carly's apartment. Everything's weird and clean and white and weird. It took several more minutes for it to sink in, but finally I remembered what had happened yesterday.<p>

Before I could dwell on it much longer, another ring caught my attention and I looked around until I located my Pear Phone, which was on the floor under the table.

"Mhm?"

"Sam?"

"That's me."

"I know, silly." Carly.

"Hey Carls."

"Hey sleepy head." _She knows me so well_, I smiled to myself as I lay back on the couch.

"How are things?"

"They're good, actually. Much better than expected."

It took me a moment to register what she was saying, but then I remembered the whole purpose of her trip. I might not have been the most sentimental, but Carly supported me too much for me not to do the same when it really mattered.

"He's okay, then?"

"Yeah. Thanks for asking. He was in the hospital, but they let him out, so we're just going to stay for the rest of the morning and afternoon and then probably be home late tonight."

I found myself smiling at this news. The happiness was evident in her voice, and that made me happy. "Take your time." I don't really know why I said it, because I missed her and I wanted her meat, and I was generally a somewhat selfish person. Maybe it was because I'd seen it on TV once or twice, or maybe I actually wanted her to stay and spend time with her granddad. I finally admitted it was the latter, but I am still definitely not a sentimental person. I'm Sam Puckett.

"Thank you, Sam. That means a lot," I could almost feel her smiling through the phone.

"No problem," I shrugged, even though she couldn't see it.

"Well, I suppose I'll talk to you later. Spencer says hey."

"Hey Spencer." I heard some yelling in the background that implied he was trying to say hey even though he wasn't at the phone, which made me laugh.

"Bye Sam."

"By Carls. Good luck with, y'know, things."

"Thanks." There was a click and I put my phone on top of the table this time, falling back asleep before I realized it.

* * *

><p>Somewhere I could smell bacon. It was quite the pleasant dream, and I didn't want it to end. But something about it seemed just too real, and that wasn't to say I didn't know exactly what bacon smelled like to recreate it in my dreams, but it smelled like it was really close by.<p>

My eyes popped open and I sat up, looking around for a moment before I sprang up from the couch, still holding the blanket that'd been covering me. There, in the next room, which I could see over the half-wall, was Freddie, standing by the stove. "What are you doing?" I asked as I walked in.

"Well good morning to you, too," he turned to me with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah," I dismissed his smugness with my hand. I took a seat and watched him dazedly, still working on waking up when I realized something. "Why do you have bacon in your house?"

He turned off the stove and grabbed a plate. "Hm?"

"Why do you have bacon? I would've thought Mrs. Crazy had banned it or some other horrible shenanigans like that."

Freddie chuckled as he put the plate in front of me, along with some eggs he'd apparently been making at the same time. My nose had focused on the bacon. "She uses it as mouse bait because apparently she's trying to coax Lewbert into making this a peanut-free apartment complex."

"Are either of you allergic to peanuts?" I grabbed a strip of bacon and started eating it.

"Nope."

"Weird."

"I don't even ask at this point," he admitted, looking a little sheepish.

"Is little Freddie-kins starting to grow up," I reached out and pinched his cheek and he swatted my hand away, though he did seem amused.

"I did turn 17 nearly two months ago."

"Oooh, look at you showing off," I teased him.

"Is Sam mad because she's still only 16?"

"Hey, I only have two more weeks of this," I retorted, but I smiled.

"Right, and-" suddenly there was a whooshing sound and both of us turned around, only to spring up from our chairs when we saw the pan on fire.

Before I really registered what was going on, Freddie was spraying the thing with a fire extinguisher. As he was setting it down, he turned to look at me, and suddenly there was panic in his face. "Sam! What are you doing so close? You could catch on fire and die." Well that made two times he cared if I died. He must be really scared of Carly's wrath.

Then I was distracted from my thoughts when I felt myself being pushed against the kitchen wall, and I blinked several times before seeing that Freddie had shoved me away from the fire, which was now just smoke.

I could feel his arm keeping me pressed there, but luckily I wasn't having any trouble breathing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn his head away from the pan and toward me and I did the same toward him, though when I met his gaze, our faces were far too close together for comfort, and I could feel my insides churning in a way I had been trying not to let them for weeks now.

"Freddie," was I really going to do this? "I-"

The phone rang. "That'll be my mom," he mumbled after a pause, shifting so he wasn't looking at me anymore and then walked over to the phone.

While there was a lot I was currently confused about, one thing was clear.

Starting now, I wasn't ever going to give up on loving Freddie.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you liked it! I know it was fairly short, but it was really important. Also, I know I'm mean, but heehee, it's my story and I can do what I want, and, truthfully, this is a torturous wait for me, too.<strong>

**A special thanks to Mike2101, green aura, Maiks-heart, XxThe Penny TreasurexX, and Alex for reviewing my chapter, it truly means a lot. xD**

**Just one last important note: keep in mind that while some MLoF chapters correspond w/episodes, not everything in iCarly happened, like iTTK didn't happen (Sam's three big secrets are that she and Freddie kissed, that she keeps her list of firsts, and that she's in love w/Freddie, and the first two he knows), etc.**

**Also, not the next chapter, but the chapter after that is one I'm particularly excited for. ;) Let the guessing begin because I'm mean like that haha thanks again for reading and reviewing!**


	25. Chapter 23: My First Camping Trip

**Originally, I told you in my A/N last chapter that not this chapter but the next one would be super exciting. But the thing is, after iCarly ending, which is really quite sad, and the disappointing lack of closure when it comes to Seddie, which is also quite sad, I figured that maybe I should just skip the filler chapter and get right to this one...**

**Before we go on, I have several questions to answer that were in the comments.**

**1. As of the last chapter, all Carly knows about Sam and Freddie is that they're fairly good friends by this point. She doesn't know Sam is in love with Freddie or that they shared their first kisses.**

**2. The pan caught on fire b/c Freddie is not a chef in the least and forgot to turn off the oven. Looks like his mom didn't teach him a rhyme for that one!**

**3. Sam does know what his apartment will look like in the sense that she assumes it'll be structured similarly to Carly's, but she didn't know that for certain, and she also didn't know how it'd be decorated or which room would be his.**

**4. The reason Sam wasn't as focused on giving up on Freddie and ignoring her feelings in the last chapter was indeed because she was just feeling less strongly about that whole plan (seeing as her feelings weren't going away despite her best efforts).**

**5. I apologize for any grammar errors, but I wrote the last chapter when I woke up at 2 am b/c I couldn't sleep and just posted it early in the morning. :P**

**A huge thank you to everyone who is still reading My List of Firsts, and another huge thank you to those of you who review! I can't even begin to describe how much my readers mean to me and how much your comments urge me to keep writing. xD**

**Oh and remember that if they aren't mentioned or referenced, not all iCarly episodes happened (like iTTK and such).**

**Without further ado, Chapter 23... I have a feeling you'll like this one. ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23: My First Camping Trip<strong>

Things seemed to have returned to normal. Nearly two weeks had passed since I decided I was no longer giving up on Freddie. He'd bought a new frying pan to make up for his forgetting to turn off the stove, Carly and Spencer had returned since their granddad was healthy again, Mrs. Benson had returned and probably done a detailed cleaning of her apartment when she saw a piece of dust, and my mom had let me back into my house. So, life was pretty good.

And now, I had formed a new outlook on this whole being in love with Freddie thing. Originally, I'd been disgusted and then accepted it but realized it was hopeless because, let's face it, he could never be in love with me, and ultimately just given up on letting myself have those feelings. But this time, things were different. Maybe he would never love me, but Sam Puckett was not a quitter, and I was in love with him, and even if I was the only one who knew it, I was in love with Freddie, and I was going to somehow make something of this. It would help if I wasn't so lazy, but Momma's gotta eat, and there isn't always time for plan-making. Plus, if I'd learned one thing from all of this, other than the fact that being a teenager is exhausting and hormones are possibly more annoying than finding the Shays have no meat in their fridge, it was that you couldn't force feelings. I never wanted to be in love with the king of the nubs, but I was stuck that way, and I wasn't going to become one of those pathetic teenage girls who does nothing but whine and cry over a guy. I'll always have meat to keep me company, anyway.

Shuffling around my house, I made a weak attempt to brush my hair after getting dressed and then went downstairs, heading into the kitchen and fumbling out of remaining sleepiness until I had a bowl of cereal in front of me and my butt on a chair. The cereal was nothing special, and the day wasn't, either, but I didn't mind.

Just as I was setting the quickly emptied bowl, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and dug through it. Flicking it open, I saw a text from Carly.

_Come over if you're free. Making pizza._

It didn't take me more than a millisecond after reading it to get to responding. On my way. Pizza and Carly was a combination I didn't think I could ever pass up.

Throwing open the door, I looked around Carly's apartment to see Carly standing in the kitchen with her hands likely busy at work with all sorts of delicious pizza-making activities.

And Freddie. He was there too.

I don't know why I was surprised, honestly. He was nearly always around, especially seeing as it was his apartment building, too, and it's not like I needed to be warned in advance that he was going to be somewhere. I guess I just hadn't been expecting it.

"Hello people of Seattle," I greeted, skipping toward the kitchen with excitement because of the fact that I was going to eat a pizza soon. Carly and Freddie moved apart quickly and looked up, as if trying to make it seem like they hadn't been talking when I walked in. I eyed them suspiciously but then spotted the pizza that was almost ready to go in the oven and was quite distracted. "Momma likes what she sees," I nodded in approval, my eyebrows wiggling slightly.

Carly chuckled and sprinkled a bit more cheese around the thing before picking it up and moving it away from me. "Well 'Momma's' going to have to wait a bit longer because it still has to bake."

I looked over at her with a huge pout that was mostly real, but she just shook her head and went over to the oven, sliding the pizza in. Ovens really should work faster.

* * *

><p>"So Sam," Carly started.<p>

I looked up, "mmph?" There was a rather large bite of pizza in my mouth.

She shook her head with a smile, "I was just wondering if you wanted today to end."

I raised an eyebrow and swallowed, "why would I want today to end? I'm sitting here eating pizza with my best friend and… him." I nodded my head in Freddie's direction, a lot happier to be sitting with him than I was going to let on, but it wasn't as if he didn't still annoy me sometimes, anyway.

He let out a snort, but Carly was on too much of a path with her little speech to pay much attention to my insults.

"Yes, but tomorrow is a special day. At least it is for one of us."

"What, are you running for President?"

"No, and this year isn't even a Presidential election year!" Carly was so amusing when she was adamant about things. If you didn't go along with her point right from the start, she often didn't know what to do, and I never kept it up for long because I didn't want to annoy her, though she was funny.

"Okay, so what makes it so special, then?" I grinned.

"Sam!" Carly slapped me teasingly. "Tomorrow's special for _you_!"

I pretended to pause and think about it and then lit up like I'd just figured it out. "Oh, you mean because it's my birthday?"

"Yes!" she nearly cried out, pushing her hair out of her face.

I laughed and then just shrugged. "It's not like I'm turning any landmark age or anything. Just 17."

"But it's still your birthday," she was clearly excited about this.

If it weren't for Carly, I probably wouldn't celebrate my birthday, other than buying some extra meat or something. My mom would say something nice if she was around and remembered, but that didn't always happen, and Melanie would generally call, but she was busy with her boarding school friends.

So, as much as I prodded her and acted like it was no big deal, it actually meant a lot to me that she even remembered, and even more so that she cared. But now wasn't the time to get mushy.

Smiling, I took another bite of pizza. "Why are you bringing this up? Are you going to give me ribs?"

Carly had a mysterious look to her, "you'll have to wait and see."

"But I want ribs!" I was still chewing as I talked.

"Just be patient."

"When have I ever been patient?"

"Touche."

"I thought you were Carly Shay."

"What are you talking about?"

I swallowed my large bite. "Your name's Carly Shay, not Two Shay."

"Touche means-"

I laughed and cut her off, "I actually knew that one already, I was just teasing you."

"That seems to be all you're going tonight." She seemed to pout a bit, but I could see the smile cracking on her face.

Hearing something, both of us turned around to see Freddie still sitting there, clearing his throat since he had been left out of the conversation for a while, now.

Carly, ever the great friend, was the one who tried to bridge the gap. "What are you doing tomorrow, Freddie?"

I groaned before he could answer, "I don't want a party. All of us know how well that went last time."

She nodded, "I figured as much, but that doesn't mean we can't do _something_. After all, it will be your birthday."

As I shrugged, Freddie finally answered the question. "Not much, I don't think. My mom's going to one of her cleaning conferences-'

"Another one?" I rolled my eyes. "That is ridiculous. Does the woman do anything else?"

"Sam," Carly chastised me, though Freddie cut in.

"It's okay, I've gotten used to the mother insults over the years, and, honestly, that is how she spends most of her time, so for once I don't really have a reason to disagree with Sam."

"Well alert the presses this is such a monumental event," I shook my hands in the air, half a piece of pizza crust still in one, which I quickly took care of.

Freddie rolled his eyes, though I swear I could see a hint of a smile on his face.

* * *

><p>When I woke up in the morning, I didn't even realize what day it was. Throwing off the covers, I pushed myself out of bed and stepped in the shower since I figured hygiene was a good thing, and I didn't want to smell like steak if I was eating bacon. After putting on some random clothes, I looked at my phone and saw a text from Carly, telling me to pack for an overnight. This confused me a little because most of our overnights were impromptu, but I wasn't complaining, and so after eating breakfast – skipping meals is never an option – I grabbed a duffle bag and shoved in an outfit, some pajamas, and even remembered a hairbrush.<p>

Just after knocking on the door, it was pried open and I was greeted by my smiling best friend, who promptly attacked me with a hug. "Happy birthday Sam!"

That's when I remembered what day it was. My birthday. I was 17 years old. That was hardly believable, and I remembered being in here seven years ago when we'd first become friends.

"Thanks, Carls," I grinned as she finally let me go.

Before I could say anything else she was dragging me into her apartment, closing the door behind her, the excitement clear in her face.

"We have a surprise for you," she grinned. _We? As in Spencer and Carly, or as in Spencer and-_

My thought was cut off as Freddie walked in from the kitchen. _Carly and Freddie have a surprise for me? She wouldn't let him do anything mean, but I don't see what they possibly could have come up with together. Should I be worried? Eh, if he does something mean I can just twist his arm in the wrong direction. Not that I actually want to hurt him but- Sam! Stop going soft!_

"Do you now?" I raised my eyebrows, actually quite excited because Momma liked getting things, and it was my birthday, after all.

She nodded happily, "yes we do! I remembered several months back Spencer was talking about going on that camping trip with Socko and his cousin Fisher, and you said you'd never been camping, and so I thought we should go. I know I'm not exactly the outdoorsy type, but we don't need to go super far out into the woods or anything, and I have so many supplies that it won't be some totally crazy experience." There was a pause. "Do you hate it? Please say you don't hate it."

Carly had this huge need to please people, and it was actually pretty funny, because she was already the nicest person I knew, and was always there for me, so it's not like she ever really made me mad, other than a small disagreement here and there. "No," I chuckled. "I don't hate it at all. It sounds really exciting, I just can't believe you of all people are suggesting we go camping."

"I can handle nature. And I won't even wear a skirt," she crossed her arms seriously, though smiled at the same time.

Getting excited, I stepped forward and hugged her tightly again. "Thank you for this." I also appreciated that she didn't ask me if my mom would approve or not. We both knew she didn't care, and Carly was kind enough not to remind me.

As I drew away, I turned toward Freddie. "But I remember running around with Carly outside when we were little, while, you, on the other hand, I don't think I've ever seen voluntarily do something dirty. What gives?"

He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's your birthday and we are friends- friendly, so I figured instead of letting you and Carly explore the joys of the forest on your own, I'd go and help out and, you know, wish you a happy birthday."

I glanced at him skeptically but nodded since I was too excited about the fact that we were going camping to really care why his excuse was so lame. "Whatever, Benson. Just hope there are no bears around for me to feed you to."

"That wouldn't be pleasant."

"So stay on my good side."

"Which one's that, the left?"

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes, though was still smiling as I turned back to Carly. "So, when do we get to leave?"

"Right now if you want. You came over with a all of your stuff," she gestured to the bag I hadn't put down yet. "And Freddie brought his over, so I just have to grab mine from the stairwell and we'll be all set to go."

* * *

><p>I don't know why I trusted Freddie to drive us, but he actually did okay, even if he was more boring than a grandmother and went about one mile under the speed limit. Actually, exactly one mile under the speed limit since his mother had apparently made up some rhyme to force him to do so.<p>

"We're here!" he announced, and I looked out of the window, swinging open the car door as he turned off the car.

"Finally. We were in there so long I thought I was going to starve to death."

"You ate a sandwich on the ride," Carly pointed out.

"Yeah, so?"

"Never mind," she smiled and shook her head as Freddie opened the trunk.

All of us walked over and I groaned. I didn't want to put in actual effort in order to get our things over to where we'd be staying. As if she could read my mind, Carly turned to me, "hey Sam, since it's your birthday, why don't you go find the spot where you'd like to camp and then just lead us there once you've found it?"

"I like this plan," I grinned and then headed off into the wooded area.

After walking for a while, going deeper into the forest, I found an spot that wasn't too far from where the car was parked and had enough room for our tents. Mentally making a note of approval, I retraced my steps and smiled as I found Carly and Freddie all loaded up and ready to go. Freddie was carrying the majority of the stuff, though Carly still had a couple of small things.

"I found the perfect place. Now c'mon."

"Oh, I like this, Sam, you did a good job," Carly said, though I wasn't sure if she liked it as much as she was implying because of the spot or because she could finally stopped carrying things, even if her load wasn't that heavy.

"Thanks," I watched as Freddie put down everything.

"Want to help me with the tents?"

"Not really," I said without hesitation, and Carly glanced at him unsurely, though he didn't ask again and just got to work.

Eventually, our campground was set up. We had one tent – one for Carly and me and another for Freddie – and a whole bunch of supplies, mostly food, since Carly knew me well and had packed accordingly.

It was starting to get later since we'd stopped for lunch and then again to get the sandwich I'd eaten in the car, but it still wasn't dark so we had some time before we had to think about lighting a fire or whatever you did while camping.

* * *

><p>"Why don't we have dinner?" Carly suggested.<p>

"I don't think I've ever heard such a beautiful question," I got up from where I'd been sitting and walked over to the cooler we'd managed to pack, rummaging through and pulling everything out since I couldn't decide what I wanted. I ended up picking two sandwiches, a bag of chips, a bottle of juice, and a can of tuna, which I wasn't positive would be enough, but I had to leave _something_ for Carly and Freddie.

We settled in, leaning against several logs that we'd placed in an open space for this very reason and started to eat. The time passed fairly fast, not that I was surprised since I was a fast eater. Carly – being the smart girl and great friend she is – packed enough food so that I could grab seconds out of the cooler.

"So, I know it's your birthday," Carly started. I looked up curiously, taking another bite of my third sandwich. "But we couldn't bring a cake, since they're not exactly the most portable. _But_," she repeated, turning to dig through her backpack and leaving me in unnecessary suspense, which was only worse since I was fairly certain it was food.

"We did manage to pack marshmallows."

My face lit up and I grinned, "I approve of this arrangement."

"And, since we're super outdoorsy and used to the wilderness, we can make a fire and toast them," Freddie held up a lighter and I found myself smiling at how he was poking fun of how we were not being super adventurous, but caught myself and directed my attention back at the marshmallows.

"Did you make that lighter at engineering camp?" I teased him, looking up.

"Young craftsman camp, actually," he stuck his tongue out at me.

"Oooh, fancy," I waved my hands in the air and raised my eyebrows like I couldn't care less even though a part of my stupidly found his nerdiness somewhat cute. Not that he would ever know that. I'd rather attend young craftsman camp then tell him such a thing.

Before we could bicker any more, Carly distracted us by passing around the bag of marshmallows and sticks she'd collected earlier. I reached in and grabbed a handful of the squishy snack, pushing one onto the edge of a stick and placing it above the fire Freddie'd just started.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Carly looked around anxiously and I pulled my marshmallow back quickly out of confusion. "We didn't sing yet."

I didn't understand what she meant for a moment, but then, remembering what day it was, I smiled. Carly was the only one who ever sang happy birthday to me, though occasionally she'd be joined by Spencer. Melanie and I used to sing together when we were younger, but once we'd reached kindergarten, that kind of stopped. We'd still had our call while I was in the car ride, though it's not like we were suddenly best friends after that or anything, but, admittedly, it did make me a little happier to talk to her.

Carly and Freddie started singing and I smiled, not thinking about how I shouldn't be smiling at Freddie, but instead about how happy I was to have, not one, but two great friends. I probably shouldn't have been getting so mushy but hey, it was my birthday, so I figure I was excused.

Still smiling when they finished, I stuck my marshmallow back over the fire, with Carly and Freddie quickly doing the same. While I chewed on my first one, I looked over to Carly, "thanks for this." Thanking people was easier than apologizing. "It's delicious and fun."

She grinned at me, taking another bite of her own marshmallow. "I'm really happy to hear that, I'd hoped you would like it. I know it's kind of random but I thought it couldn't be a completely horrible idea."

"Don't worry, it's not. It's the best birthday celebration I've ever had. Not that I've ever had many good ones other than sitting in your kitchen and eating ice cream, but still." So apparently I hadn't stopped being mushy yet.

"Awww, Sam," she got up and clambered over, pulling me into a hug.

I returned the hug before separating after a minute, "no reason to get too sentimental." I shot her a look but smiled.

"I say we do something," she suggested, sticking another marshmallow.

"Like what?"

"Ummm… I don't know. Twenty questions?"

"That takes effort."

"Okay, um, we could tell scary stories."

"Do you even know any scary stories?" I glanced at her skeptically.

"No…"

"Well then we can't do that," I laughed, eating my second marshmallow.

"I'm horrible at coming up with these kind of ideas!" She threw her hands in the air, nearly flinging her stick over her shoulder in going so, but managing to stop herself.

"That's better than having every second of every day planned out," Freddie chimed in.

I looked over at him in surprise, "since when were you so wise?"

"Since 1994," he smirked, and I just rolled my eyes.

"Well if you're such a genius, then what do you think we should do, other than eat these deliciously gooey and perfect marshmallows?" I plopped another one into my mouth.

"Uh," he was clearly trying to think of a retort but wasn't doing too well. "There's always truth or dare," he looked from me to Carly and back again.

I wasn't exactly sure what to say. Last time we played truth or dare, not only had Freddie admitted to me that he knew about the list, but I had realized I had more than friendly feelings for him, so it's not like the game and I had the best track record.

"Fine with me," I shrugged, as if I hadn't just had a minor mental freak out. Carly didn't know either of those things and Freddie only knew about one half of them, and I wasn't about to go around letting out all of my secrets in one night. Or ever, preferably.

Carly nodded, "I think that's a good idea."

"Now, Carls, no need to stretch the truth just to make him feel good about himself."

"You better be glad it's your birthday right now," she said in an attempt at a mildly threatening tone that was all too Carly.

"I'm thrilled," I grinned back at her, not too rudely, since I knew she wasn't totally furious.

"Since it's your birthday, do you want to start?" Carly asked, obviously not too put off by my teasing of Freddie.

"I'd love to. Carly, truth or dare?"

"Truth." _As predicted._

"Um, have you ever stolen anything?"

There was a pause. "Well… when I was in third grade, I really needed a pencil because mine broke and the girl sitting next to me lent me one, and I never returned it."

"Wow, someone's quite the rebel," I teased her with a laugh.

"I was going to apologize but by the time I saw her again it just seemed too late to do so and I couldn't bear to make things even more awkward!"

"Carls, calm down, it's okay," I reassured her.

"I know, I just… I feel icky about it."

"There's no reason to feel icky. You're a better person than everyone but Ghandi, I'm pretty sure."

"You really think so?" she smiled.

"I really think so. Now go, kid, it's your turn!"

"Oh right," she looked around and bit her lip. "Freddie, truth or dare?"

"Truth." _So lame, I tell you. Both of them_.

"What's your worst class?"

I rolled my eyes, they were so boring.

"Spanish."

"But you and Sam speak in random Spanish all of the time!"

"Si, but you asked what my worst class is. I have an A-."

"Wow, someone's dumb," I snorted, since obviously he was the opposite.

"It could be worse," he shrugged. "Sam, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Uhhh… I dare you to see how many rocks you can pick up without any of them falling off of the pile."

"Ugh, effort, Benson. You're making me put in effort." But even as I said it, I was getting up.

"You're the one who chose dare."

"Meh meh meh meh meh meh," I stuck out my tongue mockingly. "But fine. Because I'm not boring like you two, I'll go do it."

Walking away, I started searching for rocks to collect, picking them up and attempting not to let any fall, which was, unfortunately, trickier than anticipated. I managed 12 and then dropped them, so I tried one more time and then collected more. "I got 14, which is definitely some sort of record, so-" I looked around in confusion. "Where'd Freddie go?"

"To get his sweater."

"Oh," I shrugged, dropping the rocks and sighing nonchalantly, moving to sit next to Carly. "At least you were there to witness my dare."

"And you did an excellent job," she pushed a piece of hair away from my face and I found myself smiling. I missed these quiet moments I spent with my best friend.

"Hey, Sam?" she was definitely hesitant about something, which I couldn't figure out, and it worried me a little bit.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something, like a truth question?"

"But it's not even your turn to ask something yet, silly."

"I know, but-" she looked around and it was obvious she wanted to ask it without Freddie there. Why she wanted to beats me. What could possibly be so secretive or important?

"Okay, yes, fine, go ahead."

She let out a large sigh. "Remember how, when we were talking about our first kisses, you told Freddie and me about yours, but then after the whole incident on iCarly when you lied to protect Freddie, you told me you weren't really lying?"

"Yeah…" I didn't like where this was going.

"Well," she was so nervous when she asked things she felt like she shouldn't. "I was just wondering, if, um who… I was wondering who your real first kiss was."

My face turned pink and that was rare, but luckily it was dark and the fire was casting an orange glow on us anyway. I swallowed. What was I supposed to say? We swore to never speak of it again, and I was more than okay with that plan.

"Um, my first kiss was with-" As I was trying to think of an answer, I heard he crunching of leaves and looked up to see the third member of our camping trip approaching. "Freddie, hey-" I went to great him, when suddenly I heard a large gasp of surprise.

"Freddie? Your first kiss was with Freddie?" _Kill me now_.

"Carly, calm down, I was just greeting him, I never said that-"

Unfortunately the boy in question had heard her inquiry. "How did you know that we-"

I shot him a look that could probably have burned two holes right through him.

There was silence for a moment and then suddenly Carly jumped up.

"May someone please explain? Did you or did you not kiss each other?"

"We didn't-" I started, but at the same time Freddie mumbled something incoherent, and Carly looked between us with dismay.

"Please don't lie to me. You can't both be telling the truth."

"Fine, do you want the truth?" I stood up angrily, looking between them. "Then here it is: Freddie and I kissed." There was another gasp from Carly, but I ignored it. "It wasn't some huge romantic thing, it was both of our first ones, and we just did it to get it over with. No one was supposed to know, and, in fact, we were never supposed to speak of it again, but obviously we both failed miserably at that. Now while you process this information, I'm going for a walk."

Leaving Carly and Freddie to stand there awkwardly with this news, I stormed off into the forest, my mind spinning and just generally feeling quite uncomfortable. I didn't want this. No one was supposed to know. Even Freddie agreed we wouldn't tell anyone. I didn't blame him; after all, who would want to admit their first kiss was with Sam Puckett?

I kicked a rock in front of my foot, and luckily it didn't hurt too much.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I hated that our secret got out – one of my three largest, at that – but now there was nothing I could do about it. Carly would probably mock me forever. What if they figured out my feelings? They wouldn't. They couldn't.

With a huff, I found I'd reached another clearing a little ways away from our campsite and plopped down, picking some grass and chucking it uselessly, as if it would help me release my aggression. What if he was standing over there telling her about my list? Would he do that to me? I liked to think he wouldn't, but I couldn't be certain.

* * *

><p>Days could have passed before anything changed, but I'm pretty sure it was just over ten minutes before any sounds disrupted my thoughts. Not that I was ever good at keeping track of time, anyway.<p>

There was a noise that sounded like a faint knocking on a tree nearby and I sat up, turning around to see none other than Freddie Benson standing in a slightly timid stance close behind me. I didn't know what to say.

"Hey." This whole one of us sitting alone brooding about something related to kissing and the other one coming over to chat seemed all too familiar.

"Hey," he started. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Thanks." There was a break in our conversation and silence took over as he moved to sit next to me, leaves crunching under him.

There were several more moments of silence, and we both gazed ahead.

"I'm sorry." His voice was relatively quiet. "I'm sorry for saying it even when I shouldn't have jumped to the conclusion that she knew anything."

"Is she freaking out?"

"No. I mean, yeah, she did a little bit, but I confirmed that what you said was true and that we hadn't just made out and not told her, so I think she's accepting it just fine by now." He shrugged.

"And you came here because…?" I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk to the nub, especially not if we were just going to discuss what happened and how Carly felt about it.

He let out a sigh, though I swear I could see the hint of a smile on his face in the corner of my eye.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, I guess."

"Well Mrs. Benson, as much as I enjoy that, I'm a big girl. In case you didn't know, I am 17 today."

"I did know that, and I especially wanted to apologize for ruining your birthday."

"You didn't ruin my birthday," I mumbled, toeing a rock and then pulling my legs to my chest.

There was another pause. As if we hadn't had enough of those recently.

"You know," I saw him turn to me, but I kept looking ahead. "For the girl who just had her largest secret accidentally revealed by me to her best friend, you're being awfully forgiving."

"Would you prefer it if I punched you?" _That's not my largest secret._

"No," he chuckled, shaking his head. I turned to look at him, too, turning my legs so they were folded against the ground.

The moon was the only light on us since the campfire was a little ways away, and there was a slight breeze, but it wasn't super cold or anything.

I nodded in recognition of his comment and shrugged. "Well luckily for you, I'm not in the punching mood."

Swallowing again, I looked at him. How was it that I was in love with this nub? He had just let out one of my three largest secrets, and right now, I didn't even have the will to get mad at him for it. Nope, instead I was sitting here in the moonlight with him as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"I still can't believe it," he said, and I looked up and met his gaze.

"Believe what?"

"That you were my first kiss. That we were each other's."

"Is that a bad thing?" I cocked my head, hoping he didn't say yes. Unfortunately I had enough feelings that would not be happy if he said he hated it.

"No, no, not at all. In fact it was rather… nice. I just- You've never liked me, and we are friends, but more because of Carly, since I'm fairly sure if she wasn't around then you wouldn't have paid attention to me rather than to throw me against a locker or something, and yet, recently, we've actually seemed a lot closer, but I don't know…"

"Do you think I hate you?"

"No. I don't know what to think, honestly."

"Hm."

"You're a good friend, even if an unexpected one. And our kiss was nice even if no one was supposed to know about it. I think you're a better person than you give yourself credit for."

I wasn't sure what to do. Most people didn't speak to me so honestly, and especially not in a nice way. I had this huge urge to- no, I couldn't do that. Then he would obviously know my feelings. But we were sitting so close… _No, Sam, stop. Don't let the fact that you love this boy mess with your mind. Ugh, but it already has_.

"I, um, thanks?"

He chuckled and for some annoying reason, I found it cute. "You really don't do well with this nice conversation thing, do you?"

"Hey, don't be mean to me, Benson, it's my birthday."

He threw up his hands as if in resignation, "you're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The nostalgia was continuing since now he was apologizing, and yet I couldn't let myself think back to that night, because it was only urging me to do what I really wanted to do. It's not as if I had anything to lose at this point. Why not let him know all three of my secrets? The third one did involve him, after all. But no, I couldn't. "I never meant to let out your big secret. I mean, I know you have another one, and I swear never to mention that, but I figure this was your biggest because-"

"Will you stop saying that?"

"What? Saying what?" He was clearly confused, and for good reason, I guess.

"Calling the fact that we shared our first kiss my biggest secret."

"Is it not? I didn't think you list was that big of a deal but I-"

"That's not my biggest secret, either." _Sam, what are you doing? Stop this. Stop it right now, or you're only going to land yourself in more trouble_. The funny thing was, I never cared about getting into trouble.

He glanced at me curiously. "Then what is?" As I watched him, I saw him raise his eyebrows in the same way he had the night we sat out on the fire escape together. I wasn't sure why he did that, it made it seem like he was trying to read my mind and check me out all at once, but I knew he wasn't doing that, or at least not the latter. But dear chizz, was it attractive. I was already in so deep and I didn't know what to do about it. His question repeating in my mind, I suddenly felt as if none of it mattered. Not that our secret got out, not that I didn't like him but loved him at the same time, not that he would likely go and tell Carly about this, too. None of it.

Instead I found that holding back and not doing what I so wanted to right now sounded like an even worse idea. It was my birthday and so I figure I was allowed to do what I wanted, anyway, even if that was just my way of trying to justify the crazy idea in my brain.

Without letting too many seconds slip away, I suddenly stopped thinking about it, leaned forward, and kissed him.

I kissed Freddie Benson.

Kissed him.

And not because we were trying to get our first kisses out of the way, not because I was dared to or was trying to prove any point. I did it because I wanted to, and that thought in itself it utterly frightening.

But there we were, sitting next to each other in a forest clearing, and I'd leaned in and kissed him, and now I was leaning in a bit more, and my hand drifted up to his shoulder. I didn't think he was kissing me back, but he wasn't drawing away, either, and I was so surprised that I'd done it I couldn't really tell. Maybe he was, though I doubted it. Clearly I was just fooling myself.

The situation finally sinking in, I drew away and let go of his shoulder, staring at him dumbfounded. He wasn't doing much better.

"Ummm…" he mumbled.

"Oh crab," I whispered, my eyes widening as I realized what I'd done. "I- I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. It's, it's fine," he was clearly trying to understand what was going on.

"We should, um," I cleared my throat. "We should probably get back to the camp. Have a long car ride ahead of us tomorrow, and all."

"Uh, yeah, I think that's a good idea." He met my gaze and I nearly shied away under it, but I managed to hold it. He stood up, brushing off his pants, and held his hand out to me.

There was a pause, but finally I accepted it and let him pull me up. It was a good thing, too, because I found that I was feeling a little weak right now, as lame as that is.

* * *

><p>The walk back to the camp was quiet, and once we got there, I found Carly'd already fallen asleep in our tent. Saying a somewhat awkward goodnight to Freddie, he wished me the same and told me happy birthday, and let me know that, this time, he actually wouldn't say anything unless he knew I'd told someone. I thanked him and that was that.<p>

Before I fell asleep, I found myself thinking back to what had just happened. The kiss hadn't really been bad at all, and while we were kissing – or, more likely, I was kissing him, since I still couldn't figure out if he'd responded or not – things hadn't been awkward. It was only awkward afterward when we had to face the fact that I'd just kissed him.

I had kissed Freddie Benson. On my birthday. In the woods. Let me repeat that I had kissed Freddie Benson. Again. Because I was in love with him. Only he didn't know that part yet, though he might've had a suspicion at this point. What was this world coming to?

* * *

><p>On the ride back, things weren't too awkward because Carly was fairly talkative again, and she didn't seem to notice that Freddie and I weren't saying much to each other. The fact that he was driving and Carly and I were sitting in the back also helped, because we didn't have to look at each other and make things more uncomfortable.<p>

Saying I thought it would be best if I just went back to my house and unpacked, Carly and Freddie dropped me off on the way to their apartment building. I thanked both of them, because it really had been a fun trip and a very fun birthday, even if I'd done something really horrible that I didn't need to think about right now. Then I continued into my house and trudged up the stairs, my mom nowhere to be found.

* * *

><p>Instead of unpacking like I said I was going to, I pushed my mirror out of the way and pulled down the sheet of paper that hung behind it, searching around my room until I found a pencil.<p>

Under the spot that read: _April 3__rd__, 2010: My First Visit to Freddie's Apartment_, I added a new first.

_April 17th, 2010: My First Camping Trip (with Carly and Freddie. It was… interesting)._

Then, looking at it, I let out a sigh and got up off my bed and stuck it to the wall again, readjusting my mirror.

I was pretty sure I was still in a state of shock.

I kissed Freddie.

Kissed him.

Again.

And this time all because I was in love with him.

How was I ever supposed to live with myself after this?

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading this chapter, and I'd really love it if you reviewed it too! xD<strong>

**Soooooo... SAM KISSED FREDDIE!**

**Heehee, I've been waiting so long for this moment, and I have a feeling that perhaps some of you were looking forward to it, as well. Hopefully I did it justice!**

**Please tell me what you think, and thanks again for reading My List of Firsts!**

**PS I reply to every reviewer who I can PM, though I have a lot going on right now, but I promise I'll get to them soon. :)**


	26. Chapter 24: My First Rescue Mission

**I AM SO SORRY I know it's been 4 months and I really try not to let it go that long, but the winter was a really bad time for me in the sense that I was super busy, really really really ill, and had way too much to deal with.**

**If anyone's still reading this story, THANK YOU! 3 Everyone who reads My List of Firsts is important to me, and I mean that. Your comments keep me inspired and driven, and help me not to give up even after I feel like I've let you down by not replying for so long.**

**This chapter is the aftermath of THE SEDDIE KISS, though if you're disappointed, I promise there's even more Seddie excitement to come.**

**Without further ado, Chapter 24.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24: My First Rescue Mission<strong>

I already know what my obituary will read: April 19th, Samantha Puckett was found dead in her bedroom. There is no known cause of death, though if we could read her mind, we'd know it was as a result of pure humiliation.

Except newspapers can't read my mind, so I guess that plan is a bust.

The afternoon we got back from the camping trip, I'd hoped that I would go to bed and wake up and find out so much of that – certain parts in particular – had just been a dream. Yet when I woke up this morning, nothing had changed. I was still Sam, I still had a messy head of blonde hair, my left big toe was still slightly bigger than my right one, and I still couldn't get the memory of kissing Freddie two nights before out of my head. Pathetic. That's exactly how I felt.

I had kissed him, and this time there were no… what was the word?... pretenses, that's it, or at least I think it is… Anyway, there were no pretenses I could hide behind because, unlike the first time, I had actual feelings for the nub. Feelings were inconvenient and stupid and I wanted to drown them in a vat of Jell-O so I could eat my turkey in peace. But instead I was sitting here and gnawing on a turkey leg as if my life depended on it, since I was probably going to pass out from shock and embarrassment if I didn't have a full stomach.

Don't tell me that's over-dramatic because I'm not Carly and I refuse to be dramatic about things. I'm not that girly.

Shoving my plate in the sink and the bones in the trash once I was done, I headed into the living room and turned on the TV. We had a new one, actually. Courtesy of some guy Mom had wooed several weeks back. Guess they came in handy every now and then. That was more than I could say about her most of the time.

My phone started ringing and I dug around in my pocket until I pulled it out, turning it right-side-up so I could make out the name. Frednub. Of course.

Sighing in frustration I through it at the chair next to the couch and tried to ignore the noise. I didn't want to hear from him. He probably wanted to talk or something, now that we were away from Carly. He'd likely thought about the kiss in some educated way and wanted to inform me of what psychological problem I had or let me know that he was sorry but he just didn't like me in that way. That was some great chizz, but I already knew he didn't like me. Maybe he didn't like Carly anymore, but he sure didn't like me, and I didn't need to hear him say it. And I didn't have any mental issues except for Pathetic Disorder, which hits those who fall in love with nubs. It's in the encyclopedia. Not that I've ever opened one.

Groaning, I turned up the volume and stared absently at the show playing in front of me. Even Girly Cow wasn't distracting enough to make me stop thinking about Freddie and what had happened. I never usually thought this hard. I wasn't dumb, but I wasn't an intellectual or whatever label was given to Carly.

After I'd watched the show for about five whole minutes, my phone rang again. With a sigh of frustration at the effort, I got up and went over to the chair, picking up my phone and looking at it. Freddie. Again.

I rolled my eyes and tossed it down once more. He wasn't getting any sort of confessions or admittances from me. I wasn't that weak or desperate. I was fine going my whole life and leading him to think I'd just kissed him for no reason at all. He would have to buy it because I wouldn't give him another option.

Just as I was sitting down, the house phone rang and I sprung up angrily, rather miffed at this whole scenario. My mom didn't pay for caller ID, but I could guess who was on the other side of the phone. Pressing the talk button, I lifted the phone to my ear and huffed, "what do you want, Benson? And how did you even get this number?"

"Carly's in trouble."

"What'd she do, give herself a time out for not beating her reading speed record?" I had no interest in talking to him.

"Sam, I'm serious, she's really in trouble," I could hear the panic in his voice, and I swallowed, growing worried. Carly was my best friend; I didn't want anything happening to her.

"What happened?" I tried to sound nonchalant.

"She's stuck in the elevator. Spencer came to my apartment and told me. Apparently the fire department refused to help because they've reached their yearly quota or something like that, and he's trying to figure something out, but my mom's at her book club and Lewbert hates us, and we need more help."

Before even listening to hear what else he might say, I hung up the phone and rushed out the door, not caring about anything but Carly at the moment. She'd been there for me and helped me in so many situations, and I couldn't imagine not doing the same for her when she needed it.

* * *

><p>It hadn't taken long for me to get there, but running up stairs wasn't exactly my favorite activity. Still, I was in a rush, so I did it, bursting into the apartment without second thought. "What's going on?" I looked worriedly at Spencer, the only person I could see right now. He turned to face me from where he was crouched on his hands and knees, his face twisted in chaos and fear.<p>

Freddie emerged from the kitchen with a spatula and handed it to Spencer, though when he looked up, I glanced away, feeling awkward, but more focused on saving Carly. "Hey Sam," he said, the worry still there.

"Freddie," was my only response as I still didn't make eye contact with him, moving over next to Spencer, instead, and dropping down to my knees. "How long has she been in there?"

"Twenty minutes."

My eyes widened and I turned to the elevator and yelled, "I'm here, Carls! It's me, Sam, I've come to help! How are you doing?" I didn't admit to being scared often since of course I rarely got scared, but at this moment, I was somewhat scared. I'd do anything for Carly, and right now I was determined to prove to myself just how true that was.

The only issue in that plan was that I had no idea what I was supposed to do in order to help.

There was a muffled shout, but I paid careful attention so I could make out her words. "Hey Sam! I, uh, I guess I've been better, but I'm still alive, so that's a plus!"

Did Carly Shay just attempt to make a joke? Wow, being in dangerous situations really did drive you to do crazy things.

"That's definitely a plus!" I called back, trying to sound as calm as possible. The school counselor had once informed my teachers that the calmer someone sounded, the calmer it would make everyone else feel. Well, that method hadn't worked when I'd gotten angry with them, because no matter how calm they were, I still wanted to have my way, but I was hoping it'd work now, because this was Carly's life we were concerned about.

"Ugggggggggggggggg," Spencer growled in frustration, standing up and shaking his hand in annoyance, the spatula in it. "This isn't working! Whoever made elevator doors too heavy to lift with spatulas has another thing coming for them." I'd never seen Spencer truly angry, and it wasn't something I wished to see again, though his protective big brother role was clear and something Carly must've been proud of him for.

I saw Freddie walk over to Spencer and take the spatula from him. "It's okay, Spencer. It's okay. We'll figure it out." I was a little jealous. Never in my life had I been big on the whole sentimental thing. I was not good at comforting or reassuring people, not good at admitting to most emotions, and not good at dealing those of others. It had just never been who I was. Sure, sometimes I comforted Carly when she was down, and there'd even been the rare times I'd cheered Freddie up a little, too. But beyond that, I was a rookie at these kinds of things. Melanie had definitely gotten those genes, and right now, because of it, I felt kind of useless. Carly was helpless in the elevator and Freddie was calming Spencer and I didn't really have a part to play in the whole thing. What kind of friend did that make me?

Not a very good one. That was what kind.

* * *

><p>Hours had passed, and no progress had been made. Still, there was no way we were giving up. I would rip the door off of its hinges if that was what it took. The fact that it probably weighed as much as two couches was unimportant.<p>

It was already the early evening, since it turned out I hadn't woken up until noon today. We hadn't even eaten the whole time, and for once, there was something else controlling my thoughts.

Suddenly there was the sound of metal scraping and a loud shriek from inside the elevator, and all of us jumped to full attention and watched as the elevator shifted upward. Carly calmed down a bit when she, too, realized what was going on. Our eyes focused eagerly on the elevator, though all too soon we heard the gears come to a halt. She still wasn't far enough.

"Hey look," we heard Carly's voice a bit more clearly now, but it was still muffled since she was on the other side of the elevator door. Then we saw her fingers peeking out under the crack that was between the door and the floor. "If I stand on my very tiptoes, I can touch the floor."

A smile of relief spread across my face without even realizing it, but before I could say anything of mild encouragement, Spencer started freaking out. "Carly Shay, get your fingers away from there right now! The door could drop on them and then you'd be stuck in an elevator and have broken fingers, and I can only fix so many things at once!"

Spencer was really freaking out at this point, and while all of us seemed to be in some state of distress, obviously he was handling this the worst, which was understandable, I figured, since he was responsible for her, and probably was feeling like a failure or something, which he definitely wasn't. In fact, his chaotic response only made him a better brother, I thought.

"Okay, okay," she said loudly, pulling her fingers back. "It'll be fine, Spence."

"Yeah," he said dazedly. "It'll be fine," he repeated, as if he was trying to convince himself of it.

Several more moments passed and we thought of and discussed methods of saving her, but none of them worked or were things we could logically do at the moment. I had thought getting a smashing ball and whacking out the side of the building was a pretty good idea.

"Hey," there was a voice somewhere. "Hey!" we looked up, realizing Carly was yelling to us.

"What is it, Carls?" I asked, moving closer to the elevator.

"It's iCarly night," she shouted.

"It's also save Carly from the elevator night," I yelled back. "What's your point?"

"We're disappointing a ton of people by not broadcasting tonight." Typical Carly, always wanting to please other people.

"Kid, you're stuck in an elevator. For one time in my life, I have to say I think safety is more important than fun."

Freddie and Spencer looked at me in shock, but I waved them off, not going to get sappy all of a sudden.

Carly let out a frustrated sigh and there was a noise from inside the elevator that sounded like she'd sat down or something.

"Are you hungry? I could maybe slide a piece of bread or a rib through that crack," I offered.

"I'm fine, Sam, but thank you. I'm more bored than anything."

Freddie cleared his throat and I glanced up, not going to stop avoiding his eyes yet. "We… we could do iCarly."

"I think getting Carly out of the elevator is a little more important than putting on a web show," I snapped, looking at the elevator. It was the second thing I said to him all day.

He sighed, "I know that, and I agree, but while we're trying to figure out, we might as well do iCarly, especially if it'd keep her entertained. Plus, maybe some of our viewers will have suggestions."

I rolled my eyes mockingly. It was a good idea and I hated that it was. Couldn't he have just been unhelpful for once?

"Fine, but no one will be able to see her, and it's not iSam." Crossing my arms, I looked at Spencer, not caring if Freddie knew I was purposefully not looking at him. Weirder things had happened. Like the fact that I kissed him two nights ago. But I needed to stop thinking about it. Unfortunately the world didn't seem to want to let me.

There was a pause. Finally Freddie spoke up, "I can get a modem and see if I can feed a small camera through the crack and get it to dangle down to capture her-"

"Enough of the nerd talk. Can you figure it out nor not?"

He didn't complain. Desperate times called for desperate measures. "I can do it."

"Then go, boy, go! We don't have all day, the girl needs to get out!" I was even less patient right now, if that was possible.

"I'm going, I'm going," I saw him throw up his hands out of the corner of my eye. "Shoot," he muttered as he pulled open the door. Spencer and I turned to him in confusion. "My mom has the car."

"I'll drive," Spencer shouted in his panicky voice. Soon the two were gone, the door slammed (luckily with Mrs. Benson out, there was no one yelling at us for that), and Carly and I were alone.

"Well that was sudden," she said. I couldn't quite make out how she felt about it, but I supposed she was just as fine as she was going to be, considering she was stuck in an elevator.

"Yeah. So, um, Carls… how's it going in there?"

She chuckled softly. "Just peachy, thanks. This is how I wanted to spend my night, really."

"Seems like a blast," I remarked sarcastically.

"I know you're jealous."

"I'd say yes, but you have no meat in there."

"True." There was another pause. The minutes ticked by and we sat in silence. There wasn't really much to say at this point. All of us were worried and Carly had told me time and time again that after the initial fear, pointing out that you weren't sure how to handle a situation didn't make it any easier. Plus, Sam Puckett didn't admit to weakness, mostly because she never felt any, of course.

I wasn't sure if seconds, minutes, or hours were passing at this rate. How far did Spencer and Freddie have to go?

Just as my mind was starting to wander into annoyance, I heard a small voice. "Sam?"

I sat up again and kneeled next to the elevator, "yeah, Carls?"

"I- I know I'm hoping for the best, and I hope you are, too, but just in case-"

"Don't talk that way, kid. You're going to make it out of there, I promise. I'll set fire to the entire building if that'll get a fireman to come save you."

She laughed again and I realized that was part of why I was saying what I was. I really meant what I was saying, and she knew that was something I'd do, but I also just wanted to cheer her up, and somehow I managed to do that.

"Please don't set the apartment on fire. But thank you. I just- And don't cut me off this time. I just want you to know that if anything happens, and I don't make it out of here, I love you. You're my very best friend in the whole world and I don't know what I'd do without you. If I make it out of here, I promise to bail you out of juvy every time, even if I am trying to run a household with my husband and our three children."

"Three?"

"Yes, I'm going to have a boy and then two girls."

"I don't think you can plan those things."

"Maybe not but I did do excellently in biology."

"Fair point."

"Anyway, as I was saying, in the event I don't make it out, thank you for everything, Sam. You've always been my best friend, and your craziness has saved me from being an entirely boring person, and I just want to make sure you try hard in life and try to make something good of yourself because I know you can and I know you deserve that and I wish you would see that."

I bit my lip. I didn't do sad emotional moments, and yet, as much as I would never admit it, what she was saying was somewhat… touching.

"Carly, you're going to make it out of there."

"I hope so, but I just feel like you need to hear this."

"I heard it and it was depressing and reminded me of why I need you so much," I groaned.

"But you've come so far, I've only guided you along the way, and I just don't want you to give up. Try to make sure you don't steal all of Spencer's food and try not to kill Freddie."

She had no idea. The nub still irked me all of the time, but I definitely wasn't going to kill him, and not only because it was my best friend's dying wish.

"I promise I won't eat all of Spencer's food, and I also promise not to kill Frednub. At least not on purpose."

"Sam," she said, her tone threatening even on her fifth hour of being stuck in there.

"Fine, I won't kill him," I smiled to myself. _I just won't ever look at him again so I don't need to face my mistake. Should be nice and simple._

"Thank you," she said. Then, as if we hadn't had enough of them already tonight, there was another pause. "Sam, what if I actually don't make it out of here?"

"That's nonsense, I know you will, you have to. I'll make sure of it."

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"The feeling's mutual," I muttered, slumping down again.

For a second, I could swear I heard her chuckling. I don't know what she found funny about her impending death. "Are you laughing?"

"Kind of. I mean, think about it. If I'm going to die in here-"

"You're not."

"But just, hypothetically, if I was going to, this could be my last conversation, and we're not even being our lighthearted Carly and Sam selves. I know we get serious sometimes, but we might as well make the most of this."

There was the Carly I knew, finding some sort of positive in every scenario.

"So how do you suggest we change that?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "I guess, if this is it, I should probably tell you a secret I was waiting until we were old to let you know."

I raised my eyebrow, despite the fact that she couldn't see it. "Been keeping secrets, have you?"

"Doesn't everyone?" she asked, and I could tell she was trying to not feel guilty.

"Absolutely." _Some of us are keeping ones we didn't wish existed._

"See? I'm not just keeping secrets from you."

"Are you going to tell me?" I was curious. What had Carly been up to that I didn't know about?

Another pause. "I once cheated on a test. It was an accident, I swear, but last year in history I saw the answer to the fourth question on the second page of Hannah's test and I knew it was the right answer but I still feel icky for seeing it and not confessing."

If this wasn't such a serious situation, I probably would've laughed. Okay, maybe I did laugh a little. "No one's going to strike you down for that, don't worry. And I promise it's not a big deal. Plus you're a smart girl and I'm sure you would've gotten it right, anyway."

"Still, I feel icky."

"Don't freak out about it. And it's not like I haven't done worse things."

"True, but I still feel icky about it. And I know about all of your bad endeavors, seeing as I'm the one who gets you out of most of them."

"Not all of them," I muttered. But apparently I wasn't quiet enough to keep her from hearing me through the elevator door. Dang crack between the door and the floor.

"What do you mean? Did you get arrested and not tell me? Sam, what did you steal?"

I groaned. For a minute I considered making something up.

"And don't you lie to me, woman, because if this elevator plummets downward, you're going to have to deal with the fact that the last thing you said to your best friend was a lie"

Why was she always so good at this guilting thing? It really wasn't fair. Then again, I was rather good at it, too. But that was beside the point.

"I didn't steal anything."

"Then what did you do? Did you vandalize something?"

How was I supposed to evade this? I couldn't lie to Carly. Not now.

"Didn't do that either." I would drag this out as long as possible. I didn't care if I was stubborn.

"Sam, will you just tell me, please? Unless you killed someone, it's not going to be that bad. You're not a bad person."

"You should've told me that two days ago."

"On your birthday? I spent your birthday with you and I thought you were having fun and not doing bad things."

"I _was_. But that was earlier in the day."

"What are you talking about?"

"I did a bad thing, Carls."

"Yes, I know that, but I'm asking you _what_ bad thing you did."

"It's too horrible. It'll corrupt your innocent little ears."

"Sam Puckett, would you just tell me already?! And my ears aren't that small…"

Oh Carly, defending her ear size. "Better than looking like Dumbo."

"That's a good point." Another pause. By now I was openly welcoming them since they were delaying me from having to say anything. If only she wasn't stuck in there and I could distract her with doing something else.

"I have those once in a while."

"Sam."

"Carly."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Are you afraid I won't like you afterward or something? Because I promise I will. You're my best friend and that's not changing. Unless I-"

"The elevator's not going to plummet."

"I hope not."

"It won't."

"Just tell me."

"I'm not worried about you hating me, I'm more worried I'll have to deal with reality since I already am mad enough at myself."

"That was rather deep."

"Eh."

"Don't beat yourself up over it."

"If you knew what I did, you might rethink that statement."

"Well then tell me what you did and I can confirm what I meant."

"Nice try."

"Please?" her voice grew sad. That's what I couldn't handle. I couldn't deal with Carly being sad. It made me sad and I hated being sad.

"I kissed Freddie," I mumbled.

"What?"

Leaning my head back against the elevator door from where I sat, I screwed my eyes shut as if it'd keep out the yucky feeling and fight off the memory. My voice still wasn't very loud. "I kissed Freddie." It was more of a groan than anything.

"You, _what_?!" there was a string of surprised noises and some incoherent babbling.

Before I had the chance to say anything, the door swung open and I hurried to my feet, watching as Spencer and Freddie entered, talking animatedly. "We got the piece!" Spencer exclaimed, Freddie holding it up behind him.

"We are not done with this conversation!" Carly yelled from down in the elevator.

I looked at the ground anxiously, trying to cover up. "If you need to brush your hair for iCarly, I can try to slip one under for you, but quit complaining, I'm sure you're the most attractive captive ever." Then I looked at Spencer, "took you a while."

"The first store we went to was sold out," he explained as Freddie got to work setting up all sorts of techy things I didn't care to understand.

"Are you gonna get her that hairbrush?" Spencer broke me out of my thoughts.

"Oh yeah," I disappeared upstairs, though before grabbing a hairbrush I pulled at my hair and cursed at myself. I'd done all of this damage and now I was left to deal with the chizz. I didn't like dealing with things. So I was avoiding them.

* * *

><p>iCarly ended up going pretty well, or at least as well as it could with us standing near each other but only visible one at a time. Spencer even made a guest appearance and did some magic trick that didn't make any sense. It was amusing, I had to admit. Carly also used the word 'secret' a bit too many times for my comfort, but I was still doing well with the not looking at Freddie thing.<p>

Sam: 1 Reality: 0

* * *

><p>As we were wrapping things up – or, more accurately, I was drinking lemonade while Freddie put away cords and all of us tried to think of how to free Carly from the elevator of doom – a message popped up on Freddie's laptop.<p>

"Hey guys, look at this." With an aggravated sigh I stood up and walked next to Spencer.

"What, Frednub?" I asked impatiently.

"Casey from Idaho sent us a message, and said she started a petition to get the fire fighters to come free Carly."

"That's fine and dandy, young Fredward," Spencer placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "But we've already reached our quota for the year." He glanced back at the kitchen with a knowing look.

"I know, but it's garnering so many votes that maybe it'll make a statement. This isn't just a cooking accident, this is Carly's life."

There was some brief arguing, but a knock at the door broke it up. I ran over (unusual effort, I know) and opened it. Miraculously, standing right in front of me were three fireman. "Holy crab."

"Are you Miss Puckett?"

"Why indeed I am."

"We heard about the situation with your friend. Is she still in there?" They glanced around the apartment.

"Right this way, gentlemen," Spencer said, walking over and gesturing.

"Thanks."

* * *

><p>After about twenty minutes (it could've been three hours for all I knew) the door was lifted and Carly was hauled out with the help of the firemen and Spencer. Then there was a bunch of hugging. I hugged Carly, Spencer hugged Freddie, Freddie hugged Carly, Carly hugged Spencer, Freddie and I avoided hugging by awkwardly looking away (wouldn't be the first time), Carly hugged me again. As I said, lots of hugging.<p>

I was so happy Carly was safe. She hadn't plummeted to her death, which was definitely a good thing. I definitely would've ended up in prison in Uruguay or something if she hadn't made it out.

Now I just had to avoid talking to her alone for… the rest of our lives.

Easy enough. Right?

The rest of the night was spent celebrating, with snacks and juices and all sorts of craziness that Carly said was probably a result of over exhaustion and all of the effort we'd used.

As we were sitting around, practically falling asleep, I saw Carly look between Freddie and me and then give me a questioning look, but I just ignored it, looking away and laying down, stretching out and trying to fall asleep. Maybe I could just sleep away my mistakes. My list could be updated tomorrow. Carly was safe and my life is going in a downward spiral because feelings are stupid.

Sam Puckett wasn't cut out to be in love. And yet, she was. Is. Whatever.

* * *

><p><strong>Soooo now Carly know about this kiss, too! And in other exciting news, I'm already working on Chapter 25, and I'm really hoping to get it up this week. The next one will have a lot more SamFreddie interaction than this one did, but I felt it was pivotal to show how awkward things were afterward, and how hard Sam is trying to ignore everything.**

**Also I know a lot of you support my inclusion of the Carly/Sam friendship (they are best friends), and I wanted to make sure that was in there. :)**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what you think, and again, I'm terribly sorry it's been so long, please have a bundle of hugs.**

**In addition: I HIT 300 REVIEWS (which just goes to show how much I love all of you) and so I'm a bit behind in replying to them, which I'm very sorry about. BUT, if you have any special requests/ideas for something special I could do in order to say thank you for all of the amazing support, then please just say so in your review. THANK YOU!**


	27. Chapter 25: My First Time on Girly Cow

**Hello!**

**Here is the deal: First of all, I am very sorry for the humungous delay with the update. I really hope you like this chapter enough to make up for it, and I could explain why there was such a gap, but I won't bore you when you could be reading exciting Seddie-related things, instead!**

**In any case, I made a special arrangement for this chapter. I've already written the two chapters that follow this one (I wouldn't let myself post this one until I knew I was set for a short while), and I do, of course, plan to post them. BUT, with all of the delays in my posting, which I feel terrible about, I need to know that someone's actually going to continue to read My List of Firsts so that I know my effort is worth it.**

**I truly love this story, from creating it and writing it to sharing it with all of you. This is why I need your feedback. Please please please comment and let me know what you think of my story, where you think it should go, and if you want it to continue. Any and all feedback is ALWAYS welcome, but that last option is most important at the moment.**

**If at least five people comment that they want me to continue posting my chapters (you don't have to be a member of to make a comment!) by November 27th, then I will post the next two chapters soon and get to work on the chapters that follow those. I have no intention to stop writing this story, but I just want to know that making an effort to be timely with my replies will actually be worth it.**

**So just take five seconds (or five hours if you want to write me a long essay - that's welcome, too!) and please let me know if you think I should continue MLoF. You are, of course, more than welcome to add in your suggestions and any other thoughts you have, as well.**

**Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy the chapter. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25: My First Time on Girly Cow<strong>

I meant to get to my list and update it after leaving Carly's. I really did. But Sam Puckett is rarely motivated if meat isn't involved, and the Shay fridge generally has a much better stock than mine.

My lack of enthusiasm probably started when I woke up, or, I should say, when I was jabbed awake by some stray limbs in my area. The problem with everyone falling asleep in Carly's living room is that we all kind of end up in a messy heap and no one knows what arm belongs to who. Confusing, man. Very confusing.

Anyway, by the time the four of us had somehow managed to drag ourselves into the kitchen to drink some juice (which, by the way, is always the best juice, and I keep forgetting to ask if I can take some home with me. Who am I kidding? I should just take it), no one was awake enough yet to do anything.

So we sat.

This wasn't unusual, but normally someone broke the silence before too long, which apparently no one was inspired to do.

But, finally, it happened, and, unsurprisingly, Carly was the one to do it.

"Guys," she groaned, something she didn't do very often. We all turned to her, our eyes full of sleepiness. "I know it's late and I've normally showered and done my hair and made myself all pretty by now, but being stuck in an elevator is exhausting."

It took us minute before we even realized what we said, but there was a sudden buzz of noise between Freddie trying not to laugh, Spencer reassuring his sister she looked great, and me remaining quiet and just sipping my juice.

By the time our conversation had somehow turned to llamas and why their noises sounded so much like sheep, an hour had passed. Just as we were listening to Spencer's theory, the phone rang and we all jumped in our seats.

"Holy chizz," my tired head was so not ready for that surprise.

For a minute we just stared at it until Carly finally hopped up and grabbed it.

"Hello?"

Apparently the person on the other end thought they had the right to talk Carly's ear off, because other than a couple 'mhmm's and 'uhhuhhh's, she barely said anything for a good ten minutes. Okay, maybe just three, but whatever.

Spencer, Freddie, and I all just stared at her, too tired to care about manners. Not that I ever cared about them, but Fredward had been rhymed to a few too many times by his mother about not to stare and let his mouth hang open. The woman's a whacko, I tell you.

"Really?" If there was anything that could wake me up, it was the sound of Carly squealing, and I realized she had started bouncing slightly in place. What could be that exciting? It wasn't her dad coming home, because the greeting would have been much friendlier and none of that rambling nonsense.

"Do you think she found out about Socko's cousin's goldfish farm?"

Freddie and I turned to Spencer with weirded out expressions.

"I think you've been spending too much time in Socko's van because those fumes are _definitely_ getting to your head," I gave him a look.

Before he could say anything in response, Carly shrieked again, and we all wheeled our attention back around to her.

"Thank you, thank you so much," she was grinning, despite the fact that the person on the other end couldn't see her persuasive smile. "Yes, thank you, I promise we'll be there."

There were several more enthusiastic nods and then she said goodbye again and placed the phone in its charger thing. Within an instant, she had leaped around to face us, practically bursting with excitement in a way that was so purely Carly Shay.

When she didn't say anything, Freddie spoke up, "please tell us it doesn't relate to a goldfish farm."

Carly was too distracted to register how insane that idea was, instead just squealing again. It's a miracle none of us need earplugs when dealing with this girl.

"It was the television people!"

"The television people?"

All of us looked at her in confusion.

"You know, the people who organize the television!"

"Electricians?" Freddie offered, but Carly seemed unfazed.

"The people at the studio!"

"Which studio?"

"The one where they record the voices for Girly Cow!"

That caught all of our attentions. Why would the Girly Cow people be calling Carly's apartment? And why was she so excited about it?

"What, are they modeling a cow after you since your hair's so perfect?" I snorted, though meaning it in a loving way, of course.

"Better!" she grinned. "But my hair is nice, isn't it?" She stroked it for a moment until returning to the point. "They want to model cows after all of us!"

"What?!" The three of us shifted onto the edge of our seats.

"Well, kind of," she gestured downward as if trying to calm us. "Basically," she put on her informational Carly tone, but there was still clear excitement on her face. "They're planning a special two-part episode and asked if we would voice some of the characters!"

There was a communal gasp that was so loud I don't know how it didn't make the building shake. Lewbert was probably woken from one of his naps by it, which he would deserve, the nub.

"No way!" I leapt up. "True chizz?"

She nodded vigorously and none of us were quite sure what to say.

"Well, when do we have to be there?" It's not like I had anything better to do most of the time, but Frednub probably had all sorts of techy meetings that he would have to tell people he had to miss ahead of time because they were lame.

The look that spread onto Carly's face implied that she felt guilty for some reason, though none of us knew why until she spoke. "In two hours."

Silence. Then more silence. Then Spencer jumped up, "I'm grabbing the keys, everyone make sure they have all their toes and then get in the car!"

Filing quickly out behind him, Carly made sure to lock the door, something which only Freddie would ever remember other than her. It's not like I owned anything worth stealing, and had already taken out enough people to be confident I could attack anyone trying to break into my house.

* * *

><p>None of us were entirely sure how we located the studio, let alone how we arrived within two hours, but one pee break, one hair brushing, one forced hair brushing (surprise, surprise), one fancy Pear Phone mapping, and a heck of a lot of disagreeing later, we had arrived. The first thing that happened after we were greeted and offered water was a snippy lady in a scary suit ushering us into a humungous conference room.<p>

Our meeting with the people who were apparently the bosses of the people who had called Carly was brief, but I think it went well. There are two reasons for that, really. The first is that Carly did all of the talking, and the second is that I wasn't dragged from the room trying to kick anyone. Quite the accomplishment, really.

I'm pretty sure there was a lot of waiting after that while official people spoke about official things and, as usual, we were left to just sit around in confusion. This is what adults do to kids. It's rude, but I wasn't upset enough about it to make a point. Plus, Carly told me that if I yelled at anyone who worked here, she was going to put me on suspension from her fridge for the next week, which was a frightening thought.

So I shut up. Well, for the most part. I still had enough to say to the three people I'd come here with. Or, more precisely, I had enough to say to the two Shays. I barely spoke to Fredward, and he didn't seem to notice or care, which was more than fine with me. It's not as if I wanted to speak to him anyway.

* * *

><p>Eventually, someone came in to give us an update, and Carly straightened up as if she was in the military and under inspection. Far too obedient and polite, that one.<p>

As it turned out, they gave us the scripts for the episode. Spencer had two short yet important lines, and Freddie's part was already selected, too, since he was the only boy, but Carly and I were told we were allowed to choose which one of the parts we each wanted.

Not even opening the thing, I told Carly she could choose, but, in typical Carly fashion, she said that we should both read through the scripts and really consider it, and the assistant let us know we had forty minutes to make a decision.

Once we were alone again, Freddie and Spencer started talking, figuring they might as well leave Carly and me to do this thing. Not that it was particularly easy to do anything with them jabbering in my ear, but Carly was all business.

It barely took her any time to read what we'd been given, and she looked up at me seriously. "Both of these roles are good ones, Sam. What do you think?"

I muttered out something and then she gave me the disappointed Carly look. "Sam," darnit, how was her gaze able to make me feel so guilty? "Sam you have to actually read it. I don't want you getting stuck with a part you don't like."

"You know me better than anyone," I shrugged. "I bet you could choose and get it right."

"Yes, but neither one's blatantly obvious; there's no ham-eating or snarky comments – kids do watch this, after all."

I grumbled, rather disappointed by this fact.

"And neither one has many fewer lines than the other, so we both have to do just about the same amount of talking." She sighed, not pleased with being stumped.

"Which one has to interact with Frednub's character the most?"

"Annie the Squirrel," she said after reviewing the script for a moment to find the answer.

"Then you can be Annie the Squirrel, and I'll be Bertha the Hippopotamus."

I said it as if the answer held no meaning, but it was harder than I had hoped to ignore the skeptical look on Carly's face. I was, however, in luck for three reasons. The first being that Spencer and Freddie were in their own little world, so I didn't have to deal with any comments he might have thrown my way. Not that I couldn't handle them, obviously, but who wants to waste their time deflecting lame insults? Not Sam Puckett, that's who. The second was that my best friend, while basically a super genius, is too nice to think bad things about people for very long, no matter how horrible they are. That's probably why we get along; she tolerates me somehow. And, last of all was the fact that our forty minutes were apparently up, because Mr. Prompt Assistant Man returned and shuffled us through several hallways, questioning us about what parts we had chosen as he herded us like we were cattle. Unfortunately, even with all of the meat I've consumed, I will never be as tasty as a fat and well-fed cow.

* * *

><p>Recording your voice for an animated show is actually a lot of effort. You don't have to memorize lines, but you have to practice them so you get them out with the right tone and all sorts of crazy chizz like that.<p>

On the upside, we were rewarded with a break that included food. Lots of food. As in, a table that looked like Heaven.

As I was reclining in a nice cushy seat and snacking on a plate of more foods than I cared to name, someone plopped down on the seat next to me, and I was glad when I turned my head to see that it was none other than the small brunette with the last name Shay and the first name Carly.

"Hey Carls," I said, swallowing a large mouthful of something delicious.

She looked at me in amusement, but I could tell there was something on her mind. Another look around the room revealed the fact that for some reason, no one else was taking advantage of the mind-blowing buffet right now. Crazies.

"Hey Sam," she smiled, letting out a sigh. "Having fun?"

"Please, I am sitting here with an unending array of food before me. Momma is _very_ happy."

"I meant with the recording, but it is good to see you in your natural habitat," she laughed slightly.

"Well all of this is really cool. And not in a nerdy tech way, but more in the endless food and being on TV way." I grinned before taking another bite.

Carly cleared her throat, though my attention still remained on my plate. "Speaking of, uh, nerdy tech ways," it was evident she was nervous about bringing up what she was, and I dreaded where this was going the minute she started talking.

"What? Don't tell me you want to attend router conventions or whatever, too. I'm going to have to rush you to the E.R. for a head check if that's true."

"No, no, I'm pretty sure I would get kicked out for not understanding what was going on," she admitted with a chuckle. "But," her serious expression came back and I started fidgeting in my seat, not too happy with where this was likely headed. "I do know someone who would love an invite to such a thing."

"My mom?" I suggested, licking a bit of sauce from my finger. "Maybe she could find another boyfriend there who could give us a new computer." At this point, I wasn't very bothered by my mom's many suitors. It's not like she was around much even when she was single, so I figured it was better to just embrace the stuff we got and let her to her own thing.

I could tell Carly was trying her best not to laugh, but she was too nice for her own good and managed to hold in most of it. "No, Sam, I mean Freddie."

"Shocker."

It's not like I meant to be snarky with my best friend, in fact that was the last thing I wanted (or, well, it was near the bottom of my priorities, if not at the very end), but I didn't want to talk about Freddie. I didn't want to talk about him, especially not with Carly, who now knew too much. I didn't even want to think about him.

All that did was make me angry. My stupid feelings made me weak and silly and I hated it. If I had to like some boy and kiss him without meaning to, I would have chosen _anyone_ before Frednub. But, of course, it had to be him. It just had to. Because he was just so frustrating and dumb and techy and cute and- ugh, I did not say that.

I've never felt quite so lame.

"Sam," she was probably trying to warn me from ranting, but I swore she sounded a little hurt. That never went well, and I turned to her more fully, feeling sorry already.

"Sorry," I murmured. "Didn't mean to snap."

"It's fine. I just-" she hesitated and I looked down, picking at the edge of my now empty plate. "Well," I didn't have to see her face to know what it looked like at the moment. "There are certain conversations we said we'd finish, and this is the first time we've had alone since then."

"No, there are conversations you said we needed to finish. I never agreed to that." I still couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze.

She sighed again. "I suppose you're right, but," there was a short silence. "Please," her tone made me too sad. I didn't like when she acted like this because it just made me want to cheer her up, which was behavior that only came out with Carly. "It's just, you know you can talk to me about anything, Sam. Right?"

At that, I did look up, and when I saw the sadness in her eyes, I nearly broke and said everything. What was it about her being sad that was able to make me feel so bad? Ugh.

"Of course I know that, Carls," I reassured her with what I could muster of a smile. "And even if you did have to force it out of me by reminding me of your impending doom, I did tell you about the most terrible thing I've ever done."

"It can't have been that bad," she offered. Unfortunately, her effort to make me feel less bad about it did just the opposite, because it reminded me of the fact that I hadn't hated it.

"Awful, Carly, awful," I shook my head, putting on an air of utter despair, which I knew she could tell was a bit of a joke. "But, in any case, we are not discussing this," I held up my hands.

She nodded, muttering several 'okay's before looking at me curiously again. The curious Carly look didn't hold much more promise for my sanity than the sad Carly look did. This woman was going to cause me so many problems.

"Wait a minute," now she was piecing things together. I didn't know what she was piecing together, but it likely held my grave on the other end of it.

"I'm not headed anywhere at the moment, Shay," I teased her, even though I knew my efforts wouldn't get her off the topic.

"Why did you tell me about something I already knew as if I didn't?"

Dang Carly and her intelligence. So inconvenient. Not that I was aware of what she was saying yet, but it still seemed to be heading in unpleasant directions.

"What do you mean?"

"You told me you kisse-"

"Keep your voice down!" I shushed her urgently, not wanting anyone to hear.

"Sorry, sorry," she settled down in her seat. "Anyway, you told me what you did." It was so Carly-like to keep persisting at a topic like this.

"Unfortunately."

When she got into her sleuthing modes, as I liked to call them, she became so in the zone that her apartment catching on fire probably wouldn't disturb her, so my voice definitely didn't. Then again, her apartment catches on fire a lot thanks to Spencer, so that's probably a bad example.

"But on your birthday, that news came out, and Freddie explained the whole thing to me and I get it. So as nice of you as it was to try to comfort me in my possible last moments by telling me some deep secret, it was something I already knew."

There was a pause and I shifted uncomfortably again, hating this analysis more and more each second.

"Yet you really did seem like you were hiding it, which means you thought I didn't already know. But you were there when I found out on your birthday camping trip, because that's what made you go for a walk. So then why-" For a second, confusion clouded her face. I was fine with that. She was more than welcome to stay confused and in the dark when it came to this.

But, of course, Carly just had to be her smart self, and instead her eyes lit up with the sudden clarity I had been dreading.

"There was anoth-"

A loud buzz rang through the room and we clamped our hands over our ears. "Holy crab!" I leapt from my seat, not sure if it was an earthquake warning, a bomb alert, or the most obnoxious lunch bell, ever.

As it turned out, it was the entire cast and crew of Girl Cow being told they had to return to their jobs. Maybe this whole recording studio thing wasn't such a walk in the park, after all. People started ushering us into our individual booths again, and I heard Carly's voice calling after me.

Not sure what she said, I just turned to her and yelled out, "not up for discussion. Ever. Go back to being a squirrel." I wasn't entirely sure what I was saying, but I was currently cursing the buzzer. Had it sounded only seconds earlier, maybe it could have disrupted her thoughts and she wouldn't have been on my case.

Okay, so, she probably still would have figured it out because she's Carly Shay and she's smart and she's my best friend, but still. This dumb feelings thing was just stacking up disaster after disaster in my life.

The next time I ran into Freddie without Carly to stop me, he was going to get it. If it wasn't for the nub, I wouldn't be in this situation. I would be free of the weird girliness and the caring about what other people thought and all of the things that were piling together in an attempt to ruin my life.

Now I was even becoming an overdramatic teenager, apparently.

Yep. An arm-breaking should be sufficient.

* * *

><p><strong>So Carly's onto Sam... I hope you liked the chapter. ;)<strong>

**There are even more exciting things in store (at least I think so), and, more specifically, more Seddie! I know this is a Seddie story, so don't worry about their lack of interaction. I think it's important to establish the friendship between Carly and Sam since they are best friends, but, as I said, this is a Seddie story, and Seddie's certainly the focus, and they'll feature much more prominently in the coming chapters, so get excited!**

**One last note: If you didn't read the A/N at the top, or even if you did, please comment and let me know not only whatever your little heart desires, but also whether or not you think I should continue this story so that I know being timely in my updates will be worth it. Thank you SO MUCH for sticking with My List of Firsts, and I promise to try to reply to all of the comments I get, despite my short lapse with that. :)**


	28. Chapter 26: My First Driver's License

**WOW. Thank you so much to everyone who commented (or messaged me) and encouraged me to continue My List of Firsts.**

**I never wanted to stop this story, but I realize that long updates can be discouraging, so I wasn't sure if anyone would still be reading my story. The response honestly exceeded anything I ever could have hoped for. To all of you who said anything, thank you again. It means more than I can even begin to explain. Even to those of you who didn't comment (and I know there are quite a few since the amount of people who read my story is overwhelming and so so so humbling), thank you.**

**What I realized as I read all of your comments and saw the count of people who came to read MLoF steadily mount was that I was afraid of ending this story. I think I feared writing too far ahead and feeling the need to end my story because I love it too much to let it go just yet. Luckily, I have several more (what I consider to be) exciting chapters written and in the works. I really hope all of you continue reading and letting me know what you think. Also, a special thanks to Sapphire for her/his comment - while I try to reply to everyone's comments and PMs, that one was a guest comment, yet still very touching, so I wanted to extend my appreciation.**

**Without any more discussion, a new (and more Seddie-filled!) chapter:**

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><p><strong>Chapter 26: My First Driver's License<strong>

The ride home from the studio hadn't been bad at all. We were all so excited over the fact that we were really going to be on Girly Cow, even if the episode wasn't set to air for a while, and so we spent the entire time talking about it. When we got back, Freddie said goodbye since his mom would be home soon and he had to pretend he'd been knitting all day or something like that.

Reluctantly, after another class of juice, I decided to head home, too. I would have much rather spent the rest of my life with Carly and Spencer, but it was getting late. Plus, she had that look in her eye that made it clear she wasn't as done with our discussion as I told her she had to be. The good thing was, I knew she was too good of a friend to go to Freddie about it, instead.

* * *

><p>As it turns out, I was in luck. Well, kind of. On one hand, I wasn't stuck with having to face Carly and her all-too-knowing expressions. On the other hand, I was stuck in a messy cocoon of my sheets, feeling as though I was dying.<p>

Illness is not my friend.

My mom told me I probably had some crazy rain forest disease and practically quarantined me in my room. I'm pretty sure I was too delirious to really notice much of what was going on.

It was probably just the flu or something, but, no matter what it was, it let me miss a week of school. That probably benefitted everyone else, too, because sick Sam is extra-cranky Sam.

* * *

><p>I was mostly better by Friday but skipped out of school, anyway. My teachers probably threw a party about it, for all I know. They don't seem to like me very much. I would be offended, but I don't like them very much, either. Far too snooty.<p>

I turned up at Carly's apartment and laid myself on her couch, letting out a loud groan to announce my presence.

When no one replied, I let out a louder groan, flopping haphazardly back onto the pillows.

"Sam?" I heard my voice being called from upstairs. There was a shuffle of footsteps and I knew she had arrived behind me before she said anything.

"Sam!" her voice was far too loud for my tired, sick brain. "Thank goodness! I was starting to worry you had died or ended up in prison and wasted your call on someone else."

I chuckled, but the sound was weak. Being sick is annoying.

When she walked around to the other side of the couch, I heard a gasp and turned my head from where it was buried in the pillow.

"Gosh, you look like you're in terrible shape. How sick are you?"

"Sick enough to miss a week of school."

"You skip sometimes even when you aren't sick."

"True."

"How do you feel?" This was apparently Nurse Carly mode.

"Fine, I guess. Better. Like I could really go for a ham right now."

"Do you have a fever?"

"Only if there's ham involved."

"Sam, I'm serious. Are you feeling any better? Have you taken medicine?"

"Do I seem like the kind of person who would have medicine in my house?"

There was a pause and she finally nodded. "Fair point. I'm guessing that also means your mom hasn't taken you to the doctor, either."

I shrugged, "we don't even really have a doctor. I tend to send people to them much more often than I ever need to visit."

I could practically feel Carly's worry floating through the room, but it's not like she could convince my mom to suddenly pay attention to health care or anything like that.

She sat down on the edge of her coffee table and reached over, moving some of the hair from my face and then pressing her hand to my forehead. "You do have a fever. Come on, get up, I'm taking you to my doctor."

"You really don't have to. I'm almost all better."

"Well we don't need you getting worse, now do we?" I felt a tug, which I belatedly realized was her attempt to get me off the couch – never an easy task.

I grumbled something but swung my legs off the couch, standing up and giving Carly a look that held no amusement.

She barely noticed, already on her way to grabbing a sweater, which, it turned out, was intended for me. "It's still springtime and it might be chilly outside, so bundle up." As we walked out the door, she kept talking. "I'm taking my homework along and I'll wait for you in the little sitting area. Though there is a health snack store down the street, and I've been meaning to buy more of the special almonds. I'll text you if I go over there, and if you finish before I'm back, just let me know you're taking the car and drive over to meet me."

The idea seemed fine to me, so I agreed, but just as we were getting in the car to head to the doctor's office – a place I wasn't too excited to visit – she paused and looked at me. "Wait a minute, scratch that plan. I'll just stay and wait for you."

"Why no special almonds?"

"Because you can't drive to get me."

"Excuse me, but I am a fully capable individual."

"Where's the proof of that?"

"Touché, Shay."

"How do you still not have your license in the first place?" She clicked in her seatbelt and got everything adjusted from Spencer's tall height to her own. "We live in Washington and you've had your permit since you were fifteen."

By now her attention was on the road, since she was always a safe driver, but she wasn't letting up on this topic.

"Uh, I haven't gone to the DMV?" I shrugged, crinkling up my face. It was the truth, even if it probably wasn't what Carly was looking for. I was excellent at giving answers that aggravated people.

"But why not?" She paused, making sure to turn on her blinker and turn safely before getting back to the conversation. "I could have taken you years ago if you wanted to get a license. I could have even paid the fee and helped you with the paperwork."

I could tell she felt a little uncomfortable with the suggestion since her voice was turning a bit squeaky, but I just shrugged again. "It's fine, Carls, really. Plus, being driven around isn't bad at all. Momma could get used to this."

I heard the telltale noises of her trying not to laugh and smiled to myself.

However, she apparently wasn't satisfied with ending the discussion there. "Do you know how to drive?"

"Yeah, Spencer taught me. Remember?"

"Again, do you know how to drive?"

"What do you mean?"

"Um," I could nearly feel Carly's guilty blush filling the room. "He's not exactly the most skilled driver to grace the state of Washington." She cleared her throat.

"Exactly," I chuckled. "So he's an excellent teacher for me. He fits my mentality and skill level."

"Stop making me laugh, I'm going to lose focus," she insisted, but we continued smoothly on our path nonetheless.

"Just be glad I'm not tickling you, Shay."

"Don't you dare!"

I made a move to act like I was about to do so, but I relented, figuring that it was best to not endanger both of our lives just for a bit of fun. Not this time, at least. Risking your life could be quite thrilling.

* * *

><p>After Carly's doctor reminded me about a billion times to take just the right amount of my medication and to get a lot of rest and several other things I got bored and tuned out, the two of us headed over to the store so she could get her special almonds.<p>

We got back to her apartment and she made sure I took all of the medicine I was supposed to before telling me to get some rest and tucking me under a blanket on the couch.

She really could be motherly sometimes, but I didn't care how she acted; there is no better best friend in the whole entire world. Even if mine does make me take disgusting medicine. Maybe I should have learned to swallow pills when I was little.

* * *

><p>"Good as new," I grinned, shocking Carly, who spun around at the sound of my voice.<p>

"Oh, Sam, you startled me," she smiled sheepishly.

"It's because of all of the energy I have."

"Why do you have so much energy?"

"Well I'm not coughing up a lung or sniffling my way to Alaska, am I?"

Her eyes lit up and she pulled me into a hug. "I'm so happy you're better. You took your meds, I'm guessing?"

"Forced them down my throat is more like it," I grumbled, but I was in a good mood, anyway.

"This is great! You recovered pretty fast, too, which is impressive."

"Your doctor said something about that. He talked about my immune system and then I'm pretty sure he went on a tangent about cats…" I gave her a look that showed I hadn't paid much attention, but she luckily seemed too happy to care much.

"You weren't here this morning, were you? I don't know how I could have not seen you." A worried expression graced her face but I just shook my head.

"Slept in."

"_Sam_."

"What? I was recovering from illness, Carly."

"That- that is not an excuse!" But even as she said it, I could tell she was faltering. "Okay fine, I'll let you off the hook, but don't make it a habit."

"I'll get kicked out if I do, and there's not enough to do at home for staying there all day for a few years to be entertaining."

"Good. In that case, happy Monday."

I made a noise of despair as she started guiding us down the hallway.

* * *

><p>"So," I plopped myself down in a chair, only early for class because of Carly's promptness.<p>

"Yes?"

"I have plans this afternoon."

"Oh? With whom?" I could tell her interest was piqued and I tried my best to not laugh.

"Likely a fat old man who ate too many potatoes for breakfast and is overly-critical."

"Ew," she scrunched her nose. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I want to go get my license."

"Really?"

"Kind of. I mean, I don't feel the need to drive, but I want one. Plus, now that I'm healthy again, I won't be hacking all over their car. They'd probably flunk me for that, the nubs."

"Be nice to them," she looked at me in warning, but I could tell she was happy I had finally agreed to do this.

"I'll try," she was still giving me the look. "I'll _really_ try. " Then it was my turn to give her a look, this one more of confusion than anything. "Why don't you save these nuggets of wisdom for later?"

"What do you mean?"

"You'll take me to the DMV, won't you?"

A sad look dominated her face and I sighed, not sure I wanted to hear what came next.

"I'm scheduled to participate in a young entrepreneurs meeting this evening. I'm sorry, Sam."

I pulled a plastic bag out of my backpack and opened it, picking out a slice of bacon and beginning to chew it. "Not to worry, we can just go another day. You have some less smart children to wow."

"No, no, you should go. You seem to have your heart set on it and you really should get it before you change your mind. I would say Spencer could take you but I think he contracted some weird version of chicken pox but just in his armpits."

"Gross."

"I know. I made him start putting on the cream once it stopped hurting so much for him to move his shoulders."

"Smart choice."

"Thank you." There was a pause and then she brightened up. "Have Freddie take you."

Before I could groan, the teacher came in, and Carly gave me a look, signaling that it was time to focus and be studious. Or, in my case, eat bacon as I listened to the man in the front of the room ramble about nonsense.

Clearly my best friend didn't understand how dire my situation was. It wasn't like an awkward thing just happened and we were moving past it with all of the grace and poise and politeness that define Carly Shay.

I had kissed Freddie Benson, the biggest nub to ever exist. And I had no desire to look at him again. Why? Oh, only because my stupid self decided this would be an appropriate time to develop feelings for someone.

So, no, I would not be taking a ride with any such person to the DMV later.

* * *

><p>It was around 3:45pm when I was stuck sitting in the passenger seat of Freddie's car.<p>

I had totally meant to avoid this situation, but before she had gone to review her presentation, Carly had practically grabbed both Freddie and me and thrown us into the car.

The beginning of our ride was silent, and I was fine with that. Other than a few short mumbled comments, we had barely spoken to each other since the day Carly had been trapped in the elevator. Even then, I'd mostly spoken just to Spencer and his little sister.

The lack of talking was more than fine with me, but he didn't seem to agree. The nub. I should just break his arm. Or his leg. Or both.

"Are you looking forward to having your license?"

I didn't answer. I don't care if that's a childish thing to do – I'm not even 18 yet, and I don't need to put up with his stupidity and the weird things he makes me feel. I was definitely okay with not liking anyone other than being friends with Carly and tolerating Spencer and his weirdness.

"Sam?"

I snapped out of the daze that had come over me.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you were looking forward to having your license."

"Oh, uh, I guess?" I looked around the car, staring at the dashboard. That was pretty much the most I had said to him in over a week.

"You'll have more freedom. Now you can go pick up ham whenever you want." Was this some sort of attempt at reconciliation? If so, it wasn't working. Things were just awkward and I didn't want to look at him because that would mean owning up to the terrible thing I had done.

"I already do."

There was a pause. Freddie apparently thought I'd be more conversational, which is dumb because I often cut him off on days when I don't feel like digging myself into a hole.

Several minutes passed and I almost turned the music on to fix the quietness, but then I remembered his mom had preprogrammed all of the stations to classical radio channels, and I didn't feel like dealing with her nonsense right now, so I sat and fidgeted in my seat.

"We're almost there." His voice was distant, and it seemed like he was putting effort into seeming nonchalant. Maybe I was just reading into it. Maybe I was doing the same thing.

No, no, definitely not. I was nonchalant. I am always nonchalant. I think that's the right word for it. Indifferent. Don't give a crab. Anything along those lines.

When he finally pulled into the parking spot – in a far too organized and thought-through manner – I practically leapt out of the vehicle in relief.

"I have my paperwork and the money and all of that chizz. I'm going inside. Feel free to wait here if you can't handle all of the long lines and grouchy people, Frednub."

"I can go in with you, if you want. Make sure you don't start any fights."

"Try not to suffocate in here."

"Try not to fail."

"Witty, Fredward. Great comeback." I rolled my eyes, still not looking at his, and then shut the door much harder than his weird mother would have approved of.

* * *

><p>It turned out that Carly's last minute tips (stay calm, focus on the road, don't touch the evaluator, don't get distracted by daydreaming about food, and, again, stay calm) were very helpful. But unlike her advice to repeat the driver's manual in my head, I instead repeated her advice, and somehow resisted jumping the man sitting next to me.<p>

I guess he didn't smell _that_ bad.

* * *

><p>"Get out of the car," I banged on the window, grinning to myself as Freddie jumped in surprise.<p>

It took him a moment to calm down and roll down the window, but he finally did so. "Will you quit hitting the window?"

"Get out of the car."

"Only if you stop hitting it."

"Get out of the car."

It appeared that my lack of obedience frustrated him enough for him to throw open the door and step outside. But instead of punching him or lecturing him or anything like that, I just pushed him aside and slid into the driver's seat.

"Get into the car, Frednub. We're going for a ride."

"Uh, what?" He was clearly a slow learner.

"Get into the car," I said, more slowly this time, and with a look on my face that revealed how stupid I found him at the moment. "We're going for a ride."

"Where?"

"Alcatraz. No, idiot, we're going back to Carly's apartment."

"Did you pass your exam?"

"Of course I passed my exam."

"Show me your license."

I rummaged through my pocket before pulling it out and waving it over the passenger seat. "Satisfied? Good. Now get in."

He grumbled something, but after I still didn't stop staring at him, he finally made a typical Freddie noise of giving into something and then slid into the seat.

"Before I close the door, promise me you're not actually going to drive us to Mexico."

"I could just drive with the door open."

"My mom would kill me."

"And?"

"Just don't take us to Mexico."

"As if I would want to sit in a car with you for that long. I won't go any farther than LA."

He clearly wasn't pleased with my sarcasm – the nub probably didn't even realize I wasn't being serious. I kind of liked that fact. Scaring people was fun. But, he did close the door, so he was stuck going along for the ride. And I was stuck having him in here with me.

I actually backed out of the spot carefully and made my way through the parking lot. I made sure to put on my blinker when it was time to turn onto the road, and I didn't whip around the corner. Carly's words rang through my mind, and I supposed that was a good thing.

Freddie seemed like he was looking at me, and I wondered if maybe he was nervous because I was never usually this calm. There's a difference between driving calmly and actually being calm.

"I can see why they actually passed you."

"Shut up."

"That wasn't a rude comment."

"Shut up."

"Fine."

"Good."

There were several minutes without any noise other than what the car was doing.

"Even the things you say that are supposedly nice sound stuck up."

"Not intentionally."

"Who cares?" I shrugged. "I don't expect you to be nice to me in the first place. We hate each other too much for that. Now shut up, Benson. Carly told me I have to focus on the road."

He lifted his hands up in the air as if he was giving up, but he did seem a little less than happy. Whatever. I had driving to do and he was being his usual annoying nub self.

We made it about half of the way back before he started speaking again. He really must not understand what 'shut up' means.

Clearing his throat, Freddie made it nice and obvious that there was something he wanted to say. He wasn't really one to spit things out.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Very funny."

"Our thousands of viewers think so."

"Sam, I'm serious."

"So am I."

Freddie made a frustrated noise and sat back in his seat, kind of like a little kid pouting. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't Carly, so the sad, disappointed expression didn't really affect me. It probably helped that I was looking at the road and not at him.

But, he hadn't given up on his point. It only took a second or two for him to speak up again.

"It's just," he let out a sigh. My eyes remained trained on the road, trying their best not to look for the closest restaurants on the route. "Floppy disks don't go with CD drives – that's a fact. So I don't see how, temporarily, a CD drive could change shape to accommodate a floppy disk."

I rolled my eyes. Of course he had some nubby tech things on his mind. "I am not here to be your personal nerd assistant, Fredweird. Now, if you have nothing to contribute, kindly be quiet so that I don't figure eight my way into the nearest food provider and refuse to go anywhere."

His slight shock at my reaction was to be expected; he sometimes said I got a little 'extreme' about things, which is ridiculous and totally false. But what I wasn't expecting was for him to sound a little pleased.

"It was a metaphor."

"And I should care because?"

"A metaphor is when you-"

"Nice try, Benson, but only Carly gets to instruct me on the meaning of useless words."

He appeared to be struggling to say something but dancing around it and second-guessing the decision all at once. Generally, when your name is Freddie Benson and you're talking to Sam Puckett, and you're unsure whether or not you should say something, the answer is no.

The answer is always no.

But I guess not all Freddie Bensons are as intelligent as they try to seem, because this one sure has no common sense.

"I think we should talk about the fact that you kissed me."

_What?!_ My head snapped around to look at him, my eyes wide in shock. That was one of the last things I would have expected him to say.

Without really thinking, I floored it.

My eyes were laser-focused on the ground once more, and I was speeding us down the road. Getting dumped off at arcades when my mom went on dates when I was little proved to have helped in some ways because my swerve and dodge skills were incredible, if I say so myself.

At this point, my mind was reeling to the point of being empty, and I paid no attention to our speed. I new the streets that rarely had police parked on them, and I automatically took them.

Whether or not people were honking at me, I didn't know or care. It's possible Freddie had lost his breath, because it wasn't for several seconds or minutes or who knows how long that I heard his voice.

"Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam," he seemed to be gasping.

I ignored him, but I did notice that he was holding onto the handle above the door and his feet were bent up on the dashboard.

He was so weird. I wasn't even driving that fast.

Then again, since he's used to being in the car with his mom, this was probably like NASCAR for him.

"Would you please slow down? I'm too young and sane to end up in a car chase just yet."

That was debatable, since he wasn't exactly normal. He was a weird nub. And it was never too early for a car chase. Unfortunately, I didn't think we were actually going to get one of those.

I was swerving left and right, focusing on nothing but wanting to get back and dump him off as soon as possible.

Sharply, I turned a corner, only to see another car barreling toward us. I wasn't scared – I couldn't be when I had no thoughts. But I did realize that this street could barely accommodate both vehicles. We were already going so quickly that slamming on the brakes seemed like the worst option.

So, maybe I wasn't as great of a driver as my license suggested, but whatever. Freddie had shut up.

Though we were about to hit a tree.

We were about to hit a tree.

_Shoot_.

I'm not sure whether I screamed or just tried to but no sound came out, yet, no matter what happened, I gave the wheel a sudden yank and by the grace of all of the Fat Shakes in the world, we just managed to scrape past the other car and wobble our way back onto the road.

The rest of the drive passed in a fast blur, and before I had really comprehended what was going on, we had jolted into the Benson parking spot in the garage attached to the building. For several moments, we just sat there, likely in shock.

Finally, I let out a breath, and there were a lot of nervous noises of gathering air in our lungs. I would say it had been frightening, but really, it hadn't been anything. It had just happened. But we were alive, and that was what mattered. Now Carly would still have someone to raid her fridge and someone to bore her with talk of technology.

It took a while, but I did, reluctantly, turn my head to look over and make sure Freddie actually was alive. I knew he was since I could hear his heavy breathing, but seeing for myself was reassuring.

"You're alive, right?" my voice was quiet, the whole situation still a bit of a haze.

I'm pretty sure I heard him gulp before he gave a few small nods. "Yep."

"That's… good." And it _was_ good, but that didn't mean I wanted to suddenly engage in a riveting conversation with him.

A couple more minutes passed until I finally reached over and unbuckled my seatbelt. Opening the door and taking the keys out of the ignition, I tossed them onto Freddie's lap and then slid out of the car. Just before closing the door, I peeked my head in, this time looking straight at him, even if he seemed more dazed than anything.

"One more thing, Frednub. If you ever try to suggest we talk about such things again, you will wish I really had driven you into that tree."

He didn't respond, undoubtedly still in shock, just as I was, but I could tell he caught what I was saying. "Have a good night. Glad we didn't die."

For once, I wasn't kidding when I said something like that. I definitely didn't want to die, and, frankly, I wasn't too keen on the idea of Freddie doing so, either.

* * *

><p>There was no one at home when I returned (I had gone straight from the parking lot since Carly wasn't home), and somehow I was too much in shock to eat. Well, if you had placed a chicken wing or twenty in front of me, I would have eaten them without hesitation, but I wasn't actively seeking food.<p>

Treading upstairs, I pulled my list out of its hiding spot and scribbled down the twenty-first item.

_April 28__th__, 2010: My First License_

Look at that, I accomplished something.

Though, as I crawled in bed, not sure whether or not I had changed into my pjs or not and really not caring, I didn't feel like I had accomplished much of anything except for possibly ruining one of my friendships for the umpteenth time.

It wasn't my fault he was such a nub. It wasn't my fault we hadn't talked in a week and a half. It wasn't my fault I had- I had- I had kissed him.

Cheeseballs. Fine, maybe some of that was my fault.

But we didn't need to talk about it. Right?

Right.

There was no need to talk about something that meant nothing.

The problem was, to me, it hadn't meant nothing.

The problem was getting myself to get some sense since it had meant nothing to him.

The problem was that I needed to stop hiding when there was nothing to hide from in the first place. We didn't need to talk about it because I didn't need to explain and he didn't need to unknowingly crush my stupid feelings that were very un-Sam-like.

The problem was that, as I was falling asleep… I knew I wanted to do it again.

* * *

><p><strong>I really hope you enjoyed it! There is no dead Freddie, which is a very good thing (and probably makes for a happy Sam, even if she wouldn't admit that).<strong>

**Please let me know what you think, and look forward to a new chapter in the near future. The next one's written already, and I'm getting to work on the following two, which I hope you'll like very much. :)**


	29. Chapter 27: My First Time Getting Stuck

**Thank you so much to everyone who is still reading, and an extra big thank you to those who continue to review MLoF (whether through comments or PMs)! It means so much to me that you still care about my story and support it.**

**The next three chapters are, in some senses, a trilogy of sorts. They happen back-to-back, and they're pretty important to the storyline.**

**For those of you who wanted more Sam/Freddie interaction, here you go...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 27: My First Time Getting Stuck (in a Janitor's Closet)<strong>

The good news was that our near-death experience had been kept quiet.

The bad news was that we had told Carly, and ever since, she had been watching the two of us much too closely for comfort.

And that meant getting the skeptical look if I so much as breathed in Freddie's direction.

It also meant being subjected to Carly's predictable attempts to get us to bond or something.

I love the girl, I really do, but sometimes she just needs to give up. Maybe she can fix world hunger and war and natural disaster, but the convoluted thing some people call a relationship but we more accurately label as constant animosity that Freddie and I shared was a disaster far greater than any earthquake or tropical storm. By 'we label,' I mean 'I label,' but who cares?

No one. The question's rhetorical. Look at me using fancy big words.

The good part about Carly's constant presence was that Freddie and I had no opportunity to even consider discussing what he had suggested we talk about. What a nub. Aren't girls supposed to be the ones who want to talk about their feelings and over-analyze things until they mean something different?

Maybe since I wasn't one of those girls, Freddie was taking over the role for me. If that was the case, Carly was welcome to never leave our sides. Still, she was almost too concerned, and I don't need my hand held while crossing the street. Seventeen is practically adulthood.

* * *

><p>"I'm hungry." It was 10:30 and we were supposed to be writing about an event in our life or some chizz like that, but all I could think about was pizza. And ham. And old people soup. Don't judge me. You're not close enough to a hospital for that.<p>

"Shhhh," I heard Carly shush me as she continued what was probably a twelve-page dissertation about the time she skinned her knee after falling from the monkey bars in kindergarten. She was such an overachiever. A clumsy one, but still an overachiever.

The clock kept ticking and I had already written and erased four starting sentences. How the hell was I supposed to know what to write about? Our teacher had already told me I wasn't allowed to write anything about food. Apparently I did that too often. Jerk.

* * *

><p>By the time the bell rang, I had gotten down a decent sized paragraph and Carly had made an aggravated noise about not being able to finish before stapling her papers together.<p>

Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I followed my friend into the hallway. Freddie wasn't with us for once, but that didn't really mean I could breathe because apparently I was more of a safety concern than he was or something like that. It was unfair that the nub got to miss classes just to prepare for some nerd convention after school. Only five-year-olds build robots. Everyone knows that.

"Have any plans after school?"

"Huh?" I snapped out of my daze and looked over at my best friend.

"What are you doing after school?"

"Homework. Loads and loads of it."

"Really?" Her eyes lit up with hope that definitely shouldn't have been there.

"We've known each other a long time, Carls. You should know by now that there's no truth behind that statement."

She sighed, nodding. "I guess you're right. So, what are you doing after school?"

"Nothing, I don't think. Why the sudden interest in my very busy schedule, kid?"

She shrugged. The fact that she was actually pulling off the nonchalant thing meant that she wasn't secretly planning something. Carly had never been good at acting casual under what she considered pressure, which was pretty much any conversation she ever had while she was hiding something. "Just curious. Spencer did just go grocery shopping, and we got more of that jerky."

"The Hungry Hippo Tough Beef Jerky?" It was my turn to bounce like a freak.

"I think so?" she chuckled.

"I'll be there." I pointed at her excitedly, still doing so as I swiveled around and began walking backward until I was far down the hallway. We didn't have all of our classes together, mostly because Carly was placed in several honors courses and yours truly didn't care enough to even try to be.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day passed pretty quickly. Or, at least, it started out that way. I was distracted by thoughts of delicious jerky, but it's not like I ever paid much attention in class, anyway.<p>

After last period, I was rambling on to Carly about my love for the special beef jerky as she packed her backpack with everything she'd need for homework. Once she swung her locker shut, we made our way through the school. Even if she didn't have two million clubs today, she still wanted to drop off an extra credit assignment on our science teacher's desk. Carly was not really a math and science person, and so she tried extra hard to keep her grade up. It was kind of pointless, in my opinion, since she always had at least an A- in all of her classes, but I had learned long before to never question her about her methods when it came to schoolwork. She got all freaky and lecturey and crazy-eyed as she ranted, so I just didn't enter that territory.

As we made our way out of the room, I was still talking about the glory of beef jerky and everything that made it great, when a nub decided to walk up beside Carly.

Of course, being the nice person she is, she turned to him with a smile and asked how all of the preparations for his dumb showcase or whatever were going. He explained and she acted as if she knew half of what he was saying. Maybe she understood more than I did, but that boy speaks a language all his own sometimes.

I didn't try to hide my boredom with the conversation. Then again, when things took the nerdy brick road, I never really did. Unfortunately, Carly decided that she should keep being social and friendly, which meant talking to me, which also meant I had to pay attention.

"Sam and I were just about to go back to the apartment since Spencer bought some of that beef jerky."

"The Hungry Hippo Tough Beef Jerky?"

She frowned, "how come everyone can remember the name of it but me?"

"Because you hate beef jerky," I laughed, shaking my head as if it was a disgrace. Which it kind of is. But Carly's special, so I let her off the hook.

"It's also not as gross as some other jerky."

"That's because your mommy feeds you weird composted meat," I rolled my eyes.

"Organic," he mumbled, clearly not in the mood to talk to me.

So, naturally, I continued our chat.

"What was that, Benson?"

"Nothing," he shrugged, looking around. "You know, I should go help with-"

I felt a sudden tug on the collar of my shirt and was ready to take someone out until I realized it was Carly, and that she had grabbed both of our collars. "Enough," she straightened up, putting on her authoritative personality.

Stupid Freddie. He could never let things go. Instead, he had to act all weird and give Carly reason to freak out and try to fix things that weren't even her fault. Just like when he handcuffed me to Gibby.

"What now?" I groaned.

"I have had enough of your weirdness and your arguing and I have a lot of tests coming up and cannot deal with the added stress of you two being hostile on top of my test anxiety. Maybe I'll do well, but as I told the school counselor, I can't help but freak out about every little detail when there is so much I could get wrong."

I'm pretty sure Freddie and I were just staring at her dumbly at this point, rather shocked and confused by her sudden outburst. It did involve lots of rambling and confessing, which is what she always did when she was nervous. At least she hadn't gone totally bonkers and become another person.

"Now, I don't know all of what's going on here, but you two at least looked at each other a month ago, and it's not like Sam just started beating you up yesterday. Not that I condone violence," she gave me a sharp look. "But, no matter what it is, I will not have it. So, you two are going to go in here," she let go of Freddie long enough to yank open the door to the janitor's closet that we happened to have stopped next to. Carly gave both of us a shove into it with surprising strength, though my confusion had left me stunned and weak. "And you are going to talk out your feelings and your problems. I will be back in half an hour, and I expect both of you to still be in there and to be talking and for Freddie to have no injuries."

Another pointed look.

Being the caring person she is, she couldn't just slam the door and storm off. Instead she reached up and turned on the light and double-checked that there weren't any sharp objects or toxic liquids in sight. "Okay?"

The question wasn't one we were meant to answer, and she finally began to close the door. Before it was totally shut, she peeked in, her expression sad. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I really would prefer to not do this, but it's either this or I take you to the school counselor, and Sam's banned from her office. I would have Spencer counsel you but he's feeding seals with Socko. Just, please don't kill each other. You guys mean a lot to me and I don't want there to be weirdness."

With one final apologetic look, she sighed and then clicked the door shut.

We stood there in silence for some time. I was still trying to figure out what had happened. Carly rarely got that assertive and made comments about her friends' interaction (or lack thereof). I realized sadly that we really might have caused her a good deal of stress. Not that I could help feeling weird around Freddie with the confusing mixture of things I thought about him and the even more confusing things that had happened, but I never wanted Carly to get stuck in the middle of things. She meant too much to me for that, and I knew she meant a lot to Freddie, too. She was a great person and far too nice to me for me to ruin her life.

But, that didn't mean I was going to sit through a talk with Freddie in a closet. It's not like I was the type of girl to talk about my feelings, anyway, so there was little point to this arrangement.

"Sam-" his voice was hesitant.

"All right, I'm out," I straightened up and turned toward the door, turning the knob and pushing. Yet it didn't open. "What kind of chizz is this?" I rattled the knob, but the door didn't budge.

I heard a frustrated sigh behind me and turned around, raising an eyebrow.

"It must lock automatically. Remember that paper towel raid they had in November? They probably altered the locks so you can only get out with a key. That way, a student can get in, but they can't run out with any stuff."

"Because paper towels are_ so_ important," I made a weird look. Some people were such freaks.

He shrugged. _Yep, he's still useless_. "Waiting for Carly might be our best bet."

"I don't think so."

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Shut up, Benson. As a matter of fact, I do. I'll just break it down."

"You can't do that."

"You can watch if you want. Don't be frightened."

"That's not what I mean-"

"Then start talking."

"I just meant that if you break it down, then you're going to get in trouble, and you only have so many strikes left before you get expelled, and if you get expelled, then you won't see Carly as often and might end up in Peruvian jail and be stuck eating nothing but Peruvian Puff Peppers until Carly bails you out ten years later and finally gives you a glass of water."

"They wouldn't know I did it unless _someone_ told them," I raised my eyebrows.

"No one's going to believe I broke down the door. Especially not if I'm still standing in the closet."

"Fair point. And nice save, but we both know you're not strong."

He rolled his eyes, but I could see that he was smiling by the dim light from above us.

Silence followed, and even I was starting to feel awkward. Sam Puckett didn't do awkward silences. Unfortunately, the quiet not only made me feel awkward, but it also gave me time to think, which was something I tried to avoid unless ham was involved.

"You really thought that through," I looked over to him, holding my elbow with the opposite hand.

"What d'you mean?"

"What would happen if I got in big trouble a few more times." I shrugged this time. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "You had a whole scenario, is all."

It was weird. I liked Freddie, well, I more than liked him, but I didn't have time to think about that right now. I knew I did, and no matter how inconvenient and terrible it was, it was true. Those stupid feelings had somehow led me to kiss him on my birthday, and now we were stuck being awkward and not really talking. But that was my problem. He didn't know and it was better that way. I tried my best to hide any non-hostile thoughts about him, only allowing a few friendish moments to pop through now and then, just as usual.

Yet that didn't explain why _he_ was acting weird. I knew he didn't totally hate me for some strange reason, but I figured it was because of Carly, since she had an odd talent for making people less terrible. Obviously he didn't like me – such an impossible suggestion was never even in the question. What I didn't get was why he actually seemed to care sometimes. It had been getting more frequent, like when he had come to talk after accidentally spilling the beans to Carly about our kiss. Not that I hadn't done something similar after telling the world he had never kissed anyone, but this time it had been different.

The issue with me kissing him was not just that I had kissed him – which was a huge problem because it was one of the worst things that could ever happen in life, especially since it hadn't been awful – but also that things between us had been even stranger than usual afterward. Not that talking it out was an option; I made that clear when I nearly rammed us into a tree several days ago.

But, that was exactly why we were stuck in here together. I wasn't the type of girl to talk out her feelings, but it seemed like we were actually going to be stuck talking about a thing or two, thanks to my best friend and the dumb janitors.

It wasn't for a minute or more that I realized Freddie hadn't said anything in reply. He really was being weird.

"Anyway," I cleared my throat, shifting to sit back against one of the shelves.

"Yeah, sorry, I-" Freddie cut off his words with a sigh. "I guess I've just heard Carly worry about it enough that I've given it quite a bit of consideration over the years."

"Makes sense." And it did. It involved Carly, just like most of his explanations, which was logical since, after all, she was our mediator. And she had stuck us in the closet.

"So, uh, we're supposed to discuss the weirdness Carly thinks exists between us, huh?" He ran a hand through his hair, and for once, I wasn't sure whether he looked more scared of my reaction or awkward about this situation.

I nodded, slowly at first before finally making it clear that I did agree.

"I'm not sure the fact that I've considered where you might end up in prison counts as something that would be affecting our current weirdness for whatever it is."

"Don't try to escape talking about something. If I can't, neither can you."

"Yeah, but uh," he fidgeted a bit. "I already explained."

"True." I frowned. This left the focus of the conversation out in the open again, and I knew where we were supposed to take it. I also knew I couldn't scare Freddie into silence by speeding again, at the moment. Plus, I wasn't allowed to harm him, and while I tended to take Carly's rules about injuring Freddie with a grain of salt, she had seemed really hurt by our tension and stuff, so I figured I should do something for the girl who did everything for me.

"Let's make this as short as possible. Why do you think things might be weird between us now?"

"Because you're a nub who's obsessed with tech chizz and who stopped talking to me."

"I'm talking to you right now."

"Not the point."

He sighed, leaning back and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Well I can't bring it up or you might try to kill me again."

"Murdering someone in a janitor closet is far too overdone."

"That's reassuring," he snorted and I shot him a sharp look, but it fell flat sooner than I meant for it to.

There was a pause but I broke it before it could make things even weirder. "I didn't try to kill you." My voice was kind of soft, but we were alone in a closet, so it's not like he couldn't hear it. Apparently I was going to make things weirder.

"What?"

"I didn't try to kill you."

"I heard you the first time. I just- Sam, you drove faster than the people on closed courses in car commercials. You nearly ran us into another vehicle and subsequently into a tree. How does that not imply attempted homicide?"

"Why would I waste my own life if I was merely trying to get rid of you?"

He seemed to actually be contemplating this for a short while before he half-nodded, half-bobbed his head side to side. "I guess."

I picked up a huge roll of tape from a spot next to me on the shelf and began fiddling with it.

The shuffling of his feet made me look up, and I noticed that he had straightened himself in somewhat of a serious nature.

"Okay," he breathed. "Let's be real here. We're both fully aware of why things are weird between us, but only one of us knows why that thing happened, and that one person would be you. Please just explain so we can move on and then I can finish prepping for the convention and you can go eat jerky once Carly arrives."

I rolled my eyes. "You're so full of it."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said."

"That doesn't mean I understood it."

"Basically, you're stupid."

"Gee, thanks."

'…_so we can move on….' If only it were that easy. You don't have any clue how much I want this to pass. I just want to be over you so we can get back to the random bickering and neutrality we used to have_. I shrugged, as if I didn't care how he felt. Unfortunately, I did, and it was confusing. Even if I knew why I cared, I didn't know why that explanation was a real one. _Why does part of me not want this to pass? This is Frednub we're dealing with, the King of the Nubs, the nerdy little boy who tagged Carly along everywhere. The boy I love. Dang you, world. Why do you have to make me have feelings for the wimp? You could have chosen anyone and you chose him_. I sighed in frustration.

I was surprised Freddie hadn't called up a doctor to ensure I wasn't going whacko or something after I kissed him. Of course he had hated it, and I'm sure he had barely thought about it since, other than when he ran into me and veered in the opposite direction. But he had kept quiet. Who knew Frednub could be such a good secret keeper? Definitely not me. I would never have told him a secret to begin with. Yet he knew so many of my secrets: that I had kissed him, that I had a list, and several things he had gotten to hear when I confessed to Carly, like my shoplifting excursion and my disappointment over my father cancelling his visit.

The fact that I couldn't bring myself to hate the experience, no matter how much I said I did when Carly brought it up, was painful. This isn't any sort of super hot meat-loving hunk of boy we're talking about. It's just Freddie. The tech wiz who has nothing better to do with his time than restructure old computers. The boy who I had beat up and targeted for years. The boy who looked kind of cute with the remains of his baby fat yet had somehow worked up rather impressive muscles over the past few months. I really needed to stop noticing that as he crossed his arms, his sleeves tightened around the muscles he appeared to have gained overnight.

So I can be a little girly at times, okay? Carly is infectious.

His voice thankfully broke my thoughts, even if he wasn't saying anything I wanted to hear.

"Can you just give me a reason?" there was a confused and hesitant look in his eyes, and I felt myself sigh inside. "Just say, hey Freddie, I kissed you because it's all part of some elaborate plan that involves both physical and mental torture and that you're never going to see coming, no matter how hard you think about it. Or, hey Freddie, I kissed you because I had put on poisonous lipstick and you were actually meant to die. Please don't kill me, by the way. Even just, hey Freddie, I kissed you because I was bored and I love messing with your mind and wanted to see if you'd scream or faint or something like that. Just… anything. Say anything. Something. Please."

I frowned, looking down at the tape again, flicking the frayed edge with my finger. "Is that really what you think of me?" I didn't dare look up at him. Who knows what my dumb face might have revealed.

I could tell he opened and closed his mouth several times before any sound came out. "No. No, I don't think you're a murderer or anything like that, but… What else am I supposed to think? You kissed me, Sam. _Kissed_ me-"

"I was there."

"Not because we both wanted to get our first kisses out of the way or because you were dared to or because you wanted to see how long I could last before bolting. I don't know why. It makes no sense to me. But you haven't explained, and when I was going to ask you to, you went all _Fast and Furious_ on me. Carly's been with us nearly every moment since, and I don't know what to say, because I don't even know what to expect. None of this is logical, and if it weren't for this conversation, I might have been on my way to believing it was all just some weird hallucination."

I chewed on my lip. He was being strangely open and honest with me. I probably should've done the same in return, but he was so far off from the truth, and I knew that he would bolt if he actually knew why I had done it.

My lack of response was making him fidgety again.

"At this point, I don't even care if you did it just to funk up my mind. I just want to have some sort of explanation so I can stop replaying the past half-decade of knowing you to figure out what I did to make you do what you did."

_Wouldn't we all like to know_?

"Carly won't be here for awhile, but just look at me and tell me you did it to mess with me or something and I promise I'll leave you alone for the rest of the time we're stuck in here."

"I didn't do it just to mess with you."

What was I saying? Sam's lips and Sam's logic don't really go hand-in-hand. I was actually just referring to the words I was currently uttering, but I guess the statement applies to the evening of my birthday, too. Darn mouth ruining my life along with the feelings that are just as horrible.

"You- you didn't?" He seemed confused, as if all I ever did was something to mess with him, which wasn't entirely inaccurate.

"No."

"Then, uh, why did you do it? Why did you, you know, kiss me?" He seemed to be shying away, as if anticipating some sort of outburst from the other person locked in the closet with him. It was a wise precaution, but I was feeling remarkably calm, possibly because I was in a state of shock as words continued pouring out of my mouth.

I looked up, my attention fully focused on the boy across from me for the first time that day.

_Because I love you_.

There was a sense of honest curiosity and confusion in his eyes, and, for some reason, it seemed my eyes reflected a no less genuine glimmer.

"Because I like you."

_Well, that's part of the truth. Wait, what?_

Had I actually just told Freddie I liked him?

His eyes popped open in surprise, and suddenly it registered in my mind that I had, in fact, just confessed to liking Freddie right to his face.

And with that, I turned around, gave the door a huge kick so that it splintered and flew open, and bolted.

In the back of my mind, I could see the confusion of passing students and hear the faint noise of Freddie's voice calling my name back from his place in the closet. But I didn't care.

I just ran.

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><p><strong>Sam told Freddie she likes him! I hope that made all of you at least half as excited as it made me.<strong>

**Please let me know what you thought in a review or a PM. Feel free to add in any hopes for the future, predictions, criticisms - whatever you'd like, really! I love hearing from all of you, and it keeps me inspired to keep writing this story.**

**Oh, and Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all of my American readers!**

**I look forward to hearing from you and hope all of you stick around to read what happens next. :)**


	30. Chapter 28: My First Heart-to-Heart

**Last time we saw Sam, she was confessing (some of) her feelings to Freddie and then bolting! Where did she go? Will they ever speak again? Find out now...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 28: My First Heart-to-Heart<strong>

The past several hours passed through my mind in a blur. Whenever I tried to remember the events that had gotten me to this very spot, I couldn't. Some parts seemed clearer than others, but the next second, they'd seem just as confusing and vague. I was finally done catching my breath – well, I had finished with that a while ago – but I wasn't necessarily relaxed.

Sure, I had a Fat Shake in my hand and its heavenly contents were being slowly sucked into my mouth and down my throat and through all of the organs I never cared enough to remember. Other than my stomach, of course. But even five Fat Shakes later, I was still in a daze. Or maybe all of the Fat Shakes just took me into even more of a dream-like feeling.

Slurping up the last of the cups contents, I set it aside with a sigh. Having no more of a Fat Shake left was always such a sad feeling. Having no more food of any kind left was terrible. An insult to the world, really.

Luckily, I didn't have to be without the creamy, sweet goodness for very long. I snapped and a face poked out from around a bend moments later. "Ready for another already, Miss Puckett?"

"I'd be busy drinking instead of snapping if I wasn't."

"I'll be right back."

I nodded and the man dashed off.

You see, the thing is, when you do a man a favor, he owes you one in return. When you do a man a really big favor, he can't say no to providing you Fat Shakes as you sit on the factory floor after a long bus ride at 1:30 in the morning. And let's just say the Fat Shake people owe me a _lot_ of favors. After all, I am their number one consumer. I plan to keep that title forever.

The boy returned, handing me another round and picking up my most newly-emptied cup. He seemed a bit unsure of what was going on, but I tended to deal just with the people behind the counter and the head honchos, so it made sense this guy who manned the factory on a night shift didn't really know what was going on.

"Thanks, Ralph." He didn't budge. "You can go now."

With a quick smile that seemed rather terrified, he made himself disappear as fast as possible.

Just as I went to take a sip of this fresh batch, something caught my eye and I looked over to the ground. There, sitting beside me, was a roll of duct tape.

You know how, in movies, the main character always sees an object and has a sudden flashback of events he couldn't quite remember? Well the roll of tape triggered something just like that, except without the cool camera effects.

After confessing things like the stupid, stupid girl I had become, I had broken out of the closet and gotten out of sight as quickly as possible. When I'd finally been able to think, my first thought had of course been meat. So, somehow, I had made my way to the deli. But, realizing that was an easy place to find me, I took my triple roast beef sandwich on the go, and headed to where no one would ever consider finding me: the library. Turns out, libraries are just as boring as I remember, and once my sandwich was done, there was nothing to do there other than to stare at old people reading and little kids being shushed by their parents.

Things got a bit more confusing after that, because I couldn't make my way to Carly's apartment or to my house and I didn't even have my backpack with me. All I had was a roll of duct tape I'd accidentally confiscated from the janitor's closet. What good was that going to do me? None. Absolutely none. I was about to go back to the deli for more food when I realized I didn't have enough money, and the guy working there today was still in training and didn't understand the Sam Puckett discount yet.

That had led me to remember the fact that the Fat Shake people were in serious debt to me, and so I could definitely pry some free food from them. The issue with that plan was I had to get to the factory, and it wasn't as close as I wanted it to be. Well, I wanted it to be in my backyard, but it wasn't even a ten-minute walk from my house or the school or the deli. Bad factory placement on their part.

But, when your heart is set on a Fat Shake, there's no possibility of settling for anything less, so I trekked my way to the nearest bus stop, feeling very famished by the time I got there. It turned out I had just missed the bus, and so I had to sit and wait for quite a while. Normally I buy a sandwich at the little shop nearby if I'm ever waiting for a bus, but there wasn't enough money in my pocket for that, which stunk more than Gibby after he went to play with pregnant alpacas.

Being hungry is exhausting, though I fought off sleep so I wouldn't miss the bus. The trip passed uneventfully, and there weren't even any gross hobos on it for me to stare at until I made them uncomfortable. Arriving at the Fat Shake factory had fixed all of my issues. Or, most of my issues, but whatever. Fat Shakes are too great and will probably end up curing cancer and fixing world hunger.

* * *

><p>Hours and many Fat Shakes later, I was still sitting here, drowning my sorrows and self-disappointment in sugary goodness. Not a bad way to cope, if I do say so myself. And I do. Because they're great.<p>

My phone buzzed and I fished it out of my pocket. A text. From Carly, of course. She had texted me nearly twenty times, presumably ever since she went to check on Freddie and me and found just a boy and a broken closet door.

Are you okay? Where are you? Please just let me know you're alive.

How did that girl always know how to make me feel guilty? Being mean to Carly, whether on purpose or not, was one thing I could never do.

Reluctantly, I replied for the first time all evening.

I'm breathing air. Don't worry about me.

It's too late for that. Where are you? I'm coming to get you.

Not at school.

I'm already on my way.

I wasn't sure if she was being serious or if she was just driving around in circles and knocking on doors. I wouldn't be surprised if she had stopped at the deli; that girl did know me well.

Since I didn't know how to reply, I picked up my Fat Shake and began sipping from it again, finding that my brain was even more confused now. But now it related more to Carly than my own stupid confessing self, which was probably a plus.

The clock kept ticking and the Fat Shake cup contents kept being emptied into my stomach. I was getting sleepy, though I tried my best to stay awake, motivating myself with the reminder that I could keep drinking Fat Shakes until I passed out. It was actually working pretty well.

I think I did end up dozing for a minute or two, because I heard the opening of a door and I straightened up, my eyes coated in sleepiness. My hair was all over and my cup was still loosely in my hand. Brushing some blonde strands from my mouth, I blinked until I could see clearly again. I pulled out my phone. It was just about two in the morning, so I wasn't sure if I had just dreamt up hearing a door or if someone other than Ralph really was here. There was a murmured discussion that was too far away for me to understand. While I wasn't scared since Sam Puckett doesn't do scared, I was confused. Who would be at a Fat Shake Factory at 2am other than me?

But as I heard footsteps approaching, I didn't even have to see the face to gain the answer to my question.

Carly.

"Sam!" a shriek escaped her and she ran over to me the second we came into each other's view. There was a clumsy but determined hug-like-thing going on for a minute until she drew away, her eyes wide with worry. "I am so glad to see you're okay. Why did you run off? What were you thinking? Please tell me you're not hurt. Did your mom evict you? What happened back at school?"

From her string of questions, I realized in relief that Freddie hadn't told Carly what I had said to him. But the fact that Carly was here at all meant that I had to come up with some sort of explanation. I am an excellent liar, but I hate lying to Carly, so framing my story requires more effort.

"Calm down, kid. It's way past your bedtime. Take a seat and have a Fat Shake."

She didn't seem like she was ready to calm down, but I figured it was worth a try. She did, however, pry herself off of me, though her gaze never faltered, and I could practically feel her trying to read my thoughts as she plopped down beside me. I offered over my Fat Shake to her but she shook her head, waving her hand in front of her.

"So, you found me." I hoped that if I started, maybe things would be a little calmer. "Nice guess."

"I know you pretty well sometimes," she shrugged, the worried look not leaving her eyes.

"That's an understatement," I took a slurp.

There was a bit of silence, and I knew she was trying to figure out how to phrase her questions. Leave it to Carly to try her best to stay polite even during an interrogation.

"I want to apologize."

Well that was unexpected. "Why?"

"I shouldn't have shut you and Freddie in that closet together. That was a really rude thing of me to do. I should have known that it would either end with you breaking Freddie's bones or breaking the door. I guess I just hoped that you two could resolve your issues somehow," she frowned. "I've just been really busy lately and the two of you were acting all weird together and it was frustrating because I didn't know what to do and I always know what to do." She sighed and looked down.

Sad Carly was never a good sign for my toughness.

"Carls," she looked up when I spoke. "It's okay. Not that being stuck anywhere with Freddie is a blast, but I didn't know we were making things so hectic for you. I should be the one saying sorry for that. So, I'm sorry. You know I never want to make you angry or drive you crazy or anything, even if I do have a good habit of doing things that made you freak."

She straightened up and shook her head, seeming to relax a bit. "No, don't worry about it. I should have just talked to you guys about it."

I scrunched up my face and made an, "ehhhhhh" sound, thinking it through skeptically. "I can't guarantee that would have made much progress."

"True, true," I swore I could see a little smile on her face.

Several moments passed and I took another slurp of my Fat Shake.

"Just," she hesitated and glanced over. Figuring it was the right thing to do, I stopped sucking on the straw of my drink. "What happened in there? All he would tell me was that you decided you needed to get out of there and so you bust down the door. But he can't have scared you into doing so or anything like that. You're not suddenly scared of small spaces, right? Because you used to like closing people in them, so I really hope I didn't freak you out or-"

"It's okay, Carly, really. Take a deep breath," I offered her a little smile, wishing she would stop blaming herself for everyone. There's no one nicer than Carly Shay. The best part is that, even in all of her niceness, she does tend to have a little snarky streak sometimes, and it's wonderful. "I just had to get out of there, is all. Getting stuck anywhere with Frednub is a surefire way to suffocate to death from boredom."

"I'm not sure boredom can suffocate you…" she nodded knowingly. "But that's not the point. Did you even make an attempt to talk, or did you just bust down the door and run?"

I grunted.

"I'm going to take that as a… yes?" she raised her eyebrows to prove she was just guessing.

"Ding, ding, ding. You are unfortunately correct." I raised my cup to my mouth again and took another drink to get out of talking.

"Did you actually discuss anything?"

I shrugged. "Not really. He said some stuff, I said some stuff." _Too much stuff_. "Then I decided I couldn't take it anymore and, as you said, busted down the door and ran."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Hm. Well, then I suppose I didn't really need to freak out on you quite so much. But you shouldn't have run away. I was worried about you," her eyes proved it again.

"I know," I set my Fat Shake down beside me with a look of defeat. "Sorry I scared you. I just didn't want to be stuck in a closet with Freddie."

"Would you ever?"

"No." But as I said it, I briefly wondered if- _no_. Now was not the time.

"So," she cleared her throat softly in the way she tended to when she was nervous about saying something, just like how she spoke too fast and said too much when she felt guilty. It was so Carly and I liked it. "You actually said stuff. I'm proud of you, Sam. Months ago, I wouldn't have even dared to leave the two of you alone for five minutes in fear that Freddie would need medical attention."

I rolled my eyes, though I did quickly say, "you're a smart kid." She was. I was known to cause bodily harm, especially to nubs. "But, in any case, I might as well just die because I did say stuff and it wasn't just a string of insults. I think I've officially entered the territory of old and crazy."

"You said something nice?"

"I didn't say it was nice."

"But you said something that wasn't outwardly rude without my urging."

"You _did_ lock us in a closet to talk. That's a heck of a lot of urging if I ever saw any."

"Fine. But still."

I grumbled. "Now, enough of that."

"Are you not going to share?"

"Share what?"

"What you said to Freddie."

"This isn't story time."

"I did not come here just to grab you and take you home with me."

"You sure about that?"

"Stop saying things like that!" she made an exasperated wiggly motion with her arms.

"Stop saying things like what?"

"Like when you already know my answer. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Momma has an endless supply of Fat Shakes and a super sleuth for a best friend."

"Well, I'm not exactly a super sleuth, but- wait, why do you have an endless supply of Fat Shakes? How did you even get in here at this hour? How did I get in here at this hour?"

"People owe me favors."

"Of course." She leaned back against the wall with a sigh. "Come home with me?" There was a hopeful look in her eyes that hurt me to reject.

"But I have an endless supply of Fat Shakes, which means I have no need to ever move."

"Not even for me?"

"Not the sad Carly eyes. That's not fair."

"So you'll go?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you have sewer rats in your building."

"Ew, what?! Lewbert never-"

"Chill, Carls, I'm talking about the boy across the hall from you."

"Freddie's not a sewer rat," there was that scolding look.

"I know, but I was getting tired of 'nub.' He smells better than sewers and his nose isn't pointy enough to be like a rat's." Dangit. Why was I so observant when it came to him? He aggravated me with his intelligence and his tech talk and his perfectly combed brown hair and his honest expressions and his gullibility. Dang you, Fredward Benson. Dang you for making me like you. You stink. But not in a literal sense, which is even more aggravating because I have less to hate.

"What if we make a deal?"

"You'll get him to move to Idaho?"

"Only his mom can decide where he lives, but I can promise to hide you in my room."

One thing I loved about Carly was that, even while she was suggesting things that involved deals I didn't really want to make, she knew better than to suggest she could help me get back to my house. It wasn't always the friendliest environment, and she didn't even try to question that. She just offered her help. Seriously, how are people this good?

"I still say I'm fine staying here."

"What about when work starts for the day and there are more people around with less time to tend to you?"

That thought wasn't an appealing one at all, and I knew she could tell she was winning this logic-based debate (per usual) by the expression I was making.

But, even when I was giving into Carly – who was the only person I ever gave into – I still didn't like to admit defeat, so there was no immediate response.

At last I turned to her and mumbled out, "you promise you'll hide me in your room?"

"I absolutely promise. I'll even take up meat to you. Though you're going to have to return to school eventually."

"I know. I can't afford many more strikes or I'll end up in Peruvian jail eating Peruvian Puff Peppers until you bail me out," I grumbled. Stupid nub.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just reflecting on the err of my ways."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Sam."

"I'll try to be nicer to myself than I was to that closet door." I flashed her a cheeky grin, and I could feel the tension between us melting as we at least started returning to a more relaxed setting.

Feeling pretty confident that I would go back with her, Carly got up, smoothing out her skirt and then reaching down a hand to help me. After several seconds, I finally put up my hand and took hers, leaping to my feet. I picked up my cup since there was still some Fat Shake left inside of it. Her eyes traveled over and she suddenly looked at me in confusion.

"Why is there duct tape?"

"Don't worry about it. Ralph will get it." I waved my hand and then started toward the entrance.

"Ralph?"

"Again, don't worry about it."

"I'll make sure to not ask about your secret double life as part of the Fat Shake mafia next time we're here, which will likely be never."

"Your timing's getting better, Shay," I smiled at her approvingly.

"Why thank you."

"Still needs improvement, but it's getting better."

* * *

><p>As soon as we got back to her apartment, we slipped upstairs. She leant me a shirt from one of her young leadership conferences, which was ironic, since I wasn't leading anything, just running from them. Though I must have grown smarter recently, because 'ironic' definitely wasn't a phrase I would have used very long ago.<p>

Anyway, we hit the hay pretty fast, and on a bed made of comfier stuff than straw, too.

* * *

><p>Carly was, as usual, up long before I was. By the time I blinked and rolled over in a confused haze, there was just a neatly made set of sheets on the other side of the bed. I wasn't one to skip meals, and I generally ate a few extra, though I did often sleep through what some people considered 'meal times.' Every time is meal time, in my opinion. For some weird reason, not everyone agrees.<p>

I heard footsteps coming and propped myself up just as Carly walked through the door.

"Someone's still sleepy, I see."

I groaned before attempting to puff my hair out of my face with a few weak blows of air. "Fat Shakes are delicious, but they don't help you stay up forever."

She chuckled, moving to sit on the edge of her bed. "Well rouse yourself, Miss Puckett, because your hostess is going to make you food."

"You know the way to my heart," I grinned, liking that we were able to spend time together, kind of like old times, even if we now had boobs and I was in recluse.

"I have to get you to hang out with me somehow," she teased, grabbing a pillow and throwing at me. Just as I went to throw it back, there was a knock at the front door downstairs, and we paused curiously.

It opened, which meant that whoever was there knew Carly opened her door after eating breakfast each morning, generally in case Spencer left and forgot his keys for the umpteenth time. Though she did make sure to lock it when she left. She is quite the stickler about safety.

"Carly? Spencer?" The voice was faint but immediately recognizable.

Carly looked at me with a hesitant expression. I just shrugged. She lowered her voice, leaning closer. "Did you tell him he had nice hair or something?"

"No."

"Did you say you didn't mind his mother's cooking?"

"Not a chance."

"But what could-"

"Carls," I raised my eyebrows, giving her a signature 'expectant Sam' look. "There's a nub loitering downstairs. Don't let him wander too far."

Getting what I was saying, she jumped up and combed her fingers through her hair for a second. Never one to leave guests waiting, she scurried down the steps. For a minute I just sat there. I trusted Carly, of course I did. It had been good to explain what happened. We were best friends and didn't keep secrets from one another, aside from a few minor exceptions. Like my feelings for Freddie. But, now that she knew one bit of the story, I could tell she wanted all of it, and she wasn't one to stop guessing until she learned the truth, which could prove quite problematic for me.

When the murmuring reached my ears, I tried to block it out. There was some mention of his mom. Typical. That was about all I could get out of it. But I always liked being in other people's business, and so I threw off the covers and snuck to the top of the staircase. Leaning against it since sitting seemed like it would make too much noise, I tried to hold my breath and listen.

They were talking about some weird building regulation his mom was trying to put in place. At least, that's what it sounded like. _This woman is beyond nutso_. I got distracted thinking of nuts and tuned out their conversation.

Realizing I'd done so, I snapped back to attention, rubbing the tiredness from my eyes and trying to pay attention. Apparently, I resumed listening just in time, because I suddenly became the topic of conversation.

Freddie cleared his throat. "Have you, uh, have you heard from Sam recently?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Well it's just, she ran from the closet and I haven't heard a thing from her since, and I wanted to make sure she was alive. Preferably out of prison, too, but we can only hope for so much."

I heard Carly chuckle lamely. "I did get a text from her and she didn't sound like she was in prison. She's probably just dreaming of ham and avoiding school."

"Something like that. So, uh, nothing else, right? Not that she has plans for my murder or that she was actually drugged yesterday or anything?"

"Why would you think such a thing? She didn't say she liked you in stripes, did she?"

"Uh, no. Those words were not uttered." I could tell he felt awkward, though part of me was amused since Carly was never one to let something go until she figured it out, so of course she slipped in an effort to deduce what I'd told him. "But she's okay, right?"

"A meat-happy Sam is a pretty healthy Sam. Though you seem worried enough to come bearing flowers and a giant teddy bear."

"This isn't Valentine's Day. I just want to make sure I don't need to hire a lawyer."

"Did you do something to her?"

"No, but I'm sure she has all sorts of ways to convince the feds I did if she wanted me to be stuck in prison with mass murderers."

"True." I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't resist smiling. They had such faith in me, and it was a beautiful thing.

"She's here, isn't she?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're an awful liar." He sounded somewhat amused.

"That's not true. You've never said so before."

"Has Sam?"

"Yeah…" A few seconds ticked by as I waited to hear what was said next. Not being able to see expressions and interactions was the hard part of eavesdropping. "Just… Pretend you have no idea. Please."

"That I can do." I heard him sigh. "I guess I'll be off, then."

"Thanks for giving me the heads up on your mom."

"Thanks for still being my friend even though you know her."

The two of them laughed, but when I heard Freddie's footsteps approaching the door, I hurried down the hall and leapt back on Carly's bed, spreading myself across it. For some reason, I felt kind of disappointed that he hadn't made any effort to come upstairs and see me, but then I remembered that it was Freddie and he probably figured I would break his limbs, so I moved on from that topic. I'd already said too much, anyway. There was nothing left to say.

Several minutes later, she opened the door again, and I sat up, seeing that she was carrying two glasses with her.

"I brought some of your favorite juice," she waved the glass with a silly face before handing it to me.

"Special occasion?" I teased, taking a long sip and practically gulping down the whole thing.

She shrugged, moving to sit up near the pillows next to me. "Mrs. Benson is apparently trying to petition for us to have some sort of backup fire emergency system. Freddie came to warn me before she bombarded Spencer and me with notarized documents and the like."

I bit my lip, trying not to grin at how crazy that was. "She is ridiculous."

"I hope you're not just learning that."

"Did Carly Shay just say something slightly mean and sarcastic?"

"Be quiet," she laughed, hiding her smile behind a drink from her juice glass. "The good news," she pointed at me for a minute once she'd swallowed. "Is that I think you'll be Freddie-free until school on Monday. Hopefully that will help you feel somewhat better about your apparent nice words. Though he didn't seem nearly as weird as he did for several weeks." She stopped, narrowing her eyes and humming in thought.

I fidgeted in place, reaching back and placing my empty glass on one of her bedside tables.

She shot me a weird look.

I cleared my throat dramatically, but her knowing gaze didn't move anywhere else. "It's because you locked us in a closet."

She raised her eyebrows, "that actually did something?"

"I told you we said stuff."

"And it helped?"

I shrugged. "Not a ton. But maybe a little. I think it ruined more than it fixed, but that weirdness is gone, at least."

"Did you guys manage to figure out what was making things weirder than usual? I'm not used to you avoiding each other and not making snarky comments," she curled the sides of her lips up to prove that she didn't mean to be offensive. She never was, but she over-thought everything and often worried she was.

I glanced down at my hands, running my fingers over the quilted pattern of her bedspread. "There was nothing to figure out."

"What?" I had mumbled.

"There was nothing to figure out."

"Then what did you discuss?"

"Uh, not much," I fumbled with the fabric awkwardly. "We just mentioned the fact that we knew why things were weird."

"Well, that's a good thing, right?" I couldn't meet her eyes. I could practically feel the concern in them.

"No, Carly. No it's not," I looked up desperately. "It's terrible because I'm lame and girly and it's horrible." With a big grumble, I flopped down so that my head was just in front of my lap.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm lame and girly."

"Sam, your face is pressed against my comforter and your hair is all over the place. I have no idea what you're saying."

I straightened up with a noise somewhat like a groan. "It means I messed all of this up because, as you well know since I was so kind as to tell you when you went on about how those might be our last minutes together, I kissed Freddie. When he came to see me after I left the tent on my birthday, we talked briefly and then in all of my Sam stupidity, I kissed him for no reason whatsoever." Okay, so maybe that wasn't exactly true, but the kiss certainly hadn't been purposeful. "So, I'm lame and girly. Sam Puckett doesn't go around kissing people, especially not nubs. She punches them."

Carly seemed shocked, and, to be honest, I was surprised I had suddenly told her all of that, but it felt good to have fewer secrets from her. She was my best friend, after all.

"Do you like him?"

"What?"

"Do you like Freddie?"

"Do you even hear yourself right now?"

"Well why did you kiss him?"

"I didn't mean to kiss him. It just kind of… happened." Skirting around answering her questions took serious effort, and I wasn't awake enough for that. Then again, this conversation had knocked the sleepiness right out of me.

She paused in serious thought. "And you talked about it when you were in the closet together?"

"Slightly. Unfortunately."

"So then things are alright?"

"I broke the door."

"Right. Right. I forgot about that," she twirled her fair nervously around her finger like she sometimes did. "You should go clear the air with him. Freddie seems like he's doing better than before, so he might be open to talking. And you're not lame and girly, Sam. You're great, and even if you're aggressive, any decent person should be able to see that."

"I have nothing to say to him. I've already said too much, and there's no real point in seeing him again. But, thanks."

"You said too much?"

"In the closet."

"I gathered. But what-"

"Anyway, it's okay. I'm fine never seeing the nub again."

She raised her eyebrows, tilting her head down slightly. Her gaze was so skeptical and knowing that I began to wonder just how much this girl knew.

"Stop giving me that look."

She didn't listen to me.

"If you're trying to remind me that I'm going to have to see him at school, you're forgetting that I'm more than fun with kidnapping you and going on the run to another state."

She still didn't listen to me.

"It's getting creepy."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me honestly that you would be absolutely fine if you never ever saw Freddie again in your life."

This girl was such a romantic, and she clearly wasn't going to give up on the notion that I had a thing for Freddie, which was dreadfully true, but no one was ever going to know that. Except for him, since I'd accidentally said it and ruined everything. "I'll go talk to him." I threw my hands up in the air. If confessing my feelings to Carly and going to chat with the boy for three seconds were my only options, I figured the second choice was less painful.

Bouncing up, I didn't care enough to change out of my pajamas – Momma doesn't leave her natural habitat for anyone – and headed to the door. Pulling it open, I didn't even have to turn around to know what Carly's face looked like at the moment. "Stop smirking, Shay, or I will come for you once I go explain to the nub that he still looks hideous in stripes."

* * *

><p>I knocked on the door of the apartment across the hall.<p>

"Come in!" I heard Freddie's muffled voice, but I was already opening the door by the time he gave permission.

He looked up and our eyes met and I could see he was surprised that I was there. "Sam."

"That's my name, feel free to say it whenever and with lots of praise."

He was staring at me in confusion, a dishrag in his hand.

"I know it's weird for me to be here and I'm not really one to talk about much, so let's make this short and sweet. Well, not too sweet, but whatever." I began walking toward where he stood in his kitchen. "First of all-"

"Sam-" he had raised up his hands.

"Don't interrupt me, Fredward, or I will hurt you."

"But Sam-"

"Be quiet, Benson," I got closer, beginning to regret coming here since he apparently wasn't going to make any effort to listen to me.

"But Sam, I-"

"Will you just listen to me for one second?" I took a big step forward.

Before I really knew what was going on, I was falling backward as if in slow motion, and somewhere distant I could hear Freddie. "I spilled my mom's cleaning fluid everywhere."

That would explain the slippery floor.

I went to prop myself up on one arm but collapsed to the floor in effort, groaning loudly.

"Sam, are you okay?" In a flash, Freddie was down beside me, and I could make out his face peering down at mine, but everything felt kind of light and weird. "Do you know your name?"

"Sam."

"Where are you?"

"Your apartment."

"Do you hurt anywhere?"

"Only in my heart because nubs like you still have to suffer through life."

"Very funny," I could swear his eyes hinted at a smile, but his face remained serious. "Do you hurt anywhere?"

"I can't really feel this arm," I attempted to wiggle it, but it didn't do much good.

"Shoot. Okay, hold on a minute. For once, try not to flip me when I reach around you." I didn't really understand what he meant, but it didn't take long to figure out, because only several seconds later, his arms had reached under me and scooped me up. I probably could walk, but I was dazed and didn't have the energy to tell Freddie to put me down.

I heard him yell for Carly who burst through her door and started asking all sorts of questions. With all of their fast talking finally coming to a close, I tried to figure out what was happening. I think we were headed to the parking garage. Somehow Freddie was strong enough to actually hold me for this long.

With my head feeling all dizzy, I let my eyes shut and tried to focus on something other than the pain shooting through my arm.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh no, Sam is injured! Luckily she has Freddie to carry her to safety haha. ;)<strong>

**This chapter was super long, so I hope it wasn't hard to get through for anyone. I have several lovely reviews and PMs, and I will reply to them later tonight/tomorrow! Don't worry, I wouldn't forget about any of you lovely people.**

**I've been trying to be a little more consistent updating, and hopefully the absence of a post last week didn't bother you guys too much. Anyway, in the next chapter... something EXCITING and SEDDIE-RELATED is coming!**

**I can't say what it is and it's just a small part of the chapter but it's pretty important. O.O I hope all of you are just as excited as I am, even if I'm the only one who gets to know what it is for now and how it'll turn out in the end.**

**Also, in case any of you were curious (maybe you weren't at all), the list will come back into play soon, and there will be more Seddie interaction soon. The next chapter's much shorter and kind of speeds by, but after that, as a result of the important Seddie thing coming up next... there will be more!**

**Some of you left comments saying that you either don't ship Seddie or don't ship anything but you still read and like my story, and that means SO much to me. Thank you. It's great to hear that My List of Firsts appeals to a greater range of people than I ever expected.**

**Please review and keep reading and let me know what you think! :) Your support means a ton and never fails to keep me going.**


	31. Chapter 29: My First Broken Bone

**Happy 2014, everyone!**

**I hope all of you are having a great year, and are looking forward to some My List of Firsts to help you kick off the new year haha. FanFiction was silly for several days and wouldn't let me edit my story, but now I can, so here you go!**

**Again, thank you for all of your support, and I hope you like this chapter (I think it has a very exciting bit!). Please let me know what you think by leaving a review. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 29: My First Broken Bone<strong>

Waiting rooms are stupid.

I don't know why anyone would ever disagree. Hospital waiting rooms are the stupidest of all. Who just leaves a bunch of injured and dying people together in a room?

Every now and then someone would be called, but for the amount of people in here, no one was really being helped. Carly had already finished and handed in my paperwork a while ago. I don't know why everyone always needs more forms. I was lucky, considering the fact that my writing hand wasn't the injured one, but it was still hard to function, especially when I couldn't hit anyone for being ridiculously slow.

I must have passed out or something because I woke up in the car, confused and in pain. Carly explained to me that we were headed to the hospital, and Freddie reminded me of the fact that I had slipped.

I remembered everything, so my brain wasn't impaired, which was a good thing. But it was also a bad thing, because that meant I remembered everything. Being stuck in the closet, saying dumb things, the deep talk with Carly, going to talk to Freddie, and wiping out. Classy as always.

The only boy in our group came and plopped in the open seat next to me. I didn't look over, but I did shift in my seat a bit to acknowledge his existence. So giving of me, I know.

"I think she's the most stressed out of all of us."

Looking up to where he was gesturing, I saw Carly pacing around, a panicky look on her face. We watched as she walked back to the desk and began speaking and moving her arms in distress.

"Can you not get someone here faster? There are people in serious pain over there!" When she glanced over, Freddie and I looked away, acting as though we didn't know the girl who was starting to get stares from everyone in the room.

It was hard not to laugh, but the pain in my arm was distracting. Soon enough, I was told I could go back into a room and Freddie grabbed Carly to take her out of her craze and back to where I was going.

Several x-rays, instances of Freddie excusing himself, and a lot of waiting time later, I finally got to find out if anything was wrong. Well, I knew something was wrong, but I wasn't a health expert, so I couldn't pinpoint what it was.

The thing was, I never ended up in hospitals. I just sent people to them. This wasn't how things were supposed to work.

"Miss Puckett?"

"That's me." Doctors were slow. I think they just like to draw out the drama to make it look like they do something cool with their lives instead of just taking people's blood pressure.

"We've received the results of your x-ray, and it turns out that you broken your wrist. We're going to get you some painkillers and a cast. For now, the nurse is going to give you a splint. I'll be back in a jiffy."

I rolled my eyes. In a jiffy. Who does this man think he is - Gibby? He left and I let out a groan as the nurse fixed the splint. Carly was beside me and she gave my arm a squeeze of reassurance. "You'll be fine, Sam. It shouldn't take too long."

"I'm more focused on the fact that between this and the time you took me to the doctor, I've gotten more health care this year than I have in the rest of my years combined."

I could tell she was trying her best not to smile, and it was pretty amusing. She always tried to be there for me and be caring and it was great, though it was also great when she loosened up a little.

The door opened and I looked up, expecting the doctor, but seeing Freddie instead.

"They done waving your bruised arm around?"

"Well let's see," I picked it up and waved it, but it was in a splint, so there wasn't much to see. The nurse had left the room, but Nurse Carly freaked out.

"Be careful, Sam! You don't want to make it worse!"

"Well it already hurts, so I don't care about it that much."

"Please just be gentle with it."

"Whatever you say, Mrs. Shay."

"She's right, Sam. The more you move it, you could-"

"Oh, be quiet, Benson," I rolled my eyes, slouching on the doctor's table. "Carly's always right, but that doesn't mean she's not spoiling my fun."

He held his hands up in surrender. It was odd how complacent he was being. I remember Carly saying I was complacent when she bought me hamburgers since I was trying to beat up some guy once. I think the term applies here.

Freddie was just being so, well, non-Freddieish. Normally he defended himself at least a little. Maybe he felt bad for the fact that I injured myself in his apartment. He was right to feel bad, and even if it wasn't really his fault, we could place the blame on him.

But I was feeling snappy and he wasn't making his usual lame attempts at one-upping me. It was confusing, and I hate being confused.

Before I could think about it any more, the doctor returned and got to work on my cast, explaining what he was doing as he went along. I paid no attention. It was boring to the point of making me not super hungry.

"How are you doing?" Carly's eyes were filled with curious concern, and I realized I had flinched.

"Fine." And I was fine. It was just itchy. And weird. And tight. And I didn't like it.

"Does it feel warm or gooey or anything?"

"Shut up, Benson, or I'll break your arm and you can find out yourself."

I don't know if the doctor stopped talking in surprise or kept droning on and on about the chemical components of the liquid or whatever, and frankly, I don't care. I just wanted to get out of that place. It was too white and quiet and stiff.

Finally, the thing was stuck on there, and I was able to stop holding my arm up stupidly while it was slapped with weird fabrics.

"So, Miss Puckett," of course he wasn't done talking. "You will have to wear it for about for weeks." I grumbled unhappily. Why couldn't bones just heal magically? "You will have to wear your cast for about four weeks, if not several days less."

I groaned. This was so not my day. I could probably rip the thing off, but then I'd have to come back because Carly would never let me stay only partially healed. It was both a great and frustrating part of her good nature.

"These are your painkillers. The instructions for the amount and dosage are on the label. They should help a lot, especially during the first week. Other than that," he handed the bottle to Carly. Typical. Sometimes I felt as though she was my mom. Or, well, she was to me what a mom was supposed to be. Except she was much sillier and enthusiastic about going to Build-A-Bra. "Just be careful and try not to exert yourself too much. On your way out, stop at the desk and the receptionist will let you know when you should return for your next appointment."

"I have to come back?" _This man is insane_.

"Yes, we want to ensure that your arm is progressing through the healing process properly. You won't have to come back more than once or twice."

I glanced at Carly and knew better than to snap back at the guy, so I just grimaced and nodded and waited for him to leave. He did so, but Carly made sure to thank him before he got through the door.

"Four whole weeks." I let out a sound of despair and nearly flopped back onto the table, but reminded myself that I wanted to get out of here sooner rather than later.

"If it will make the time pass faster, I'll get you unlimited ham."

I turned my head around, my eyes widening in shock. That definitely wasn't expected. Not sure how to answer, I slid off the table and grabbed the door handle with my uninjured hand. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

With that, I swung open the door and headed into the hallway, making my way to the front of the building so I could get out of there. If it weren't for Carly, I would never have remembered to stop to figure out my next appointment.

I was distracted by thoughts of ham. And Freddie.

* * *

><p>We entered Carly's apartment and it was strangely quiet.<p>

"Does Spencer take naps now or something?"

"He's always taking naps, but no, he's actually not here because he got a job."

Freddie and I spun around to look at Carly in unison, incredibly shocked. Spencer had been commissioned for art pieces before, and had even enlisted our help, but he had never held down a real job.

"What is he doing?" Freddie was apparently able to find words before I was.

She shrugged, "it's kind of hard to explain because it's a rather, uh, unique position, but he's a consultant at some sort of food company. It's just a minor position, but I'm proud of him. I'm hoping it will last more than two hours."

"All I heard was food and then I started looking at your fridge."

"Go ahead and grab something. You were really good at the hospital today."

I laughed. She was being extra motherly today. When I got into the kitchen, I pulled out the trashcan and heard Carly asking me what I was doing from where she stood in the other room.

"Getting rid of all of this paperwork."

"You need to keep that."

"Why? It's not like I'll ever read it or remember where I left it."

"Just put it on the kitchen table. I'll keep it for you."

"Okay," I called. "Feel free to just add it to your Sam file."

"You say that like you don't think I have one."

Extracting a turkey leg from a container, I popped it in the microwave and then leaned over so I could see her through the doorway. "You have a Sam file?"

"Where else would you expect me to keep all of the things of yours I've been given by authority figures throughout the years?"

"True…" I eyed her curiously for a minute before moving back into the kitchen to grab a plate and wait for my turkey leg to finish.

We had discussed planning some new iCarly bits during the car ride home, and so once my snack was done, I plated it and then went into the other room, following my co-workers upstairs to the studio.

* * *

><p>We'd been working for several hours straight (excluding the snack runs I'd taken downstairs) when Carly announced her need to use the 'little girl's room,' and hopped up from her beanbag chair.<p>

I slid down a little more, flopping onto my back. This injury thing proved to be unhandy at times, especially when I couldn't pry myself up off of the mushy seats, and so I just let myself get even lazier, instead. It wasn't too bad.

There was silence and I didn't like it. Silence was only acceptable when Sam wanted it, and right now, I hadn't particularly been in the mood for no one to talk. Not that I needed to listen to Freddie nag me while Carly was gone, but it felt awkward to be quiet.

But I wasn't the one who changed the silence.

"Sam," his voice sounded hesitant. I just grunted to let him know I was at least paying a teeny bit of attention. "I- I think we should talk."

Well that was not at all what I had expected. I had thought he would turn his attention to one of the bits we were planning or ask whether it would make more sense for me to eat tuna fish or macaroni salad in one of them. But no. He wanted to 'talk.' Sometimes it really did seem like I was the man in our friendship or whatever this was. Or, almost all of the time, seeing as I'm the tough one. Not that he can't hold his own. Momma didn't miss the fact that little Fredward was no longer so little. This is where the roles switch and I seem dumb and girly again.

"No."

"No?"

I sat up, groaning impatiently when I only had one hand to push myself up and the beanbag kept trying to get me to not move.

"No. I do not want to sit here and listen to you tell me how you hate me. I might enjoy getting on your case and threatening to break your arm, but I refuse to stay here and listen to you go on about all of my horrible qualities that explain why you undoubtedly hate me so much."

I let out a sigh and sank down into my chair again.

"Sam, I don't-" Looking over, I could see he looked hesitant, but I wasn't in a pleased mood. I knew he could never like me back. That didn't mean I wanted to have some stupid talk about it.

Before he could go on, Carly walked in, and suddenly words started flowing from my mouth as if they were what Freddie and I had been discussing the whole time. "So if we did do that thing you mentioned, then we wouldn't need Gibby for the other part."

"Did you guys come up with something?" she plopped down into her seat, looking at both of us curiously.

I shrugged. "Nothing good. We need your brains, kid. The show _is_ named after you."

She chuckled, shaking her head, and began asking some questions. I was glad Freddie started answering because all I could focus on was how many secrets it seemed like I was keeping from Carly lately, and I hated it.

* * *

><p>As the time passed, we were all getting more and more exhausted, especially since it was getting late and Carly and I hadn't slept until like 3am this morning and later in the day we'd all had to run to the hospital and there had been all sorts of chaos. The door opened downstairs and we heard Spencer yell up to his little sister.<p>

"Carly!"

"Yes?" She got up and stuck her head out of the doorway so he could hear her better.

"I lasted a whole eight hours!"

"I'm so proud of you!" The funny thing was, by her tone, I could tell she meant it. And of course she did. Spencer and Carly had a unique sibling relationship since he was also her guardian, but it was always clear that they meant a lot to one another. Not that I was sure when I started thinking such lame things, but it was good to see that not all families had to be whacky and messed up.

Standing up, I walked over to her and gave her a little shove through the doorway, laughing, "go congratulate the boy. I may have eaten all of your turkey legs, but there must be something to reward him. I suspect even a Carly hug would work in this situation."

She turned back to me with a smile. "You're right!" With that, she bolted down the stairs, and by the time Freddie and I got there, our best friend was tightly wound in her brother's arms.

* * *

><p>The hours kept ticking by, and it was pitch black by the time I finally convinced myself I should leave. It's not like my mom would notice if I wasn't home for a week, but I didn't want to overstay my welcome at the Shay household, even if Carly reassured me I never could. I was just glad that Carly and Spencer ended up having ice cream in their freezer, because eating the leftover sugar-, flour-, and flavor-free cake Mrs. Benson had made to celebrate Spencer's accomplishment sounded awful.<p>

Freddie said he should head out, too, and so after a round of hugs from the two who let us hang in their kitchen, we made our way out at last.

I was on my way to round the corner when I heard Freddie's voice.

"Sam-"

I turned around; he was standing in front of his door, his key in the lock, but he seemed to have stopped and distracted himself with whatever he wanted to tell me.

"What, Frednub?"

"I just wanted to finish saying what I was going to before Carly came back."

I rolled my eyes and made an annoyed sound. "I don't want to hear about how much you dislike me. I already told you that."

"That wasn't what I was going to say. I don't hate you, Sam."

Well this was unexpected. Maybe I already knew he didn't _hate_ me, since he was surprisingly nice at times, but I didn't see any sort of confession coming from the nerd.

"So then what were you going to say?"

"Just that I don't hate you and I wish you didn't think I did."

"Ah, okay. Well, I got the message. Goodnight."

I went to turn away but his voice interrupted me yet again.

"Wait, Sam-"

"Yes?" I turned around, a curious yet unimpressed look on my face.

"Do… I… Are you…" There was a lot of awkward mumbling and he ran his hand through the hair on the back of his head. But when he looked at me, even though I could tell he was nervous, he did that little thing with his eyebrows. I could count on one hand the number of times I'd seen him do it, the most notable being after I had told him I was still going to mess with him when he asked if I would pull back a little bit and then again after we kissed. It confused me and made my stomach feel all funny once more.

"Spit it out, Benson. I don't have all night." That wasn't true, since I had no reason to get home, but I didn't want to stand here listen to him splutter words for an hour.

Clearing his throat, Freddie seemed to snap to attention and straightened up. Dropping his hand from the key in the door, he took a step closer to me. Though I was thoroughly unprepared for what was coming next, and when the words came from his mouth, I felt my jaw slacken and my eyes grow wide in shock. It's also very possible my heart stopped beating.

"I was wondering if you would want to go out with me sometime. Like, on a date."

* * *

><p><strong>SURPRISE!<strong>

**I really hope all of you liked it. Let me know! I have more chapters to go write, and I would very much appreciate your encouragement, as I always do.**

**Have a great first week of January. xD**


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